30 Days Fiancé

Chapter 44: An Idea

Clarke came back to the hospital with the gang, all of them having gone home to have a quick shower and changing clothes before they returned to the hospital. He heart was beating fast for every step she took brought her closer to Lexa. Abby had called and said she was awake and that when they come back, they should be quiet for she needs all the rest she could get. The rest of the group had quietly agreed that Clarke would go in first and that she would be the first one to see her. They needed to clear the air between each other and that they should clear all their misunderstandings and decide where to go from there. Abby had warned Clarke as well that Lexa was in an emotional state, and that she had to be careful with her words.

Leaving the elevator doors, she turns to look at all her friends who nod their heads with smiles on their faces, giving her the confidence needed and all the time in the world to talk it out. Anya gave her a warm hug, threatening her that if she breaks her sisters heart again, she would kill her. Again she stood outside the door, her hand on the doorknob, trying to relax her rapid beating heart. What if she hates me just like my dream? What if she doesn't want me there? What will I do if she doesn't want me anymore? How will I go on?

"Get in there Griffin. The longer you stand there, the door might actually eat you up." Raven commented from the side, a slight smirk being pulled by Anya.

"I'm going." Clarke huffs out and pushes the door open quietly and shuts it back, pulling the curtains close before turning around to look at the love of her life.

Only this time, her green eyes were showing slightly. She looked exhausted, in pain. Clarke padded her way over, smiling to her as she made her way over to Lexa, standing there, not sure at what to do. Lexa stiffened slightly, knowing that she remembered Clarke walking away from her and the next thing she knew she was in the hospital. The awkward silence was killing them both, and Lexa decided she would start first.

"Hey..." Her voice was still hoarse, daring not to cough and clear her throat so as to not hurt her chest even more.

"Hi..." Clarke was nervous. It's either she said everything now, or wait for Lexa to talk. She decided on the first option and pulled herself together. "Lexa... about last night... I am so sorry. This is all my fault. I should have known that you would never lie. What Nia... said to me... and when we were in the room before, it just made me so angry and I never thought of the consequences when I said those things to you. God... I was so wrong. I'm sorry Lexa. I love you and I just wished I could take back yesterday with all my heart and soul. I was so afraid... I... I'm sorry."

Again tears left her eyes, not knowing what will Lexa say in retaliation. Lexa never shifted her eyes away, still staring at Clarke. Clarke could tell she was battling with her inner self, trying to decide on the words she wanted to use.

"Why didn't you give me the benefit of the doubt Clarke? You could have at least given me that. It hurt so much that you promised you wouldn't walk away. And yet you did. You hurt me Clarke. But I also do know that I do love you with all my heart. But you couldn't even trust me Clarke. Why?"

Clarke didn't know what to say. Indeed, she didn't trust her when it all happened. But she was reckless and she didn't have an answer for Lexa. It sucked that she couldn't explain why. Perhaps maybe in her anger she wasn't rationally thinking. Perhaps she was so caught up in the lie, she forgot about it. That was still a dumb excuse. What the heck Clarke? What are you doing? She wants to know why. And you can't even give her that?

"I... I don't know. I really don't know."

"I really want to believe that you were lied to and worked you up Clarke... but I can't help thinking... what would happen in future if something like this happened again. Then what? I would be the bad guy again? That I am the one who lied before even giving me the benefit of the doubt? What will you do then Clarke?"