I Carry Your Heart [Harry Styles]

Chapter 36

Present Day-Harry

The humid salty air blows through my hair as I sit on the beach, staring out at the rough sea. I look down at the lit joint in my hand, thankful I remembered to bring some weed with me from London.

Although I am starting to feel the effects of the joint, my mind is still a fucking mess and I can't stop thinking about Cam. She has been on my mind since I walked out on her in the factory yesterday. Leaving her looking sad and confused broke my heart, but fuck, she pushes my buttons.

I mean she really fucking infuriates me even though I realise she is anxious, and she has every right to be. Her already stressful life has changed dramatically over the last few weeks, first I came back, followed by her awful parents which really tipped her over the edge, then pile on the tabloids and trying to protect Rory. But she just doesn't understand, I could help and protect her. I can see she thinks so little of herself she can't even fathom why I would want to be part of her life, not just Rory's. She continues to try do everything herself and push me away and out of Rye.

And she is right, I didn't want to come back here, for me it only represented pain and disappointment, I really fucking hated this place. But now I don't want to leave and she doesn't want me to stay, worried that the town is dragging me back in after she sacrificed so much to get me out of here.

I know I want to be here because of Rory, I never knew she existed and now I can't imagine not having her in my life. But I also know a big part of wanting to be in Rye is Cam Evans. The minute I saw her again, standing in the chocolate shop looking flustered, I knew I still had some sort of feelings for her. I'm still not fucking sure what those feelings are, but let's face it, all the drugs and booze and fucking never got her out of my mind.

Feeling overwhelmed and confused, I instinctively hang my head down, staring at the small pebbles that make up the beach.

I'm interrupted from my internal debate when a familiar voice teases "I feel like I have gone back in a time machine to high school, the great Harry Styles moping around on the beach smocking weed".

"Fuck off asshole" I joke with Matty, who looks like he was out for a jog on the beach "Do you want some?".

Shrugging his shoulders he answers "Sure, why not, it's been a while though. Some of us have grown up and become responsible, treating our bodies like a shrine" he laughs, indicating his obviously fit physique, before turning to me "While others ingest way to much booze and drugs and their only workout is in the bedroom, yet still look like a rock god. I fucking hate you H".

"Haha" I laugh cynically, rolling my eyes.

As Matt, inhales, I continue to watch the dramatic waves until he asks "You okay Harry?"

"I dunno Matty...Um...I suppose...maybe not so much"

He nods his head and asks "Cam?"

"Obviously Matt, she is driving me fucking mad! Why can't she just let me in a little? I can help her!"

Handing the joint back to me, he asks "Is that it? You are just angry because she won't let you help her?"

Taking a hit of the joint, I turn to him and blowing out the smoke I answer "I dunno to be honest. I told myself I was over her or sometimes even convinced myself I never loved her, but the moment I laid eyes on her again, I knew neither of those things were true".

Matt watches me carefully, before smiling "Harold! You are clearly not as dumb as I have always thought".

"Fuck you dickhead" I counter maturely.