Infinite

Still Be Okay

∾ 𝄞 ∾
Without my world spinning around you
Would I still be okay?
If I could never see you again
Would I still be okay?
My head hurts from crying
And my tears long since dried
People keep telling me I'll be just fine
People keep telling me I'll be just fine
∾ 𝄞 ∾

"So, what happened?" Karter asked when Carrie got back from the museum a half hour early. And all of her roommates knew when she was supposed to get back. "No earlier than six" was exactly what she said.

"Turns out, she does like me," Carrie said, gritting each word between her teeth, "but, she lied about a lot of other things I can't forgive."

She didn't particularly care what her roommates thought. All Carrie wanted was peace and quiet. And time to process her feelings. So, that was what they gave her. The first thing she did was put on a playlist that always helped her think through everything. The first song to play was "Edge of Great" by none other than Julie and the Phantoms. She wanted to throw her phone against the wall. Why, when the last thing she wanted to think about was Julie, was Julie's song the very first to play when she pressed shuffle?

She skipped the song, and another song of hers came up next. In fact, when she looked at the next five songs that would be up, it said all of Julie's songs. Every single one. She skipped all of them and moved on to a song that would surely allow her to figure out her feelings.

If I could never see you again, would I still be okay?

Carrie couldn't believe the signs the world was trying to give her. It was like this blazing sign in front of her telling her to forgive Julie. She didn't want to give Julie the satisfaction so quickly, especially after Julie lied for so long.

Did Mari and Flynn know? Had they lied to her as well? Carrie's mind spun with possibilities and questions she wanted answers to. How in the world was Julie able to see the three guys her dad used to be in a band with? And how was it possible that everyone could hear and see them when she performed with them? Was it normal?

"Carolyn, do you want some dessert? Elle made brownies." Carrie shook her head when Port asked. She wanted to get every question that swam in her head written down before she forgot. And considering how crazy it all is, she had a long, long list of them. Plus, Carrie didn't like brownies. It wasn't because she didn't like chocolate—she loved it as much as the next person—but she once got food poisoning from a batch and had hated them since.

"Are you sure you don't want brownies?" Karter poked his head into her room.

"I don't actually like them." He gasped with shock.

"You don't like them?" She shook her head. "You must be barbaric."

"I got food poisoning from a batch when I was little and kind of never forgot about it." She lost ten pounds in a week because she kept vomiting and it was not pretty. She knew there wasn't much of a chance another batch wasn't cooked properly, but she didn't want a repeat of the experience ever again.

"Okay, that's actually valid. But you eat ice cream with brownie bits in it." Carrie didn't know why, but it was just different. Eating it with ice cream was much, much different than eating homemade brownies.

"Well, I figure I can sue them if I get food poisoning. I can't really do that to a person." That wasn't the real reason, but it got him off her back. Plus, it was pretty logical. Not that she was a very logical person. But, Karter let her be to gather more questions about the ghosts Julie had been performing with for three years.

How could Julie just lie to her for years and not expect her to find out?

Julie didn't. And, as she paced around her room at Berklee, she couldn't believe she let it slip after all this time. How could she let her biggest secret slip after all this time? It couldn't have been the fact that they were finally past friends. (They hadn't put an official label on it, but they definitely weren't just friends anymore.) Then again, after not talking face to face for so long, she wanted to keep Carrie around for a little longer. So, her mouth just started running and, once it started running, she couldn't get it to stop.

Her reaction when seeing Nick at Carrie's three years ago (and her use of several nicknames that she wanted to call him in private) was proof enough of that.

"What's going on with you?" Jessica asked Julie, walking in to see her panic-pacing. Although she found it rather annoying when Alex did it, she had to admit that it was pretty relaxing. "Julie?"

"I just did something really dumb." Julie didn't want to say anything other than that, and she managed to keep her mouth shut (a miracle by her standards). "I screwed up my relationship with one of my friends."

"That sucks. I don't have a lot of people I call friends, so I can't exactly relate." Julie didn't know how Jessica didn't have a lot of friends. Sure, she could be bossy, but sometimes, it made decisions easier because she could rarely make up her mind about where to go or what to eat. Plus, Jessica pulled Julie and Kim out of their room to do social things. "Most people find me bossy."

"I'd say you're the one who makes decisions and takes charge when no one else will. You're pretty great. Most people would be lucky to be friends with you." Jessica couldn't believe what Julie was saying. "You manage to get Kim and I out of this room, and neither of us are the most outgoing people in the world."

"You really think that?" Julie nodded. "Um, thanks. Your friend probably just needs some time, because you're pretty great, too." She could only hope that time could fix their relationship. It had before, but it'd also taken years. That much time would wreck Julie inside.

"I hope so," Julie decided to walk to one of the practice rooms and sing a cover. Between Berklee and the music program in high school, she rarely had time to play songs by other people. Both schools required original songs and she spent far too long on them sometimes.

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I'd ever done," A long time ago, Julie composed her own piano piece to back the beautiful lyrics of the song she loved. It was before her mom died, though her mom didn't help her at all. Julie loved that she managed to make such a pretty song sound even more beautiful. She could hear a string quartet in her head whenever she played. It had the most lovely lyrics and Julie had been obsessed since before she felt love for the first time.

Her fingers glided across the keys, bringing the music trapped inside her to life. It was a very popular song, but the way it was arranged was so different from how she was playing it on the piano. She didn't notice the huge crowd gathering around her practice room. Julie also didn't notice the fact that she'd left the door open to the room. The original was great, but she wanted to strip the electric guitar and drums and electric beats away and fill the song with instruments that would enrich the listener's experience.

"If I could never see you again, would I still be okay?" Julie sang, her fingers hitting the final chord before resting on her thighs. The music still lived inside her chest, refusing to leave quite yet. She knew she could never truly live without Carrie. But, it wasn't her call to make at this point.

Only Carrie knew what she wanted, and there was nothing anyone else could do. No matter how much Julie begged or how many times she apologized, Carrie had to want their relationship to be repaired or it'd all be for nothing. Julie would probably be torn apart if that stupid secret was the reason their friendship was ruined. One stupid secret.

Author's Note: Hopefully, they get back together. Vote and comment if you agree. All the best, MistyRider921.