My older sister had raised my parents expectations of me. They expected me to be just as intellectual and poise as she was. At least my father did. But he didn't understand the level of difficulty it was and how no matter how hard I tried I could never reach them.
But he didn't let my complaints sway him, as my parents argued about one thing or another.
Finishing breakfast I left the table without their notice and walked out the door to school. I could see Moody waiting for me by the tree and I rushed over to him.
"I don't think I could have endured that for another second." A smile tugged at his lips as he looked back at my home. "What's wrong?" I asked concerned about the continued silence.
"They're always arguing," he pointed out and I nodded. As I was going to speak to change the topic he continued, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Everything's fine you know how they are," I said shoving him slightly as I quickened my steps. He shook his head as he let out a laugh choosing to drop the subject and chased after me.
When we got to school I immediately approached Anne and began talking to her. Waving at Moody as he walked into the classroom I headed towards the stream. "Do you ever notice him staring at you when your not looking?"
Confused I furrowed my eyebrows and she explained, "Moody, it's like he likes you or something."
"He's a friend," I said as a matter of fact.
"Don't think I don't notice when you stare at him either."Rolling my eyes I saw Diana headed towards us and excused myself before she could continue teasing me.
Entering the classroom I felt the warmth from the fire and put my things away. Just as the door opened again I saw Gilbert walk in.
"How are you today Gilbert?" I asked smoothing out a crease in my dress. He met my eyes and gave me a smile
"I'm alright, how are you?" He asked.
"Same old, I was wondering if I could borrow a book from you I lost mine," I asked
I would have asked Moody but i realized just how much I asked of him
"Of course which book?" He said rummaging through his. I answered him and he took it out.
smiling at him I thanked him and headed for my seat as I started reading
If the teacher were to call on me I wouldn't want to make an embarrassment out of myself
I heard a tapping on my desk and looked up to find Ruby
"You talked to Gilbert."
"I don't like him if that's what you mean, not in that way," I said as I watched a smile make it's way onto her face.
"Right cause you like Moody," She said as if it just occurred to her. But it reassured her so I said nothing as she took a seat beside me. "Did he say anything?"
"You didn't come up no," I said tapping my chin as I turned to give her all my attention. She raised her head and I saw her eyes wandering around behind me. I didn't need to look to see who it was that had her undivided attention. "You have your whole life ahead of you to be worrying about a boy."
It appeared she hadn't listened to a word I said as I brought my eyes back to the book. It seemed I wouldn't finish as the teacher sauntered into the room. I guess I would have to multitask.
-
As any other day Moody was waiting for me outside of the schoolhouse. With a skip in my step I approached him. Taking my arm in his I saw him move around to take my basket. Reluctantly I gave him it as we walked the long way home.
"Where were you at lunch today?" I asked.
"Nowhere," He answered almost instantly. He cleared his throat to hide his fib but said, "I was with Gilbert."
"The whole time?" I asked as a laugh left my lips. "Did he say anything?" I saw the way his eyes widened at my question. I was quick to explain as he looked to me for answers. "Ruby, she wanted to know."
"Only her?" I nodded with a smile that wasn't convincing. He looked at me incredulously. "Or did you want to know for yourself?"
"You know I don't like him," I said seriously stopping in my step. "He's a good friend but that's all he will ever be, and I have a feeling he likes someone else."
"You don't need to explain yourself," he said taking my hand and interlocking our fingers.
"Something told me I did," I said as we reached my home. I took a hold of my things and went on my way before he could walk me to my door. He wasn't having it as as he quickened his pace and followed me in.
I didn't hear anyone in the house and wondered where they were as I entered the parlour. My sister was sat on the couch and at the sound of my footsteps she looked up to find me
"What are you doing here?" I asked heading toward her. I sat down as I heard Moody enter the room behind me.
"What is he doing here?" She asked avoiding my question.
"He came to do homework," I answered hearing the slight implication in her tone.
"Good thing I'm here," she said.
I unpacked my things and put them aside as I made room for Moody to sit down.
Halfway through doing our homework I sat up and offered to make tea. Accepting he set down a book and took a break. I did the same as I turned to see my sister invested in her book.
"My parents are going to be here soon you should go, yours might be worried," I told him as he finished the last of his tea.
