When they arrived at Jennie’s house, Chaeyoung wasted no time in retrieving the spare key from where it was concealed in a false electrical conduit and letting them inside. They only remained there long enough to remove their makeup and change out of their prom dresses in to something more comfortable before leaving again; Lisa opting to wear the hoodie and sweatpants that she’d brought with her for the next day whilst Chaeyoung donned a pair of cut off denim shorts with a white tank top and her favourite flannel shirt.
“Ok,” Chaeyoung said, once they’d made their way back outside and she’d locked Jennie’s front door securely behind them. “Now what?”
“Now,” Lisa said, a small smile gracing her lips as she watched Chaeyoung crouch down and quickly return the spare key to its original hiding place. “We’re going to go to my house.”
“Your house?” she questioned laughing as she stood back up again. “Why?”
“I just need to pick up a few things,” Lisa informed her simply as she started off down the garden path in the direction of Chaeyoung’s red Chevrolet Cruze which was parked at the curb.
“What things?” Chaeyoung asked interestedly, following after her.
“Just things,” Lisa answered evasively as Chaeyoung quickened her pace and caught up to her. “You’ll find out soon enough. Be patient.” She commanded cheerfully.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Chaeyoung asked pulling her keys out of her bag and smiling brightly as they came to a stop alongside her car. Lisa leant back against the vehicle casually as Chaeyoung unlocked it, a smirk appearing on her face in response to the question.
“A little bit,” she replied honestly, her hands tucked firmly behind her back. Chaeyoung shook her head in amusement at Lisa’s admission but didn’t say anything, instead opening the passenger door and holding it wide for her girlfriend.
“Fine, I’ll be patient.” Chaeyoung relented, gesturing for Lisa to get in. “I’m just intrigued that’s all.”
“Good,” Lisa said as she pushed herself away from the car and descended in to the passenger seat obediently. “I was hoping that you would be.” She admitted, pulling the safety belt across her torso and securing it in to place. “You do realise that you’re giving me really high expectations here Lili,” Chaeyoung teased her girlfriend, resting her forearm along the top of the car door and peering in at the younger girl who sat looking up at her. “I hope that you can deliver after all this, otherwise I’m going to be really disappointed.”
“I can,” Lisa said confidently. “Trust me. You’re going to have fallen even more hopelessly in love with me by the end of tonight, I promise.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Chaeyoung responded playfully, standing up tall, “but, we’ll see…” she said closing the door carefully. She made her way round to the driver’s side and climbed in, fastening her own safety belt before placing the key in the ignition, starting the engine and setting off towards Lisa’s house. They made the majority of the journey in relative silence, Lisa’s eyes focused out of the window to her right and watching the world as it rushed past, the younger girl evidently deep in thought about something. It was only when the car came to a stop that she returned her attention to Chaeyoung and the browneyed girl couldn’t help but smile at the confused expression on Lisa’s face, as though she had been completely lost in a daze and were only just now becoming aware of what was going on around her. “We’re here,” Chaeyoung said helpfully when the puzzled expression didn’t disappear from her girlfriend’s face after a few seconds.
“That was quick,” Lisa commented as she leant forward to look past her girlfriend through the driver’s side window, confirming with her own eyes that they were indeed at her house. She released the clasp of her safety belt and slowly removed it from across her chest, her eyes lifting to meet Chaeyoung’s once more.
“It is when your mind is otherwise occupied elsewhere,” Chaeyoung replied knowingly.
“I was just thinking,” Lisa responded placing a hand on top of Chaeyoung’s which rested on her knee now that the car sat idle.
“I know,” Chaeyoung responded glancing down at their hands for a second and squeezing Lisa’s supportively. “It’s ok. We all do it from time to time.”
“Some of us more than others though, right?” Lisa noted chuckling softly to herself as she gazed back towards her house once more.
“You do have a bit of a habit for it,” Chaeyoung returned warmly as Lisa reached for the door handle with her right hand.
“So I’ve been told,” Lisa answered lightly, winking at Chaeyoung as she pushed the door ajar. “Wait here for a minute, ok?” She half asked, half instructed, her eyes meeting Chaeyoung’s squarely. “I’ll be right back.”
“Ok,” Chaeyoung agreed easily, relinquishing Lisa’s other hand as the younger girl climbed out of the vehicle. Lisa gave Chaeyoung an easy smile in acknowledgement as she closed the car door and then hastily made her way towards her empty house, her feet moving deftly up the path and pausing just long enough to let herself inside. Chaeyoung waited until Lisa had completely vanished from sight before bending forward and fiddling with the volume dial on the stereo system, the sound having been so low for the entirety of their journey that it might as well have been off. She turned it up now that her previous worries about disturbing Lisa’s quiet ruminations were no longer a concern and leant back in her seat while she waited, sighing heavily.
“What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in and you kicking me out, you’ve got my head spinning, no kidding; I can’t pin you down.
What’s going on in that beautiful mind?
I’m on your magical mystery ride.
And I’m so dizzy, don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright.”
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Chaeyoung laughed as she listened to the song which was melodiously filling the space around her.
“My head’s under water, but I’m breathing fine.
You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind.
‘Cause all of me, loves all of you.
Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections….”
“Yeah ok, that’s enough of that,” she said to herself exhaling noisily once again. She reached forward and turned the radio off fully, reluctant to listen to any more, the song already moving her close to tears, the lyrics a perfect representation of her feelings for Lisa and touching her profoundly. “Jesus,” she sighed, resting her head back against the seat behind her and covering her eyes with the palm of her hand for a moment, unable to stop continuing the song in her head now that she’d related it to her girlfriend so fittingly.
“How many times do I have to tell you?
Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too.
The world is beating you down; I’m around through every mood.
You’re my downfall; you’re my muse, my worst distraction, my rhythm and blues.
I can’t stop singing; it’s ringing, in my head for you.”
“Alright…” she said as she leant forward and turned the radio back on, her fingers quickly switching it over to the CD player function in search of a different song to distract her from her thoughts. She hovered her hand close to the stereo whilst the current CD loaded and smiled to herself when the sound of an electric guitar and drum accompaniment burst forth from the speakers.
“Baby, seasons change but people don’t.
And I’ll always be waiting in the back room.
I’m boring but overcompensate with headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.
But don’t pretend you ever forgot about me.
Don’t pretend you ever forgot about me…”
“Oh, thank God,” Chaeyoung said grateful that Lisa had returned her Fall Out Boy album to her after it’d inadvertently been the cause of the younger girl breaking her guitar a few months ago. She slumped back in her seat and closed her eyes, singing quietly along to the lyrics as she listened to the up tempo music and waited for Lisa to return, the younger girl managing to scare the life out of her for the second time that night when halfway through ‘This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race’ she opened the door behind Chaeyoung unexpectedly.
