Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER TWENTY

i suppose
i love my scars
because
they have
stayed with me
longer
than most people
have.
- Nikita Gill.

•••

San regains his senses around ten minutes later, after feeling like drowning beneath the water with evil hands clutching at his whole body and ripping it into shreds. he has slid to the floor, pulling at his hair as he whimpered and tried to silent his miserable cries.

'you take the pain without making a single sound. you have no right to complain."

the first thing San notices when he finally manages to find his breath again is strong arms wrapped around him, and the soft words he heard far away now so close to his ears, and he leans into the touch, his body slumping into Mingi's as he feels drained of any human emotion. everything hurts and it's getting harder to open his eyes. even though he hasn't shed a single tear throughout his painful panic attack, his eyes still feel as strained as the rest of his body.

"are you back with me now, Sannie?" Mingi asks softly, his hand caressing San's back so gently as if scared San would break at any second. San nods, leaning his head onto the boy's shoulder with a pained sigh and letting his eyes close for a moment. "sleepy?"

San nods again, and then he feels Mingi manoeuvre him up and then settle him down on something not too soft, but still does the job as San leans down onto the leather couch he remembers to belong in Hongjoong's studio. he hums as he curls up in a circle, and lets his eyes close with the knowledge that Mingi's right next to him, holding a soft hand over his shoulder and rubbing there gently as the boy falls asleep.

"you have to tell me what happened!" San stirs at the loud voices next to him. he shrinks onto himself and tries to melt into the wall. "you know something none of us do, Mingi! it's obvious— he's going through something and you're covering up for him!"

"hyung he—"

"shut up, Mingi, please," it's Hongjoong, and all San can feel is fright instead of warmth at the male's voice as he used to. he's frightened and even terrified to know they're talking about him. "so his father is our sponsor, who i assume he was about to have a panic attack upon seeing. and then you came out of nowhere and made him sleep here. if that ain't suspicious enough, then care to explain that evil smirk his father had? or like, why he ran away after hearing about our new sponsor?!"

"look, hyung," he hears Mingi sigh. he wonders whether he'll tell hongjoong or not. "i know it concerns the group and you're like the oldest, and potentially the leader or something. but this also has to do with his personal life and i have no right to talk about it without his permission."

a moment of silence.

Hongjoong sighs. "San, i know you're awake."

San silently sits up, his figure slightly shaking.

he's going to ask Gyuknim to kick me out because i bring them too much trouble..

"so— are you going to tell me or will you keep making me play this guessing game?" he crosses his arms and raises a brow, making the younger gulp and avoid eye contact.