𝗜𝗡𝗡𝗢𝗖𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘 [ASHTRAY] 2

27: Answered Questions

༒❥

'𝚃𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜'

I sit in Rue's bathroom with her as she vapes, last night we decided not to do the test but this morning we are "you been clean?" I ask and she nods "yeah it's been pretty good," I hug her "that's good Ruey," I stare at the packaged test "come on let's do this thang," Rue says turning around "this is fucking scary," I breath out as I do the test "yeah but I don't think you will be," Rue says which makes me calm.

I sit back down on the basin as I put the test out so Rue can see, I look up at her and we bite our lips with nerve "how many days since you and Ash did the deed?" Rue asks and my body is filled with anxiety "about a week," I say and she looks up "oh okay," I take a deep breath and then I turn around "nope I can't do this."

I turn around and Rue grabs my shoulders "it's okayyyy..." she stops talking and I freeze still not facing her "Rue?" I question not wanting to turn around "Rue don't play with me," I say putting my face in my hands, I then feel Rue hug me and I look down to see the test in her hands, "it's okay Diana," she whispers.

I feel my eyes water as I see the positive test, I look at it and my whole body just shuts down "Ana we can get you into a clinic or..." Rue trails off and my hand stays over my mouth "uhh I- I just need to think," I say grabbing the test "Diana? You okay?" Rue asks as I walk out of the bathroom. I start packing up my stuff and keep walking.

"Yeah I'm good imma just sort my shit out," I say as I keep walking down the hallway "Rue just please don't tell anyone," I say looking back at her "of course," she nods and I leave the house.

When I am home I quickly walk into my room and sit down breathing slowly so I don't have a panic attack, I then hear my phone buzz and Ash is trying to call me. I grab my phone and think for a second until answering it.

A- yo wanna come over?

D- uhhh um I have to do homeworkk

A- oh well I could come over and help you? I miss you

D- I need no distractions sorry

A- Diana whats up? You sound upset?

D- Nah what I'm good, don't worry

A- Don't bullshit me wassup?

D- I got to go

A- Diana I swear to fucking god-

I quickly hang up I feel horrible but I can't tell Ash yet, I take deep breaths walking around my room, I have a fucking baby forming inside of me what the hell. I really need to tell someone but I really don't want the whole drama that comes with it. I decide to wait a couple of days to get my head straight.

Next day

I am walking next to Viv down the footpath next to the school, I still hadn't told anyone and I am thinking about telling my mum tonight. "But I don't know? Do you think Tj likes me?" Viv asks and I hold her hand "I think he does," as I say this I see Ash walking towards me, he hadn't seen me yet so I pull Viv behind a car so Ash walks passed.

"Uh what was that for?" she says shocked "uhh nothing thought I saw Cassie," I shrug and she nods as we return on the path, she keeps talking as I look back at Ash waiting outside of the school gate on his phone, my phone then buzzes in my pocket. I sigh as I check it.

Ash🥴❤️🤞

hey I'm outside of school

you still here I wanna talk??

I love you Diana

Sadly I'll admit it I've been avoiding Ash every since I found out, I don't know why I just can't stand the thought of telling him or being with him when he doesn't know. For one thing I'm not telling Kat any time soon, she's being such a bitch at the moment. She's always in her room and on her phone, I can't even talk to her.

"Bye Diana," Viv waves and I hug her goodbye as I walk up to my house, I walk inside to see my mum waiting for me "hey my baby, we need to have a girls talk," she says and I sit down at the table with her "don't worry your dad and brother aren't home," she winks putting her hand on mine.

"Since you and Ash have reached the sex part of your relationship, I think there's something you should know about yourself," I look at my mum with confusion in my eyes "mum what is it?" she takes a deep breath "when you were eight and you were getting your check up because you got your period quiet young," I keep nodding knowing this information so far.

"The doctors discovered that you have a very low chance of ever getting pregnant, which doesn't mean you can't but when you do it most likely will be the only time, I'm just telling you this so you stay on your birth control," my mum says and I feel my whole body tense, my eyes start to water.

"Aww honey it's okay, I waited to tell you when you would start having sex because you didn't need to know sooner," she pulls me into a hug but I just stare forward with tears in my eyes. This most likely will be the only kid I will be able to have, this is the most manic I have ever felt.

"I am going to do my homework, thanks for telling me mum," I say wiping my eyes and walking upstairs, I find my bed and slide under the blankets and cry.

Two Days Later

I haven't been out of my room really at all, my mum thinks I'm sick but really I'm depressed. I don't know how to tell my mum now. If this is my only chance to have a kid what am I gonna do.

I know most people would say your to young you'll wast your teen years, but I would of aborted it if I hadn't found out this could be my last chance. I do really want kids, when I'm older, that might not even be able to happen now.

I stare at my ipad screen as I watch The Vampire Diaries, I have been living in my head the last couple of days, making up a whole other life just so I don't go crazy. I hear a knock on my door "come in," I groan and I see Ashtray walk in with flowers.

"Hey Diana," he says almost sad "Ash?" I question sitting up closing my ipad "I brought you these, your mum said you've been sick," Ash walks over passing me the flowers, I feel guilty as I have ghosted him for a week.

I hold the mini sunflowers in my hand as Ash sits down next to me "I'm fucking sorry if I did something to make you this upset," Ash speaks and I see the fear in his eyes "Ash you haven't done anything," I say admiring his face "why have you been ghosting me then?"

My heart hurts when he asks that question "I just- I needed some space, I'm sorry," I say and my stomach feels sick being in this room with him, because he doesn't know anything "oh okay, we'll I got to dip, bye," Ash says walking out "fuck," I mutter under my breath.

Why am I making everything worse.

a/n oh shit