“Lili, that’s because it is a puppy.” Chaeyoung returned, chuckling lightly to herself and placing a hand on Lisa’s upper arm, smiling at her affectionately.
“Yeah, but, who’s puppy is it?” Lisa asked, her eyes turning towards Chaeyoung and away from the small canine where they’d been fixed. “Is it like, a relatives’ of yours or something?” she queried seriously, apparently not understanding that it was in fact now hers. “I mean, it’s so cute,” Lisa voiced, turning her attention back to the tiny animal that was sat on its hind legs watching her, its leash hooked loosely beneath the leg of a patio chair in order to stop it from escaping. Lisa crouched down in front of the animal, patting it on the head tenderly, a small smile appearing on her lips as it started to lick the back of her hand. “I can’t believe that you’d borrow it for the day for me.” She finished and Chaeyoung quirked her head, finally realising Lisa’s misunderstanding.
“Ugh no,” Chaeyoung said, crouching down beside the younger girl and lifting up the dog’s name tag so that Lisa could see it, the word ‘Luca’ clearly printed on the small shiny gold disc where it hung from the collar around his neck. “I didn’t borrow him Lili,” Chaeyoung informed her, watching as Lisa mouthed the word on the tag, a look of comprehension crossing her features. “He’s yours.”
“Wh…wait, what?!” Lisa replied, turning to look at her girlfriend in complete shock. “You bought me a puppy? Are you crazy?” she asked, glancing back down at the petite dog again, her features softening almost instantly upon seeing it. She shook her head for a moment, trying not to let herself get distracted by the small creature. “You can’t buy me a puppy,” Lisa told her, trying to be practical about the situation, no matter how adorable Luca was, or how much she wanted to keep him. “They won’t let me keep him here and my parents can’t look after him…”
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said, laughing at her girlfriend’s response. “Trust me, it’s all taken care of I promise.”
“Rosie, it’s such a nice gesture, really it is and he’s so cute. I mean, look at him,” she prompted, turning her attention back to Luca, her smile widening as her eyes fell across the small brown bundle who was lowering himself onto the patio, resting his head on his paws tiredly. “I mean, he’s so cute, like, he’s adorable and I really, really love that you would do something like this for me but, I can’t keep him, not when I’m still in rehab. Plus, it’s too much,” Lisa shared with her. “Dogs aren’t cheap Rosie, how could you even afford him?”
“Ok,” Chaeyoung said, placing a hand on the side of Lisa’s neck to quiet her. “Perhaps I went about this the wrong way,” she recognised. “I probably should have explained a few things before I just went in to the big reveal.” She acknowledged and Lisa watched her expectantly as Chaeyoung lowered herself on to the patio and crossed her legs beneath her. Lisa mirrored Chaeyoung’s position, her hand gently stroking the small dog beside her subconsciously as she waited for her girlfriend’s explanation. “So,” she began, reaching for Lisa’s other hand with her own and holding it in her grasp, her thumb tracing small circles on the back of it as she spoke. “As you know, you kind of just unexpectedly reappeared back in my life again after six weeks apart and I hadn’t given any thought to what I’d get you for Valentine’s day because, well, if I’m being truthful, I didn’t even know whether I could still think of you as my girlfriend until a few days ago, yet alone whether we’d be exchanging gifts.” She enlightened Lisa.
“Then we kind of resolved everything between us and I wanted to get you something meaningful, something that I knew you wanted and would love as much as I love you,” she divulged. “I couldn’t think of anything,” she admitted. “My mind was drawing a complete blank and then the day of the deposition, I was sitting at lunch and I remembered how happy you’d been when we’d seen the dog outside Jimmy’s,” she continued. “I thought about the conversation we’d had, how you said that you’d always wanted one and that your parents had agreed that you could perhaps have one when you were older…”
“Did you think I was hinting?” Lisa interceded, evidently distressed by the thought. “I wasn’t, I promise! God, please tell me you didn’t buy me him because…”
“Hey,” Chaeyoung said, one hand reaching up to cup the side of Lisa’s cheek and stopping her midsentence. “I didn’t think you were hinting at all.” She reassured her girlfriend. “It’s just that you looked so happy when you were outside coddling it and I thought that maybe it’d be good for you to have something to take care of and look after for a change.” She revealed. “I thought that it’d be a nice role reversal for you, because I know how much you hate feeling like everyone is always having to look out for you, how you sometimes feel useless and inadequate, even though you’re not.” She added pointedly. “Plus,” she continued, “It’ll be nice for you too, you know, to have some company when you’re feeling low or alone, to have something that loves you unconditionally and that you feel comfortable talking to if I’m not around. Dogs are really good listeners.” Chaeyoung noted.
