kickin' it | femina bellator

67 | gold diggers

"Although she is gone, Edna will always be a beloved part of our dojo," Jack said. One of the senior members of the dojo, an old lady called Edna, had died recently so they decided to throw a memorial for her. "She may have been 102, but she could still hiyah with the best of 'em. And finally-"

Jack was interrupted by Rudy clearing his throat loudly. "Rudy," Jack said calmly, "would you like to say something?"

"What?" Rudy asked in fake shock, "No, I don't - I don't even know what I - it's fine."

"Okay then," Jack said, "In conclusion-"

"Well, if you insist, I mean, we are here," Rudy interrupted him again and walked up to take Jack's place behind the podium. He put on a pair of glasses that looked like they could have belonged to Edna and turned on the stereo to play some somber string music.

"Please, kill me now," Azalea muttered.

Rudy cleared his throat again and started to read from a long scroll, "Edna. 'E' is for energetic. 'D' is for darling. 'N' is for neck because she had one," he said sadly and everyone looked at him weirdly. "The 'N's are hard for me!" he defended himself before continuing, "And 'A' is for awesome."

Everyone applauded but of course Rudy wasn't done, "And now for her last name. Girshenmeyerflungenbompter," he told them, "'G' is for-"

"I think that's enough Rudy," Azalea stood up and led her older brother back to his seat, "We don't want anyone else to die, do we?"

"Now a few words from her favourite sparring partner, Milton Krupnick," Jack said and everyone applauded.

Milton stepped behind the podium, "It feels like only yesterday that Edna looked me in the eye and said, 'Eat mat, beanpole!'. And to make sure she is here in spirit to spar with us for many many years to come. I present the Edna Girshenmeyerflungenbompter Memorial Sparring Partner."

Milton was about to rip off the golden curtain when Rudy stood up again. "'G' if for-"

"RUDY!"

Milton ripped off the curtain to reveal a dummy with a grey wig and a picture of Edna's on it. "That's the face she made when she was in her," Milton swallowed, "Beast mode. It's got a recording of Edna's grunts inside."

"So please, as you leave, say goodbye to Edna the way she would have wanted," Jack said and everyone stood up to leave. When they passed the dummy everyone took a swing at it and one guy kicked it so hard it fell over.

"That's wrong on so many levels," Azalea said.

"Gentlemen - lady," one man in a suit remained. "I was Edna's lawyer."

"Uh, Jack is the sensei in charge. Sue him," Rudy said quickly and Jack started to shake his head.

"Eh, no. I'm here to let you know that the three of you are in her will," the lawyer explained, motioning between the three men, "And Edna was a very wealthy woman."

"That's not important," Rudy said, "What matters is Edna was a beautiful soul - and how much money are we talking about now?"

"And why am I not included - oh, wait, I don't care," Azalea said in disinterest.

"I'll come by tomorrow and tell you what she's left you," the lawyer said and the moment he was out of the dojo Jack and Milton started to cheer.

"YES!"

"WE ARE GONNA BE RICH!"

"Guys, please," Rudy said, "We just lost, Edna, all right? Have a little respect. You should be ashamed."

The boys looked down in shame but two seconds later all three of them started to cheer.

"Ka-ching!"

"Winner! Winner!"