Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER THIRTY

i'd do it all for you,
but would you do this
for me too?

•••

San wakes up feeling disoriented. his head is heavy and heart pounding way too slow to be normal. he fights against the headache building behind his eyes as he struggles to pry them open.

he's in someone's arms, that's the first thing he notices once the light stops burning against his eyeballs, and he's not on his bed. San panics and pushes the person away, scooting away as he notices that he's in the spotless living room. he looks up to see none other than Yeosang waking up drowsily with a frown on his face and his droopy eyes directed at him.

"San-ah, hey, it's okay, what's the matter?" San's heart finds a normal pattern to follow as the young male draws in as much oxygen as possible. what happened? why am i here? "are you okay?"

"what happened?" he voices his thoughts, cringing at how scratchy and gruff his voice sounds like, the words scrupling inside his throat for a while.

"i found you.. yesterday.. in the.. in the bathroom and you were crying," Yeosang confesses whilst looking at his hand, and San assumes he feels ashamed to have invaded his privacy or something. "i'm sorry, i just couldn't leave you like that. i had to do something."

San sighs, "d-did i say anything stupid?"

Yeosang tenses, his fingers freezing in his lap. by the way he's became so silent and how stiff he looks, San guesses he did.

"what did i s-say?"

Yeosang inhales sharply. "y-you asked me to k-kill you."

San's body freezes, and suddenly he feels his chest tighten and his hands become clammy. stupid! stupid!

"let's forget about last night," San utters quickly, embarrassed and ashamed and disgusted with himself. he doesn't know why he would say such a thing. he's stupid.

"no! wait— i can't just let that go!" Yeosang shouts after him as San is now walking towards his room. "please San, let's just talk."

"Yeosang you fucking hate me," San turns around to glare at the younger, his hands forming shaky fists, palms aching from all the scratches covering them. he knows he's overreacting, but he can't stop it, everything feels painful, existing feels painful, and there's a whirl of emotions overtaking his insides and he just can't stop. "you've been glaring at me the whole fucking week and now you act all kind because you found me having a panic attack?? now you're sympathising with me as if i'm some wounded stray dog? i frantically don't fucking care Yeosang, and i don't want your pity! so please just leave me alone!"

Yeosang stays quiet as San trudges into his room, ignoring the confused Yunho who stares at him with wide puppy-like eyes and climbs into his bed, hiding beneath the blanket as his whole body is consumed with tremors.

they start leaving one by one.

San is sitting on the couch with a mug of green tea in hand, watching as Yunho pulls his bag over the doorstep and waves at them for the last time before leaving. Yeosang was the first one to leave earlier, avoiding all eye contact with anyone as he tried to leave unnoticeably. but Hongjoong has stopped him to hug him, as well as the rest, wishing him a good Christmas, but San pretended to be busy with his tea, and the others didn't comment on it. the walls are thin, after all, and everyone knows something terrible happened this morning to worsen the tension between the two.