“They know when you need cheering up too,” she went on. “They’re really intuitive like that. Also” she said, holding up one finger enthusiastically. “I read somewhere that some dogs can predict seizures,” she informed Lisa. “So who knows, perhaps Luca will be able to warn you if you’re about to have one in future.” Lisa looked at the small puppy in front of her, its dark chocolate eyes closing tiredly as it fell asleep in response to her rhythmic strokes, her fingertips brushing it’s side lightly. “I spoke to your mom about getting you him and she agreed to it,” Chaeyoung reassured her, sensing Lisa’s hesitation and reaching a hand down to pet Luca gently on the head. “She even helped me pick him out and pay for him.” She told Lisa. “So, the deal is that he’s partly a gift from me for Valentine’s and your birthday, because, well, I love you Lili,” She declared easily. “I mean, you already know that, but, he’s also from your parents for your birthday too.” She clarified.
“Really?” Lisa asked smiling brightly, finally beginning to accept the truth behind Chaeyoung’s words, to hope. “He’s really mine? This isn’t a trick or something?”
“No of course it’s not a trick,” Chaeyoung laughed, grinning broadly at Lisa’s uncertainty, her inability to believe that she was actually getting something that she really wanted. “He’s most definitely yours Lili…well…and mine I suppose, at least for a little bit…just until you’re out of rehab anyway.”
“You’re going to look after him?” Lisa questioned happily.
“That’s part of the deal,” Chaeyoung told her. “I have to look after him until you’re home.”
“Your parents are alright with that?” she asked Chaeyoung who nodded in the affirmative.
“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but our parents are virtually inseparable nowadays Lili,” Chaeyoung disclosed. “My mom was more than happy to have a puppy around the house again,” she admitted. “Just as long as I feed him, walk him and look after him,” Chaeyoung informed Lisa, laughing at the recollection of her mom’s voice as she’d said those exact words to her.
“You hear that Luca,” Lisa said, picking up the small dog in her hands and placing him in her lap as she stroked him affectionately, her voice taking on the same babying tone that she’d used with the beagle outside Jimmy’s diner a few days ago. “You’re going to go and stay with your other mommy for a while,” she cooed, kissing him gently on the muzzle and then the top of his head, her hand stroking behind his ear.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung laughed, enjoying the content look on her girlfriend’s face as she lifted her eyes to meet the brown of her own. “He’s your dog, not mine. Don’t give him ideas…”
“No,” Lisa answered, dropping her gaze to the puppy in her lap again and scrunching up her nose in that adorable way that she somehow managed to adopt subconsciously, the sight of it making Chaeyoung’s heart swell in her chest. “He’s our dog, aren’t you Luca?” Lisa asked him, lifting his small form up in her arms and hugging him to her chest as she kissed the top of his head again. “Yes,” she said, her voice squeaky as she feigned Luca’s response, gently nodding Luca’s head with her hands in answer to her previous question.
“Dork,” Chaeyoung commented amused, but grateful that Lisa was happy.
“Did you hear that Luca?” Lisa asked, kissing the side of his face and closing her eyes for a moment happily. “Mommy loves me…that’s how she says it now.”
“You’re such a dork,” Chaeyoung chuckled lightly again and Lisa shuffled closer to her girlfriend so that they were side by side, placing Luca between them so that he was sat across both of their laps. Chaeyoung reached down to stroke under the small puppies chin soothingly, her eyes fixed on Lisa’s who was staring at her silently.
“Thank you,” Lisa said, the corner of her mouth turning up in to a crooked smile. “This is the best present anyone has ever gotten me.”
“It is?” Chaeyoung asked and Lisa nodded her head.
“It is,” she answered smiling as she leant her head closer to Chaeyoung’s and kissed her tenderly on the lips in gratitude, one hand releasing Luca to reach up and caress the side of Chaeyoung’s face delicately. “In fact,” Lisa said, pulling back a little, her hand still resting against the soft flesh of Chaeyoung’s cheek. “It kind of makes my gift pale in comparison,” Lisa admitted, making a face.