“Shit!” Chaeyoung gasped as her hand shot up to her chest, her heart pounding furiously in her ribcage at the sudden disturbance. “Can you stop doing that?” she laughed. “You scared the shit out of me…again.” She added after a pause.
“Sorry,” Lisa apologised sincerely, looking remorseful. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” Chaeyoung saw a smile creep on to Lisa’s face as she finally registered the song playing on the stereo.
“What?” Chaeyoung asked her, a smile of her own illuminating her features.
“You’re listening to Fall Out Boy?” she asked and Chaeyoung’s brow knitted together.
“Yeah,” she answered. “Why?”
“I just…I’m not sure how safe it is to bring this along with us after the last time I had an instrument around this band…” Lisa answered, lifting up her guitar in to view and placing it carefully on to the back seat beside a small holdall.
“You brought your guitar?” Chaeyoung questioned beaming.
“Yeah,” Lisa replied. “Do you think it’ll survive the journey to the beach?”
“There’s only one way to find out.” Chaeyoung responded and Lisa, having finally deposited everything in to the back of the car, closed the door and made her way back round to the passenger side. She opened the door and lowered herself in to the seat carefully, her eyes fixing on Chaeyoung’s ones for an instant before she turned around to reach for her safety belt. “Perhaps you should have buckled your guitar up too?” Chaeyoung joked as she watched Lisa clip it in to place.
“Nah,” she said waving her hand in front of her once it was secure. “Let’s live dangerously for once. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Ok, but don’t blame me if anything does happen to it,” Chaeyoung said lightheartedly.
“I won’t.” she responded casually.
“So then, where to next?” she asked Lisa nonchalantly.
“The beach,” Lisa replied smiling broadly.
“Our usual spot?” Chaeyoung asked.
“No,” Lisa answered shaking her head for emphasis, but not elaborating any further.
“Lili, you’re going to have to tell me where we’re going,” she said, her tone serious. “Otherwise, how am I supposed to know how to get there?”
“Just head towards our usual spot and then keep driving,” Lisa encouraged her. “I’ll direct you when we get a bit closer.”
“You’re so infuriating.” Chaeyoung grumbled weakly as she put the car in to drive, a betraying grin on her face as she pulled away from the curb.
“It won’t be long now Rosie, I promise,” Lisa said, placing a hand on the taller girl’s knee. “Just a few more minutes, that’s all.” Chaeyoung reached her right hand down and placed it on top of Lisa’s left, her fingers enclosing around it affectionately as she continued to drive towards the beach. She followed Lisa’s instructions and headed in the direction of the place where they usually wasted away their days, only changing course when they’d arrived at it and Lisa directed her to take a right turn down a side street. Chaeyoung did as she was asked and continued to follow Lisa’s prompts for a few minutes, the brunette extending her arm in front of her and pointing either left or right as she navigated the streets decisively.
“Pull up over there,” Lisa said gesturing to a space on Chaeyoung’s left a little further ahead. Chaeyoung did as Lisa asked and steered the car over to the side of the row, stopping alongside a low curb which was situated down a quiet side street. Lisa released her seat belt quickly when the car came to a halt and she leant forward to peer through the windscreen, an all-encompassing smile spreading across her face as her eyes fell on the sea which could just about be made out in the distance, the reflection of the moon sparkling radiantly off the water in the gaps between the palm trees situated just ahead of them.
“Where are we?” Chaeyoung asked, glancing out the side windows and trying to get her bearings.
“The beach,” Lisa answered simply, turning to Chaeyoung and meeting her browneyes with her own excited ones.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been here before Lili,” Chaeyoung commented. “Are you sure that we’re allowed?” she asked uncertainly.
“Of course!” Lisa replied animatedly as she pushed open the passenger door.
“Really?” Chaeyoung questioned still uncertain. “It looks like it might be private.”
“It’s not,” Lisa reassured her, stepping outside the vehicle and lowering her head back in to look at Chaeyoung once she was outside. “Trust me.” Lisa implored sincerely.
“Ok,” Chaeyoung agreed, meeting Lisa’s hazelnut eyes and accepting her words for the truth, realising that she had never once given her reason to doubt them.
“Ok,” Lisa acknowledged closing the door and quickly gathering the things that she’d collected from her house out of the back of the car.
“Here, let me take something for you.” Chaeyoung offered as she exited the vehicle on her side and walked around it to join Lisa. She gently closed the back right passenger door shut as she reached it and bent down to assist Lisa who was struggling to deal with both her guitar and the holdall that she’d brought with her.
“No, it’s ok.” Lisa said hurriedly, placing her guitar case on the floor and lifting the holdall strap across her shoulder.
“Are you sure?” Chaeyoung asked as she stood back up, her eyes never leaving her girlfriend.
“Yeah,” Lisa answered, picking her guitar case back up and taking hold of Chaeyoung’s hand with her free one. “I’ve got it.” She reassured her.
“Ok, as long as you’re sure though?” Chaeyoung asked, using her key fob to lock her car.
“I’m sure.” She replied tugging gently on Chaeyoung’s hand enthusiastically. “Come on, we’ve still got a little bit of a walk before we get there.” Lisa led Chaeyoung down the sidewalk a few yards, tugging impatiently on the taller girls hand until they reached a wire fence that stopped just above waist height. She paused in front of it and frowned, her eyes scanning the barrier in front of them as though she was surprised to see it there.
“Is everything alright?” Chaeyoung asked, watching as Lisa’s brow furrowed thoughtfully and her eyes continued to roam the thin mesh partition in the faint glow of the streetlight nearby.
“Yeah,” Lisa said, taking a step closer to the division and releasing Chaeyoung’s hand for a moment. She walked along the fence, her hand grazing the metal wire until she came to a gate on the far right hand side which she hadn’t noticed on first observation. Lisa slid the lock back and swung it open, leaning her body weight against it in order to stop it closing again. She gestured for Chaeyoung to step through it and the browneyed girl took a tentative step in Lisa’s direction, a nagging feeling of distrust in the pit of her stomach.
“Are you sure I’m not going to get arrested for this?” Chaeyoung asked hesitantly, pausing just in front of her girlfriend.
“I guess we’ll soon find out.” Lisa answered mischievously, quirking one eyebrow up as she spoke.
“Please tell me that you’re joking?” Chaeyoung beseeched stepping past her girlfriend. Lisa moved away from the gate to follow her, allowing it to slam closed noisily now that she was no longer standing in front of it.
