“Mmm…” Lisa murmured, as Chaeyoung’s tongue tangled with her own as her hands automatically found their way round her girlfriend’s torso and began to roam her back. Chaeyoung pressed her weight in to Lisa’s frame, flattening her girlfriend’s’ spine in to the ground further, her hands pushing up the bottom of Lisa’s hoody to expose her soft, delicate flesh to the elements. “We can’t…” Lisa puffed out quickly, parting them, her mouth missing Chaeyoung’s almost immediately despite her words and returning to it without delay. She moved both her hands round to rest on either side of Chaeyoung’s pelvis, sucking enthusiastically on the browneyed girl’s lower lip and Chaeyoung reciprocated Lisa’s eagerness gladly, one knee sliding automatically in between the younger girls’ legs as the fingertips of her right hand traced a faint path along the length of the scar on Lisa’s left flank. She could feel her girlfriend’s skin prickle beneath her touch, her caress causing goose pimples to appear in its wake as if by magic.
“Ok,” Chaeyoung said simply, her left hand occupying itself by playing with Lisa’s long sleek hair, apparently ignoring her girlfriend’s halfhearted objection.
“Rosie,” Lisa tried to protest again, exhaling noisily, her hands once again ignoring her brains commands to stop and slipping underneath the taller girl’s white tank top to rub lightly at her sides. Lisa bent one leg up and pressed her knee against the side of Chaeyoung’s hip, using it as leverage to pull her girlfriend’s pelvis even closer against her.
“Yeah babe,” Chaeyoung said breathily, retreating from the kiss for a moment to look upon her girlfriend’s alluring features, the hand that had been engaged with Lisa’s hair lowering to rest against the side of her neck. Her thumb stroked the skin there soothingly, her eyes searching Lisa’s and making her resolve crumble.
“Nothing,” Lisa said simply, all thoughts of dissent now gone. Chaeyoung brought her lips back down to meet Lisa’s again before moving their attention to the hollow of the younger girl’s neck where they left a trail of kisses along the line of her jaw from throat to ear. Lisa extended her neck at the sensation, exposing her throat even further and silently encouraging Chaeyoung to repeat the process once more. Chaeyoung complied willingly and kissed Lisa’s neck again as she slid her right hand skilfully along her girlfriend’s scar to rest against her ribs. After relishing in the pleasure of Chaeyoung’s mouth against the sensitive skin of her neck, Lisa turned her head to the side impatiently and Chaeyoung brought her swollen lips back to meet her girlfriend’s again.
“Mmmm,” Lisa groaned again, her tongue finding its way back in to Chaeyoung’s mouth whilst her hands wandered down towards the waistband of her denim shorts. The fingertips of both hands grazed the flesh of Chaeyoung’s hips momentarily before following the fabric round to meet in the middle and play with the fastening at the front. Chaeyoung gasped, a little surprised at the subtle shift in dominance but unsure why; after all, this wasn’t the first time that Lisa had taken control during similar situations, the memory of when her girlfriend had unapologetically ripped the shirt from her body on the day she’d returned from rehab coming quickly to mind. Lisa struggled to shift her weight beneath Chaeyoung and prop herself up on to her elbows, her abdominal muscles tensing beneath the taller girl’s digits which were still stroking her abdomen.
“Wait,” Chaeyoung instructed; her mouth separating regretfully from Lisa’s, her mind astutely aware that her girlfriend’s clumsy and uncoordinated fingers were struggling with the button of her shorts. Lisa obeyed, her hands ceasing the effortful task they’d been preoccupied with as Chaeyoung sat up and on to her knees which was still wedged between Lisa’s legs as she straddled her girlfriend’s left leg.
“Here, sit up,” Chaeyoung commanded gently, her eyes fixing on Lisa’s dilated pupils and noticing the way that her chest heaved heavily, her lungs taking in large gulps of air as she fought to catch her breath. She gestured Lisa towards her and the younger girl pushed herself up into a sitting position as Chaeyoung reached down to tug on the bottom of her hoody. She pulled it up over Lisa’s head with some difficulty to reveal the form fitting grey tshirt that she wore beneath it then discarded the sweater to one side hurriedly before finally turning her attention to her own attire. Her fingers nimbly manipulated the button of her shorts and when it was finally unfastened Lisa reached up and took hold of Chaeyoung’s shirt, pulling it back off her shoulders, Chaeyoung shrugging out of it easily so that it fell on to the blanket behind her. Once Chaeyoung was free of it, Lisa wrapped one hand round the back of her neck and settled the other against the middle of her back, bringing their lips together again hungrily and pulling Chaeyoung down on top of her once more.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said breathily, having sucked lightly on Lisa’s bottom lip to part their mouths, her head lifting up so that she could meet the younger girl’s gaze squarely, desperate to get something off her chest. Her mind was starting to finally catch up to what was happening between them and she began to feel uneasy that this was where the night was leading. “Lili,” Chaeyoung repeated again when Lisa’s hand returned to her denim shorts, her thumbs hooking around the belt loops and tugging on them gently in order to bring their hips together. She pushed herself up on to extended arms in an attempt to maintain some distance between them.
“Yeah,” Lisa responded, moving forwards and taking Chaeyoung’s mouth in her own again, her hands grasping hold of Chaeyoung’s upper arms in an attempt to displace them from their current position and bring them together once more. She was eager to feel Chaeyoung’s body pressed against her own but she struggled to shift her girlfriend’s weight, Chaeyoung’s strength easily withstanding hers.
“Babe,” Chaeyoung tried again, the word escaping from her mouth in a gasp as she took a quick opportunity to catch her breath.
“Yeah,” Lisa responded again, equally as winded, her voice quiet and rasping as she met Chaeyoung’s chocolate eyes. Her tone was etched with a hint of irritation at her failure to dislodge Chaeyoung and she rubbed the top of the taller girl’s arms trying to determine what it was about them that was making the task so difficult.
“Thank you for sharing all this with me,” Chaeyoung exhaled appreciatively, the gravity of her girlfriend’s gesture tonight not lost on her. She lifted one hand up, careful to keep her balance and brushed some of Lisa’s hair back out of her eyes so that she could see them clearly.
“That’s seriously why you’re stopping right now?” Lisa panted, chuckling softly, a warm smile lighting up her face in amusement. “So that you can thank me?”
“No,” Chaeyoung lied, her chest still heaving as she sat up slightly, a small laugh escaping her lips now that Lisa had drawn attention to how ridiculous her behaviour probably seemed to her, especially when they were in the middle of something that required very little words and she’d been the person to initiate it.
“Yes it was,” Lisa said knowingly as she propped herself up on to her elbows, her grin growing wide at the crimson blush that filled Chaeyoung’s cheeks.
“No it wasn’t,” Chaeyoung protested lamely, ducking her eyes to avoid Lisa’s. “It was just…I thought I should try to preserve your innocence, that’s all.” She continued, lifting them again, her hand stroking the younger girl’s hair line reflexively.
“It’s a little bit late in our relationship for that. Don’t you think?” Lisa replied, her eyes narrowing playfully and her tongue poking momentarily through her teeth as she smiled.
“What are you talking about?” Chaeyoung asked, feigning spirited confusion. “I’ve only just met you tonight…”
“Oh really?” Lisa interceded, placing a hand on her chest, her heart still beating wildly from their recent activities, her voice trailing off quietly as she cocked an eyebrow in mock disbelief.
“Yes,” Chaeyoung answered, the hand that had been caressing Lisa’s brow dropping a little lower to trace the scar on her forehead instead. “I’m not going to sleep with you on the first date Lalisa,” she informed her, purposefully using her girlfriend’s full name for effect. “I’m not that kind of girl. I do have some standards you know.” She continued. “How easy do you think I am exactly?” she asked, shaking her head in amusement when Lisa gave her a pointed look in response.
