Enjoy Today (Twenty one Pilots)

Chapter 17: I will make you believe you're lovely.

I heard a thud of Tyler's ukulele hitting the ground, and watched as Tyler leaped off the stage with a concerned and tormented look on his face.

Why do I have to be like this? Why? Now look, I messed things up because I let my emotions get in the way. He was doing this to make me happy, not for me to mentally break down before his eyes. I'm pathetic. I didn't want this little show to be over, I wanted him to sing more, show me more.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" he gasped, rushing towards me.

I then let my eyelids close, and let the tears stream down my face. My throat was aching and my chest was heaving. My body began to grow cold.

My head was spiraling and my thoughts were blurry. There was nothing I could say to him. Nothing that could make him understand, nothing that could make any one understand. What is wrong with me?

"Ella, oh my god." he said still in shock.

How could I do this to him? I was having an amazing night, and all he wanted to do was make me happy. But instead I began to over think things and let my thoughts take over.

It was just freaking me out, how for the first time something got to me, like really got to me. I hope you can understand that. But you probably can't because all of this is happening inside my sick mind that is all fucked up, and I'm the only one that can make sense of any of this.

My eyelids were sealed shut and I felt stern hands grasp both my shoulders and pull me forward. The touch sent shivers through out my body and gave me a mini heart attack because my eyes were closed.
Then I realized what he was doing. He pulled me into his chest and placed his arms around my back.

He wrapped his hands around me and locked them in place. My head was almost in the crook of his neck and I could already tell that tears were staining his shirt.

I just lost it.

One hand was around my back pulling me closer to him and the other hand was in my hair, grabbing it. I felt the soft tugs of my hair being pulled but something about the pain never wanted him to let go.

I don't cry. I'm the girl that never cries. But here, with Tyler I couldn't stop. I wanted to. I was so embarrassed. No one was ever supposed to see me like this. But all the emotions I had been holding inside came rushing out.

I started hiccuping. Seriously? I sounded like I was kid that lost its temper. But Tyler didn't let go, he held tighter. Stop doing this to me Tyler. I'm not worth it.

"Ella, don't cry. Please. Please don't cry." I heard in the way his voice was cracking that he too had been threatening tears. I need to leave. I can't be here. Something is wrong with me, that doesn't mean I should give him a problem too. He doesn't need this in his life.

Oh dear god. He needs to worry about his music and about his fans. Not about me.

I'm so selfish. How could I do this to him and we've only just met? Even though it feels like we've know eachother for an eternity, I have to face reality.

I tried to pull myself out of his embrace but I felt his muscles tighten, he wasn't letting me go. I tried again but he still managed to keep me in his warmth. I sniffled my snotty nose and mumbled "Let me go." into his chest.

"No, not like this." he pleaded and his voice was breaking the barrier between crying and being scared. I need to go, and I need to go now. He could forget about me and move on, make a new friend. A less pathetic one at that.

I pulled against his restraints again and still I was to no avail. "Please, I need to go." I said loudly and it seemed I was crying harder then ever at this point. Tyler why are you doing this to me?