“Would you relax,” Lisa encouraged Chaeyoung, grabbing hold of her hand and pulling on it energetically as she bounded forward in to the shelter of the tall palm trees that now towered above them.
“I can’t relax,” Chaeyoung responded seriously. “Do you know what my parents would do if I got arrested for trespassing?”
“You’re not going to get arrested,” Lisa laughed, walking forward briskly. She steered them on through the trees skilfully, avoiding low and sometimes hidden obstructions as though she made this journey every day of her life. “It’ll be fine.” She reassured her again, her feet still moving them forward quickly.
“So…you used to come here a lot right?” Chaeyoung asked searchingly, looking for further guarantee that they weren’t breaking any laws. She glanced over her shoulder worriedly in the direction they’d just come from, unable to shake the gnawing doubt in her gut.
“All the time,” Lisa confirmed.
“Lili, you’d tell me if you had a criminal record, wouldn’t you?” Chaeyoung urged her sheepishly.
“Sure…” Lisa replied cautiously, her eyes still fixed firmly in front of her as her feet continued to drive them forward with undeterred purpose. “You know…if I could remember whether I had one or not…then…yeah…of course I’d tell you.”
“What?!” Chaeyoung exclaimed as she planted her feet firmly in to the ground beneath her and stopped walking. “Lili!” Lisa turned round to face her and chuckled loudly.
“I’m joking,” she laughed heartily, taking a step towards Chaeyoung. “I don’t have a criminal record.”
“Are you sure?” Chaeyoung asked bewildered.
“Well, I mean, yeah…I’m pretty sure…” Lisa responded casually.
“Ok, we have to go back.” Chaeyoung said feeling uneasy.
“No we don’t,” Lisa disagreed with her, still laughing to herself lightly, evidently amused by Chaeyoung’s reluctance. “We’re almost there now. It’s literally just through those trees…”
“Lili, I can’t go to jail…” she stated seriously.
“You won’t go to jail,” Lisa laughed, pulling on Chaeyoung’s arm again, trying to urge her forward.
“I don’t think I believe you,” Chaeyoung admitted and Lisa laughed again. She turned to face Chaeyoung and released her hand, instead placing the palm of her own against her girlfriend’s face.
“Listen,” she said fondly as her thumb stroked Chaeyoung’s cheek. “We won’t get in trouble for being here, I promise. I’m just messing with you, ok? You can access this part of the beach from our usual spot if you really wanted to,” she informed her honestly. “It’s just more difficult because of the inlet and the breakers, that’s all. It’s a part of the reason that no one really comes here. It’s too much effort to get to and it’s too far away from the restaurants and the other amenities for tourists to want to come here.”
“What about the locals?” Chaeyoung questioned.
“I don’t know,” Lisa shrugged, unsure of the answer to the question. “I guess they know it’s here but I don’t think it’s exactly advertised.” She commented. “I mean, the only reason I know it’s here is because of my dad. He used to bring me and Jisoo down here all the time when we were growing up.”
“Seriously?” Chaeyoung asked, still dubious. “You’re sure?”
“Rosie, let me ask you something,” Lisa said meaningfully, her dark eyes penetrating Chaeyoung’s deeply. “Did you see a ‘No trespassing’ sign on the fence back there?”
“Well…no,” Chaeyoung admitted as Lisa took hold of her girlfriend’s hand once again.
“Did you see any sign that said this was private land?” she pressed.
“No…” Chaeyoung replied, “but…maybe we just missed it or something.”
“Ok,” Lisa accepted grudgingly, “Well, don’t you think that if it were private land that the gate would have been locked?”
“I suppose…” Chaeyoung granted.
“Rosie,” Lisa said as she gently leant backwards on to her heels and pulled on her girlfriend’s arm so that it was straightened between them. “The fence on the perimeter is so low that Jules could scale it in ten seconds if she wanted to…” she trailed off, taking a step backwards. Chaeyoung moved forward with her, taking one diffident step then another. “It’s not private property.” Lisa stated clearly for Chaeyoung’s benefit as she continued to walk backwards carefully, the taller girl continuing to keep pace with her.
“So you’re not leading me in to a life of crime?” Chaeyoung asked, feeling a little easier about things at Lisa’s rationalisation but still worrying that they might get in trouble.
“Not yet,” Lisa replied smiling. “We’ve still got plenty of time for that if you want though.” She added jovially, spinning around in her converse on the sand so that she was walking forward again, her hand still entwined with Chaeyoung’s. Lisa guided Chaeyoung the remainder of the way through the trees, her small hand clasped lightly around the taller girls and tugging on it gently until they eventually emerged on to a small, open expanse of beach which was isolated from the rest of the coast line by a long wave breaker on one side and the sharp contour of the land and accumulation of wild undergrowth on the other.
“Wow,” Chaeyoung said as her eyes took in the pictures view before her.
“I know right?” Lisa said happily as she stepped out in to the space further and lowered her guitar case on to the sand. She removed the holdall strap from over her shoulder and dumped the bag carefully beside it, unburdening herself from its weight.
“It’s so beautiful here,” Chaeyoung observed as she wandered forward in awe, her eyes taking in the enormous moon and the generous scattering of stars which lit up the sky above them. The ocean sat relatively calm and it glistened in the pale evening light, the waves it generated rocking back and forth against the shore softly.
“It’s almost, but not quite, as beautiful as you are.” Lisa told her smoothly, discarding her converse easily and sinking her feet in to the cool sand. Chaeyoung felt her face blush despite herself and stepped closer to the younger girl, closing the distance between them.
“God, you’re so good at that now,” Chaeyoung praised Lisa, reaching up both her hands to caress the tops of Lisa’s arms delicately over the sleeves of her hoody.
“You make it easy for me,” Lisa shared with her, only half joking as she crumpled her toes and then straightened them again a few times, her small feet manipulating the sand beneath them out of habit. Chaeyoung squeezed Lisa’s right bicep on noticing the custom and glanced around the secluded beach, smiling to herself unconsciously at the peaceful tranquillity of the place, the faint calls of the seabirds in the distance and the soft rustle of the palm leaves in the placid breeze behind her the only other only sound audible beside the waves.
“I can’t believe how quiet it is here,” Chaeyoung noted in wonderment.
“It’s because we’re too far from the main tourist strip to get any of the noise from the hotels and the bars,” Lisa shared, pleased with Chaeyoung’s obvious approval of her and Jisoo’s secret escape. “It’s part of the reason that I love it here so much.” Chaeyoung examined Lisa closely as her hazelnut eyes strayed over the serene landscape around them, her girlfriend apparently refamiliarising herself with it after such a long and bitter separation. Chaeyoung could see the truth of Lisa’s words plain as day, the obvious affection that her girlfriend had for the place evident on her face. Her features seemed softer here; her eyes more vibrant and spirited, her smile bright than any star that illuminated the sky. “You know…” Lisa started, returning her gaze to meet Chaeyoung’s. “This is my favourite place in the entire world.” she revealed with a slight hint of melancholy in her voice which Chaeyoung had no difficulty hearing but a lot of trouble interpreting.