“Well,” Lisa started matter of factly as she sat up tall, Chaeyoung shifting her position on the blanket to allow her the room to manoeuvre. “If all that’s really true and you have only just met me then I’ve done some seriously inappropriate things with someone that looked suspiciously like you.” She divulged teasingly, tucking her legs underneath her so that they weren’t the cause of any unnecessary distance between them. “There was actually this one time in a movie theatre…” she went on, her words lost midsentence when Chaeyoung sloped forward and planted another more virtuous kiss against her lips.
“Don’t,” Chaeyoung scolded her goodnaturedly, her eyes studying Lisa’s face and absorbing its smooth contours admiringly when she sat back once more.
“We could do this all night if we wanted to” she finished, knowing how easily Lisa’s imagination took over in situations like these and quickly realising that if they followed their usual routine, her girlfriend would begin to concoct all kinds of fictitious and over embellished scenarios in her head in response to the desperate effort that she’d made to mask her embarrassment at her behaviour.
“Fine,” Lisa relented, sighing heavily now that their apparent game was over. “Just remember that you started it though,” she reminded her, reaching for Chaeyoung’s hand now that they were sat up facing each other again. She rubbed the back of it fondly with her thumb out of habit; a warm smile present on her face which Chaeyoung didn’t think would be disappearing any time soon, Lisa seemingly enjoying their lighthearted banter.
“Ok,” Chaeyoung said, accepting responsibility without any argument. “I will.”
“Now, where were we?” Lisa asked, her eyes finding Chaeyoung’s lips and settling there as she ran her tongue meaningfully along her own lower one, apparently keen to pick up right where they’d left off. She bit down on one corner of her mouth carefully, her eyes lowering alluringly and then elevating to meet Chaeyoung’s again, a silent question exchanging between the two of them. Chaeyoung wore a contrite look as a slow breath passed through her pursed lips and she reached a hand up to gently brush her fingertips against Lisa’s cheek, studying her face closely, her warm brown eyes searching for an inoffensive excuse not to continue with their previous antics. “What’s wrong? Lisa asked her, sensing Chaeyoung’s sudden reluctance.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Chaeyoung answered honestly, “I just…I love you.”
“I love you too,” Lisa returned happily, making a move to kiss Chaeyoung again. Chaeyoung allowed Lisa to kiss her tenderly but the passion that they’d shared a few minutes ago was lacking and she knew that the younger girl felt it when she abandoned her attempt, appearing a little injured by the sleight.
“I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung sighed, squeezing Lisa’s hand.
“I don’t understand,” Lisa told her honestly. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Chaeyoung reassured her quickly, the hand that had been stroking Lisa’s cheek now cupping the side of her face. “Not at all.”
“So then what’s the problem?” Lisa questioned her.
“It just…” Chaeyoung started, unable to easily communicate her hesitance.
“It’s just what?” Lisa asked, her forehead creasing and causing her nose to scrunch up as a result. “I thought that you wanted to…I mean it felt like you wanted to…”
“I did,” Chaeyoung practically sighed, expelling a large breath.
“So then…I’m confused.” Lisa told her truthfully.
“Lili you didn’t want to,” Chaeyoung said simply. “Not to start with.”
“I know but…I’m an idiot.” Lisa joked. “You shouldn’t listen to a word I say.” She informed her, tipping herself forward on to her knees in a further attempt to resume where’d they left off, her mouth hovering close to Chaeyoung’s. “My brain and my mouth very rarely agree with one another” she whispered seductively. “You should know that by now.” Lisa tilted her head to the side slightly so that she could plant another kiss against Chaeyoung’s lips but the taller girl pressed one hand against her chest and gently pushed her back in to a sitting position.
“Lili,” she objected apologetically. “You’re not an idiot.” She said, her hand cupping the side of her girlfriend’s face again. “Besides, I love listening to you speak.” She told her. “You should know that by now.”
“Oh,” Lisa said, the realisation coming to her suddenly. “You just want to talk?” Lisa asked, instantly causing a sense of relief to wash over the taller girl. The last thing that Chaeyoung wanted to do was hurt Lisa’s feelings because she enjoyed the physical intimacy that they shared considerably. In fact, that was part of the reason that she’d initially started to move things in that direction to begin with. However, as they’d continued and things had become more heated between them, she realised that this wasn’t how she wanted to spend the rest of their evening together. Chaeyoung didn’t want to celebrate something as important as Lisa’s rediscovered identity by doing the exact same thing that the majority of their classmates would be doing tonight. This evening was much more significant than two people coming together and consummating their relationship. She and Lisa had already done that and as much as Chaeyoung enjoyed it, it just didn’t seem like it was substantial enough to mark this particular occasion. Lisa meant more to Chaeyoung than just that.
“Is that ok?” she asked hesitantly.
“Sure,” Lisa agreed as she entwined their hands together and lifted them to her lips, kissing the back of Chaeyoung’s in response to her question.
“Lili you know that I love being with you,” Chaeyoung said, feeling like she had to justify herself despite Lisa’s easy acceptance. “It just…it didn’t feel right that we should celebrate how far you’ve come by…you know…”
“Making each other come?” Lisa offered lightheartedly in an attempt to reassure Chaeyoung, struggling to keep a straight face, obviously amused by her own joke.
“Exactly,” Chaeyoung answered grinning broadly, a throaty chuckle escaping her lips at Lisa’s quick wit. “I think you felt that way too,” she suggested uncertainly. “That’s why you objected to begin with…” Lisa leant her head back and closed her eyes as she groaned audibly.
“It started to feel so good though,” Lisa complained, huffing loudly as she lowered her head again to look at Chaeyoung. “You made me all confused with the way that you were touching me.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, smiling at the adorable expression Lisa wore; the girl appearing extremely grumpy, her face scrunched up tightly but coupled with the cutest pout Chaeyoung had ever seen.
“You know you shouldn’t kiss people like that and then just stop because you’ve changed your mind,” she grumbled. “You were starting to undress me and everything.” She went on. “You’re such a tease.” She reprimanded. “You completely won me over and then, what?” she asked, playfully as she laughed. “You got performance anxiety?”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it Lili,” Chaeyoung chuckled. “I just couldn’t handle the pressure,” she said. “This is your favourite place after all. What if I ruined it? You’d never forgive me and I couldn’t have that on my conscious now could I?”
“That’s true,” Lisa said thoughtfully still smiling brightly. “I definitely couldn’t continue to date you if that happened. That is probably the worst thing that you could do in our relationship if I’m honest.”
“Really? You mean it would be worse than me cheating on you?” Chaeyoung asked entertained.
“Much worse!” Lisa told her. “Stabbing me in the neck would probably hurt less than you ruining this place for me.”
“So, I guess you’re ok that we stopped then?” Chaeyoung asked her.
“Yeah, I’m ok,” Lisa reassured her again, planting a quick, soft kiss against her lips to demonstrate the truth of her words. Chaeyoung squeezed Lisa’s hand gratefully and turned her attention to the ocean, her eyes falling on to the reflection of the moon as it glistened in the water whilst Lisa sat watching her silently, waiting for her to say something. “So?” Lisa prompted her when a few minutes had passed and she’d still not said anything. “What do you want to talk about?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly, turning her attention to Lisa. “I guess I could start by thanking you again for bringing me here,” she said, repeating her earlier sentiment, her eyes studying the scar on Lisa’s forehead as she spoke. She paused for a moment and lifted her free hand to run her index finger lightly along the imperfection. “You know, I really am touched that you would share all this with me,” she said, indicating the beach and the box of predictions on the blanket beside them with an almost imperceptible tilt of her head, her eyes fixing on her girlfriend’s. “Especially because it’s something special to you and Jisoo,” she continued, feeling for some reason that it was important for her to acknowledge that she didn’t take Lisa’s wonderful act of openness for granted. “I feel very privileged to be introduced to a place and a tradition that clearly means a lot to you.”
