Diary of the Crazy Shaniqua Bello

Log Ten: THE CEO

TEN
THE CEO

01/01/2022

New Year's Day

2:21 pm

Dear Diary

I'll just break down how my interview went down for you.

I said my "thank you" to the long-nosed lady and went into the elaborate and unnecessary elevator that led to the CEO's state-of-the-art office.

I'm talking something straight right out of an Oscar-nominated movie.

See, I'll not allow anyone to tell me that there's no money in this Lagos because what?!!!

Anyway...

I stepped into this room and the first person I set my eyes upon is Elvis Bankole: one of the highest-paid actors in the country.

And yes, he is the CEO.

I was about to tell him how much of a fan my mum was when he cut me off on what seemed like a premeditated cue.

"What kind of a human being shows up 5 hours late and still has the nerves to smile?" he asked in the coolest tone I've ever heard in my life. I could freeze by merely hearing him speak.

"One who lives deep in the trenches of Lagos Mainland," I responded under muffled breath.

"What did you say?" he squinted his eyes.

"Me? Nothing sir." I gave a theatrical performance.

"No, no, give me a good reason why I should even hire you as my assistant if you can't be punctual." He settled into his chair and clicked on the ball pen in his hands.

"I'm late because I stay in the trenches, sir." I coughed out and quickly coiled back into my shell like a Nollywood housemaid.

"What's that you just said? Trenches?"

"It's what we call the depth of the Mainland sir—besides, I got your message this morning and still managed to leave my family members on a general holiday—just to get here; I think that proves how diligent and reliable I can be sir." I found the nerves to finally speak up with my head held high.

The thing is that he was beginning to piss me off. I mean, you've not yet employed me and you're already acting unfortunately unfortunate.

I told myself that the worse thing he could do was to send me out of his office but God knows that he'll give me my transport money back home, I swear!

I watched him look at me in contemplation. It was evident from the look on his face that he wasn't used to being addressed with such boldness; well, there's a first time for everything, or don't you agree?

After what felt like a decade, he finally took a deep breath and said, "Have your seat."

As I took one of the expensive-looking leather seats, I couldn't help but wonder where he kept his senses and manners initially.

See Bebi, this Lagos state ehn, people only like mad people. It's only madness that can do it in this state, if you're acting 'Sme-Sme,' they'll just toss you aside like a piece of worthless trash; hence the popular belief that if you cannot acquire wisdom in Lagos then you cannot acquire wisdom anywhere else.

"You applied for the post of a secretary but as you must have noticed at the front desk, that position has been acquired—the only one left right now is the vacant position of a personal assistant for me."

"That's no—,"

"—I'm not finished young lady..." I've heard my mum go on and on about this rat in front of me and from my discovery and calculation, he shouldn't be more than 2 years older than I am, so what's with the "young lady" nonsense. Condition and Crayfish sha. "...And I'll appreciate it if you take precautions for future's sake." He raised his brow like he expected a response.

"Oh! It's my cue to talk now? sorry sir, I didn't want to make the same mistake."

"Very well." He waved me off with a dismissive gesture that made me want to soccer punch his handsome face—what? Yes, he can be described as handsome abi you want me to lie and say that he's ugly because I can oo—okay, I can't and that's only because he's undeniably handsome.

Why am I so stuck on his handsomeness though? Earth to Shaniqua!

Good, I'll like to carry on now.

"Do you have any form of experience?"

"No"

"Oh wow!" He sat up.

"That's not a problem sir, I can learn fast." I felt like I was betraying the remnants of my self-worth with the way I pleaded shamelessly.

"Again with the interruption thing—are you sure you can learn fast cos..."

"Oh I can—I'm sorry sir." I found myself clipping my lips with the aid of my thumb and pointer fingers.

"Can you start immediately?...you can talk now." He grimaced.

"Like, right away?"

"Why? Is there anything you'll rather be doing at the—what's the word?—'TRENCHES'?" Bebi, he made the word sound even lesser just by the tone of his voice and how he said it; you'd think he was speaking of dog feces.

"No sir". I responded as I began to feel a wave of mixed emotions. A part of me was speechless and excited about getting the job and that part wanted to run home to break the news to her mother because I know how excited she'd be; not just about finally getting a job, but also working side by side with her favorite actor; yet another part just felt like accepting this work was going to be one of the worst decision I'll ever make in my life.

Why?

This man was a SAVAGE and I'm not even talking Tiwa; he's mean and ruthless with his words...and he calls me young lady like I'm 10 years younger in age that he is—don't blame me if the idea of working for him just doesn't feel like a walk in the park.

PS: I'm writing this while I wait in his car as we've got "a business meeting", so I guess you now know the part of me that won?

Bye for now, Bebi
The newly employed Shaniqua

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