Not Too Late | Choi San

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

to the darkness
i was lost.
to the endless abyss,
i give my heart and soul;
for i know one day,
sooner or later,
i'll be gone.
and no one will miss me,
i know it all.

•••

       dead inside.

that's how San would describe himself if asked to. he's died a long time ago when he was exposed to the cruelty of the human world, and now what remains is a shell of a human, who can only feel the pain. his happiness is always short-lived, and his scars are too deep to be forgotten. there's a fire inside of him, burning at his insides and eating him alive, wearing him out of any hope that's left inside of him and taking away all that's left.

sometimes the fire is dull, a small flicker in the distance, like when he's with his bandmates and the fire would shy away when he smiles as if it's his last chance to smile, or when he laughs wholeheartedly. and other times when he's alone, it's a burning red fire, hot and scorching, eating him out and ripping his skin apart.

and right now, the fire is at it's peak, completely destroying him and eating anything that comes in it's way. San doesn't think he can breathe properly, and his hands are yet again bleeding from how bad he's dug his nails into them.

but San doesn't move. he stays in his place on the pavement, clenching and unclenching his jaw as his eyes scan the gloomy area around him, his father's words roaming around his mind.

"hello, son. i assume you know who i am? anyways. meet me at yeok street in ten minutes, or you'll be putting yourself and your bandmates in a huge danger. if you don't show up then i'll assume your bandmates mean nothing to you, hm? and don't tell anyone."

his bandmates. San felt his eyes taint red. his father can touch him all he wants, can abuse him and do whatever his heart pleases. but San will NOT let him touch his bandmates. his only family, and although this family might start to crumble because of his stupid past, he still wouldn't let anyone come near them.

a red sleek car pulls up next to him, and San looks at it numbly as the chauffeur gets out of the driver's seat and opens the backseat door for him. San climbs in silently, his body stiff and his mind only determined to do one thing, protect his friends. he'll do whatever it takes.

San looks at his father, and the feeling of fright takes place inside his heart, but he doesn't let it effect his expression. his face is blank, stoic and indifferent. he doesn't want his father to think he's weak, and although he's just hit him a week ago and said some pretty messed up shit, San wants him to think that he's grown strong. that he's grown a voice of his own and can speak up for himself now.

"son, i missed you," the man's hand lefts up to caress San's cheek. San resists the urge to pull back. he digs his nails into his battered palms to stop the scream stuck in his throat. he tries so hard not to flinch. "you're just as pretty as last time, my dear son."

his voice resembles that of a snake, hissing sweetly and dripping venom laced with smooth honey. San hates it.

"what do you want?" he applauses himself for not stuttering, even though he's shaking on the inside. it's getting harder to control his breathing.

"oh, my dear," the man chuckles, "you see, i know this man, and well, he's pretty packed."

San stiffens. he doesn't like this, he knows where this is going. he knows what he's implying and he doesn't know what to do.