"I told them I'd be here," he assured me even as he tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"Even before you informed me?" I asked with a smile. He nodded and gave me a charming smile.
~~~
As I walked away from my desk I saw Moody stand up from his. I waved his way and he startled by the action. I walked into the coat room as lunch arrived and headed towards the corner of the room where the rest of the girls were
"When are the two of you getting together?"The question was addressed to me as I sat down and I looked to Josie
"We're all waiting for it to happen."
I saw the others look away at her words and I rolled my eyes. "Well you can stop waiting–"
"Because your finally together?" Ruby asked jumping to conclusions as she turned to Tillie. They both had wide smiles on their faces I almost didn't want to say anything to ruin it.
"No, because we'll never get together. He's just a friend," I explained and their smiles disappeared.
"You're deluding yourself," Anne piped up looking to Diana as she nodded.
They were all in agreement and I could say nothing that would change their mind. But that didn't stop me as I said, "He doesn't like me."
"But you like him."
-
All throughout the lesson the girls have been passing me notes. It came to a surprise that we hadn't been caught passing them. But as I went to hide them in the pages of my book I found another one I was sure wasn't there before.
Picking it up as the teacher dismissed us I unfolded it and my eyes moved across the page.
I rushed to pack my things as I ignored the calls of my name with a wave goodbye and headed for Gilbert.
"Before I get ahead of myself and make things awkward I have to ask you something," I said as he turned to face me.
"Anything," he said as he took a seat and I felt my heart skip a beat.
"Have you been writing me notes?"I asked shyly. He looked confused but shook his head in response. "Are you sure? Because there's a note in the book I borrowed from you addressed to me."
"I'm sure I would know if I were writing you love notes," he said as he stood up and walked out the door I followed him curious to what he had to say. "Can I see them?"
As I hesitated handing them over he took them in his hands. His eyes roving over the piece of paper.
A smile tugged at his lips as recognition seemed to dawn on him. But as I went to ask he said, "I don't know who wrote them but he seems to really like you."
He was teasing me and I rolled my eyes.
He was also lying.
~~~
Gilbert knew something I didn't. But I knew he wouldn't say anything. So I went to Moody for help, no matter how embarrassing the situation was. Although some part of me admitted it was heartwarming.
"I need to tell you something." His face lit up as I held a book in my hands. I furrowed my eyebrows ignoring his uncharacteristic behavior and opened the book. The notes feel upon my bed and I scattered them. He picked one up and read it aloud.
"What is this?" He asked reaching the end of the note. I shrugged my shoulders and bit my nails nervously. At the sight of me he gave me a look and I placed my hands behind my back."Is this your way of telling me you like me?"
"This is serious," I said sitting down across from his figure sprawled on my bed. "Help me figure out who it is."
"So it's not for me?" He pouted batting his eyes at me even as I swung my pillow at him. He dodged it instinctively as he asked, "Why do you want to know?"
"Wouldn't you want to know whose been sending you letters?" I asked hugging the pillow.
"I haven't gotten any as of late," he said picking up another discarded piece of paper. His eyes lifted as I saw them dancing with mischief. "Maybe you could change that."
I could do nothing more than swing at him again but this time he wasn't able to dodge it.
~~~
At the start of lunch I pulled Moody out of his seat and walked into the coat room. Well hidden away from prying eyes I began to eat as I stared in the direction of my desk
"When do you normally find them?" He whispered as we sat in remote silence watching my desk. He didn't give me a chance to answer as he continued, "The notes?"
"After lunch," I answered not taking my eyes away from my desk but I could feel his on the side of my face. I turned to see him and smiled when he looked away bashfully. "Or whenever I go back to my desk."
"You think this will work?" I nodded as I bit my lip nervously but I knew he caught the motion.
It hadn't worked and the only people that approached my desk were one of the girls. It couldn't be them. By the end of lunch I let out a sigh and turned to Moody. "Maybe next time."
"Next time," I agreed.
Wondering when my life started revolving around love letters I stood up and made my way back to my desk. Looking down to the book I looked to Gilbert and saw him working on classwork. I would have to return the book back to him sooner or later.
-
My day was wasted as I hugged my friends goodbye. I walked through the door catching up to Gilbert and handed him the book.
"Here's your book back. Thanks for letting me borrow it," I said going to walk away.