“I’m sure I’ll love whatever it is you’ve gotten me,” Chaeyoung assured her, planting a soft kiss just above Lisa’s left eye, her lips hovering over the scar there out of habit.
“Well, we’ll see,” Lisa responded doubtfully, tickling Luca’s chin for a moment before making a move to stand up, picking the puppy up carefully in her hands as she did so and cuddling him close. She held Luca securely in one hand and reached the other down for Chaeyoung to take; hauling her girlfriend on to her feet and entwining their fingers together reflexively once she was standing.
“Where are we going?” Chaeyoung asked; a smile on her lips as Lisa leant her form against her side.
“To my room,” Lisa replied simply, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
“Oh,” Chaeyoung responded, lifting an eyebrow in response. “I see….”
“Your present is there,” she told Chaeyoung, turning her head to look up at her girlfriend who was watching her closely, evidently trying to decipher whether there was a hidden meaning to her words or not.
“I thought you were going to show me around?” Chaeyoung asked her, changing the subject slightly, remembering the complete absence of a lock on Lisa’s bedroom door and not wanting to risk being alone with her there for fear of someone walking in.
“You want the grand tour?” Lisa asked slightly surprised at the rebuff.
“Yeah,” Chaeyoung replied, squeezing Lisa’s hand firmly. “Is that alright? I’d really like to get an idea of your life here,” she continued. “To understand how you spend your days without me.”
“You don’t need a tour for that,” Lisa commented dryly. “When I’m not with you I spend my days thinking about you. It’s that simple.”
“You’re smooth,” Chaeyoung noted, kissing the side of Lisa’s cheek at her girlfriend’s charm.
“Fine, don’t believe me,” Lisa said feigning offence and pouting slightly at Chaeyoung’s words, Luca wriggling in her arms a little. “It’s true though.” Chaeyoung stretched forward and kissed Lisa on the lips, desperate to remove the lovable pout from her face.
“I believe you,” Chaeyoung told her sincerely. “I’d still like a tour though.”
“Ok,” Lisa finally approved of Chaeyoung’s request. “I’ll just end it with my room then,” she resolved.
“Deal,” Chaeyoung agreed, silently hoping that by the time the tour was finished it would be nearing her curfew, or Lisa’s meal time, or something equally as unyielding. It wasn’t that Chaeyoung didn’t want to be with Lisa, because, honestly, after the way they’d left things when they’d last seen each other, Chaeyoung was more than eager to be with her girlfriend again intimately. It was the absolute lack of privacy, and, more specifically, a locked door between her and the thirty plus members of staff that concerned Chaeyoung. Lisa proceeded to show Chaeyoung around the treatment facility, quickly brushing over the gardens and the outside area before they left it, discussing the fact that they had an amazing pool, which, by all accounts, she’d never used once in the time she’d been here.
“You don’t like swimming?” Chaeyoung asked Lisa amazed. “I thought that you would have considering how much you like the beach.”
“No, I love swimming,” Lisa told her truthfully. “I just…I’m selfconscious about wearing a bathing suit, that’s all.”
“Ahh,” Chaeyoung replied, eyeing her girlfriend closely.
“I know what you’re going to say,” Lisa responded, tugging gently on Chaeyoung’s arm and leading her back through the patio doors and in to the building, Luca falling asleep in the crook of Lisa’s other arm. “You’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t be and then list a lot of reasons you think I’m beautiful.”
“Well then,” Chaeyoung returned, amused. “I don’t need to say it, do I?”
“There’s also the fact that I haven’t been swimming since the accident,” Lisa continued, a little more hesitantly. “There’s a very high probability that I’ll drown what with my coordination being as it is.”
“You don’t know until you try it,” Chaeyoung offered and Lisa gave her a pointed look.
“There’s a chance that I’ll drown and you want me to try it,” Lisa joked and Chaeyoung laughed as they continued down the centres long hallway together.
“I’m not suggesting you jump in the deep end,” Chaeyoung said, entertained. “Scope out the shallow end first and practice some doggy paddle.” She recommended. “I’m sure Luca will show you how it’s done,” Chaeyoung commented, reaching across to stroke the small dog’s head gently. “Won’t you Luca, huh?” she asked him and Luca opened his eyes at the question as though he was actually listening.
