January. // z.m. au

Chapter 59

In My Home | Young the Giant

If there was anything that I was completely sure of in life, it had to be that I truly cherished Zayn with my whole life, I appreciated him with my entire being. Sometimes I'd just sit back and reminisce on everything that we've been through, all the memories that we shared. From the very first time I laid eyes on his warm, golden ones, to the first time we'd ever kissed. My cheeks would heat up in embarrassment because of it, because of how awkward it'd been, but I wouldn't have changed that moment for the world. In fact, I wouldn't change a thing at all.

And I remembered the exact moment that he first held my hand after our first date as we took a stroll through the park. I'd smile to myself when I thought about how nervous he was, how unsure of himself he'd been, but then my smile would grow even when I realized how much he's changed since then. We both have learned to grow with each other, to learn from each other in general, and that alone was a good thing on its own.

Sometimes I'd find myself thinking about the first time we ever exchanged I love you's, how the moment had been a little silly and just a tad far fetched (from the god awful cinnamon scented candles, to the scattered rose petals, to Louis interrupting the confusing moment by popping out of no where with his obnoxiously loud laughter), but all in all it was perfect, and I didn't think I would ever ask for anything more than that. But that was just what you got with Zayn and I -- unexpected moments, impractical memories, simple gestures, but a whole lot of love. What else could I ask for?

Over the past couple of days, though, Zayn had been acting really weird, and I couldn't help but want to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was on his mind. He wasn't being weird in a bad or suspicious way, no, but just in an extremely odd way that had my face stuck in what would probably end up being a permanent frown out of pure confusion if I didn't stop soon. It was almost as if he was keeping something from me, I supposed, or even trying to keep himself from saying or doing something that I couldn't even guess what was no matter how much I thought about it. I was so completely lost. I just couldn't figure anything out.

It seemed as though he was always tense, too. Tense and just a tad jittery. I didn't even think that he realized that I took notice to his strange actions either. I even asked him what was going on, because I was beginning to become a tad bit worried, but all I got was a reassuring, slow smile and a, "m'fine, babe," followed by a short peck on the cheek. And while his little gestures calmed me down by a fraction, at the back of my mind there was still a strong sense of wonder that I wasn't sure would ever go away.

Now, I couldn't help but wonder what Zayn was up to and if I'd ever figure it out. Hopefully, I would soon. I just didn't want to make a big deal out of anything, especially if it wasn't something that should be taken so far.

Even though I was still very suspicious, I chose to let it go because if Zayn insisted everything was okay, then I trusted his words; I trusted him with my whole life. If Zayn claimed he was fine, then I'd keep his word for it.

Even though he'd been acting awfully bizarre lately, the plus side about it was that he'd been far more loving with me than he usually was. Zayn was typically a hands on, touchy, feely boyfriend anyway, it just seemed like his actions had been turned up a notch, like he'd been shot by Cupid's arrow and fallen in love with me all over again, just like the very first time. It was nice, too; I didn't think I'd ever been happier than I was now. It was almost as if I constantly wore a smile around him, like my lips were permanently stretched into a grin that I couldn't wipe off even if I wanted to. Not that I would want that, though.

We'd been sitting in our backyard today, since Zayn had taken a particular liking to sitting outside for some reason, under the warm sun as its bright rays beamed down us. I looked over at Zayn who sat beside me, admiring the way the sun lit up his skin, illuminating the high points of this face. I say this a lot, I was definitely aware of that, but as long as we were together I'd never get over how effortlessly beautiful Zayn truly was. He was so striking that it wasn't even fair. But it was okay, I'd never get tired of the sight no matter what. I didn't know how I'd gotten so lucky, either, but I had exactly what I wanted right in front of me, and I'd never want anything more.