This boy (Robert Smith x reader)

Bye, love you (11)

MAYA'S POV

Things weren't well. Mentally that is, and physically in a way.

I woke up much earlier than Robert and decided I'd sit out on the balcony to try and get my shit together.

I just felt like something was weighing me down internally. I felt this unexplainable feeling that I'm not even sure a therapist could name. I just felt so tired, and I couldn't even tell you what I was tired of. I was eat up by fatigue.

Did I have depression? Even if I did, there's nothing that could be done about it. I don't have the money.

I looked down to the ground that was at least 16 flights down. I'd never thought about suicide more in my life than in that moment.

I had to convince myself to stay put. I had places to be and things to get done.  I couldn't waste time being dead when I had an entire tour to go on.

I just needed some meth, that was all. But I couldn't do it now, it's too early. Maybe after the concert Robert might be up for it.

I stared out into the sunrise and thought, about so much really.

What was life? It felt so meaningless really. I mean what's the point? What do I get in the end after going through this hell hole.

And I hate hearing shit about how 'things will get better'. I mean sure, maybe they will for a bit, but at the end of the day things will always go back to the way they were. You can't change that.

I thought about last night. What even was that shit show? I mean did he really have to pull away like that and ruin the mood?

There was no telling how long I'd been out there wondering in my own thoughts. I was abruptly snapped back to reality when I heard the glass door sliding open to reveal the very man I almost fucked last night.

"Morning." I said, plastering on a fake smile.

Typically I didn't have to fake a smile around him. But internally I just felt so awful.

I felt so mentally exhausted that it was making my body weak. I genuinely just didn't even have the energy to smile.

"Morning love." He said, sitting down in the seat next to mine.

He grabbed my hand to intertwine our fingers, and that's when I was ok again.

Suddenly all of my problems went away and there was just bliss. I didn't want to kill myself anymore nor did I feel an overwhelming weight in my chest.

It was insane to me that one small gesture from Robert made me mentally ok again. He was the answer to all my problems, but in a way he was also the reason for all my problems.

Of course I'd always had schizophrenia problems, but they were never this bad until I started speaking to Robert.

I'd never even had depression problems before, but now since I've been seeing him I've suddenly acquired them.

Everything was so odd. I wasn't trying to blame him for my own mental health, but I find it suspicious that these problems began when I found him.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked looking over to me with those stupid puppy dog eyes that always made me give in.

"Better than usual I'd say." I grinned.

"Yeah? And why's that?" He smirked.

"That's a good question..." I muttered, putting on a fake confused expression.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He chuckled, inching his face just the slightest bit towards me.

"Don't worry about it..." I said smirking, looking away in the other direction to avoid his gaze.