Bates Motel: My Experience

Carry Me Down

Dylan called me that night. He told me how his and Caleb's dinner went. He said Caleb seemed like a nice guy. He told me about how Norma's family was psycho and Caleb and her only had each other. Dylan told me about how Caleb said he was moving to Costa Rica and Dylan gave him money. I asked why and Dylan said because he was his uncle and seemed like he could use it. I thought Dylan was nuts but it was his money so whatever.

He proceeded to tell me worse news. Nick Ford has his own issues with Norma-but also with Dylan. He wants Dylan to kill Zane. He's demanding him too. Dylan told him no, he can't, that Zane always has people around him. Nick doesn't care. He wants it done.

What the hell did I get myself into by getting involved with Dylan? Not only was I on the edge about my own life, but Dylan's. What a mess.

It was Saturday night. I asked him what his plans were for tomorrow. He said he'd probably have to go to work and figure out what to do about Zane and Nick Ford. I was kind of sad when he said that; I wanted to hang out. He said that maybe he could see me at some point. I made an excuse and got off the phone. I didn't really feel like hearing any more news.

It was just past six-thirty on Sunday. Emma was at work and so was Dylan. Dylan had texted me that tonight he was going to ask Norma to give Caleb a chance. He also said Nick Ford called him and warned him that his clock was ticking to kill Zane. I silently cried when I read the texts. This man I had fallen for...this crime he may commit...it was murder. I was scared for my own life. I was scared for Dylan's. I really, really liked Dylan. The thought of him dying...

It was a perfect day to fit the mood I was in. These now-and-again days where I just wake up sad. Depression seeps back in like an old, familiar friend. The sky was very cloudy and grey. I decided to go on a long walk. I grabbed my headphones and headed out the door. The wind and clouds gave me goosebumps...along with the thoughts racing through my mind. I may or may not have a playlist on my iPod entitled "Alone" that I listen to when I get in these moods.

Green Day began. Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me. Till then, I walk alone.

I shoved my hands into my tight black hoodie after I pulled the hood over my head. I just let my legs carry me down the road, unsure of where I was really headed.

Plan Three starting blaring after Green Day. And I need you, But then what? And I leave you, But then what? Once again I stand here corrected.Thinking it's too soon, To have it all. Hard enough to know, What I really want. I start changing with everything around me. I brush it off.

It started thundering and the wind picked up. I inhaled deeply. Fools For Rowan started.

Just let me lie here in my sorrow

'Til the grass grows over me

Let the Earth take all my tomorrows

'Cause I can't face the emptiness

Or the screams comin' from my chest

No, oh-no, no, no

Please stop that sound

No, please give me peace

Just let me drown

Don't

Don't make me live without

What I can't live without

The tears stung my eyes. Why was I feeling like this? Why was this happening to me.

It was almost dark and I was still walking. Cars had passed, one had honked. Still I paced down the road. Splot, splot. The rain began. Slowly at first, then all at once. Soon it was pouring. A truck sped by and suddenly, I was drenched. The truck had hit a large puddle and drenched me more than I already was. I screamed but no one heard me. I squinted in the dark and I couldn't believe it. It was Dylan's truck. That's when I realized I had been heading in the direction of the Bates Motel this whole time.

I stopped and let my head fall back, facing the sky, letting the tears blend in with the rain. I screamed and it felt so good to do so. I had no idea where this all came from. Things just seemed to be turning to shit so quickly. I wasn't far from the motel. I started jogging. I had to see Dylan. I had to tell him.

The song I want played at my funeral started playing and the tears streamed further. I broke into a run.  And if you see me losing ground, don't be afraid to lie...