I sat at my desk pushing round papers and books not sure what I was even doing anymore. In an hour we're gonna be at the recording studio, recording songs and I'm not happy about it. I've never done things like that's around people. Then there was the feeling of inadequacy and anger i was trying so hard to ignore
I sighed. Spinning the chair around and jumping onto my bed burying my head into my pillow. I yelled into my pillow
I don't fancy this today. I wanna lay in bed and die.
⋆
"Jisung its time to go" it was Jimin knocking at the door. I hummed, pushing myself off my bed, my joints aching from being still for to long. I picked up my bag before heading out of my room. Open opening my door i saw Jimin all zipped up in a fluffy coat. He looked very happy and very warm.
"I hope You have a warm jacket, it's freezing" he looked at my thin jacket with a look of concern.
"Okay" i nodded smiling, Jimin did the same and let me be.
Jisung you do not have a coat why did you agree with him you fool-
I ignored this sudden panic-stricken thought and continued to walk out of the dorm. Jimin was right. It was freezing.
Considering me being cold all year round and such a big fan of winter, i had no damn coats. I huffed making choo choo clouds as i exited the dorm.
I got into the car squishing next to taehyung.
"Get in losers we're going shopping" namjoon sang walking to the car.
"You cannot drive namjoon" jin said getting in the front seat.
"Ill probably drive before him" jungkook whispered to tae who ignored him. They still weren't speaking.
We were driving down the road, it was extremely cloudy and it looked like it would rain any minute. And it did, at precisely the moment we had to get out the car. We all watched the sky
"Its raining i ain't going out there" jungkook yelled.
"We have no choice" jin fiddled with the steering wheel. We sat for a good 5 minutes waiting for it to stop and in that time the maknae line had started bickering about something.
My head was starting to pound, aching pain like my temples were being squeezed tightly and the light suddenly becoming bright despite no sun at all.
"Let's just run in" yoongi said looking out his window.
For the 3 months at most i had known yoongi this was one of the few things i had agreed with him on. We all knew that this rain would take ages to stop so we all ran. Jungkook pressed his face into the window like a child looking at animals at a zoo.
All friendships were forgotten and we all ran not caring who got pushed onto the path or who slipped.
Like me, who stumbled dangerously as tae shoved past me.
"You-" i swore loudly getting up running after taehyung. We ran upstairs, with me still chasing tae. Tae was laughing as his longs carried him at least a floor above me. We stopped when we reached the studio.I huffed. Tae grinned at me from the small pane of glass. I groaned pushing the door open.
"Jisungggg" he said in a sing-song voice.
"No you kicked me, so call me James." I huffed sinking into a chair.He still laughed.
We had a look at the songs we were to be singing. I coaked when i realised i recognized a song.
"Silver spoon" I wrote most of the lyrics to that song, out of pure anger and originally was going to throw it away. Time flew past till it was dark outside. The room was pretty cold, or it was just me. I sat swinging my legs until when my turn to rap came.
We finished quite late. I had finished my lines and was now sitting in a different room by myself lights off as always staring out the window at the city below.I had a chocolate bar from the vending machine so i was quite contented and happy."Jisung! You in here?" I heard namjoon say as he opened the door. He soon spotted me standing on a chair in the corner of the room hunched over a window. He burst out laughing.
"You have to stand on a chair" he was hysterical. I pursed my lips and climbed down. 5'8 isn't short i will no be taking that.
he patted my head. I heard a huff from behind namjoon.It was jimin and he had his hands on his hips .
"what's your problem?" namjoon looked at him, bemused.
"that vocal teachers a right-" jimin swore loudly, namjoon eyes went wide.
"sorry" jimin said, quickly, saving himself.
We both laughed. He soon smiled and walked over to us.
"so what's so interesting about this window?"
The rain had stopped so there was no more need for an attempt of murder. I was next to namjoon and jimin. The car ride was enjoyable, hoseok had the aux cord and was playing some really good songs.
We all were just yelling the lyrics. Jin was bopping his head along to in the driver's seat.
I made eye contact with hoseok and he grinned at me. Even yoongi smiled, or maybe i was seeing things, bc seconds later i was met with a scowl.
We arrived back at the dorm, i did what i always do, go to my room. I lay on my bed for a few moments before becoming bored.
I peeped out of my room to see who was in the living room. Jungkook was playing minecraft by himself with a sour expression on his face and i noticed a second controller on the floor.
Yoongi was sitting in a corner, his headphones on and a laptop in front of him.
Jin was sitting at the table talking to namjoon while jimin was sat beside them both playing with his hair, making it look like a sprout on top if his hair. I nodded to them each as i joined them at the table. My phone vibrated in my pocket, it was jeewoo spamming with pictures of dogs.
Jeewoo:Pick one or die
Jisung:What
Jeewoo: PICK ONE 👊✨💢💥
jisung:I like all of them.
JeewooIWKQGDUWWBQVC PICK ONE IT AINT THAT HARD
jisung:One
Incoming call from jeewoo
📞
[✅] ❌
I answered it then stood up planning to go to the kitchen so i didn't disturb anyone.However jeewoo doesn't know how to actually communicate properly on the phone, so he just shouts and hopes the caller cad hear.I had not even taken 3 steps to the kitchen when he yelled:
"JANG JISUNG IM AN GOING TO KILL YOU PICK ONE" loud enough for the whole room to hear.
Humlialted, i jumped.
"Jeewoo use the phone properly" i had run into the kitchen to avoid any questions.
"NO" he yelled. I sighed.