“You’re welcome,” Lisa accepted humbly, smiling at Chaeyoung softly.
“You know that you didn’t have to bring me here.” Chaeyoung commented seriously.
“Yes, I did.” Lisa disagreed, cutting her off before she could go any further with her thought.
“Lili, I would have understood if you’d wanted to keep it just between you and Jisoo.” Chaeyoung said.
“Maybe,” Lisa said, “but I wanted to bring you here tonight.”
“Can I ask why?” Chaeyoung questioned her interestedly.
“Rosie, this place…” Lisa started, sighing. “It’s filled with only good memories; memories of all the time that I’ve spent here over the years with everyone that I love. I don’t have one single bad recollection of this place. It was my safe haven; my refuge; a place that I could come to escape from the things that were troubling me.” She shared. “Just being here made me feel better; made the weight of my worries evaporate in to thin air like they were nothing. There were no cares here, no concerns or anxieties. There were only dreams, ambitions; hopes.” She imparted with a thoughtful look on her face. “This is the place where I felt safest, where I’d come to seek comfort. It used to put my mind at ease almost instantly whenever I was here; its tranquillity, its familiarity, its stunning beauty used to settle me in a way that nothing else could.” She divulged. “I wasn’t sure it still would after the accident.” She explained openly. “My problems seemed too big to be forgotten even with its help. So you see; I didn’t just want to bring you here with me tonight Rosie. I had to. I had to bring you here because I love you and if I had any chance of preserving my previous sanctuary after everything that I’ve been through, of not tainting it or tarnishing it, well…it would be with the person who has come in to my life and so effortlessly taken its place.”
“What?” Chaeyoung said stunned by Lisa’s compliment; the hand which had been grazing her girlfriend’s scar mindlessly while she’d been talking coming to a sudden halt.
“You heard me,” Lisa replied. “My sanctuary; my safe haven…it’s no longer just a place. It’s a person too. It’s you.” She reached up to take Chaeyoung’s now stationary hand so that she was holding it in her own. “You’re where I feel safest.” She clarified eloquently. “You’re where I go to seek comfort. You’re as beautiful…no,” she said decisively. “You’re more beautiful than when this entire beach is bathed in all the magnificent colours of the sunset.” She paused to inhale an easy breath before continuing, the thumbs of both hands grazing the soft skin on the back of Chaeyoung’s steadily. “I don’t think I could ask for a more perfect way to celebrate finally finding myself again then by introducing the two of you to one another.” she said seriously. “Why not start the next chapter of my life with the one person that I love in the place that I love. Why not start the next chapter of my life in my idea of paradise?” Chaeyoung faintly shook her head from side to side in admiration of Lisa’s sentiment and extricated her hands from her girlfriend’s grasp so that she could cup her face, her lips finding their way to Lisa’s mouth and answering the commendation the only way that she knew how to in that moment.
It was exactly these instances between her and Lisa that Chaeyoung treasured more than anything, the way that Lisa’s words could so easily turn from cheerful joking to articulate and powerful romanticism, the way that they could move her without even the slightest hint of effort, the way that each syllable would just somehow manage to roll off her tongue when at other times she struggled so hard to even express herself. It was as though these words were meant to be spoken out loud, like God himself had ordained them to meet her ears, like he’d chosen Lisa for exactly that purpose.
“You’re amazing,” Chaeyoung told her when they’d parted, one hand trailing down to rest on Lisa’s shoulder whilst the other sought out her scar automatically.
“Only to you,” Lisa returned, examining Chaeyoung’s face, her girlfriend’s eyes still preoccupied with the blemish her fingertips were slowly caressing. The younger girl reached up and stayed Chaeyoung’s hand with her own so that her girlfriend’s fingers hung suspended in the air by her left temple, now redundant. “Why do you do that?” Lisa asked, scrutinizing Chaeyoung’s face searchingly.
“Do what?” Chaeyoung questioned, her chocolate eyes finding Lisa’s ones.
“Stroke my scar like that?” she clarified, releasing Chaeyoung’s hand which almost immediately returned to its previous endeavour.
“Like this?” Chaeyoung asked and Lisa closed her eyes and nodded, enjoying her girlfriend’s delicate touch against her skin.
“Yeah, like that.” Lisa answered, her eyes fluttering open again. “You always do it. It’s like you’re fascinated with it.”
“No, I’m not fascinated with it Lili.” She stated honestly, having previously told Lisa that she didn’t know why she often found herself subconsciously drawn towards the scar which stood out so obviously above her left eyebrow. “I’m fascinated with you.”
“Why?” Lisa asked, her turn to press Chaeyoung for answers to the questions that she had. Chaeyoung sighed heavily and leant forward to place a quick, faint kiss against the scar which had sparked the topic of conversation, her hand sliding around to rest of the side of Lisa’s neck out of the way.
“Well…” Chaeyoung said, pausing to think for just a brief moment before continuing. “It’s because you’ve been a paradox ever since the moment that I met you,” Chaeyoung explained, running the hand that had been cradling Lisa’s neck through her own hair. “You were a lesson in contradictions Lili; the girl who couldn’t speak but had so much of worth to say, who wanted so desperately to learn but couldn’t concentrate long enough to retain anything that she read, who wanted to be ordinary when she’d never be anything but exceptional. You were a puzzle that I wanted to solve; an enigma that I wanted to unravel. It intrigued me how one person could be so at war with herself.”
“So do you think you’ve finally solved me?” Lisa asked.
“No,” Chaeyoung said, one corner of her mouth turning up in to a crooked smile as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind Lisa’s ear. “I don’t think I’d ever want to completely. I like that you’re constantly surprising me.” Lisa lowered her gaze to the floor selfconsciously as Chaeyoung continued. “When I first stroked your scar, right back at the beginning of our relationship it was because I was searching for answers Lili; for a way in to your head, for a glimpse in to your beautiful mind, for some understanding about the way that you were feeling.” Chaeyoung enlightened her truthfully, lifting her hand to Lisa’s forehead again and causing the younger girl to lift her head up.
“You used to keep everything to yourself. You were so closed off, so protective over your emotions and I remember wishing that I could read your mind; that I could take every negative thought that you ever had and banish them where they could no longer hurt you.” Chaeyoung moved her hand round to rest against the left hand side of Lisa’s head, her fingertips sinking beneath the now longer hair there and caressing the thick sinewy scar hidden beneath. “Then you finally started to open up to me but it had already become a habit by then. So now when I stroke your scar it’s not because I’m looking for something. It’s because I find it beautiful.” She disclosed, moving her hand back to its original position and caressing the imperfection above her eyebrow once more. “It’s because it reminds me how close this world came to losing something as precious as you. This scar represents everything that I love about you Lili; your strength, your vulnerability, your individuality. This scar is what makes you human. It is a symbol of your experience. It is nothing more and nothing less than that.” Chaeyoung paused, knowing how much Lisa had struggled to accept her scars and to see them for what they really were.
“You don’t always think that though,” Chaeyoung commented. “You think that your scar defines you, that it dictates your beauty and how other people perceive you but it doesn’t. Beauty isn’t something that you see, it isn’t that superficial. It’s something much more than that. It’s a feeling.” She stated. “People find things beautiful because they make them feel something; works of art, quotes, experiences, songs, people…these things can all be thought of as beautiful so, it isn’t just about appearance is it?” she asked her. “I really wish that you could see that.” She said sadly, “I really wish that you could see just how beautiful you are to me and everyone else that knows you. You’re kind and smart and funny,” she said meaningfully, knowing that Jisoo always teased Lisa for her questionable sense of humour. “You make us feel special and you make us feel loved. That’s what makes you beautiful Lili.”
“You’re the one that’s beautiful,” Lisa countered, stopping Chaeyoung’s hand in its tracks again.
