SHUT DOWN | JENLISA

59

Jennie

I knew I couldn't trust Lisa. She had grown too close to me in the few weeks that we'd known each other. It was surreal how fast we had become attached to each other. It didn't make any sense. I've been with plenty of people before, and I've never thought of them to the point of insanity.

I didn't care if they fucked other girls or dated other girls. I've never in my life staked a claim on a person and had someone claim me as theirs only. From the very first time we had sex, she claimed me as hers, and that should have had me running for the hills, but it didn't.

It was toxic, a glaring red flag, but I ignored them. I ignored everything wrong and everything that could go wrong because of how she made me feel. Lisa made me feel like she saw me like she knew me, and it comforted me.

It comforted me to know that our relationship wasn't purely sexual and that she cared to listen to me, hold me, and comfort me. There was still a part of me that knew that nothing good lasted and that whatever Lisa and I had would end.

Soon. It just felt too good, too beautiful, and gave me too much false hope. It would only end in disaster.

Sometimes when we spoke to each other, our mistrust for each other shined, and I knew Lisa wanted something from me. She didn't have to say it or hint at it, no one got close to someone like me because they liked or loved me. People used people, and I know she will probably use me to her advantage.

I gave Lisa a lot of pieces of myself, and in exchange, she gave me nothing back. It was very easy to have Mino and a few of my other men pick Lisa right off the street, gag and tie her, and bring her to me.

I could do that, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to have to hurt her unless she proved to be a threat. Yes, she was a strange person with a squeaky-clean past and life, but she was nice to me.

She touched me like she cared, kissed me because she ached not to, held me when I cried, and tucked me into bed right after. She didn't force herself on me or do anything. She put me into bed and left, and that was that. I didn't know what to make do with all the information. I didn't know if I should wait for her to give me a reason or if I should trust my gut and deal with Lisa before it got out of hand.

It was pathetic how afraid I felt. I was terrified of finding out that she got close to me for a devious reason. It was a possibility, it always has been, and it always will be, but it would hurt coming from Lisa.

She was the first person in six years to kiss me and touch me. I trusted her to kiss and touch me intimately. I trusted her with my body in ways that I've never trusted anyone before.

I told her about my cousins, talked about my family, and told her my dark confession. I knew what it was when I gave it to her. Ammunition.

It was like my secrets and stories were the bullets she'd use to fill up the chamber of her gun before shooting me with it. I grabbed my phone and dialled Mino's number. He answered after one ring.

"Yes, boss."

"I need to retrain, Mino. I haven't trained in a while, and I need to be ready for anything. Get me a few men that you trust and have them meet me in my gym in an hour."

"Yes, boss. Of course."