SHUT DOWN | JENLISA

75

Lisa

Jennie was sobbing at this point, and something vast lodged in my own throat as I saw her break down. The phone fell out of her hand as she covered her face. Her body shook with uncontrollable bawls before a scream that pierced right through my heart slashed out of her. I didn't know that Jackson loved her, that he felt like this for anyone besides his wife. Did I even know my own partner well?

I obviously didn't know anything. He was in love with her. I thought she had killed him, but it wasn't her. She didn't do anything. She even tried to warn him, to protect him, yet I built this entire vendetta and revenge case against her because of one stupid message.

I couldn't stop staring at her as she cried. I felt her pain deep in my bones, and it ripped me up into fucking pieces. My heart felt brittle and weak as I watched her break and crumble over the voice message that he left behind for her.

"Jennie."

She reached for the phone and cradled it to her chest. "I didn't even know that he loved me. I... I didn't know." She sobbed. "He said that he knew it'd never work out between us. Why? Because of his wife or because he thinks that I'm incapable of loving another person?"

She looked so hurt, so heartbroken and betrayed, that I wanted to kill myself for adding to her hurt and suffering. I was so disgusted with myself. I couldn't even look at her. I looked away, and the sound of her crying forced me to look back at her.

"I didn't love him like that, but I think I could've."

"Jennie." I pleaded her name again, but she looked beyond defeated.

I hated that look on her. I hated how tired and empty she looked. She wiped at her red and blotchy face and then stood up. She produced the keys out of her pocket and undid my cuffs. She grabbed my hand and placed the phone in my palm. She didn't look at me as she closed my fingers over the phone.

"Do whatever you want, Lisa."

I grabbed her wrist before she could pull it away, and her tired eyes met mine. Those warm brown eyes churned with too many emotions, and I couldn't decipher a single one. I knew I had no right to even want to know what her eyes held or what emotions she felt, but I didn't care. It was like nothing mattered to me, and I knew it was selfish and foolish to still want Jennie Kim, but my rationality and sense had all gone out of the window.

With the phone in my hand, I threw it hard as I could at the wall. It smashed and broke, but neither of us looked away.

"I love you, Jennie." I confessed.

She yanked her hand away from mine and slapped me hard across my cheek. Her face tightened and contorted, and I could see her hands shaking at her sides.

"You don't get to tell me you love me! You don't have that right!"

I tried to reach for her again, but she took a step back, and that murderous look in her eyes had me seizing my movement.

"You can hit me all you want, but it doesn't make it less true."

"You're an asshole! Pathetic. Do you think it's okay now that you've cleared me from Jackson's murder to admit your feelings? Who are you to say this to me? Who gave you the right? You looked down on me and are disgusted by who I am and what I do. Jackson never judged me. He cared about me, and he didn't have to lie and make up a whole identity to do it."

"Just because I had a fake last name doesn't mean everything I said or did was a lie too."

"You're a liar, and I don't believe you. I have never lied to you. From the start, I was honest with you, and I knew that you were going to hurt me, but I was blind to it all. You made me blind to it all with how you looked at me, how you touched me, and how you spoke to me. You said you cared about me, but you don't. You never cared. All you cared about was yourself and about pinning a murder on me. You..." Her voice was scratchy as tears fell down her face.

"You used the story about my cousins against me. It was ammunition that you gathered about me, from me, and you threw it all in my face!" She shouted. "Yet you have the fucking audacity to tell me you love me!? You're sick, and you're pathetic! This isn't love!"

I visibly winced at her words. Every word she spoke was true. It was the truth that I lied to her and used her pain against her. It was true that I lied, but I didn't lie about caring about her. Those feelings were true and real and genuine. The way I felt about her is genuine. The uncontrolled possessiveness and jealousy I felt were all real. She beseeched them from deep inside me, and I could never fake them. I knew that I was in love with her for a while, but I never thought that I would admit them to her like this.

It felt like the right time to tell her now after I found out the truth about Jackson's death, but obviously, it was a dick move on my end. Even if I Iied about who I was and what I am, I could never in my life lie about what I felt for Jennie, what I'd always feel for her and her only.

"I did hurt you. I did lie to you. But I swear on my life that I do really love you and care about you. Those feelings are real. I swear to you. Everything I have ever felt towards you is real."

She stared at me for the longest time, and my heart was beating so hard out of my chest that it made me want to reach in and rip it out and hand it to her for proof. I wanted to show her how it beat for her, how it would only beat for her, but with one last look of disappointment shown my way, Jennie spun around and walked right out of my life.