“What is it that makes me beautiful to you?” Chaeyoung asked her seriously, heaving a sigh at Lisa’s apparent inability to accept her words and hoping that by turning the question back on her she would finally understand.
“Everything,” Lisa said simply and Chaeyoung couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face and the warmth that spread throughout her at that one simple word.
“I never understood why Jisoo said that you couldn’t flirt,” Chaeyoung said, her cheeks growing warm as she blushed. “You’re so fucking smooth sometimes Lili that I feel like I’m nothing more than putty in your hands.”
“Do you want to make some predictions with me?” Lisa asked her, leaning over and picking up the box beside them, abruptly changing topics.
“Lili, do you really want me to write predictions for you now?” Chaeyoung asked, wanting to go back to their previous topic of conversation so that she could try and make Lisa finally understand and accept that she was beautiful.
“No,” Lisa repeated, reaching over to the holdall and withdrawing a pen and a pad of legal paper from it. “I want you to write them with me.”
“You want me to write them with you for Jisoo?” Chaeyoung asked puzzled by this sudden change of direction, feeling lost and Lisa shook her head, holding the pen poised over the pad she held in her other hand.
“For us,” Lisa said, putting pen to paper whilst Chaeyoung watched, the younger girls’ face creasing in concentration. When Lisa had finished she handed the pad and pen to Chaeyoung who took them both tentatively, uncertain what she was supposed to do with them.
“Lili, I…” Chaeyoung started, dropping her eyes to the page and reading what her girlfriend had written.
“1. We will continue to be beautiful to one another.”
Chaeyoung lifted her eyes to meet Lisa’s which were studying her closely for a reaction to what she’d scrawled on the page.
“I love myself,” Lisa said, reiterating what she’d disclosed to Chaeyoung earlier. “I am happy with the person that I am now. I no longer hate myself like I did before but, I don’t find myself beautiful Rosie.” Lisa paused and placed a hand on Chaeyoung’s knee, rubbing if soothingly. “They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder right?” Lisa asked her, “and if what you say is true then beauty is determined by a person because of a feeling that something evokes in them. So, I love myself but I don’t think that I’m beautiful.” She told her. “ think you are.”
“Lili…” Chaeyoung moaned, thinking that Lisa had completely missed the point of what she’d been trying to say. “No Rosie, I love myself.” Lisa said pointedly again, holding up her index finger to stop Chaeyoung’s inevitable complaint,
“but I don’t think that I’m beautiful. When I look in the mirror I just see me, I don’t really feel much of anything…” she told her. “I know that I am beautiful though,” she said meeting her girlfriend’s brown eyes levelly. “I know that I’m beautiful because you think that I am and if we’re using your logic, then that makes it true doesn’t it?”
“Yes.” Chaeyoung responded unable to contain her happiness at hearing Lisa finally speak the words aloud, her face erupting in to an all-encompassing grin. “It does.”
“Ok then,” Lisa said, nodding towards the pad in Chaeyoung’s hand. “Now it’s your turn to write one.” Chaeyoung glanced down at Lisa’s prediction and tapped the end of the pen in her hand against the pad distractedly as she tried to think of a second one.
“Ok,” she said, shuffling alongside Lisa and resting the pad on one of their knees each. “How about this?” she asked jotting something down easily with the ballpoint pen she held.
“2. We will always talk about things, whether they are good or bad, important or not.”
“I like that one,” Lisa agreed, resting her head against Chaeyoung’s shoulder, the taller girl wrapping one arm around her and pulling her in to her side closely.
“Lili it’s really important that you never stop talking to me about how you’re feeling,” Chaeyoung said seriously, kissing the top of Lisa’s head before dropping her own to rest on top of it. “I don’t care if you’re worried about upsetting me because you’re feeling depressed again or you’re angry about something…I just want you to talk to me like you always have done. I want you to talk to me the way that you do now ok?”
“Rosie, I know you’re worried about me relapsing,” Lisa said reading between the lines and lifting her head up from beneath Chaeyoung’s to meet her eyes.
“I know that I shouldn’t be,” Chaeyoung said guiltily, very much aware that with the trial coming up next month there was a distinct possibility that she would. “I know that you’re different now but I can’t help it. I don’t want to lose you again,” she shared, “and I don’t want you to lose yourself again either. Not now that you’ve finally learnt to love who you are. Not now that we’re finally happy.” She said. “I don’t want to go back to the way things were before. I don’t know if I can watch you fall apart again Lili. I can’t stand on another street corner and watch you shatter in to a million tiny pieces before my eyes…”
“You won’t have to,” Lisa assured her, placing a comforting hand on top of Chaeyoung’s and squeezing it for emphasis. “I promise Rosie. You don’t have to worry about that.”
“How can you be so sure?” Chaeyoung asked her. “How do you know? The trial…it’s been hanging over your head for months now. You had a panic attack just hearing that a date had been set for it, remember? I’m just…I’m worried…”
“Rosie I know that I’ve put you through a lot,” Lisa acknowledged when she didn’t find the faith in Chaeyoung’s response that she’d hoped for. “I know that we’ve been here before; that I’ve had more ups and downs in the time that you’ve known me then a rollercoaster ride but, I don’t know what I can say to make you believe that the ground isn’t going to fall out from underneath us again anytime soon.” She said. “Please tell me what I can say to make you feel better about it…” she pleaded, rubbing Chaeyoung’s knee again. “Please…” She paused for a moment and lowered her gaze to the two predictions written on the page in her lap when Chaeyoung didn’t answer, her girlfriend’s eyes looking out to the sea once again, obviously trying to come up with an answer to Lisa’s question but finding none.
“I don’t know,” she responded honestly, returning her attention to the younger girl after a beat. “I don’t know what I need to hear from you Lili. I’m not even sure it’s you that’s the problem…” Lisa looked pained by Chaeyoung’s reply and picked up the pad and pen again.
“3. We will not let the world break us.” She wrote in her untidy script.
“What does that mean?” Chaeyoung asked, peering across Lisa’s shoulder to read what she was writing.
“It means that there is nothing that we can’t survive.” Lisa explained.
“You mean our relationship?” Chaeyoung queried.
“People,” she clarified. “Me. You. Us. Yeah…us too I suppose.” She acknowledged. “If I believe nothing else after everything I’ve been through it’s this, we are able to and can survive what feel like the most devastating experiences.” She stated. “I mean, we’ve had a bumpy ride this year haven’t we? The two of us…”
“Yes,” Chaeyoung confirmed.
“We survived it though, didn’t we?” Lisa said smiling. “Together we got through it.”
“Yes,” Chaeyoung confirmed again, smiling herself now. “We did.”
“I almost died this year…” Lisa reminded her, although Chaeyoung would have preferred to forget that particular detail. “I should have died, but I didn’t. I didn’t die. I survived and despite the world’s best efforts it never truly broke me because I’m still here aren’t I? It might have worn me down to the point of near defeat but it never really beat me. I wouldn’t be here right now if it did.”
“So what are you saying?” Chaeyoung asked a little confused.
“I’m saying that I will not let the world break me,” Lisa said poignantly. “I will not let it break my spirit, I will not let it defeat me…”
“Why?” Chaeyoung pressed, needing to hear Lisa’s reasoning. “Why won’t you?”
“Because Rosie, I remember how much I wanted to die eleven months ago,” Lisa finally admitted, “I remember how that had been the most prominent thought in my head, how I’d really believed it was the right thing, that it would solve everyone’s problems including my own. Now I know differently though. Now I know how incredible life can be, how your luck can suddenly change again, how something that felt like the worst experience of your life can lead to something amazing. I know now that everything will change again eventually. Everything will change and I want to be here when it does. I want to be here when the storm finally breaks again and I will be. I will be here because I’ll remember how the idea of killing myself, which I had once wanted to do I so much and which had seemed like such a good idea at the time, soon became the very last thing that I would ever consider.”