“I’ll think about it,” Lisa said, turning left at the next available chance and leading Chaeyoung in to a large dining area which resembled the restaurant of a hotel, a long buffet counter running along one side. There were scattered tables decked with peach cloths, bright white napkins and glistening silver cutlery.
“This is the dining hall,” Lisa told Chaeyoung, nodding her head in a gesture of show. “The food is pretty good actually, much nicer than the old cafeteria food at school.”
“That’s not really an accomplishment,” Chaeyoung joked, laughing and Lisa smiled too, realising the truth of her girlfriends’ words.
“True,” she agreed, turning around again and leading Chaeyoung back in to the hallway. “Thursday is the best day for food though because they have pizza and fries.” She shared with Chaeyoung. “Tuesdays are alright as well,” she added reflectively. “They normally have Tacos for dinner, which I like, but, they’re kind of a pain to eat, especially with my hand eye coordination. I normally end up wearing half the filling.”
“Nothing new there then,” Chaeyoung responded playfully and Lisa nudged her with her elbow, unable to hit her, both hands otherwise occupied.
“Rude,” she commented as she led Chaeyoung in to another room, which, scarily resembled every other typical classroom at their school.
“You have to go to school here?” Chaeyoung asked surprised at the revelation.
“Yeah of course,” Lisa laughed. “There are a lot of teenagers here for one reason or another,” she informed her. “We all come here every day around our therapy sessions to keep up with our school work. It’s like being home schooled I suppose. Just, it’s not.”
“So in theory you should be able to come back to school and join classes as though you’d never left?” Chaeyoung asked hopefully.
“In theory,” Lisa answered with a wistful look in her eyes.
“You’re not going to though are you?” Chaeyoung asked, sensing Lisa wasn’t telling her everything.
“I don’t know yet,” Lisa replied honestly. “I mean, I’d love to come back to school and hang around with you and the others, it’s just…” she trailed off uncertainly, glancing down at the sleeping puppy in her grasp.
“It’s just what Lili?” Chaeyoung asked her, squeezing Lisa’s hand supportively and encouraging her to go on. “It’s just that I’m doing so much better here,” Lisa shared openly. “The smaller class helps limit the amount of distractions so I’m able to concentrate better. Plus, I get more help from my tutor without the need for extra sessions.” She continued to explain. “I don’t know Rosie,” Lisa sighed unsure. “I’m starting to think that perhaps I rushed back to school and should have listened to my parents when they suggested that I attend virtual school for my junior year.”
“You should do what’s best for you Lili,” Chaeyoung told her understandingly, but admittedly a little upset at the prospect of not getting to share classes with Lisa again. “Perhaps you’re right to finish this school year at home and then who knows maybe you could come back again for senior year.”
“I know it’s probably the right decision but, I want to come back to school and be with you too,” Lisa shared, evidently torn. “I mean, it won’t be the same if I’m not at school. We’ll have less time to be together.”
“We’ll see each other all the time,” Chaeyoung reassured her. “It’ll still be more than we see each other now so it can’t be that bad right?” she asked.
“Maybe,” Lisa replied unconvinced.
“Just, try not to think about it now,” Chaeyoung suggested. “You don’t have to make any decisions today. You can, I don’t know, cross that bridge when you come to it.”
“You’re amazing,” Lisa told her, leaning over and kissing Chaeyoung on the lips happily. “Isn’t she Luca?” she asked the puppy, who remained firmly asleep against Lisa’s chest. “You’re so amazing that Luca passed out,” Lisa joked and Chaeyoung laughed in response as the younger girl tugged on her arm gently and led her back out into the hallway once again.
“I think he’s sleeping Lili,” Chaeyoung replied amused as they stepped across to the room opposite, Lisa pulling Chaeyoung inside in to what appeared to be a large living room scattered with numerous sofas and beanbags, a large screen TV at the far end.
“That’s exactly what he wants you to think,” Lisa replied, glancing around the strangely empty living rom. “This is the lounge,” she told Chaeyoung simply.
“I can see that.” Chaeyoung chuckled.
“I don’t really hang out here too much,” Lisa admitted. “I normally head into the garden to read or I’ll be in my room listening to music and…well, reading.”
