gho(st)²ories (yan/obsessive chrollo x reader)

Act 7, Chapter 6

There was not a single moment of silence before Chrollo answered your question and it made you wonder if he had planned what to say in case you ever ask.

"it's written in my native language." he says.

"wait, you're not from here?" you asks, trying to make out any kind of accent from him but you don't find one.

he laughs, swiftly and gentle.

his laugh makes you move towards him almost automatically.

"I'm not, no. I lived in this house for not too long before passing away." he continues and in that moment he seems so much more mature and attractive than he already is.

the way he has this neutral point of view about his tragic and brutal death makes you wonder.

it makes you wonder if you once you pass away and don't get to the other side, if there even is one, will ever be able to speak about life and death like that.

especially since you hope you will die once you're old, surrounded by loved ones with a life you could be proud of.

Chrollo's fate was not as fair.

he was so brutally murdered in his own home by burglars so many years ago, way before you were born.

you can't imagine what it must've been like for him, how traumatic.

and yet he his sitting here, on your couch in the living room that once was his own, expressing himself neutral about his death.

his gaze gently shifted towards you with a slight smile still on his lips.

you go the last few steps and take a seat beside him.

"how long did you live here before.." you were hesitate for a moment before continuing "..you died?"

"I'm not too sure, five or seven years maybe?" he leaned back into the cushion of the couch, sinking in it a little deeper.

"I really couldn't tell you weren't from here though.." you said trying to recall if he ever had the sign of an accent ever.

"Why did you leave your home?" you ask.

if Chrollo was in the mood to talk you might be able to use it to your own advantage to get to know a bit more about him.

"where I'm from, there are just not as much options to be someone but i wanted to be. Sadly I never got to achieve my dreams.." Chrollo seemed to recall a memory as his hand came to rest on his chin, his eyes moving away from you.

"were you..were you scared when 'it' happened?" you sat the book aside onto the couch table, keeping it in view so you wouldn't forget to ask what language it was written in exactly.

you were reluctant to name what had happened by what it was.

if you weren't, you would've asked 'were you scared when you were about to be murdered?'.

but you were also afraid to offend Chrollo in any way or that asking it like that was disrespectful.

after all there were no manner rules on how to speak with the ghost of a murder victim.

"how could I not have been?" Chrollo said, his eyes finding yours.

"what happened that day is hard to explain and to imagine, no matter how scary you imagine it to be; in the end it was much worse." he leaned back even further, a sigh escaped his lips and he took a moment looking at the ceiling before returning his eyes to yours.

"but I think that the crime committed was absolut. it would've happened no matter if I was there or not so I'm glad I was the victim and not someone else like someone i loved or cared for. i would've hated hearing a familiar name being called on the local radio with the information that this person had a tragical passing, one by mankind. i think it would've bothered me more than being the one murdered did bother me." before speaking Chrollo looked back up to the ceiling, seemingly avoiding your eyes.

by that you could tell how deep he must've been in pain in the past.

you understood what he said.

you, as well, would rather take pain if it meant someone you loved would be spared of it.

"and my death did not make much of a difference. i didn't know anyone in this town, neither did they know me. from all the people here it was best to be me, that way only i was the one in pain. would it have been someone else from the town, there would've been greater pain. in small communities like these the townsfolk is very close, most of them will be born here and die here as well. they all grew up together and since this city doesn't have a lotto offer to young people, or people in general for that matter, there aren't a lot of new people coming here. so if someone else was in my position that night there would've been a fog of sadness and pain over the entirety of this town."

a smile appeared on Chrollos face and the question you asked next just left your mouth without you being able to even thing of it.

"are you glad you died?"

Chrollo's smile grew a little wider before he said 'yes'.

he didn't even needed to say anything else for you to understand that he wasn't suicidal or anything in any way, he was just glad to take the pain.

a genuinely good person.

at leat that was what you thought.

your gaze darkened as you started to silently thing about how cruel the world is to take away people like Chrollo in such ways.

"Tell me what you think about." Chrollo almost whispered, his voice was soft.

"It's just..it's so unfair. the world is. yes sure, no one ever said it was going to be fair but how can the world be like that? It doesn't scare away to show that no matter how well you play your card's, death doesn't play fair. life doesn't play fair either for that matter. i know that, I'm fully aware of that, i was before already, and yet...only now do I fully realise that.

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TW feeling dump??

i just recently realised how bad I'm doing these days and that i only keep going bcs I'm in constant movement like going to practice, doing my school work and going to school. that's literally the only reason I'm still here and it's so shitty to be realising that. i really thought i was doing better just like everyone always promised me it would become and yet i find my younger self to be still there and that I'm turning back into the depressed 16 year old that was lost once you asked her what she wants to do in the future because her existence was only based on trying and wanting to kill herself so there were no future plans at all
i don't want to be sick anymore or i at least want to never have been in the first place
being sick makes me feel even sicker