“Really?” Chaeyoung said; her voice quiet and full of emotion.
“Yes,” Lisa replied. “The world will not break me Rosie. It can’t, not if I don’t let it.”
“I won’t let it break me either,” Chaeyoung supported strongly.
“So if the world can’t break me and it can’t break you,” Lisa said thoughtfully, “then it’ll never be able to break us will it?” Chaeyoung didn’t answer right away but she took the pad back from Lisa and quickly wrote down a new prediction which she held up for her girlfriend to read.
“4. We will still be together.”
“I was hoping you’d write something like that.” Lisa noted pleased, nudging Chaeyoung with her shoulder slightly and knocking her off balance.
“You were?” Chaeyoung asked sitting back up.
“Yes,” Lisa replied smiling brightly, threading her arm through Chaeyoung’s and leaning her head against the taller girl’s shoulder.
“We need a fifth one still,” Chaeyoung noted, recalling how Lisa and Jisoo had both written five predictions for each of them.
“Any ideas?” Lisa questioned, glancing down at the pad resting on her girlfriend’s thighs.
“No,” Chaeyoung confessed, laughing at her inability to pluck another prediction out of thin air.
“What about, we will make the most of every moment?” Lisa suggested and Chaeyoung tilted her head to look at the younger girl, a warm smile playing at the edges of her lips. She picked up the pen and wrote Lisa’s final prediction down on to the paper.
“You know,” Chaeyoung said, turning her head in Lisa’s direction again having admired their expectations for the next year. “I think I can definitely live with these.”
“Me too,” Lisa agreed, the fingertips of her free hand lightly tracing the words inscribed on the page.
“I think this one is my favourite.” Chaeyoung noted, pointing to number four on their list.
“I don’t like to think of that one as a prediction though.” Lisa told her openly. “I’d prefer to think of that one as more of a promise.”
“A promise?” Chaeyoung said surprised.
“Yeah, a promise.” Lisa confirmed.
“So you promise that you’ll never leave me again?” Chaeyoung asked, her brown eyes avoiding Lisa’s and scanning the beach. There was a hint of something in her voice that Lisa couldn’t quite place and she scrutinised Chaeyoung’s face closely, trying to determine what it was.
“Where could I possibly go that would be better than being with you?” Lisa returned blithely.
“You know what I mean,” Chaeyoung reprimanded halfheartedly, finally forcing herself to look in to Lisa’s chocolate orbs.
“You still don’t believe me do you?” Lisa asked in realisation at the solemn tone she’d caught in Chaeyoung’s question a moment ago. “Even after everything I’ve just said?”
“No I believe in you.” Chaeyoung soothed apologetically, bringing their mouths together and depositing a soft, delicate kiss against her lips. “I do. I promise it’s not you, it’s me.” She acknowledged caressing Lisa’s cheek supportively. “I believe in you Lili. I guess I’m just so used to our happiness being shortlived that I keep expecting the worst to happen. That’s not your fault. I just need to learn to have a little faith.”
“I’m not going back to rehab Rosie.” Lisa said defiantly. “I swear to you. I don’t ever want to go back there. I’m never going to be that person again…” Lisa paused for a minute and looked out to the ocean, a sudden idea coming to her. “I know that we’ve spoken about the trial before numerous times,” Lisa started, “but do you want to know how I really feel about it Rosie?” Lisa asked, disengaging her arm from her girlfriend’s and pushing herself up from the blanket so that she was standing on her feet in front of her. “Do you want me to tell you exactly what I think?” she continued pulling at the bottom of her grey tshirt and lifting it over her head. She tossed it to one side so that it landed on top of her guitar case and Chaeyoung’s forehead creased, confused by her girlfriend’s behaviour, Lisa’s torso now void of all clothing except for her bra.
“What are you doing?” Chaeyoung asked, her eyes wide as Lisa bent forward and made quick work of removing her sweatpants so that she was left standing in just her underwear.
“I’m going swimming.” Lisa replied simply, holding out a hand for Chaeyoung in a silent request for her to join her.
“Wait, I thought you were going to tell me how you feel about the trial?” she questioned, unable to hide her shock at Lisa’s casual dismissal of the topic.
“I am.” She said in reply. “The truth is that I don’t give a shit about the trial rosie.” Lisa told her honestly. “The trial is nothing more than a formality now. It doesn’t change anything.” She informed her.
“Sure it does,” Chaeyoung disagreed.
“Really?” Lisa replied. “Tell me…what does it change exactly?” she asked, her tone not harsh but curious. Chaeyoung stared at Lisa’s still outstretched hand, just stared at it, trying to come up with one valid example in response to her girlfriend’s question.
“Well, the driver…” Chaeyoung said grasping at the only thing that came to mind. “He’ll be found guilty and then he’ll get charged Lili. He’ll go to prison…”
“And how exactly does that affect me?” Lisa asked; a sympathetic inflection to her voice. “What difference will that make to my life?” Chaeyoung met Lisa’s gaze and instantly comprehended that it would make no difference to her at all. Whatever Lisa had felt towards the driver, whatever closure she’d been hoping the trial would bring, she evidently no longer needed and Chaeyoung was buoyed by that knowledge immensely, the truth of her girlfriend’s words feeling like a load off her mind.
“So we’re going swimming?” Chaeyoung asked dropping all discussion of the trial with this new information and taking hold of Lisa’s offered hand. She used it as leverage to pull herself up, Lisa assisting her on to her feet.
“Yes,” Lisa answered, watching whilst Chaeyoung removed her denim shorts and the thin, white tank top she was wearing. She threw them both on top of Lisa’s abandoned clothes and stood facing her readily.
“So, how many times have you been swimming since the accident?” Chaeyoung asked Lisa believing she already knew the answer but wanting it stated clearly for the record. Lisa took a step back in the direction of the water and lowered her head slightly, a shrewd look on her face, her dark eyes shimmering brightly, full of life. She held up one hand in front of Chaeyoung and formed a zero with her fingers and thumb. “Not even when you were at rehab?” Chaeyoung asked stepping after her, Lisa slowly inching back towards where the water met the shore. Lisa shook her head.
“I’ve really fucking missed swimming,” Lisa swore and Chaeyoung grinned at her girlfriend’s use of profanity.
“So then why haven’t you been?” Chaeyoung asked her, quirking an eyebrow inquiringly, her voice pitching sharply with the question as she laughed.
“Because…” Lisa said, her feet finally stepping in to the warm water behind her. “I’m a fucking idiot.” She continued to walk back until the water was up to her hips and Chaeyoung followed, pausing at the water’s edge to watch Lisa, captivated by the blissful look on her girlfriend’s face, the way that every muscle in her body had seemed to relax, the way that her whole demeanour had changed so that if she no longer remotely resembled the same blundering girl she’d met that fateful day in the crowded hallway of the high school. Looking at Lisa now, Chaeyoung couldn’t help but think that she barely even resembled the girl that had left Jennie’s house earlier that night and that in itself was a remarkable thing. For the first time since Chaeyoung had met her, Lisa looked like she belonged, like she was comfortable in her own skin, like she was truly untroubled and it was in stark contrast to anything she’d ever witnessed before.
As if validating Chaeyoung’s observation, Lisa held her arms out to her sides and dropped her head back against her shoulders, extending her neck, soaking up the twilight like it was the source of all her energy, like it was precisely what she needed to recharge her rundown battery. Her eyes were closed and she exhaled nosily, puffing out a short, forceful breath of air, relishing the feeling of the water as it lapped against her body, the gentle ebb and flow of the waves seeming to pacify her, to wash away the entirety of the last year and rid her of the metaphorical mark it had left on her. Chaeyoung watched as Lisa rocked on to her heels and allowed herself to fall on to her back, her arms still outstretched as she disappeared beneath the water, her whole body being immersed in it from head to toe.