“It is?” she asked, surprised, her forehead creasing notably. “Then why haven’t you brought me here before?” Chaeyoung asked; her tone not accusatory but interested.
“It’s because I’ve been avoiding it.” Lisa disclosed honestly. “The last time that I was here was just before the accident.” She shared. “This is the first time that I’ve been back here in almost a year.”
“You’ve never mentioned it before,” Chaeyoung commented in realisation, her eyes studying Lisa’s face closely. “In all the time that I’ve known you Lili, I don’t think I’ve ever once heard you talk about this place.”
“I know,” Lisa said, dropping her gaze to avoid Chaeyoung’s scrutiny. “It’s because I haven’t…” She exhaled, watching her own feet as they kicked at the sand.
“Why?” Chaeyoung pressed sensitively; her mind trying to fit the pieces of everything Lisa had ever told her together to form some kind of explanation.
“I just…couldn’t…” The younger girl confessed simply, lifting her eyes to Chaeyoung’s again.
“Yeah, but…why?” Chaeyoung asked softly, reaching up her hand and placing it on Lisa’s shoulder again. “Lili…” Chaeyoung probed tenderly, squeezing her shoulder in a show of support. “I don’t understand…if it means that much to you then, why haven’t you ever told me about it?” she questioned carefully. “Why have you been avoiding it for so long?” Lisa rubbed over her mouth thoughtfully with the fingertips of her left hand for a moment before extricating herself from Chaeyoung’s grasp and crouching down to open the holdall that she’d brought with them. She pulled out a blanket from inside and unrolled it on the sand beside the rest of her things, Chaeyoung watching silently as she did so.
“Here,” she said patting the space beside her once she was sitting down on top of it. “Come and sit with me.” Chaeyoung obeyed amenably, descending on to the blanket beside Lisa who was staring out at the ocean contemplatively. For a few minutes Lisa didn’t say anything and Chaeyoung watched her profile patiently, allowing her the time to collect her thoughts without interruption. When Chaeyoung had all but assumed that Lisa had forgotten she was there, the younger girl twisted on the spot to face her. She reached for Chaeyoung’s hands and took them both in her own, bringing them to rest on her knees.
“You know, I’ve never been popular Rosie,” Lisa said simply, not quite fully meeting Chaeyoung’s eyes but lifting her gaze in their direction. “I’ve never really had any friends. In fact, before I met you, Somi and Jennie the only friend that I had was Jisoo.” She confessed. “There was just me and her but, that was ok because she was such a great friend to me that I didn’t ever need any others.” She explained, tilting her head up so that she was now meeting Chaeyoung’s eyes squarely. “Jisoo…she’s so charismatic and outgoing; so loyal and dependable, so….amazing, that just one of her is equivalent to having a hundred other friends. At least, that’s how I feel.” She disclosed.
“It’s like…Jisoo’s this super friend who always knows exactly what to do or say in any situation and somehow manages to appear whenever I happen to need her the most, even if it’s just to be there…even if I don’t want to talk…she’ll just be there for me and that’s enough…she’s enough…” The corner of Lisa’s mouth twitched slightly and curled up in to a sad half smile as she manipulated Chaeyoung’s fingers in her own and lifted their entwined hands between them, her eyes watching them closely as she did so. “Did you know that our mom’s knew each other in high school?” Lisa asked Chaeyoung and the browneyed girl nodded her head in response.
“Yeah, Somi mentioned something to me about it once.” Chaeyoung responded honestly. “They were best friends from the very first day of their freshman year and they have been ever since then.” Lisa said glancing out at the ocean briefly before returning her eyes up to Chaeyoung’s again. “So I’ve know Jisoo all my life,” Lisa continued. “We literally grew up together and her family is mine just as much as mine is hers. So, Jisoo is more to me than just a friend Rosie. She’s my sister and she knows everything that there is to know about me, all of my stories, every single one of them. I mean, she should do really….” She realised wistfully. “She’s been the biggest supporting character in most of them.” Lisa paused momentarily and cleared her throat, her voice turning slightly hoarse from talking so candidly.
“Jisoo was there with me the day that I knocked out my first milk tooth on the dining room table,” Lisa shared with Chaeyoung. “She was there with me the day that I managed to get my hand stuck in my next door neighbour’s letter box because I was trying to pet their dog through it.” She revealed. “She was the person who sat with me in my room the afternoon that my grandpa passed away, back before I really even knew what that meant. I remember that she was there when my parent’s sat me down to tell me,” Lisa recalled. “They wanted to tell us together because she loved my grandpa just as much as I did…the two of us, we always used to chase him around the garden together,” she told her.
“Jisoo would take his glasses off him and pretend that she was old and couldn’t see.” She laughed, sniffing back tears. “I remember the day that he died and how she held my hand when my parents explained that he was gone, that he wasn’t going to be coming back. I looked at her afterwards because I was confused. I didn’t understand what that meant, but I knew that she did. She had a big family and she’d lost people before so, she knew that when my parents said he wasn’t coming back that it was the truth, even if I didn’t believe them. She stayed over at my house that night and we slept in a makeshift fort that we’d built together out of blankets in my bedroom. We were always making them in the corner of my room. It was like our special place…our own secret castle that we could lock ourselves away in,” Lisa said, crying openly now, not ashamed of her tears, a sad mix of longing for the past and sorrow in her voice.
“I remember that Jisoo told me this stupid story about a monkey that couldn’t find his banana in to try and cheer me up. She always used to do that if I was sad, just…make stuff up to make me laugh, but she couldn’t then…just like she couldn’t after the accident.” Lisa wiped at her eyes with the back of one hand before continuing. “After she’d told me her story, we just lay together under our comforters in that fort and she kept telling me that I shouldn’t be sad. She said that I should be happy, that my grandpa was moving in to his new house next door to God and that they were probably already having a really big welcome party for him.” Lisa paused for a moment and Chaeyoung squeezed her hand, encouraging her to go on. “She said that he was so nice that he’d definitely have already made lots of new friends.” Lisa complied after taking a few seconds to compose herself.