“That honestly doesn’t surprise me Lili,” Chaeyoung told her and Lisa turned around to head back out in to the hallway again.
“There are only a couple of places left to see really,” Lisa said, standing in the open space and glancing up and down the length of it debating something internally. “There’s the group therapy room up here,” she said pointing their entwined hands in its direction, “which has nothing really in it except a bunch of chairs and then there’s the other therapy offices up here,” she said pointing up towards the other end of the hallway. “Just imagine a typical movie therapist’s office and you’ll get the idea,” she recommended. “I’d take you up there but people are probably having sessions so you won’t be able to see them anyway.”
“Then I guess that just leaves the grand finale,” Chaeyoung said nervously, biting on her bottom lip a little in her anxiousness.
“Right,” Lisa said, tugging lightly on Chaeyoung’s arm and leading her back in the direction they’d just come towards her room. Lisa released Chaeyoung’s hand in order to open the door and gestured her inside, closing it firmly behind her. “So, this is my room,” Lisa said bending down to place Luca on the bed where he soon curled up and continued sleeping. “It’s not exactly the biggest or the grandest room I’ve ever been in but its home,” she said, “at least, it has been.” She commented.
“It’s funny,” Chaeyoung said, looking around the room and studying it closely, “but I think this feels more like your room then well, your room, you know, back home.” She noted.
“You think?” Lisa asked as Chaeyoung approached the wall where Lisa had put up the pictures she’d seen in the first video diary entry she’d watched.
“Yeah,” Chaeyoung confirmed. “It’s like…this is you.” She said, gesturing to the room as she went on to explain her thoughts further. “You’ve got pictures of Jisoo and your family on the walls,” she told her smiling. “Then there’s the pile of books on your desk, the notebooks and pens,” she shared, brushing her fingertips over them lightly. “You have your music and laptop,” she said, pointing to the floor by the bed where her headphones and silver laptop lay. “Finally you have your guitar…” Chaeyoung observed, trailing off, slightly surprised to see it there. “Why is your guitar here?” she asked confused. “Have you been practicing?” she questioned and Lisa smiled playfully.
“Yes,” she said, reaching for Chaeyoung’s arms and pulling her over to sit on the edge of the bed beside Luca who was starting to stir slightly. Lisa picked him up and placed him in Chaeyoung’s lap, her girlfriend holding on to him carefully to stop him sliding off her thighs. “Actually that’s my Valentine’s present for you,” she informed Chaeyoung before hastily adding. “I mean, there’s no shops here or anything and I’ve not been allowed out to get you anything so, like I said, it kind of pales in comparison to yours but I hope you’ll like it anyway…I…it…you know, it seems sort of lame now actually, perhaps I could get you something better the next time I’m….”
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said, interrupting her girlfriends rambling, a broad, amused grin on her face. “Me and Luca would love to hear you play us a song. Wouldn’t we Luca?” she asked the pooch in her lap, lifting him up onto his hind legs for a moment and helping him to wave a paw at Lisa.
“I made you a card too,” Lisa said looking embarrassed at her mediocre offering especially after Chaeyoung had gone to so much effort to buy her something that was not only thoughtful but expensive. “I…here,” she said, turning around to pick it up off the desk and handing it to Chaeyoung who opened it, Luca sliding across her lap and on to the bed beside her for a moment. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” Lisa said again.
“I love it,” Chaeyoung told her honestly, glancing at the card in her hands. On the front, in Lisa’s now familiar shaky writing was ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ largely printed in bubble writing and coloured in with red pen, small cartoon hearts littering the cover around it. Inside, Lisa had scrawled a long message across the two pages.
“Dear Rosie, I know that we haven’t spoken for a while and that’s my fault. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say except that. I hope that this card finds you on Valentine’s day and that you won’t just throw it in the bin when you’ve finished reading it…or even before then…anyway, even if we haven’t spoken in weeks, if we haven’t seen each other, or breathed the same air, I wanted to wish you a happy Valentine’s day. I love you Rosie. That’s all there is to it really and I thought that you should know that’s how I feel even if I’ve been horrible at showing you it’s true recently. I think it’s nice to know that someone out there loves you, even if you don’t feel the same anymore and I do, I really do Rosie. You’re the one bright thing in my otherwise dark mind sometimes and when I feel like I’m losing control of everything around me, or I can’t go on anymore, you are the anchor that holds me here, whether we’re together or not.