Chaeyoung waited for her to reappear again, Lisa emerging a few moments later in one quick movement, her right hand smoothing her now wet hair back out of her eyes as she did so. She took a few moments to get her bearings again, having become disorientated during her submersion but soon met Chaeyoung’s gaze and smiled at her joyfully. “Are you coming in?” Lisa ask her, her hands hanging loosely by her sides and sweeping through the water there. No, the girl that stood before Chaeyoung now was definitely not the same girl that had left the house a few short hours ago. She was the girl that had existed before Chaeyoung had even met her. She was Lisa, the real Lisa, the unspoilt, unsullied version of her that hadn’t yet been dealt life’s hardships.
“In a minute,” Chaeyoung said affectionately and Lisa made a face at her response.
“In a minute? She repeated laughing. “What are you going to do instead? Just stand there and check me out?”
“Do you have a problem with that?” Chaeyoung countered, the fact that this was the first time Lisa had removed her tshirt in all the times they’d been to the beach together not lost on her. She could see the taut muscles of Lisa’s abdomen from where she stood and the curves of her body were highlighted against the backdrop of the sky flatteringly, the salt water shimmering on her skin as it reflected the moonlight.
“No,” Lisa said playfully, moving forward and closing the distance between. She used both hands to flick water in Chaeyoung’s direction mischievously. “Here, why don’t you cool off a little bit?” she suggested naughtily.
“Lili, you’re making me all wet!” Chaeyoung joked, flinching away from the water.
“I know,” Lisa teased, biting on her bottom lip and wading forward again. “That’s why I’m trying to cool you off….” Chaeyoung shook her head and Lisa thrashed her hands in the sea, pitching the water forward in her direction forcefully and covering her in the salty brine. “Oh shit!” she exclaimed when she saw the look of surprise on Chaeyoung’s face at being completely drenched, her girlfriend’s eyes suddenly narrowing and bearing down on her as though she were the prey she hunted. “I’m sorry!” Lisa apologised quickly, holding her hands up in front of her in submission but Chaeyoung charged forward towards her, having none of it. “No! Rosie!” Lisa cried, turning around and running further out in to the water, the sound of Chaeyoung chasing after her easily audible in the tranquillity of the location.
“Where do you think you’re going?!” Chaeyoung called, submerging herself in the water when she got a little deeper and opting to swim instead, knowing that it’d be less effort and quicker than running. Lisa turned to look over her shoulder and noticed Chaeyoung’s ploy, hurriedly diving in to the water in reaction, her arms above her head as she carved through current. When Lisa emerged again, she turned back towards the shore and started to tread water, scanning the sea behind her for Chaeyoung who was now nowhere to be seen. She felt something brush past her leg and spun around, her eyes searching for its origin and finding her girlfriend, who materialised from the water a few foot away, her long blonde hair a mess of tangles.
“Looking for me?” she asked, moving it out of her eyes and Lisa smiled as she lay back and kicked her legs in the water in front of Chaeyoung’s face, propelling herself towards the shore and succeeding in spraying the taller girl’s face once again. When she’d put a few feet between them Lisa stopped and dropped her feet down to the sand so that she could stand up, the water reaching just below her collar bones. She watched as Chaeyoung swam towards her, her girlfriend’s body lithe and athletic as it cut through the water. “You’re such a pain in the ass,” Chaeyoung complained, standing up in front of Lisa and pushing her hard on the chest spiritedly so that she struggled to keep her balance.
“I know.” Lisa said, quirking one eyebrow, the corner of her mouth lifting up in to a smile. Chaeyoung took the opportunity to flick water at her girlfriend and Lisa spluttered melodramatically, wiping at her face with the back of her hand to prevent water getting in her eyes. Undeterred by Lisa’s theatrics, Chaeyoung repeated the process, using more force and more speed to push water in her direction. “Stop it,” Lisa groaned, shielding her face with her hands and squinting to protect her eyes from the assault. “I’m drowning,” she clowned.
“Oh, you are?” Chaeyoung said, not letting up but taking a determined step towards Lisa. She ceased her attack and Lisa lowered her hands and opened one eye tentatively, not sure whether to trust that her girlfriend had completely stopped or whether she was just waiting for her to let her guard down. “You don’t look like you’re drowning,” Chaeyoung noted and Lisa finally opened her other eye, her tense posture relaxing now the threat of immediate harassment from her girlfriend seemed to have dissipated.
“No, I promise that I am,” Lisa joked. “I think I might need mouth to mouth resuscitation…” Chaeyoung stepped closer to Lisa and reached forward to grasp the back of the younger girl’s neck, her intention obvious.
“Well then,” she said, pressing her body against Lisa’s, her other hand pulling on the small of her back so that their hips were touching. “I should probably give you it shouldn’t I?” Chaeyoung waited for Lisa’s usual witty comeback but it never appeared and instead, Lisa leant forward and wrapped her arms around Chaeyoung’s waist, pulling her in to her as she brought their mouths together, kissing her deeply. Chaeyoung felt Lisa’s hands roam up and down her back delicately as she sucked pleasurably on her lower lip and then her tongue, alternating between the two attentively. She lowered one hand slowly, grazing the length of Chaeyoung’s spine with the back of her knuckles as she did so, causing the browneyed girl to shiver in response to the touch, her body rocking in to Lisa’s who accepted her weight immediately and then countered it by leaning forward in to her, the two of them swaying back and forth on the spot in time with tide.
Lisa’s other hand glided up Chaeyoung’s side and settled on her rib cage, her knees dipping slightly as she tilted her head in an attempt to maximise the contact between herself and Chaeyoung. She moved her mouth slowly against the taller girl’s and straightened out her knees so that she inadvertently increased the force of the kiss, the gratification Chaeyoung felt at the sensation it caused making her feel dizzy, the taste of Lisa intoxicating. Lisa pressed her mouth against Chaeyoung’s firmly; her lips no longer moving as they lingered there for a few seconds. She took her time to withdraw from the kiss; her face inching back ever so slowly but remaining close enough to Chaeyoung’s that the taller girl could still feel the warmth of Lisa’s breath against her face.
“God,” Chaeyoung exhaled airily, opening her eyes to instantly come face to face with Lisa’s, whose dark pupils were dilated as they burned in to her own. Chaeyoung dropped her gaze and allowed her fingertips to explore the contours of Lisa’s shoulders as though she were checking she was real. She noticed her girlfriend’s chest heaving back and forth as she caught her breath and she couldn’t resist the urge to place the palm of her hand against Lisa’s breast bone. Lisa placed her own hand on top of it and Chaeyoung looked up in to her eyes which were examining her closely. A small smile appeared on Lisa’s swollen lips and Chaeyoung couldn’t help but return it. She felt Lisa’s heart thumping against her rib cage and it was beating so powerfully that the vibrations travelled right through Chaeyoung’s hand and up the length of her arm.
Chaeyoung gulped, swallowing hard, feeling disorientated, unsure what to say, all words lost, her brain completely preoccupied with the thought of Lisa’s lips on her own. She pressed the heel of her hand in to Lisa’s chest more determinedly and moved her other hand to rest beside it before lowering her mouth to kiss the spot just above Lisa’s heart, beneath her collar bone. Lisa dropped her gaze, watching her intently, but Chaeyoung soon straightened back up again and connected her lips with Lisa’s again, not as avidly as her girlfriend had done, but modestly. She brought their foreheads together briefly and sighed, her eyes closed.
“Are you ok?” Lisa asked Chaeyoung, her breathing finally settling. Chaeyoung retracted her head and nodded, meeting Lisa’s anxious gaze as she cupped her cheek with the palm of her hand. She began to stroke it rhythmically with her thumb and smiled at her fondly.