“She told me that when we died and were finally able to see him again, that he’d introduce all of them to us and that they’d give us chocolate and sweets just like all his other friends’ always did.” Lisa glanced back out at the ocean again regretfully as she continued. “We spent a long time that night talking about the gift that we could give him when we did see him next, but, we couldn’t agree on anything.” Lisa revealed, dropping her head low and wiping her nose on one of her sleeves. “I remember that Jisoo wanted to buy him some new glasses because she always lost his whenever she borrowed them but, no matter the suggestions that she made, the only thing that I ever really wanted to give him was a hug…”
“How old were you when he passed away?” Chaeyoung asked compassionately, stroking the back of Lisa’s hand with her thumb, engrossed in her girlfriend’s memories but curious as to how they related to her earlier question about the beach.
“I was seven,” Lisa replied, wiping at her eyes with her free hand once more in an attempt to rid the tears there. “I remember it clearly because it was the week after Jisoo’s birthday and when we’d first found out that he’d died she told me how she wished that she’d saved her birthday.” She recollected. “Jisoo said she would have saved it if she’d known; that she would have used it to bring him back instead of wasting it on a new bike.
“I’m sorry,” Chaeyoung apologised when Lisa trailed off.
“Don’t be,” Lisa returned as Chaeyoung used the pad of her thumb to wipe a stray tear from the younger girls’ cheek. “I’m not. I have so many amazing memories of him that it’s hard for him to ever really be gone from my life completely.” Chaeyoung smiled at the irony of Lisa’s words because she knew her girlfriend’s fears about being forgotten if she died. They’d spoken about her insecurities numerous times over the course of their relationship, including earlier that evening. So, to hear Lisa recognise the truth of the matter now made Chaeyoung’s heart flutter unreservedly. “I just…that’s Jisoo all over…” Lisa went on trying to get back to her original point. “She acts like she doesn’t care. In fact, she acts like a complete idiot most of the time. She just…she makes a lot of jokes and…plays a lot of pranks but, she’s a big softie at heart. She’s really a giant teddy bear; caring and kind. Sometimes I think that people don’t really know that about her…”
“We know,” Chaeyoung disagreed with her girlfriend. “Me, Somi and Jennie…we’ve all seen that side of Jisoo. We see it all the time because of you.” She added meaningfully. “You’re one of the things that’s guaranteed to bring that side out in her. Do you think we’ve not heard her speak about you the way that you’re talking about her now? Do you think that she hasn’t told us stories about how you’ve been there for her too? We used to sit by your hospital bed after your seizure at Christmas and she’d tell me all her favourite memories of you.” Chaeyoung shared affectionately. “For example, she told me about the time that you stole your dad’s video camera and tried to make a documentary about one of the neighbourhood cats…” she laughed, recalling the story of how Lisa and Jisoo had followed it around for a whole day, narrating its actions like they were David Attenborough. “She said that you got stuck up a tree and she had to go and get your dad to come and rescue you.”
“We were so stupid back then,” Lisa chuckled at the memory.
“What do you mean ‘back then’? Chaeyoung asked playfully, releasing Lisa’s hand and pushing against her upper arm goodnaturedly.
“Fair enough,” Lisa allowed, rocking backwards on the spot slightly before finding her balance again.
“Do you really think we don’t know what kind of person Jisoo is Lili?” Chaeyoung asked, dipping her head to meet Lisa’s eyes. “Do you really think that people can’t see just how much she cares, especially when it comes to you?” Lisa didn’t answer Chaeyoung’s question so the taller girl continued. “Jisoo’s no better at hiding who she really is than you are.” She told her. “Everyone knows how much she loves you. You’d have to be blind not to see that.” Lisa shook the hand of Chaeyoung’s that she still held in her own a few times before releasing it to pick up a handful of sand from beside her. She didn’t talk, instead just allowing the small grains to trickle through her fingers as she watched them silently. “Why are you telling me all this stuff about Jisoo though?” Chaeyoung asked her as the last of it escaped Lisa’s grasp and fell to the ground again. Lisa lifted her eyes to Chaeyoung’s and held them for a moment, a smile gracing her lips at the question, her hand dipping low to pick up another handful of sand.
“You wanted to meet Lisa,” she answered as though it should have been obvious, “and well Jisoo, she’s a huge part of who I am,” Lisa explained.
“Yeah?” Chaeyoung asked somewhat sarcastically and beaming brightly.
“Yeah,” Lisa answered, understanding from the look on Chaeyoung’s face that she already knew that. “I mean, we’re so different in so many ways but Jisoo always made it seem like those differences didn’t matter.” Lisa said, her gaze lowering to the floor in front of her. “Jisoo is an extrovert and I’m an introvert,” she stated, lowering her hand to play with the sand beside her again. “She’s loud and enigmatic whereas I’m shy and quiet. She has no problem making friends and talking to people she doesn’t know but I’ve always struggled with that because I never felt like I knew what to say. I was so awkward even before the accident made my speech difficult. I’d trip over my words when I was talking to someone new and I always used to worry what people would think of me. Jisoo didn’t though. She’s never cared what anyone thought of her.” Lisa lifted her eyes to Chaeyoung’s which were watching her attentively.
“You know, sometimes I used to wish that I could be like that, that I could be like her but, I couldn’t. Trust me, I tried but, it just made me feel uncomfortable and I hated it,” Lisa shared openly. “I always felt like people were judging me. My parents thought that I should try harder, that it wasn’t good for me to only have one friend. They said that I should try to socialise more. They were worried that I’d struggle when I went to college, that if me and Jisoo went to different schools then I’d be alone and isolated.” She explained. “I could understand their concerns, I could but, it’s hard for me to let people in. I don’t know if you noticed Rosie but I kind of keep myself to myself.”
“I’d noticed,” Chaeyoung acknowledged with an understanding smile on her face.
“I can make friends though,” Lisa went on. “It just…it takes me a little while, that’s all. I need to get to know someone before I can really trust them and sometimes they can get impatient and bored of waiting…”
“It’s their loss,” Chaeyoung informed her kindly, placing a hand on Lisa’s knee. “They don’t know what they’re missing out on.” Lisa smiled appreciatively at Chaeyoung’s words.
“You really think so?” Lisa asked.
“I know so,” Chaeyoung returned without even a second’s delay for thought. “Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you Lili. Jisoo’s smart and she knows that. She knows how amazing you are.”
“When I was growing up Jisoo was the only person that never made me feel like being myself was potentially a bad thing,” Lisa said frankly. “She accepted me for who I was; flaws and all. It’s because of her that I am the person that I am, that I feel so comfortable around her. She never tried to change me and it’s strange because when I’m with her, I feel more confident, more outgoing, more dynamic…” Lisa mused. “It’s like…her personality is contagious and I never worry that I’ll embarrass myself around her because I know she’d just laugh it off and remind me of the time that her shorts fell down in gym class during junior high.” Chaeyoung smiled at Lisa’s tale as the younger girl shuffled closer to her, meeting her gaze squarely. “When I’m with her I can be myself,” Lisa shared. “I don’t have to pretend to be someone else. I can be vulnerable or I can be an idiot,” she said smiling. “I can be quiet or I can be loud, and it doesn’t matter to her because she’ll hang out with whichever version of me exists in that moment.”
