The Disgraced of the House of Black - A Multi-Character Fanfiction - Part One

37. Ingrained Memories

December 1976

December came and with it a brighter Amara. Eliana had reached out to her father and been granted permission to take Amara with her for Christmas, allowing her to not be left alone at Hogwarts for the winter holidays.

Although she had not really believed McGonagall when she said it would get easier each day, she had found that with each day, the unbearable suffocation of her anger and their deaths eased its hold. By the fifth of December, although she was still, at times, more drawn and reserved than before, she had become more like her usual self. She sat around the Common Room with her friends and classmates, laughing at jokes and telling her own. Even Sirius and James, who, with her help, had finally finished the Animagus potion, noticed the difference in her.

As the term ended on the tenth, however, they only had time for one more meeting to bring her closer to being an Animagus before the holidays. They had been forced, due to the creation of the potion, to change their meeting spot from the Astronomy Tower to a large, roomy area behind a large mirror on the fourth floor.

"Okay," James said, looking up from the bubbling cauldron at Amara. "Now that this is done, all that's left is to teach you the spell. You'll need to perform it twice a day consecutively for at least a month and then until a thunderstorm. Can you perform magic outside of school yet?"

"Yes," Amara replied. "I had my birthday November thirteenth."

"That's ten days after mine," Sirius remarked with a grin.

Amara glanced quickly at him before averting her gaze, her cheeks, in James' opinion, suspiciously flushed, but she only betrayed a small, enchanting smile.

"So, the spell," she said, although not in a manner which indicated she was in any way annoyed with Sirius' remark.

"Right," James said, looking up from the notes he and Sirius had taken while they tried to learn how to become an Animagus. "The incantation is Amato Animo Animato Animagus and all you have to do is press the tip of your wand to your heart. Tell us when you feel a second heartbeat."

"But don't stop or change anything when you feel it," Sirius cut in. "And make sure you do the spell at sunrise and sunset."

"Okay," Amara said. "I think I've got it."

"Always knew you were a bright one," James said, grinning in the faint light as he packed up his notes.

"You mentioned I had to do it until a thunderstorm," Amara said. "What happens then?"

"We'll meet up with you in the Forbidden Forest," James said. "We don't know what you'll transform into and it's always better to be in a large, open space for the first time."

"Not to mention," Sirius added with a strange light in his eye. "No prying eyes."

"Right," Amara said. "Then what?"

"You drink the potion, repeat the spell, and then transform," Sirius explained.

"Okay," Amara said, releasing a slightly shaky breath. "Thank you both for helping me with this. It means a lot."

James nodded, getting to his feet and gathering up his stuff.

"I've got to head out," he said. "See you both later."

Once he had gone, Amara sighed, leaning back against the wall and staring, unseeing into the potion beside her.

"You okay?" Sirius asked, sitting down beside her.

"Yeah," Amara said softly, her gaze not moving. "It just gets exhausting."

"What does?" he asked, his voice softer than Amara had ever heard it before.

"Pretending for the gaggle of sympathetic, nosy students that I'm not glad they're dead," she whispered.

Sirius started, turning to look at her in surprise. She had never before mentioned her parents in front of him.

Just before he had decided whether or not to ask about her parents, Amara asked, "Is it terrible of me to be happy they're gone? Does it make me some kind of villain for admitting that the first thing I felt when Dumbledore told me they were dead was relief?"

"No," Sirius said, thinking about how he himself would feel if his parents died. "If you ask me, family loyalty is just an excuse to justify the actions of terrible people. It's the people you choose that matter. For some people, that is their blood relatives, but for others...that's not the right choice to make."

"No," Amara said softly. Turning to look at him, she added quickly, "I mean, yes, you're right." There was a small pause, but while most pauses between them always seemed to have an overtone of awkwardness, this one did not.

Clearing his throat, Sirius suddenly broke it, glancing over at her nervously before he asked, "Hey, Amara. I was, er, well I was wondering something."

"What is it?" Amara asked curiously.

"So, er, James is hosting a Christmas party at his place on Christmas Eve. You and Eliana are already invited, of course, but I was wondering if you'd like...maybe..." he broke off, his cheeks flushing as he avoided her gaze. "Maybe you'd like to be my date?"

"Oh," Amara said, her voice barely more than a gasp. She was quiet for so long Sirius finally risked looking at her. Her cheeks had flushed and she was fighting back a smile, but even as he watched, her smile fell. Finally, she sighed, "I'm sorry, Sirius. I don't...I don't think that's a good idea."

"Right, not a problem," he said quickly, running his hand through his dark hair.

"Sirius-" Amara began as he jumped to his feet.

With his best attempt at his usual, casual tones, he said, "Well, I've got lots to do. Bye."

Once he had gone, Amara sighed. She had never heard him use a colder tone in her life, even when addressing her brother.

.

December 1993

Amara was laying, barely conscious, curled tightly in a blanket at the very back of the cave in which she had been hiding. Rolling onto her side, she coughed, the small action quickly followed by a swift succession of hacking coughs that shook her whole body. Laying back again, she let out a low whine as her head pressed against the stone. Her entire body ached.

.

Sirius sat shivering, hugging his thin arms around his waist as he huddled under the moth-eaten covers of the bed in the Shrieking Shack. He had quickly vacated it after arriving in fear of being discovered, but the cold had forced him back.