"Okay okay" i gave in, i went back to look at the photos
"Okay, i think number 4 is cute, but i hope you're not going off cuteness jeewoo, because you need a dog that will suit you. For example, some dogs chew everything." I was going into a speech now, hopefully, an inspirational one.
"Intelligent dogs need a lot of toys to make their brain go tired so they don't chew up the furniture," i said knowledgeably
Jeewoo was silent for a few seconds then he said.
"I know that that's why have these dogs" he said simply..
"Okay as long as you don't choose overlooks" I said simply.
"Whatever okay" i could hear the pout in his voice.
"I hope you're looking after yourself," i said thinking back to my last visit. "Yeah im okay, i quit my job." He sounded relieved. This made me happy, he now had realised how much stress he was under was unhealthy.
I saw jin coming into the kitchen he looked like he was going to ask me something.
"Jeewoo, i have to go " I heard him say something before i put done the phone. As soon as i finished the call, jin burst out laughing.
"What!?" I said defensively, jin was still laughing.
"You" he was still laughing. I rolled my eyes.
"So anyways what do you want for dinner?" Jin hummed sitting on another stole beside me. I thought for a few seconds but came up with nothing
"I don't know," i said, i didn't know my options and i didn't want to pick something. Feeling lazy i said,
"I think pizza" i said. Everyone liked pizza it was safe.Jin nodded.
"Okay" he smiled ([:) again getting out his phone I decided to go back into the living room just to loiter.
"Jisungggg" a voice snapped me out of my thoughts. It was taehyung.
"Can i call you jisung now?" He groaned. I was confused for a moment before a flashback of be getting pushed violently out a car and the feeling of my head being trodden on.
"right" i huffed rubbing my head. Tae flicked my nose. "Please" he whined. I have no idea what he was saying please for but i soon gave in.
This is how the devil buys souls. tae hugged me immediately after.
He soon redeemed himself when jungkook came over. Me and tae were looking through our camera rolls, showing each other pictures.
Jungkook was glaring, specifically at taehyung. His tongue would poke the inside of his cheek, a habit i had come to notice when he was jealous or mad. Which was always at me.
The pizza soon arrived and i took mine to the living room where i found hoseok pouring a can of sprite.
"Hello hyung" i said sitting beside him. He looked up to me and beamed. "Hello" he moved over a little bit to give me some space.
"Here you go" he passed a glass of sprite over.
I nodded, smiling taking a bite out of pizza.The conversations had were strange.
Taehyung and jimin were talking about the pigeon that had on regular basis, started to vist the balcony.
Every so often someone would occasionally reassure themself or the other that they were not in fact feeding him, but every day he returned. So someone was lying.
Me and jimin had already discussed this in depth. We both concluded that it was not jungkook, as he had issues sharing food anyway. But we didn't clear namjoon of guilt. As on 2 occasions, had he been sighted on the balcony and had softness to all animals.
I hadn't been cleared either, as jimin had a watchful eye, and would notice me slipping off the the balcony more than i needed to.
Namjoon and jin were arguing about Christmas movies and Christmas songs at this time of the year while the remote sat sadly between them, only to be picked up and brandished at the screen for dramatic effect.
I always thought October was strictly designated to Halloween and November was the middle ground. November was for fireworks and my dads birthday. December was for Christmas. I sighed taking another bite of pizza. I soon finished taking mine and hoseoks plate to the kitchen.I went off to my room quite bored. But soon hoseok came in to watch a film on my phone, but i knew it was for a hug.
"What do you want to watch," i said going into an app. He scrolled through his eye flicking from title to title. He soon picked kikis delivery service from the mix.
I wasn't paying much attention, i was sat crosslegged with i my notebook in my lap and i was writing something. It could be a song if it tried to be. Hoseok tapped my arm excitedly pointing at the phone.
"Its you!" He exclaimed pointing at kikis cat.
"What- oh" i was confused, then it clicked. Jiji.
"i get it" i laughed remembering the nickname. It wasn't a very good one but it was very cute all the same. I went back to my writing but i heard a whine as i did so.
"How can you just sit there and write when a masterpiece is being played!?" Hoseok tugged at my sleeve.
"How can you sit there while i try to write a masterpiece?" I joked flicking my pen around in my hand. He groaned taking the pen from my hand.
I sighed giving in, throwing my notebook on my desk.
"Okay okay ill watch it" i hummed lying down next to him while he propped my phone on the pillows.
I don't know how much i watched until i fell asleep. I remember up until kikis making pie, but anything after that i don't remember. Not even the dream.
All i know is i couldn't move, the light was bright, and i was in pain. I know what it was about. while lights drifted into my half-open eyelids, I gulped air but my lungs hurt, my everything hurt.
Then finally, the blood. I didn't have to see it to know it was there.
I shot up, so quickly stars formed in my eyes the whole room was black. Soon, the light faded in, and i could finally hear.
I've had that dream a few times. Its unclear, blurry, but the pain i felt in that very moment was often so real i checked myself for blood when i woke up.
My phone had turned off and hoseok was sound asleep. I sighed getting up to go to the bathroom.
I closed the door, then splashed my face with water to cool myself down.
I then sat staring at my arm, the silver line. Then the jagged lines in my stomach. The one i often forgot about but when it starts hurting i do remember.
In returning to my room, Hosoek moved as i sat down. I was originally planning to wake him up but as i looked at him i knew i couldn't. It would be cruel.
I lay down quietly staring at the ceiling. I felt an arm wrap around me and i knew it was hoseok. He was smirking.
Edited