“Lili, I’m confused. I thought you said that I was going to meet Lisa tonight,” Chaeyoung returned a little baffled by her girlfriend’s story.
“You are,” Lisa answered, her free hand playing with the material of Chaeyoung’s flannel shirt mindlessly, “but, not because you didn’t know her.”
“I’m kind of lost then,” she admitted. “I mean everything you’ve just told me…it’s not exactly new information. I’ve always known how reflective you can be, how quiet and contemplative you are.” She reminded her girlfriend. “I’ve always known just how close you are to Jisoo…”
“Rosie,” Lisa interrupted. “You’re not meeting Lisa tonight because you didn’t know her but, because I didn’t.”
“What do you mean?” Chaeyoung questioned.
“You’ve always known who I was Rosie,” Lisa informed her simply. “It might have been difficult for you to separate the parts of me that were purely a result of the accident from those which were inherent parts of my personality at times but, deep down you always knew just who I was.” She told her, speaking the last few words slowly and drawing them out to make her point. “It was me that didn’t,” she continued, “but, I do now. I know who I am again and the stupid thing is that I’m the same person that I’ve always been…I just…I couldn’t see it before today.” Lisa sighed heavily before continuing. “Rosie, the truth is that there are only two people who really know the real me,” Lisa said separating their mouths and locking her hazelnut eyes on the brown of her girlfriends. “There are only two people that I really feel comfortable sharing everything with; that get to see all of me, even the parts that I don’t necessarily like very much.”
“Lili…” Chaeyoung started but Lisa reached down and squeezed one of Chaeyoung’s hands to stop her midsentence. “There’s Jisoo…” Lisa stated obviously, her voice trailing off as she leant forward, “and then there’s you.” Lisa paused for a moment and picked up one of Chaeyoung’s hands. “You fell in love with the real me long before I ever did.” Lisa said; stroking the base of Chaeyoung’s thumb soothingly, her mouth only inches from the taller girls, their eyes burning in to one another’s.
“Lili are you saying what I think you are?” Chaeyoung asked.
“I’m saying that this is as good as it gets Rosie,” Lisa exhaled. “I’m saying that in my mind I’m as recovered as I’m ever going to be and I know that physically I’m not as good as I was before. I understand that I’m never going to get back to the function that I used to have, I do…I know that but, I’m saying that it doesn’t matter. That it’s ok. It’s ok Rosie,” she said pointedly, brushing some of Chaeyoung’s hair back out of her eyes. “It’s ok because the person that I am now; the one that has a family who has sacrificed everything for her over the last year, the one whose best friend has stood by her even when at times she tried so hard to push her away, the one who has an incredible girlfriend that she loves with all her heart, a girlfriend that loves her back despite all the trouble they’ve faced…well, I love her.” Lisa said. “I love her, I do.”
“You do?” Chaeyoung asked choking back a sob, touched by Lisa’s words.
“Yeah I do,” Lisa replied, “I love her and I love this life and all the extraordinary people that she’s been blessed to share it with.”
“Really?” Chaeyoung asked.
“Really,” Lisa responded honestly. “It’s taken me so long to get to this point Rosie and it’s been so incredibly hard but you’ve been so patient with me…” she trailed off wistfully. “You accepted me for who I was just like Jisoo did. When I was too depressed to pull myself out of bed you’d just sit with me. You’d just be there and that meant more to me than anything because it made me feel like the way I was feeling was valid, like it was ok for me not to be alright…like…” Lisa trailed off, wiping at her damp eyes. “I’m sorry,” she apologised, sniffing as she leant back away from her girlfriend.
“Don’t be,” Chaeyoung told her, wiping at Lisa’s cheek with the pad of her thumb.
“It’s just…you understood that I just needed some time…” Lisa went on. “I just…I needed time to get better…”
“I know,” Chaeyoung said, caressing the side of Lisa’s face with her fingertips lightly.
“Thank you,” Lisa practically whispered, nodding her head.
“What for?” Chaeyoung queried, her brow furrowing slightly in her confusion.
“For giving me the time that I needed and for not rushing me to get to a place that I wasn’t ready for,” Lisa explained. “For not pushing me before I was ready. I can never give that time back to you and I can never thank you enough for the time that you gave me.”
“You just did,” Chaeyoung replied seriously, smiling. “Hearing you say that…it’s payment enough. It’s more than enough.”
“You asked me earlier why I’d never brought you here…” Lisa said, reaching up and subduing Chaeyoung’s hand which was still caressing her face by capturing her wrist. “You asked me why I’d never spoken about it before…”
“Yes,” Chaeyoung acknowledged, lowering her hand in to her lap.
“Well, it because this place is special to me,” Lisa started to explain, placing her own hand on top of Chaeyoung’s. “It’s mine and Jisoo’s. Somewhere that we’d come together to escape from reality for a bit. When we were alone here we’d pretend that we were stuck on a desert island, just the two of us.” She continued. “We’d tell each other secrets and talk about whatever we wanted to. Stupid things mostly,” Lisa admitted, chuckling lightly despite her tears. She picked up her girlfriend’s hand and linked their fingers together. “After the accident, everything in my life felt tainted.” Lisa started to explain.
“Everything felt like it had changed because of my depression and nothing felt the same anymore.” She shared. “My mood, it ruined everything and I couldn’t enjoy the things that I had done before. I didn’t feel comfortable at home,” Lisa continued. “I felt like I was a nuisance…like I was a burden…like I didn’t belong there…my mom, she was either fussing over me constantly or tiptoeing around my feelings…so, I looked forward to the school year, to getting back to some kind of normality, to escaping the house only…school was different too…harder and even more uncomfortable then my house…”
“I know Lili,” Chaeyoung reassured her. “I read your diary. I remember what you wrote in it and how you felt.”
“The accident managed to distort them both,” Lisa explained. “It corrupted them and turned them into places that I couldn’t really stand to be for any prolonged length of time. I felt like I was trapped and festering when I was in both. I mean, I couldn’t bear everyone looking at me like I was an invalid at school but I felt the same way when I saw the smile on my mom’s face that didn’t quite reach her eyes because she was faking it for my benefit.”
“You were worried that if you came back here, that if you talked about it then it’d be spoilt as well?” Chaeyoung queried.
