Enjoy Today (Twenty one Pilots)

Chapter 4: Same boat

"Why are you here?" I asked in a really bratty tone. I was just surprised and the words just came out. I did not mean to sound harsh.

"My grandparents know parkers mom. But I can ask you the same thing." he said sounding really nice. It's almost surprising how nice he was being after the attitude I had just given to him. "Parkers mom is my aunt. But that's not what I meant, I meant why are you in here?" I said trying to restrain my voice because I did not want to be rude.

"Probably the same reason as y-you." he said and I could still hear the anxiousness in his voice. It sounded as if it was a battle to get his words to come out.

"Why were you coming in here?" he asked. "I don't know." I said. I don't know why I just don't tell him the real reason but I already knew the words weren't going to come out right. "Oh." is all he said and silence started to fill the room. I just stood there standing at the door until I heard the house door open. I rushed inside Parkers room and closed the door behind me. I didn't want anybody to see me and know that I was in there.

After I had done that I turned around to look at Tyler. He was staring at me in confusion. "I don't want people to know I'm here." I confessed. His face went back to normal and it seemed I had satisfied his curiosity but then he said. "Me too."

Awkwardness filled the room as if it was a cloud. Then out of nowhere Tyler said "I used to think keeping things to myself was the way to go to. But it-its not it makes things worse."

"Says the boy whose hiding in the room along with me." I knew that I was starting to get an attitude but I was okay with it. I'm tired of people thinking they know what's best for me. I'm the only person who knows what's best for me. And I'm not even good at knowing that. So what gives him the idea to think he knows it all. "I catch anxiety in front of all those people. So I just hide myself away. It makes things easier. Now I told you why I'm in here, your turn." he said and I wasn't sure if I should tell him my reason.

"I just don't like questions. And I don't like sympathy. And I have anxiety too, severe anxiety." Well I told him partially the truth.

"Oh, well then I guess were in the same boat" he said. The face he was giving me looked as if he was thinking, more like concentrating. You could see clear as day that his wheels were spinning inside his head. "We are not in the same boat." I said full of cockiness. I said it very rude.

We were not in the same boat. He has no clue what it's like to be in my boat. My boat that is full of holes and it's most likely sinking.

Tyler did not say a word. His face went blank and he just looked down at the covers. For a moment I got mad at him because I was thinking that, just like everyone else he had a good life. I thought he was one of the people who had nothing to complain about. But then I started to remember the society group. His story. Why do I have to be so mean all the time? It's like I go in to self defense mode.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled to him.

He still was looking at the covers and his face was still blank. I know he was still thinking about something. Something that strangely enough I wanted to know about.

"It's fine. I get that a lot." he said still not looking at me. "What? People being rude to you?" I asked back.

"No. Apologies." he said. Well that does it. I am officially a horrible person I cannot keep my mouth shut. I know I can be very selfish sometimes. I guess keeping a lot of things inside does always put me over the edge. So I'm constantly ready to snap.

"Me too." I said.

A few minutes past and nobody said a word. I was just pathetically standing by the door looking at Tyler. Tyler wasn't even looking at me he was still looking at the covers, thinking.

"Did you decide? Are you coming tonight?" words were finally spoken from Tyler's mouth. "Yes." was the only single word I could come up with. I want to talk to him, I want to be his friend. But nothing is ever going to come out right and it sucks.

"Okay. Just wondering." after he said this I noticed something different. His face turned to sadness. I didn't even think he could be sad. But it wasn't like a puppy dog face sad, it looked like he had been defeated of some sorts.

"Tyler are you okay?" finally something came out right. He looked straight up at me with those big brown eyes. He gave me a soft smile and I could tell that tears were starting to form in his eyes. There were gleaming like stars about to overload. "Yeah, I'm sorry." he said so softly. You could tell he was so delicate and it was as if I had just bruised him.

"What are you sorry about?" I asked. And this time I didn't come off as a brat, I came off as understanding and curious person. "I have no idea, I just feel like I did something wrong." is what he said and I felt really bad for him.

I had to give in. "No it's me that should be sorry. I know I came off as mean but that's just out of habit. You did nothing wrong." I said slowly making sure everything came out the way I wanted it to.

"It's fine. Look I'm gonna go so-" I cut him off and said "No you don't have to go. You were here first. I'm going to g-" now he was the one who cut me off "No I'm not going to let you go out there and have a panic attack in front of everyone. I know that feeling and it's the worst feeling ever." he said nicely but demanding. He sat up from the bed. Then he began sliding off and pretty soon he was standing up.

He started walking towards the door but then I stopped him. "No, that's not fair. Let's just start over."

"Why? We're not in the same boat remember." he said pathetically and painfully. He took a few more steps towards the door. So I stopped him once again. "I'm sorry Tyler. It would just be nice to have a friend."

He stopped and he looked at me. " I don't want a friend made out of pity." was all he said and before I knew it he was out the door. Wow Ella. The one-shot you had at making a friend is now ruined. He was nice. He had struggle. He maybe could've understood you. He was in his own way attractive. He was different. But none of that matters because like always you ruin everything.

I'm always the one that gives up though. I'm always the one that doesn't continue to fight. I'm sick and tired of being the pathetic one. That's where most of my problems come from, I don't continue to fight for what I want. I needed a friend that understood what it was like to be hurt. I needed a friend that could except my past.

I had just put him into the line of fire. He is probably out there struggling. And the worst part is that it is all because of me. So I walked out the door. I was putting us into the same boat. I saw him by the window. He was staring at all the people, he looked as if he was bracing himself. I walked up to him and it seemed I had startled him. He looked up at me with a mad and confused face.

"What are you doing? You are supposed to stay inside the room so no one can see you." said rushing his words. I want to make a friend. I'm not going to give up this time. "I'm sorry. It's not right for me to let you do this by yourself." I said.

"Do what by myself?" he asked. "Come out here. If you are going to be uncomfortable and have an anxiety attack then I'm going to do it too, right beside you. It's the only way it's fair." I have no idea if this made any sense to him. I have no clue why I am putting myself into the line of fire. But I felt really bad about what I did.

"That's very nice of you but I don't want you to do that for me." he said now being sympathetic. "It's not your decision it's mine." he just looked at me and smiled. That smile felt really good. I felt like we were becoming friends.

He looked back at the window with a satisfied look.

"So what do we do now? Do we go out there?" I asked. "I have no idea. How about we just go hide in the room since we are friends again?" He said and I was very happy. I have a friend. I mean I've had plenty of friends. But this friendship felt different. It felt better. I guess I was never friends with anyone who could understand tragedy. Maybe that's it. Who knows.