You are the best girlfriend anyone could ever ask for or hope to have…you were the best girlfriend…you are so special Rosie and I sometimes wonder whether you even realise that. You’re kind, compassionate, loyal, smart, funny, beautiful; and a million other positive adjectives that would take me too long to list. You deserved to be loved Rosie. You should be loved the way that you love, thoughtfully and without compromise. I love you Rosie but I’m not thoughtful, I’m clumsy and awkward. I’ve battered your heart recklessly over the time that we’ve been together, bruising it ever so slowly until it burst. The sad thing is that I didn’t even realise that I was doing it, because I wasn’t hurting you directly Rosie, I was hurting myself and I didn’t understand how that affected you until later, until I talked about it here…you’ve always been there for me, always, and I haven’t been there for you, not the way that you needed me to be, or the way that you deserved.
I don’t know what the future holds for us Rosie. I dropped my crystal ball (you know how clumsy I can be) and it shattered, kind of poetic don’t you think because I’m sure that your heart must feel very much like it at the moment and I’m sorry for that. I pray that one day you’ll forgive because I think if you love someone you can pretty much forgive anything. At least, I like to believe that’s true, because I love you and I think I’d forgive you all your sins if it meant we were together. I’m rambling again aren’t I? Anyway, you taught me how to love Rosie and that is a gift that I will treasure more than anything else in my life. I miss you, and, if you miss me too, please call me. I’d love to hear from you, but, I’m too scared to call you myself. I’m a coward that way. I’ve got a package I’m thinking of sending you but, I haven’t built up the courage to do that yet…ugh, sorry, rambling…again… Happy Valentine’s Day Rosie. I love you and I think I always will. Lisa”
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said, tears evident in her eyes. “Why do you keep doing this to me?”
“I’m sorry,” Lisa apologised, not quite sure what she had done. “I know it’s stupid…”
“No,” Chaeyoung said, “It’s not stupid. You always say that when you’re unsure of yourself but you’re wrong, this is amazing.” She told her holding up the card. “You’re words are beautiful and honest.” She noted. “You took the time to make me this and you put effort into creating it. That makes this better than any other card you could have bought me because it’s unique and original.” She reassured her. “This is from you, from your heart and that makes it perfect, not lame.” Lisa’s mouth formed a small smile and Chaeyoung placed the card down on the bed beside her, reaching down to pick up Luca and sit him back on her lap pointedly, facing him in Lisa’s direction. “So, no more uncertainty and no more selfdoubt Lili,” Chaeyoung said meaningfully. “You promised me and Luca a song for Valentine’s day and we want to hear it.”
“Ok,” Lisa answered, her tone still hesitant, but she stepped over to where her guitar leant against the wall by the end of her bed and picked it up, making her way back to the middle of the room to stand before Chaeyoung. “Just, don’t listen if I make any mistakes.”
“You won’t,” Chaeyoung said confidently, knowing Lisa would never have thought to play her a song if she didn’t feel like she could do it well, especially if she thought it was for a meaningful occasion such as today. Lisa held the guitar in her arms, tuning it carefully for a moment before taking a deep breath and strumming the first few notes of the song. Chaeyoung’s lips curved up in to a smile in recognition and she saw Lisa visibly relax as she noticed the expression on her face.
All I know, this morning when I woke,
is I know something now, know something now,
I didn't before. And all I've seen, since eighteen hours ago,
is green eyes and freckles in your smile,
in the back of my mind making me feel right.
I just wanna know you better,
know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better,
know you better now I just wanna know you better,
know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you
'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
And you'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed
And all my walls stood tall, painted blue,
and I'll take them, take them down and open up the door for you.
And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind,
making up for lost time, taking flight, making me feel right.
I just wanna know you better,
know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you better, know you better,
know you better now I just wanna know you better,
know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you
'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
And you'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed
Come back and tell me why I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time, oh, oh, oh.
And meet me there tonight
And let me know that it's not all in my mind.
I just wanna know you better,
know you better, know you better now
I just wanna know you, know you, know you
All I know is we said, "Hello."
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name Everything has changed
All I know is you held the door
You'll be mine and I'll be yours
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed
All I know is we said, "Hello."