“Yeah,” Chaeyoung said, her fingertips stroking the creases in the younger girl’s forehead. A moment of comfortable silence passed between them, Chaeyoung’s hand once again finding its way to trace the scar above Lisa’s left eye, her fingertips grazing the blemish as her brown eyes locked on her girlfriend’s, which she examined closely. Her chocolate eyes burned through Lisa, making the younger girl shift her weight on her feet in response, heat flushing her cheeks at her girlfriend’s scrutiny.
“There you are,” Chaeyoung said softly, admiring her girlfriend’s face and the way it was more animated, more vibrant, more alert tonight than she could remember ever seeing it before. Lisa smiled at those three words as though they were the most exquisite compliment she’d ever received, her eyes blazing fiercely with a light that rivalled the brightness of the sun at its midday peak. Chaeyoung tried to picture what Lisa’s eyes had looked like on some of her worst days, to recall the way they’d seemed dull, the way they’d been constantly covered with a thin glossy veil of sleep and unshed tears, how they’d been hidden in the dark shadows cast over them by her furrowed brow, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t picture them. Now all she could see was Lisa’s eyes the way they were in this very moment, the sight powerful enough to erase Chaeyoung’s memory of all the times she’d watched helplessly as they’d been drowned with her girlfriend’s desperate sobs.
“Here I am,” Lisa agreed sighing, rubbing one of Chaeyoung’s arms with her hand affectionately. “What do you think?”
“About Lisa?” Chaeyoung questioned and Lisa nodded her head, “Yeah.”
“I guess she’s alright,” Chaeyoung teased and Lisa pushed her backwards unexpectedly, causing her to lose her balance and plunge in to the water, her weight sending a fine spray up in to the air around her. They continued to mess around in the water together for a while, Lisa taking any opportunity that presented itself to dunk Chaeyoung unceremoniously beneath the waves, Chaeyoung repaying each goodnatured insult by tickling Lisa until she was doubled over in two and had involuntarily managed to submerge her face in to the tepid water, the liquid burning the back of her throat as she accidentally inhaled large lungful’s of it. Other times, they’d just tread water together talking, Chaeyoung appreciating the way the Lisa’s smile mirrored the luminosity of the moon, the way her enjoyment was palpable, her energy infectious, and her mood nothing less than euphoric. She looked exultant, like a little kid who could find pleasure in the simplest of things, who didn’t care who was watching them because they were so preoccupied entertaining themselves and experiencing the simple freedom that came with just living in the moment.
Eventually they’d worn themselves out and retreated back to the blanket where they’d huddled together and waited to dry off, Chaeyoung wrapping an arm around Lisa’s shoulders so that she didn’t get cold now that the breeze had picked up, little knowing that the proximity of her seminaked body to her girlfriend was making Lisa’s skin blaze in the same way it had when she’d suffered a nasty postoperative infection after the accident. Unable to resist the urge to kiss Chaeyoung when she was pressed so closely against her, Lisa satisfied her desire and connected their mouths demurely, her hands drifting across her girlfriend’s skin, her fingertips reading every contour the way a blind man reads braille. She pulled Chaeyoung down on to the blanket beside her, the manoeuvre innocent in comparison to Chaeyoung’s earlier onslaught and they lay there side by side, Lisa’s body moulding with her girlfriend’s as they embraced, their mouth’s engaged with one another’s and exploring their depths like it was uncharted territory they were just discovering. When they were finally dry and had managed to pull themselves away from one another long enough to get dressed, they took the opportunity to pace back and forth along the shore holding hands, the two of them enjoying the tranquillity around them, the knowledge that they both existed in the same moment more than enough to placate them.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said suddenly stopping in her tracks after fifteen minutes had passed in this manner, the sound of her voice breaking the silence that had fallen between.
“Yeah,” Lisa responded, also stopping and turning around to face her.
“You were right earlier.” Chaeyoung said ambiguously, causing a momentary look of confusion to pass over Lisa’s features.
“About what?” Lisa questioned, unsure what Chaeyoung was referring to.
“I have definitely fallen even more hopelessly in love with you tonight than I already was.” She clarified and Lisa beamed in response to the admission. She took a step towards Chaeyoung not saying anything, their hands still entwined. “You’re dying to say ‘I told you so,’ aren’t you?” Chaeyoung chuckled, noting the large grin that was plastered on her girlfriend’s face.
“No,” Lisa differed. “I’m not.”
“Well you should,” Chaeyoung encouraged her. “Go on, I don’t mind. You can say it.”
“I don’t want to though,” Lisa stated, edging even nearer to Chaeyoung. “I never thought I’d say this after all the times I’ve been almost mute,” she began lightheartedly, “but I’m kind of sick of listening to myself speak tonight.”
“Alright then,” Chaeyoung said thoughtfully, reaching her free hand round and delving it in to the back pocket of her denim shorts. “Then why don’t you let me speak for a little bit?” She submitted, her fingers nervously grappling with the small box hidden out of sight. Lisa nodded her head in assent.
“Ok,” she agreed.
“That works out perfectly actually Lili,” Chaeyoung told her.
“It does,” Lisa responded.
“Yeah, because I’ve got something that I want to give to you,” Chaeyoung revealed to her, pulling a small box out of her back pocket and holding it out between them. “I was going to give it to you after the trial,” she explained, her voice soft, “but, I don’t know. It seems more appropriate to give it to you now.” Lisa’s gaze flitted once between the box and Chaeyoung. “I’ve been carrying it around in my purse,” Chaeyoung told Lisa shrugging casually, trying to act blasé about the gesture despite feeling anything but. “I wanted to have it on me just in case…” Lisa looked over at their things piled beside the blanket and saw Chaeyoung’s purse lying open next to the holdall, her girlfriend evidently having retrieved the gift whilst she’d been getting changed back in to her clothes.
“In case of what?” Lisa asked; her voice so quiet that the gentle breeze almost swept it away unheard.
“Just…in case,” Chaeyoung answered but Lisa knew why she’d wanted to have it to hand.
“In case something happened to me,” Lisa remarked rather than asked. When Chaeyoung didn’t disagree, Lisa knew she’d hit the nail on the head.
“Here,” Chaeyoung urged, pushing the box forward towards Lisa. “I don’t want to wait any longer to give it to you.” The younger girl reached out a hesitant hand to retrieve it but didn’t, her hand hovering over the object with indecision. “Please,” Chaeyoung implored at Lisa’s hesitation. Lisa’s chocolate eyes searched Chaeyoung’s for a brief instant before she finally relented and complied, her delicate fingers closing round the box and lifting it from her girlfriend’s grasp. “Open it,” Chaeyoung instructed and this time Lisa didn’t hesitate, her free hand carefully flipping open the top of the jewellery box to reveal an exact replica of the ring that she’d brought Chaeyoung as a belated Valentine’s Day present. “You always get me jewellery,” Chaeyoung said in explanation, her fingers fiddling mindlessly with the chain around her neck which Lisa had given her for Christmas. “I thought it was time that I finally got you something in return.”
“You didn’t have to,” Lisa responded as she picked the ring out of the box, the small band held firmly between her index finger and thumb as she studied the engraving on the inside of it,
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
“Maybe not but I wanted to.” Chaeyoung responded smiling as she reached forward and took the ring from Lisa’s grasp with her left hand. She carefully slipped the silver band on to the fourth finger of Lisa’s right hand and the younger girl studied it more closely, revelling in the way that the cool metal felt against her skin.
“Now we have matching ones,” she noted happily as she admired the moonlight reflecting flatteringly off the band, Chaeyoung’s gaze dropping down to her own ring briefly before returning to Lisa.
“I guess we do,” Chaeyoung agreed watching as Lisa twisted her own so that as she could see the anchor and wave design on the outside of it.
“It’s amazing. Thank you.” Lisa said gratefully, meeting Chaeyoung’s eyes again, her own sparkling brightly.
