Redemption of Royals (Royal #1: Book 3) | ✔

13

-• a latent desire •-

Rudra

Pleasure was dormant for the most part of my life. I never seeked physical satisfaction. I didn't find myself wanting it ever, not even when I realised my body and face possesses the natural skill to attract the masses, men and women alike. I relied more on my eloquence and political deftness to control people's mind. Honestly, I never found the need to use my body in attracting one's attention. I basked in my prowess as a sharp minded individual who didn't need anything except his intelligence to take what he wants.

Well, that certainly didn't last long because of a certain someone who benefits nothing from my sleepless nights, yet I still spend them thinking solely about her.

She wasn't lying when she boasted in front of Akansha that it's not her spreading her legs, it's me.

Because fuck, I'd be her slut anyday. That's how much control the woman has on me.

Sex used to repulse me.

Even at the thought of physical intimacy, my stomach used to churn, and I used to feel a bile rising my throat. I never even shagged myself until she came. That's how much I hated sex.

But now I'm a twenty five year old virgin man, with raging hormones and high sex drive, that only greeds after one woman. It's pathetic. I wouldn't call myself a saint. Sometimes the appetite to feel a lithe flesh slide against my body was so strong that I did consider picking up a random woman at the bar. But no, my dick is more loyal to her than me. And so, it only stood up excitedly at the thought of her, no other woman, no matter how drop dead gorgeous, was able to evoke an illicit, raw hunger from my body as she does.

I hate it.

I can't die a fucking virgin if I don't get her. I can't rely on my right hand for the rest of my life.

Maybe I should see a new psychologist.

Yes, new. Because I did see one in the past, and her response was quite logical from her perspective, as she called it. I thought she was incapable of treating me.

"I think, Mr. Rajawat, you're emotionally dependent on that person. As you said, you've lived a very guarded life, and you've been very conscious and alert about your safety. So in a way, naturally, by allowing your emotions to express in that person's presence, you've also automatically provided a safe place for your body. The emotional attraction has allowed your body to drop all the inhibitions and feel the need to be accepted as whole. Because of the past, you've subjugated your body into using disgust and revulsion as defense mechanism towards its natural needs. But that's not okay. Physical needs cannot be suppressed, and by bringing this person in your life, by opening up to them emotionally, you've already wired your brain into thinking that physical intimacy with this person must be just as beautiful, safe and secure."

I scowl deeply.

Bullshit.

She's just so sexy. That's it. That's the only reason.

And she makes me want to soften my tone, become gentle, and subdue my dominance around her. She's beautiful, she's gorgeous, only a gay man wouldn't want to slip her dress off and kiss every bare inch of her body. Her kindness and optimism is just a plus. She also has a thing for certain dark things. It adds to her charm. She's fucking perfect. And she makes me feel grounded, stable, the internal clash of my thoughts ceases in her presence, my body, my mind, and my soul seems to become one, for she demands the entire attention when she steps into a room.

It's her fault.

If she had been anything like the people I've met in my shitty life, maybe I'd have never felt this thick desire to bind her to me forever. But she threw me off my axis, so I did what I could, I made her my axis.