Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

the monsters were never
under my bed.
because my monsters
were inside my head.
-unknown.

•••

     life is never fair, and happiness is always short-livid. San realised these two facts way too early in his life, back when he was just a child with a missing tooth and a big heart, back when his scars were too severe that he'd have to sleep in the hospital for days.

San never had life siding with him, nor did he ever have someone to sympathy with him, the only thing that kept him going was his little purple star, shining far on the horizon and giving him hope, but that too, he is starting to believe was faulty. no star will protect him from the world, in fact, nothing can do. if the world wants him to suffer then he suffers, there's no stopping it.

and apparently the world really loathes him.

the first time San was brought into the dark side of this world was on his eighth birthday. his parents were fighting a lot, and he always clung to his mother because he never really trusted his scary father. that day, however, as San waddled his way to his parents room to show them his drawing of his imaginary birthday party with him in front of a cake and them standing right behind him, his father got particularly too angry, and ripped the piece apart. he remembers his mother shouting at him, telling him that what he wants to do is wrong, that San's their only child and only pride, and that they have to make sure he grows up into a decent human, but his father only ignored her as he forced San with him to the car.

"appa, where are we going?"

the man had a tight grip on the wheel, and San was shaking.

"we're going to put you in an orphan, where you belong you stupid brat."

"appa what's an orphan?"

his father didn't answer then, and San was scared the whole way there, and he was even more scared when he saw the looming building they parked in front.

he was forced out of the car and pulled to the front door where his father pushed him forward, causing him to fall onto the floor. he has cried out back then, but when he saw the lady that smirked at him he couldn't get a sound out.

lady Myung.

"welcome to your new home, sannie."

San wakes up with a start, his chest heaving and his heart pounding in his chest. he can feel sweat dropping down his chin and the stickiness of his shirt to his damp skin. his throat feels tight and his world spins. he doesn't know where he is, whether he's back in the orphan or he's in his father's house, or maybe he's in one of his father's clients houses. he doesn't know, and he's scared.

he feels fingers all over his body, feels lashes ripple down his back, feels shackles around his wrists and a choker around his throat preventing oxygen to come in. he cries out loudly and tries to break free, but nothing works and suddenly he can see a man trudging towards him, and he remembers him as one of his dad's favourite clients. he had a particularly creepy obsession with San.

San screams and holds his head in his hands, balling into himself as he tries to protect himself from this man.

"Sannie~ i missed you!"