SHUT DOWN | JENLISA

58

Lisa

Would I have the guts to shoot Jennie point blank if it came down to it? I gulped at the thought of her body hitting the floor, of seeing her blood stain the flower, and gasp her final breaths leaving her body in a shaky matter. I clenched my fists at the table, and his eyes dipped down to the movement.

"No, I wouldn't."

He slammed his hands down on the table. "You hesitated. You fucking hesitated!"

"I was thinking it through!" I said defensively.

"This is not a matter where you get to think it through. It's a decision. It's life or death!"

"I know what it is! It's my case. Fuck me for thinking about an easier and less messy way to deal with her."

"Goddamn it! Are you in love with her?"

"Are you out of your fucking mind!?" I yelled, and some people looked our way. "I am not in love with her. I don't like her. I'm using her, and I'll keep using her until the day she goes down for what she's done. That's a fucking promise!"

I stood up.

"Work it from your end, and I'll work it from mine. We'll meet here in a week and discuss a plan. Don't show up in your cop uniform, and keep this case between us only. Don't trust a soul, Blake."

With that, I stepped out of the café and walked away. In love with her? Is he crazy? He must be mad to think that I'd ever be in love with Jennie Kim. I hated her. Very, very much. I hated her beautiful face and her addictive laughter. I hated seeing her smile, and I hated seeing her upset. I hated how bewitching every moment I had with her was or how it felt to be intimate with her. It was all hate. It wasn't possible for it to be any other emotion. It didn't make sense to love her. It didn't make sense not to hate her.

She killed Jackson. She turned him into a dirty cop. She ruined his life and, in return, ruined mine. In love with her? Fuck no. I'd rather get hit by a train or thrown into a volcano than be in love with her. Would I be able to shoot Jennie if it came down to it?

If the situation called for it, would I be able to aim the gun at her and pull the trigger? The thought made me queasy and unsettled my stomach. The thought of seeing her lying there, unmoving, bloody, and dead had bile rising in my throat.

I stopped walking and threw up right on the sidewalk. I threw up the entire contents of my breakfast and was heaving when I pulled away to wipe at my mouth. Would Jennie Kim hesitate to shoot me as well?

If we had a face-down and were both armed, would she think about me like this? Would she be worried and terrified? Would she second guess herself? It felt like the biggest human betrayal to use all I knew about her to kill her. I felt sick, and my mind was dizzy as it screamed traitor at the loudest volume.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. I kept imagining her lifeless body on the ground, and the point of entry from the bullet spreading until the only colour I could see was red.

My heart clenched and shattered inside me at the thought of hurting her, of seeing her hurt, of anyone hurting her. This wasn't love. It couldn't be. I couldn't love this woman. I was protective of her, but only because she had me in her trance. I loved seeing her and hanging out with her, only because she challenged me and made me smile. This wasn't love. Surely, it was just lust. It had to be because if it wasn't, I'd be fucked. I thought my anger was true and something I had to have, it's what fuelled me to where I was right now, but there was something I wasn't taking into account.

Jennie didn't do anything she didn't have to do. Either they were with her or against her, and she didn't like obstacles. Blake suspected that Jiyong was killed because he was going to snitch on her, but what evidence did he have on her?

And what did she evidently have on him to keep him in her pocket? There were too many questions, but there was something that rang louder and louder in my mind. What did she have on Jackson? How did she get him to work for her?

Would Jennie really just kill off these cops as if it was nothing because they got in her way? She seemed more sophisticated and smarter than this. There had to be a reason, a piece of evidence I was missing, but I didn't know what it was. It felt like it was right in front of my eyes, but I was blinded by her to see it.