gho(st)²ories (yan/obsessive chrollo x reader)

Act 7, Chapter 8

the call with your mother ended rather rushed.

your mother had only turned around to grab something from the living room when she saw your father grasping his stomach in pain and his face turning pale.

she only explained this quickly to you before bidding you farwell.

you could imagine what went down after she hung up.

with a sigh you put the telephone down on your nightstand, rested your bck against your pillow and the wall your bed was standing against.

for a moment you only sat there, looking out the window from afar and practically staring into the dark and seemingly endless void the forest offered.

but you didn't last the woods mercyless stare for long as a feeling of unease made you turn your head away.

though even that wasn't enough as the feeling stayed.

your turned away from the window even more, put on the big light instead of only the one of your nightstand and yet it didn't change anything.

the hairs on your neck were still up straight, sensing danger that wasn't even there.

after only a minute of this constant feeling you were certain that you had to leave your bedroom for now, that you triggered the fight or flight response in your body by staring out into the dark and scaring yourself.

you grabbed the notebook and phone and made your way into the hallway, leaving the light on in your bedroom and shutting the door quietly.

but now, arrived in the hallway, you were somewhat lost and split in half about where to go and what to do.

you wanted to go back to Chrollo, spend some time to him and maybe find out more about him that he was willing to share.

on the other hand the embarrassment from earlier, when you and him almost kissed, was still pushing down heavily on your chest.

you couldn't avoid him and a possible uncomfortable talk about what happened but you could get out of his way for at least today, if you were lucky.

and that might be enough to not put you so bad on edge to just pack your bags in pure embarassment and never come back.

it could be enough to make you force down at least some of the shame to be able to keep yourself together and not panic.

and besides, now that you took the notebook with you once more without having added anything to it since your great uncles funeral, getting distracted by Chrollo would only made you feel more guilty about still not having continued to write in it despite promising yourself to.

and maybe writing everything that happened so far on paper and reading it would help you be able to point a finger on how Chrollo actually felt about you.

since the almost-kiss you were just confused.

he was good in making you feel seen, heard, accepted and loved and yet he sometimes took the distance of a friend.

as if he takes a few steps back once he took a step forward to you.

sometimes the two of you spoke open and serious with each other in a way that lovers would do, in a way that lovers would trust each other.

like when he told you about the night he died, like sometimes when the two of you would talk about books and literatur and about the other thing you liked.

not to leave out the fact how much he did for you ever since 'revealing' himself to you.

when the power went out around two weeks ago he was right beside you to ease your nerves, this entire week he had taken such great care of you plus all the other small thing he did for you so far.

this also made you realise that you haven't done much for him.

for over almost three weeks you have been telling yourself to stop by the city's library to grab a book for Chrollo and yet you have only been there once and it was closed.

but besides that you haven't done anything for him.

together with Abir you even damaged one of his possesions willingly, with Abir you had cut into the fabric inside Chrollos's chest to get the cuff of the ouiji board out.

you only mourned the soft, silk fabric but not the damage you made and not once have you apologized to Chrollo about it.

suddenly you felt terrible about it all, about yourself and you made a mental note to yourself to sincerl apologize to him tomorrow.

and despite all this care and how close Chrollo sometimes felt to you, he sometimes behaved more like a friend.

sometimes he just feels unreachable and that not only literally.

as if he'd pull his hand away if you needed it for support.

sometimes he still scares you, how dark and empty his eyes seem and how quiet he sometimes is for hours with no end in sight.

how he sometimes vanishes without a word and won't return until the next day, how you can sometimes hear him stalk around the house in the middle of the night not to mention his habit to leave your bedroom windwo open for no appartent reason.

and sometimes he just seemed not like himself, somewhat masked and a bit controlling before dropping this behaviour in half a second once it came through.

in general the way he sometimes switched moods, his behaviour and his personality seems unnatural at times and scary.

if he wouldn't have all these other good attributes as well then you'd still be walking around your home on tiptoes around shards of glass that wouldn't hesitate to stab you once you made the wrong move.

but knowing all those thing about Chrollo that you do know about him ever since he explained himself all these nights ago, after the funeral, made you feel at ease around him.

and despite your instinct and body sometimes telling you something else, you found yourself comfortable around him.

you pushed this reject of your boy and senses against Chrollo onto the fact that he was a ghost after all.

Abir herself said that humans have a sixth sense when it comes to ghosts.

apropos Abir, how is she doing these days?

you wondered about this once already a whole while ago but you still haven't reached out to her.

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life is even worse now lol, writing keeps me going haha