So dust off your highest hopes
All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed
All I know is a new found grace
All my days I'll know your face
All I know since yesterday is everything has changed"
When Lisa had finished, Chaeyoung just looked at her, a tear trailing down her cheek at the sound of the song, which reminded her of her girlfriend whenever she heard it and summed up her feelings for her perfectly from the moment she’d first laid eyes on her in the school hallway. Lisa’s voice was beautiful too and Chaeyoung had forgotten what it sounded like when the younger girl sang, when Lisa’s raspy tone was allowed to flow over the words freely and unencumbered. Lisa was so emotive when she sang and Chaeyoung could physically see the sincerity in her musical words, almost as though Lisa had written them about Chaeyoung herself and was just sharing them with her now.
“Lili, you played ‘Everything Has Changed?’” Chaeyoung asked still in shock.
“I thought it was fitting,” Lisa replied, placing her guitar on the floor at her feet. “I mean, it’s our song isn’t it?” she asked tentatively. “At least, if anyone asked me what our song was, that’s the one that I’d tell them.”
“That’s the best present you could have gotten me,” Chaeyoung stated decisively, knowing the words to be true. “I can’t think of anything that I would have wanted more than that.”
“You know, when you first played it for me, I didn’t really consider the lyrics,” Lisa shared with her seriously. “I mean, I didn’t know then that you liked me, although, you sure know how to drop a confession on someone almost instantly afterwards.” She noted, laughing lightly as Chaeyoung wiped at her eyes, recalling the memory herself and laughing as well. “Then, when I knew and we started dating it became my favourite song because it was true and I connected to the lyrics and the sentiment,” she told Chaeyoung, sitting down on the bed beside her and placing a hand on her girlfriends’ knee.
“It reminded me of you, because despite how much time we spent together, I just wanted to know you even more than I already did, more intimately, more deeply, more profoundly.” She continued. “All I saw were your brown eyes when I closed my eyes and your smile…and the butterflies that I felt when I started to realise how much I cared for you were like nothing else I’ve ever felt before. They were nervous and excited all the same time.” She admitted, brushing the back of Chaeyoung’s hand softly with her thumb and reaching to stroke Luca who’d fallen asleep on Chaeyoung’s lap with her other one. “I had giant walls Rosie. They were massive, but, you broke them down and I let you because I trusted you. I let you in, you didn’t force your way like my therapist did or my parents tried to do. I let you in willingly.” Chaeyoung smiled brightly at Lisa’s words, wondering if her girlfriend realised the effect that her honesty, her language had on her.
“I love you Rosie,” Lisa declared, reaching up a hand to caress the side of Chaeyoung’s cheek.
“I love you too Lili,” Chaeyoung reciprocated and Lisa leant forward and kissed her firmly, deepening the kiss almost instantly, the hand that hand been stroking Luca, roaming up to play with the waistband of her girlfriends’ jeans. “Lili,” Chaeyoung breathed anxiously as Lisa lifted up Luca and placed him carefully on the floor atop one of her hoodies which had been hanging over the back of her desk chair moments before. “We can’t do this here,” Chaeyoung said as Lisa walked back over to the bed and pushed the taller girl down on top of it, herself climbing on top of her, pressing their lips together hungrily, her hands wandering Chaeyoung’s body and setting it on fire wherever they made contact.
“Why not?” Lisa asked seriously, releasing Chaeyoung’s lips and instead beginning to trail kisses down her girlfriends’ neck towards the top of her shirt.
“Your door doesn’t lock,” Chaeyoung panted as she felt Lisa’s hand push up under her top and start making small delicate circles against her abs, the muscles growing taut in response to her touch.
“I know,” Lisa admitted, sucking on a spot at the base of Chaeyoung’s neck. “None of the doors here lock, it’s in case someone tries to kill themselves.” She muttered against Chaeyoung’s skin, kissing it lightly.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung protested at the thought. “Perhaps we should put something in front of the door?” she suggested, not wanting Lisa to stop but not wanting to get kicked out and banned from returning either.
“No,” Lisa disagreed, one hand undoing the button of Chaeyoung’s jeans as the other groped her side, her mouth now sucking on the bottom of Chaeyoung’s ear lobe pleasingly. “They’ll break the fucking door down, trust me. That’s not the first door I’ve had since I’ve been here.”
