Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

i'd say it hurts like hell,
but i'm too cold inside
to have warmth within.
- a.f.

•••

         a wise woman once told San that he only finds hope when he stops searching for it. when he loses everything in him and the sparkle is gone, it is re-lit again by fate and reintroduced into his heart with a glimmer to it. she told him to never stop thriving, for life will put him into many trails and will hurt him to a great extent, only to hold him gently after and kiss each and every wound of his, aiding him sweetly.

San believed the words at first, he was just a child back then who believed everything said to him. his eyes used to sparkle a lot back then, and a smile was always on his face whenever he was around that woman. he used to like ice cream and think that his once a month trip to get ice cream from the parlour at the end of the city was the hope she talked about, that even when his dad beats him up or he is being handed out for the male's business, he can always look forward to that day, sometimes he even dreamt about it when he fainted from exhaustion.

but as time went by, and as the woman fell ill and died, turning into one of the stars (his purple star, he believes), San gradually stopped believing in her words. life has been nothing but shitty ever after, and even his beloved ice cream trips that he looked forward to were gone. so the sparkle dulled, and soon it disappeared. it shone occasionally, only faintly and slightly, without being much noticeable, but never did it sparkle as brightly again. never did San let it come to life fully again.

but today, as San wakes up in an unknown territory, somewhere white and smelling of antiseptic. the bed beneath him is comfortable enough, lulling him back into a deep slumber, and around him, San notices Mingi sleeping on a chair, snoring softly with an earpud in one of his ears. next to him is Hongjoong, who's typing furiously on his phone. San feels something warm arise inside of him, but he stops it.

hope isn't for him, he knows.

"h-hyung?" his voice sounds detached, almost as if someone else is talking next to him.

Hongjoong's head snaps up, and San winces at the cracking sound it makes. the older male's eyes widen and he quickly stands up and grabs a glass of water. he hands it to San, who takes it and gulps down the contents greedily.

"how are you feeling?" Hongjoong asks softly, his voice as smooth as honey and as soft as a light breeze in a hot summer. "should i call for the nurse?"

San doesn't know how he's feeling. hot, maybe? his chest feels numb and it's bothering him as it's not allowing him to breathe properly, and he has a severe headache, but other than that he's totally super.

"paink-killers?" he asks quietly, his voice refusing to cooperate with him.

Hongjoong nods, and quickly walks to the door. "ok, i'll get the nurse and he'll give you painkillers. just a moment."

and then San's left alone (well, he has a snoring Mingi with him, right?), and he finally realises what's really happening.

he's in a hospital, with non other than his band members. the doctors must've done a full checkup on him, and they also must have told the members about all the bruises and scars on his body, the new ones and the old ones. he feels his fingers twitch, and it gets more uncomfortable to breathe.