I Carry Your Heart [Harry Styles]

Chapter 30

4.5 years ago-Camilla

I stand up straight and stretch my back out, rubbing my hand over my five month pregnant bump. Looking down at my tummy, I wonder what it will be like to be a mom, both excited and petrified at the thought.

I'm currently behind the bar at the Mermaid Inn, it's a quite night and I have spent most of my shift scrubbing the bar and polishing the copper taps. Its getting progressively tougher to stand for long periods of time but I need the job. And it keeps me busy and my mind off Harry and what I did to him. I went for an ultrasound a couple of days ago which blew my mind, my little ones strong heartbeat visible on the screen. I have chosen not to know the sex of the baby but I have a weird feeling it's going to be a girl. Seeing the baby on the screen was amazing, but I really missed Harry, unable to keep my thoughts from wondering what this experience would have been like with him by my side. But I shouldn't complain, Matty came with me, and although he tried to hide it I know he got really chocked up when he saw my little one.

Matty watches over me like I am a delicate piece of crystal about to break, constantly spoiling me with small treats and gifts for the baby. On one level, the last few months have been the worst of my life; what with my dad hurting me, spending time in hospital and of course breaking Harry's heart. But on the other hand it's the first time I have ever had a warm caring family and home. Kath and Matt have been amazing but I am trying my hardest not to lean on them too much, because I know it's up to me to look after the baby.

Looking around the near empty bar, I decide I can probably get away with doing some studying, and so I reach down for my tote bag and grab my notes and an apple. Despite an intense craving for chocolate I am trying to be healthy, mainly due to Kath and Matt's constant nagging. As I start shuffling through my history notes, I try remember where I left off earlier. Pregnancy brain is hitting hard this month and its making my online classes really difficult. I used to find school easy, now I can't even remember where I left my books, I found one in the freezer last week. Online courses at a local college and extreme forgetfulness are a long way away from the prestigious universities I dreamed of attending.

After reading the same paragraph for the tenth time, without taking a word in, I slam my notes down and exclaim "Fuck" angrily to myself. Grabbing a glass, I walk over to the tap and pour myself some water, taking a large gulp, my eyes wander to the clock on the wall and I realise my shift will be over soon. Thank fuck.

Marge hugs me warmly as I finish my shift, and grabbing my bag and coat, I throw the later on as I step out the door. I stroll towards the bus stop and can't help day dreaming about my exciting evening ahead; soaking in a warm bubble bath and eating a giant bar of chocolate, that's if Kath doesn't force-feed me some vegetables first. Distracted by the thought of chocolate, I really am obsessed at the moment, I walk straight into someone coming around the corner.

Dropping my bag, I automatically apologise before I look up and come face to face with the last person I want to see, my father.

Stepping back in fear, I protectively hold my stomach as I feel the blood drain from my face and I freeze on the spot.

Without saying a word, he gives me a disdainful once over, his hateful eyes lingering on my bump and without a word he walks away.

I stand dead still on the quite street corner, staring at the ground and replaying the interaction I just had with my father, he basically looked at me like I am nothing. But then I get flashes of what he did to me, him knocking my head against the wall and hitting me, the pain and fear I felt then comes crashing back down like a wave, and I feel like I am drowning. My heart is beating so fast, hammering loudly, it's all I can hear as I try catch my breath. What the fuck is happening to me? I panic as I struggle to breath, scared for me and my baby. Clawing at my throat, I stumble back in terror, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself.

Suddenly I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder lightly, and at first I flinch away fearing my dad has come back, but a kind voice asks "Are you okay love? I think you should come and sit on the wall over here sweetheart. Try take a few deep breaths...yes that it..keep on going. Let me go get you a glass of water at the pub".

I continue to take deep breaths of air, my hammering heart finally slowing down as a glass is pushed into my hands and I take a few large gulps, trying to make sense of what just happened.

As I finish the water, I look up at last and come face to face with my guardian angel, and I'm shocked to see its Luke Styles, Harry's dad.

"Ah, there you are! Feeling a little better love?" he asks as I nod, lost for words.

I eventually manage to mutter "Sorry, I don't know what happened".

He looks at my closely and says "Um...I had a mate at the docks, who started having panic attacks after his wife passed away. They looked a lot like what just happened to you. You should get that checked out, probably not good for the little one" as he points towards my tummy awkwardly.

I nod, wondering if he is right and whether it was a panic attack, but also surprised I'm here with Harry's dad.

"You are Harry's friend?" he asks, looking at the ground nervously.

"Yeh" I answer softly.

"Um...how is he?"

I'm feeling a little dizzy and cradling my bump protectively I answer "Uh..I..I don't know actually..we have..um lost touch".

"Oh okay" Luke responds, but I do catch him looking at my tummy briefly. I wonder if he suspects the father is Harry.

As I sit and continue to try calm myself, I really look at Luke properly for the first time and I realise he isn't drunk, and I can see so much of Harry in his features. That same strong jaw and green eyes, but I can also see he is tired and worn down, his life hasn't been easy.

"Um..can..I..I buy you a drink, to thank you?" I blurt out awkwardly, not really sure why I offer him I drink, fucking pregnancy brain I guess.

Smiling kindly he says "Ah, no thanks love, but thank you for the kind offer. I'm trying my hardest to quit, doctors orders. My health hasn't been great".

Nodding, I finally stand up and pick my bag up off the ground.

"Okay, um no problem. Im Mil...um..Im..Cam..Cam Evans" I say, putting my hand out.

Deciding on the spot to try out Cam Evans instead of Millie Devereaux. I have been thinking how I need a new start, one where I am not reminded of my past and family daily, and there is no way I want my baby to have my parents surname, the thought makes my skin crawl.

Shaking my hand warmly he answers "Luke. Good to meet you properly Cam"

Hiiiiiiiii

Happy Easter to anyone who celebrates today! Or if you don't and you still had a day off, I'm sure it was a relaxing one filled with fun, friends and family.

I hope you are all doing well and that for some of you in countries with high vaccination numbers and low Covid cases, life is starting to get back to normal, or as normal as it can be. And for the rest of you, me included, many of you in developing countries who still have a long wait, I hope you and your loved ones are keeping healthy and safe.

Enjoy this chapter and I couldn't appreciate you more!

Xxxxx

J xxxxx