“I wanted to try to keep something for myself.” Lisa responded. “I just wanted one thing to remain untarnished, to stay the same as it was before and I was worried that if I came here again then it’d be ruined…that I would somehow manage to ruin it. Does that sound stupid?”
“No, it doesn’t sound stupid,” Chaeyoung reassured Lisa, offering her a warm smile. Lisa reached over then and pulled the holdall that she’d brought with them closer to her side.
“Tonight when we were talking in the courtyard I finally realised something,” she started, opening the large compartment of the bag while Chaeyoung watched. “I realised that the only thing that had really changed after the accident was my perception of who I was, that in reality I was still the same person that I’d always been, even if my body didn’t quite work in the same way.” She finished, pulling out a small, lockable, wooden box from inside the bag and handing it to Chaeyoung. “You helped me realise that.” Lisa informed her. “It was because of what you’d said, you know, about me not being ready to go up on stage to sing with you,” she continued, pulling out a lanyard from the bag and draping it over her hand so that Chaeyoung could see a small silver key attached to it. “That was when everything just kind of fell in to place for me. That I finally understood.” Lisa held out the small key for Chaeyoung to take.
“What’s this?” Chaeyoung asked; reaching forward and retrieving the lanyard from Lisa’s grasp.
“Every year since we were thirteen, on the first day of summer vacation, Jisoo and I would come down here and we’d spend the day planning what we were going to going to do over the break,” Lisa responded whilst Chaeyoung studied the two objects she now held in her hand. “We’d bring my guitar and we’d write songs together…”
“Seriously?” Chaeyoung asked, surprised by the admission.
“Yeah,” Lisa replied, her mouth curving up in to a smile. “I think we spoke about it once before…”
“The first day of school at lunch,” Chaeyoung remembered easily at the prompt, pointing in Lisa’s direction. “We were talking about the accident and Jisoo asked you if you missed your life before…”
“Wait. Was it really that long ago?” Lisa queried uncertainly.
“Yes,” Chaeyoung answered. “You said that you missed writing and Somi asked you if meant stories but, you said you’d meant ‘songs.’
“Huh,” Lisa said thoughtfully, “Well, anyway, we’d come down here for the whole day and we’d bring a picnic with us.” Lisa continued. “We’d go swimming and we’d mess around in the water, having competitions to see who could go out in to the sea the furthest and still touch the floor without disappearing beneath the water…”
“Let me guess,” Chaeyoung began, entertained by the information. “Jisoo always won.”
“Jisoo’s a giant,” Lisa returned, laughing. “Of course she won.” Lisa slid the bag out of the way and shifted her position on the blanket so that she was next to Chaeyoung. “At the end of that day, Jisoo and I would always sit down and we’d look at the predictions we’d made for one another the year before,” she divulged. “Then, we’d write some for the next year and we’d put them back in this box and store them in my closet until the start of the following summer.” Lisa pointed at the small box in Chaeyoung’s hand, leaning forward slightly so that she was resting her elbows on her knees.
“It’s time Jisoo…” Chaeyoung recalled, remembering Lisa’s words to her best friend from earlier as she realised that the school year was all but over.
“Open it,” Lisa encouraged Chaeyoung, who looked at her stunned, feeling as though she was intruding on something she shouldn’t be privy to.
“Lili, I can’t do that.” Chaeyoung said, handing the box and key back to her. “This is something that you do with Jisoo…it’s not my place…”
“Please,” Lisa begged, “Jisoo won’t mind, I promise. She knows why I brought you here…”
“Are you sure?” Chaeyoung asked and Lisa nodded her head.
“Yes,” Lisa replied simply.
“Alright then,” Chaeyoung said, placing the small key in the lock and unfastening it smoothly. She lifted the lid on the box and placed it on the blanket in front of her before removing two pieces of folded up paper, ‘Lisa’ written on the front of one in Jisoo’s handwriting and ‘Jisoo’ on the other in a script Chaeyoung didn’t recognise. Chaeyoung held the second piece of paper so that Lisa could read her best friends’ name. “Is this your handwriting?” Chaeyoung asked in wonder at seeing the tidy cursive on the page.
“It was,” Lisa replied, taking the folded up leaf of legal paper from Chaeyoung’s grasp and tracing the line of text with her index finger sentimentally.
“It’s so different…” Chaeyoung noted as Lisa handed it back to her and clenched her right hand significantly; the poor coordination that remained in it after the accident the reason her handwriting would never appear that way again.
“What does it say?” Lisa asked her.
“You don’t remember?” Chaeyoung returned.
“No,” Lisa answered honestly. “It was only a few days later that the accident happened…I have no idea what I wrote.”
“You weren’t tempted to look?” Chaeyoung questioned playfully, unfolding the page.
“That’s not how this works,” Lisa responded, smiling. “It wouldn’t be fair to cheat.”
“It’s a game?” Chaeyoung said perceptively. “Not really but neither of us knows what the other one has written until the following summer,” Lisa informed her. “When we do look at them again we just see who came closest with their predictions.”
“Does that person win something?” Chaeyoung asked.
“No,” Lisa laughed. “It’s just a stupid tradition.” Chaeyoung glanced down at the page in her hand and read what Lisa had written, her eyes still not quite believing that the easily legible script was once her girlfriend’s. “Well,” Lisa prompted when Chaeyoung didn’t say anything. “What does it say?” Chaeyoung lifted her eyes to meet Lisa’s and handed her the page to read for herself.
“1. You will get an A+ in your American literature final.
2. You will play the ultimate prank on me.
3. You will still not have legitimately beaten me in the hot wing challenge.
4. You will finally stop making me watch ‘The Vampire Diaries’ with you.
5. You will still be my best friend”
“I suppose two out of five isn’t bad,” Lisa acknowledged shaking her head in amusement.
“She still is my best friend and she still hasn’t beaten me in the hot wing challenge.”
“She always makes us watch ‘The Vampire Diaries’ when we’re at her house,” Chaeyoung chuckled, “Nina Dobrev is easy on the eyes though so I can’t complain too much,” she teased her girlfriend who gave her a disapproving look in return. “What did she get on her American Literature final in the end?” she asked.
“She got a C,” Lisa replied, folding up the paper again. “I was going to help her out this year but…you know…I struggled just keeping up with my own studies,” she said, sounding remorseful.
“I assume that she didn’t play the ultimate prank on you?” Chaeyoung questioned, taking the page back from Lisa and placing it into the wooden box for safe keeping.
“No,” Lisa responded. “Not after the accident happened.”
“Is she really that good at them?” Chaeyoung asked fascinatedly.
“Just wait,” Lisa warned. “I’m sure that you’ll find out just how good she is at some point.”