"No problem," he said putting it away as he took a step closer. "Have you resolved everything?" He asked quietly. I shook my head in response. "He'll show himself soon," he said so confidentially I couldn't hear any indication of a fib.
As he turned to walk away I watched his retreating back and searched for Moody. I saw him a distance away and walked up to him with a wan smile as I took his arm in mine. He seemed nervous as he avoided my eyes
I didn't comment on it as I asked, "Do we have any homework? I wasn't paying attention."
He laughed and the tension between his shoulders eased.
"We do," he replied playing with his fingers, an action I knew meant he was nervous. "Do you need help?"
"Can you?" I asked placing my hand over his to stop the fidgeting.
He took my hands in his as I felt him rub small circles to the back of my hand. The gesture one too familiar never failed to make my heart melt. It also did things to my brain as I could do nothing but stare at him in awe.
"So anymore notes?" He asked meeting my eyes as I instantly looked away.
"I didn't check I gave it to Gilbert before I could," I rushed out. He looked at me with wide eyes before rushing the other way. I called out to him. "Where are you going?"
"I'll see you later," He said not answering my question. I saw him running off, he turned back and shouted."Meet my at my house."
I could do nothing but let out a laugh as he fell backwards. He stood on his feet and assured me he was fine before taking off.
-
I had made a dent in my workload leaving the most difficult to work on with Moody. As I sat bundled up in my blankets working on homework I heard a knock on my door.
I signaled them into the room and found my mother on the other side. "Your sister says you've been hanging around a boy."
I turned away from her so she wouldn't see the roll of my eyes. "It's not what you think."
"I hope it is." Without another word she closed the door behind her. I hopped out of bed and walked after her. When I found her in the parlour pouring me a cup of tea I sat down across from her.
"I'd like to meet him," She said handing me the cup with a smile on her face. It was unnerving. "Whenever i come home your always in a good mood I can only assume it's because of him."
"You're never there when he is so how can you?" I asked and she gave me a look that had my eyes averting from hers."I actually came to ask you something."
"Go ahead," she prompted impatiently.
"I promised I would meet him at his house can I go?" I asked watching the minuscule expressions my words had caused. She smiled outright and nodded in response. "Can I go now?"
Her smile dimmed but she let me go. At her consent I stood up and pressed a kiss to her cheek before leaving.
-
As I knocked on Moodys door I was met face to face with his mother. Allowing me entrance she made short conversation as she led me to her sons room despite my insistence.
As she rapped her knuckles on the door and left there was a quite voice on the other side before the door was thrust open. I gave him a smile as he took my things in his hands and put them aside.
"I have something for you," He said handing me a book, the same book that my mind seemed to revolve around.
"I gave it back to Gilbert why do you have it?" I asked. I could tell it was his from the initials inscribed on the cover.
"You forgot something."
"How would you know?" I asked even as I took it from his hands. As I opened it a folded piece of paper fell on the floor.
It wasn't surprising so I picked it up. But something was different. I could feel Moody's eyes on me watching me with interest. Unlike the others the first thing I noticed was a name scrawled at the bottom of the paper. I looked up at the boy in front of me curiously in search of an explanation but he nodded to the paper.
There were three words written on it. But it was enough for me to go silent.
I felt a hand take a hold of my own as he muttered, "I love you."
I could hear the beating of my heart ringing through my ears but it wasn't as loud as his words had been. He didn't expect anything I could tell as much as he chuckled and the sound pulled me out of my thoughts
"It was you," I said feeling all the pieces connect. It could only be him. Why hadn't I put everything together I've been around him long enough to know how he talked how he wrote yet I didn't want to believe it. "All this time."
He nodded and I saw the beginning of pink dusting his cheeks.
"Why did I wish it was you?"I murmured but his ears picked up on the words as he perked up.
"You did?" I wasn't sure if he heard the happiness carry across his words or if he just didn't care. But as I looked at him my eyes wandered away in embarrassment. It seemed he misinterpreted as he let out a sigh and he feebly said, "This doesn't have to change anything."
But it had.
All this time I thought my crush was one sided only to find out it wasn't. If I let this go I would never forgive myself. So the moment he hung his head low I took the chance and pressed my lips gently on his cheek. "It changes everything."
——
I really need to start editing these.