“You’re welcome,” Chaeyoung acknowledged, reaching for Lisa’s hand with her own and squeezing it tenderly.
“I really do love it,” Lisa said sincerely, her face splitting in half as a luminous smile spread across it. She leant her body against Chaeyoung’s, lifting up on to her toes and kissing her appreciatively in thanks, the faint taste of salt still lingering on her soft lips but surprisingly not an unpleasant experience.
“Yeah, well…I love you,” Chaeyoung returned when Lisa lowered herself back on to the soles of her feet. “Sometimes it terrifies me just how much that I love you Lili.” Chaeyoung paused for a moment and shifted closer to Lisa, the weight of her body in the wet sand displacing it around her so that she left a track in her wake. “Listen,” she said, taking the box from Lisa’s hand and tucking it back in to her pocket. She picked up Lisa’s hands with both of hers once it was securely in place. “Do you remember that day on the beach when you gave me my ring?”
“Yes,” Lisa answered simply, the water lapping at her feet.
“You said that it didn’t have a question attached to it…” Chaeyoung started, trying to think of the best way to word what she wanted to say next. “You said that it only came with a promise, but it came with more than just one; it came with a whole bunch of them.” Chaeyoung brought their entwined hands up between them so that they were hovering between their chests.
“Do you remember what they were?” Chaeyoung asked her and Lisa nodded her head. “Do you?” she questioned kindly, her tone in no way challenging.
“I remember almost every word you ever said to me that day.” She answered honestly, Lisa’s dialogue from their time at the beach etched permanently in her memory.
“You told me that you were committed to me, that you would show me that my faith in you wasn’t misplaced. You promised me that you would love yourself; that you would get out of bed every day and wouldn’t check out on me again. You promised me that you would listen if there was something I was struggling with, that you would be there…” Chaeyoung released one of Lisa’s hands and brushed her cheek, her heart swelling at the recollection of her girlfriend’s words, remembering how they’d made her feel, how they’d given her hope that the worst they’d have to face was already behind them. “You kept all those promises,” she continued, “every single one of them.” Chaeyoung lowered her hand and reached down to pick up Lisa’s right one again, her fingertips playing with the ring she’d just placed there, her eyes watching as it spun around the digit easily. “You told me that the ring you gave me was a promise ring,” Chaeyoung said thoughtfully, her fingers still occupied with their current pursuit. “That it came with the promise that until the day we were ready to get married you were committed to me and only me. You said that you didn’t want to be with anyone else, that you’d already found the person that made you happier than you could ever imagine.” Chaeyoung linked her fingers with Lisa’s again and met her girlfriends’ eyes. “My heart almost exploded in my chest when you said that.” She admitted. “I was so happy because…I felt the same way about you too.” Lisa didn’t say anything to disrupt Chaeyoung’s speech, not wanting to interrupt her girlfriend when she was trying to express herself, when she was trying to share something with her that she obviously felt was important.
“I want to experience everything with you,” Chaeyoung breathed out. “Every agonising despair, every elated moment of joy, every mundane minute of routine.” Chaeyoung lifted a hand to rest against the side of Lisa’s neck. “I want to see the sun cast shadows off you on every continent.” She told her. “I want to wake up every day to the scent of your shampoo on my pillow, to have the taste of you lingering on my lips at every meal, to hear the musical sound of your laugh echoing in the back of my mind every second of every day for the rest of my life.” She shared. “I want to feel the fire of your touch on my skin and let it burn forever on my flesh, never quenched.” Chaeyoung paused for a moment, considering her next words carefully. “I want you to leave a mark on my heart so obvious that the whole world will see it and know that it belongs to you.” She said picking up Lisa’s right hand and holding it up in front of her face so that she could see the silver band on her finger clearly.
“This is a promise ring too,” Chaeyoung informed her, fiddling with the piece of jewellery again. “This is a promise of my commitment to you Lili. There is nothing that you could ever do that would change the way that I feel about you.” She declared confidently. “You’ve already broken my heart once,” she said referring to their separation during Lisa’s time in rehab. “I broke yours too, just as much, but the overwhelming love that I felt whenever I’d think about you never lessened in the whole time we were apart. It may have been tainted with pain, but it was still very much there. The agony I experienced at your disappearance from my life, it existed because despite what happened, I still loved you. You not being here, it wouldn’t have hurt me so much if I didn’t.” Lisa closed her fingers tighter around Chaeyoung’s hand, squeezing it in her grasp as she pulled it to her mouth and kissed the back of it tenderly.
“I love you so much,” Lisa declared.
“Not half as much as I love you.” Chaeyoung returned wrapping her arms around Lisa and kissing her deeply, her girlfriend’s hands finding their usual place against the small of her back.
“Do you think other people are this happy?” Lisa asked her, strengthening her hold on the taller girl.
“I hope so,” Chaeyoung replied, pecking Lisa on the lips.
“Rosie will you stay here with me until the morning?” Lisa asked. “I want to watch the sunrise with you.”
“Yes,” Chaeyoung answered because she knew how Lisa’s mind worked and could see the symbolism in the gesture without it being said. Lisa rested her head against Chaeyoung’s shoulder and the browneyed girl pulled her girlfriend in to her further. “I would love to see in the new day in with you Lili.” Lisa nodded her head against Chaeyoung’s shoulder and they stood there enveloped in each other’s arms for a few minutes, no words exchanging between them but the silence saying more in that moment than if they’d spoken. It was Lisa who eventually detached herself from Chaeyoung, stepping back out of her embrace and reaching for her girlfriend’s hand to guide her back over to the blanket where they sat together, the pair of them either lost in easy conversation or taking it in turns to play songs on Lisa’s guitar until the light faded completely, the evening inevitably succumbing to night. When it got too dark to see and the only light around them originated from the skies above, Chaeyoung lay down on the blanket with Lisa, one arm wrapped around her shoulders whilst the other played with her hair.
“Tell me some more stories about the stars,” Lisa encouraged Chaeyoung as they took in the vast scattering that littered the sky like droplets of white paint which had been randomly strewn across a black canvas. So Chaeyoung did. She made up stories about how they’d come to sit in the sky, how one had been thrown in to the atmosphere by a young boy as a beacon to his future love, how God had planted them there in order to keep the moon company, how each one represented the combined halves of two soul mates and disappeared from the sky when they finally found one another. Chaeyoung created story after story as she lay there with Lisa, the younger girl’s head resting against her chest, one of her legs draped over Chaeyoung’s and falling comfortably between her knees. She told Lisa one story and then another, her girlfriend joining in from time to time and adding her own more elaborate tales.
Together they lay there until the orange glow of the morning sun could be seen rising on the horizon; neither of them tired nor allured by the pull of sleep. They watched the beach as it was bathed in a palette of magnificent colour. It contained so many different hues that Chaeyoung struggled to distinguish them all, to separate them out from one another, the boundaries between them merged so inconspicuously that they were practically nonexistent. Together they greeted a new dawn and with it, a fresh start; Lisa no longer the fractured version of herself but whole once again. Chaeyoung knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was a moment she would remember for the rest of her life. She would always recall its significance and how the sunrise marked the end of one of the most difficult chapters of Lisa’s life; how it had welcomed the start of a much better one, a happier one; one with far less trials, one full of colour and light instead of a the monochrome darkness inflicted upon it. As a new day broke, Chaeyoung knew that everything had changed once again and she couldn’t help but smile at the realisation that just like last time, it was for the better. Rather than worrying about what the future held, Chaeyoung chose to embrace the unknown. She understood that whatever happened next would be much easier to face than what had passed before it, because ‘a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor,’ and both of them had weathered their fair share of storms.
A/N: I don’t even know what this is, lol. I do know that it sounds pretty conclusive but it’s not the end just yet. There are going to be two short chapters and then the epilogue x