“Here,” Chaeyoung said, holding out Jisoo’s predictions to Lisa. “You should read these first.” Lisa looked at the paper indecisively for a moment before taking it from Chaeyoung
“Ok,” she agreed, opening it carefully and smiling as her eyes scanned the writing on the page. She laughed as she reached the end and folded it back in half.
“What’s so funny?” Chaeyoung asked and Lisa gave her the predictions to read.
“1. You will finally learn not to care what people think of your ‘awesome’ dance skills
2. You will realise that you’re actually a talented guitar player and will win the school talent competition by singing one of your own songs.
3. I will defeat you in the hot wing challenge.
4. You will eat four whole pizzas in one sitting.
5. You will have your first kiss and fall in love”
“I guess it’s a tie,” Chaeyoung said, folding up the paper and putting it in the box on top of the first one.
“Looks like it,” Lisa agreed; her mouth quirking up in to a sad half smile.
“What’s wrong?” Chaeyoung asked, sensing the subtle shift in Lisa’s expression.
“It’s nothing really,” Lisa said unconvincingly.
“You’re an awful liar Lili,” Chaeyoung commented.
“Fine,” Lisa relented, “It’s just that I did have my first kiss,” she acknowledged, twisting on the spot to face Chaeyoung, “but, I guess I’m still kind of upset that I can’t remember it…”
“We’ve talked about this before babe,” Chaeyoung said, rubbing Lisa’s upper arm comfortingly. “You remember the next one…”
“Oh yeah,” Lisa scoffed lightly, cutting her off. “You mean the desperate attempt that I made to kiss you? The kiss that you quickly rejected?”
“Exactly…” Chaeyoung responded, making a face at the realisation that it wasn’t exactly the best memory for her girlfriend to have of her first ever kiss. “I guess I just pictured it differently that’s all,” Lisa admitted. “I thought it would be like in the movies and I’d be all nervous. I didn’t think it would be rushed and frantic in the middle of the street outside my house. I thought it would be more romantic.” Chaeyoung looked at Lisa closely, studying her features.
“Ok,” she said, a thought coming to her. “So, you didn’t like the memory you have of your first kiss…well then, let’s make another one.”
“Are you serious?” Lisa asked, releasing a quick breath in something that sounded a lot like mocking. “Do you know how many times we’ve kissed since then?”
“I think I have a pretty good idea,” Chaeyoung said, tilting her head slightly.
“I appreciate the gesture but…you can’t just create another first kiss because you didn’t like your actual one.” Lisa reasoned.
“Why not?” Chaeyoung questioned.
“Well….because your first kiss is your first kiss,” Lisa said. “You only get one. Anything afterwards doesn’t count.”
“Who says?” Chaeyoung argued.
“Everyone,” Lisa replied.
“Not me.” Chaeyoung disagreed, reaching forward and cupping Lisa’s cheek with the palm of one of her hands. “I say that we can do whatever we want. I mean, tonight is kind of a fresh start right? It’s just you and me…together…” she trailed off, watching as Lisa’s eyes lowered to her lips. “Plus, it’s the perfect setting…” Chaeyoung continued as Lisa’s eyes darted back up to meet hers, the younger girl biting down on her bottom lip thoughtfully as she considered Chaeyoung’s offer.
“You really want to rewrite our first kiss?” Lisa asked; swallowing hard as Chaeyoung moved her face closer to her girlfriend’s. “What if it isn’t as good as the one that you remember?”
“It’ll be better,” Chaeyoung promised confidently, her free hand finding its way to Lisa’s side.
“No pressure then,” Lisa tried to joke as Chaeyoung shifted her weight and dropped her voice lower.
“What’s wrong?” Chaeyoung asked; bringing her mouth close to Lisa’s so that the younger girl could feel the warmth of her breath against her skin. “Are you nervous?”
“A little,” Lisa admitted, lifting her hand up hesitantly to Chaeyoung’s shoulder as her girlfriend continued to edge forward slowly. Lisa moved her head back slightly and had to stick out one hand to stop herself from falling back on to the blanket when Chaeyoung continued to close the distance between them.
“Rosie,” Lisa said, noticing the pleased smile on the browneyed girls face. “What if I ruin your memory of it?” she questioned.
“You won’t,” Chaeyoung assured her. Lisa dropped her gaze to Chaeyoung’s lips again and inhaled deeply, her breath catching in her throat, evidently still unconvinced. “It’s ok,” Chaeyoung whispered to her. “You don’t need to be nervous.”
“I can’t help it,” Lisa said, swallowing hard, her heart pounding loudly in her ears at Chaeyoung’s close proximity to her.
“Lili, you have to be the one to do it,” Chaeyoung informed her sensitively. “You have to kiss me first.”
“Why?” Lisa exhaled quietly, her mouth growing dry with its thirst for Chaeyoung’s.
“You were always the one to initiate it,” Chaeyoung said softly. “It was always you that kissed me first.”
“Alright,” Lisa said, moistening her lips with her tongue and pushing herself forward with her hand. Chaeyoung moved back in response, but kept their mouths close, her eyes never leaving Lisa’s. Lisa lifted up her hand and traced the outline of Chaeyoung’s lips with her fingertips lightly as she admired the contours of her girlfriend’s mouth along with the feel of her soft flesh beneath her touch. Finally, she closed her eyes and steeled herself, her fingertips sliding round so that the palm of her hand was resting against Chaeyoung’s cheek as she brought their mouths closer together. Chaeyoung’s eyes remained open and she watched as Lisa pressed her lips tentatively against her own, only closing them when Lisa moved her hand to the back of Chaeyoung’s neck and entwined her fingers with the hair at her nape. Chaeyoung felt Lisa’s lips press against hers more firmly and her mouth started to move timidly, as though every memory of every kiss they’d ever shared had vanished from her mind completely. Chaeyoung matched Lisa’s pace easily, not pushing to deepen the kiss but instead enjoying the simplicity of it, the way it had somehow managed to make her own stomach fill with excited butterflies, how it seemed innocent and new despite the fact that it wasn’t.
“Was…was that ok?” Lisa asked nervously when she finally parted their mouths and sat back so that she could see Chaeyoung clearly.
“See,” Chaeyoung said, tracing the scar on Lisa’s forehead delicately with her thumb and smiling affectionately at her girlfriend. “I told you it’d be better.”
“It was?” Lisa asked.
“Do you remember it?” Chaeyoung questioned.
“Yes,” Lisa answered.
“Then it was better,” Chaeyoung said a huge grin spreading across her face as she pulled Lisa’s mouth towards hers again and kissed her deeply, her tongue wasting no time in finding her girlfriend’s as she leant her body weight against her, pressing her back on to the blanket.