Infinite

You Loved Me

∾ 𝄞 ∾
I might never remember
All the times you said you loved me
But, oh, you loved me
You might never forget
All the times I made you fight me
But, still, you loved me
∾ 𝄞 ∾

Carrie couldn't believe Julie's mom was in her room. But, after two weeks at school, she wanted someone to talk to that wouldn't judge her. College was hard. And the students there were ruthless. Some were okay (like her roommates), but others wanted to watch her crash and burn. And crash and burn she would if she couldn't get the demons out of her head.

When she was little, even before her mom passed—though she barely remembered those days—she remembered hearing voices in her head telling her she wasn't good enough. That she wasn't pretty enough. Her mother told her there would always be someone prettier and more talented. But, her mom told her one thing she told herself she'd never forget.

But, you can always be the kindest.

She hadn't always, but whenever that memory surfaced, she remembered that she promised her mother to be the kindest in the room. She couldn't waste her time hating others and bringing herself down when she could be so much more.

"Hey, I know I'm not your mom, but I'm always here if you want to talk." Carrie smiled, plopping down on her bed.

"I just feel like I'm so much worse than everyone else here. I got into Berklee, and sometimes I think that's where I belong because of my dad. Then, I go to class and I enjoy it and everything just kind of sucks because I'm so torn." Carrie felt like she vomited her whole life story for Rose, despite the fact that she half-raised the girl.

"You want to know what it's like at that school?" Rose asked, though entirely rhetorically. "Those people feel as much like imposters as you do. They're trying to figure out a melody that probably will never work and listening to things that sound much better than what they think theirs sounds like. You chose this school for a reason and, in time, you'll figure out why you did."

"God, thinking about melodies does not sound appealing right now. Bleh." Rose laughed alongside Carrie.

"Well, I should go. I have to talk with Julie, but I promise I'll check in on you. You've become such a wonderful woman." Rose gave one final smile and let Carrie be. Her evil thoughts had dwindled down to quiet murmurs in the back of her head. She was grateful Rose was there. Julie was so lucky to have her mom.

She walked out of her room to get food and saw all three of her roommates were staring at her. And all crowded around her door.

"So... Berklee?" Elle asked, staring pointedly at her.

"Yeah, when were you going to tell us that?" Port was the next to talk, though his question had a bit of sarcasm laced in his voice.

"Is never an acceptable answer?" Carrie asked, pushing through her roommates. She attempted to, at least, not that it worked. They were like the Great Wall of China, impenetrable and she would die trying to scale it.

"Nope. What were you going to do at Berklee?" Karter was the last to ask, yet he made her feel the most guilty.

"I probably would've done songwriting." Carrie still remembered the exact things she wrote on her application. Every word, every thought she had when she pressed the big, green "SUBMIT" button at the bottom of the page.

"Can we hear a song, then?" Port asked eagerly. "Come on, you can't expect us to be quiet when we know that."

"Fine. But give me a little practice time. I'm a little rusty." That was code for: she hadn't touched a piano in three months. She usually never went more than a few weeks without it, but life had been crazy. But, at least, Carrie still remembered how to play the guitar. Her fingers sometimes picked at invisible strings when she was bored or nervous.

"You've got thirty minutes." She nodded. Where was she going to find a guitar on such short notice? Sure, Berklee had them, but she barely talked to Julie at all in the last couple weeks. Maybe there was a music room somewhere in this school. That was when Trey popped in her head. If anyone were to know where musical instruments were stored, it would be her.

So, she texted her and asked, completely out of the blue, where musical instruments were in MassArt. If they did have any, it wasn't obvious where they kept them. Trey, who Carrie deemed her miracle worker for the day, told her exactly where they were and she gave her a thousand thank you's in return. "Okay, I'll text you guys the location that I'm going when you deem it's been half an hour."

Elle gave a thumbs up, and Carrie took her songwriting book with her and walked to Kennedy—where Trey said the music studio was. It was, supposedly, on the second floor, but she didn't remember seeing it. And she would've remembered. But, a ten minute walk and five more minutes exploring the second floor, she finally saw it. It was a door at the end of a poorly-lit hallway that hid in the wall so well, she almost passed it for a third time.

Carrie saw a couple guitars, a piano, a drumset, and recording equipment. The last thing surprised her, but she went to work before she wasted her entire half hour. It probably wouldn't be perfect, but she'd be better with fifteen minutes of practice than zero. Her fingers plucked the strings, instantly remembering the melody she wrote for the song. A large part of her was grateful muscle memory had started to kick in.

"I'll always remember how you stood up and cheered louder." She loved this song for so many reasons. Carrie wrote it for Rose and her mother. She got two moms, though only one actually raised her and gave birth to her, and she wanted to thank them both for showing her the world.

Of course, after only going through the song twice, Elle texted her that she needed to know where Carrie was on campus and she gave the location. She detailed it a little bit more extensively than Trey did so they wouldn't spend half an hour looking for the room.

"Woah. I had no idea this room existed." Karter said, amazed by the room. He could play the piano, though he hadn't touched one in a few weeks. Elle and Port could not play an instrument if their life depended on it, but still liked listening to music and knew how hard it was. "How did you find it?"

"A friend told me how to find this room." They had never met Trey, so saying her name would only make them more confused. "So, are you guys going to ask me more questions or do you want me to play this song?"

"Yes, please, play." Elle sat down on one of the few chairs in the music room, with Karter and Port quickly following. Carrie fiddled with the guitar. She was so happy she did not have to perform often because the pit of butterflies still filled her with dread.

The moment Carrie started to pick at the strings with her fingers, all the tension disappeared. The first verse started before she realized it and, soon, she was taken to a whole other world. A world where her mother was still alive and she could remember her smile without looking at a grainy picture on her phone. The pre-chorus for that song was one of her absolute favorites. "I can't remember the last time I called to say, 'I love you.'" Then, the chorus started, which was the first thing she wrote in the entire song. By the end of the song, she could feel the music in her. And it was so much stronger than before.

"I might never remember all the times you said you loved me, but oh, you loved me," She sang, finishing the last part on the guitar before setting it down. Carrie couldn't look them in the eye, but when they started to clap, she realized that they liked it. She had never played a song she really cared about and put a lot of work into until then.

"Carolyn, that's fantastic." Karter was the first to speak, and it made her happy. That was what music was supposed to do: connect with people and show them they weren't alone. "You're really talented."

"Seriously, I now expect to hear new songs every month." Elle made her promise and she did. Carrie wanted to be happy and, sometimes, music could inspire her art. What Carrie didn't know was that Port had taken a video of her. And she didn't know Port was planning to post it on YouTube.

Author's Note: It's nice to see Carrie happy. She deserves it after losing her mom and her best friend. I know she is a bully in the show, but bullies have scars, too. Every scar needs the chance to heal. Make sure to vote and comment. All the best, MistyRider921.