kickin' it | femina bellator

51 | witless protection

"The babysitter," Rudy tried to sound scary as they sat in the dark inside the dojo in what looked like an indoors campsite, "thought she was safe. But what she didn't know was —"

"Was what?" Jerry's voice trembled with fear, making Azalea roll her eyes.

"The clown with the chainsaw was watching her from—" Rudy said dramatically.

"From where?!"

"Inside the house!" Rudy turned on the flashlight reveal that he was wearing a red clown nose and Jerry let out a terrified scream, pushing Rudy to the ground.

"Okay, that's it," Kim decided, "I'm putting an end to this fake camp-out," she walked over and turned on the lights.

"Hey, there is nothing fake about our camp-out," Rudy defended, "Now turn the fire back on," he added before turning to Jack and Azalea, "and you two, three inches apart at all time."

Jack rolled his eyes, taking his arm off Azalea's shoulders, "Rudy, if you just apologised to the park ranger, maybe he'll let us back into the Seaford Campground."

"I'm not apologise to anybody," Rudy said stubbornly.

"Rudy, you hit him repeatedly with your canoe paddle," Azalea reminded him, "Even I would have apologised for that."

"I thought a bear was attacking my boat," Rudy defended his actions, "If you are that hairy, you should not be swimming in public."

"Why don't I get everyone in the mood with some good, old-fashioned campfire songs?" Milton suggested, taking up his guitar.

"Please don't," Kim said but Milton had already started singing.

"Ooooooh — She'll be coming around the mountain when-"

He was interrupted when Kim snatched his guitar and threw it over her head, causing it to clatter when it hit the wall.

"Well, at least you got farther into the song than last year," Jack tried to see the bright side.

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's very true."

"You know, I'm outta here," Kim stood up.

"Me too."

"I'm out."

"Yeah."

"NO!" Rudy yelled, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! See, you know, I knew you city slickers wouldn't last out here in the wild. That's why I did what any responsible camp counsellor would do. Padlocked the door and swallowed the key."

"WHAT?!" they all exclaimed, running over to the door while Rudy laughed.

"Settle in campers!" Rudy said, "It's gonna be three days before we see that key again. Oh, well, two if I eat a fibet-bar."

Suddenly the alarm went off and they turned around to see a bunch of guys dressed in black from top to toe run past the dojo with bags.

"Hey, hey, check it out," Jack said, "Those guys are coming out of the Athletic Authority."

"Oh, sweet," Jerry said, "Must be their annual ski mask sale."

"Jerry, those are clearly robbers," Azalea deadpanned.

Then a bald and muscular man ran past them, the only one who wasn't covering his face. "Hurry up," Jack said, "Open the door! We gotta stop 'em."

"I'll get the key," Rudy said and then he started gagging.

"Please don't-" Azalea begged but then the sound of metal clattering could be heard.

"Car key, key to the riding mower. Oh, anybody want a jelly bean? — No? Okay."