“I kind of love it when you swear,” Chaeyoung commented honestly, reaching up to kiss Lisa’s mouth again for a moment. “We could put something on it,” Chaeyoung offered breathily, trying her hardest to resist Lisa’s further advances, concerned about getting caught out, knowing that residents were likely to be checked on regularly here for their safety. “Like a do not disturb sign or something,” she panted as Lisa moved the hand on her stomach up higher to grasp her breast firmly. Lisa lifted her head to look at Chaeyoung a mischievous grin on her face.
“That’s like hanging up a neon sign saying that I’m doing something I shouldn’t be,” Lisa told her, “or doing someone I shouldn’t be.” She added after a beat, her eyebrow rising playfully.
“Shit,” Chaeyoung cursed as Lisa’s hand moved down the front of her trousers between the denim material and soft fabric of her underwear. “Lili,” Chaeyoung said, opening her eyes for a moment, her attention falling on Luca who was now awake and sat up, his head crooked to one side on the floor beside the bed. “Luca is watching,” she told Lisa and the younger girl stopped for a moment to turn her head and look at the puppy.
“He needs to learn,” she brushed off, beginning to trail soft kisses back along Chaeyoung’s neck once more.
“He’s a puppy,” Chaeyoung told Lisa, her breath catching in her throat as Lisa pushed up her tshirt and began to kiss her stomach delicately.
“He won’t be a puppy forever,” Lisa noted and Chaeyoung reached up her hands to push Lisa away from her slightly.
“Lili, just, take a breath a minute,” Chaeyoung said, her head dizzy, Lisa making her feel more intoxicated than any drug or alcoholic beverage could.
“Luca won’t tell anyone,” Lisa reassured her. “Will you Luca?” she asked and the small dog barked in response to Lisa’s words causing her to laugh. “Shit, I guess he will.” She noted, withdrawing her hand from Chaeyoung’s trousers and rolling off the bed and on to the floor. “You little snitch,” she said, mussing his fur playfully. Chaeyoung breathed a sigh of relief, doing up her trousers quickly and joining her girlfriend on the floor beside the puppy.
“He’s a good boy,” Chaeyoung praised him. “Aren’t you?” she asked turning her attention to Lisa. “He’s got more sense than you Lili,” she laughed, “Jesus, do you think they’d ever let me back in here if they walked in to find us having sex?”
“You’re just so attractive though,” Lisa protested, biting her bottom lip for effect. “You can’t blame me for that. If you’d just stop doing that thing with your face we wouldn’t have a problem.”
“What thing with my face?” Chaeyoung asked.
“You know? That thing?” she answered. “Where it’s all attractive and smouldering… just, you have to stop it.” She paused for a moment. “In fact, just, stop being so incredible.” She added as an afterthought. “It makes me want to touch you inappropriately and it’s been six weeks Rosie, six weeks!” she emphasised. “A girl has needs you know.”
“Ok,” Chaeyoung laughed at Lisa’s behaviour. “Geez, calm down Lili,” she chuckled. “I know it’s been six weeks because believe it or not I have suffered them too.”
“Ugh, no,” Lisa disagreed, picking up Luca and placing him on her lap as she stroked him softly. “I distinctly remember flashing you the other day.” She reminded her. “Partial nudity beats no nudity every time.”
“Are you asking me to flash you?” Chaeyoung laughed amused.
“I wasn’t asking,” Lisa replied lightly, scratching Lucas ear with her fingers, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. “I might now though.”
“Are you mad at me for not wanting to do this here?” Chaeyoung asked her hesitantly.
“No,” Lisa answered honestly. “I just…I miss that.” She said awkwardly. “Is that weird? I mean, does it make me some kind of weird sexcrazed pervert?”
“Yes,” Chaeyoung replied teasingly and Lisa frowned. “No, it doesn’t Lili,” she finally reassured her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Trust me, I really really want to, you know…” she informed her, leaving the insinuation hanging between them, “but, now isn’t the right place.”
“Ugh, why are you always right?” Lisa asked and Chaeyoung kissed her on the lips to stop her pouting.
“We’ve got plenty of time for all that,” Chaeyoung told her.
“You’re so annoying,” Lisa groaned. “I mean, at least admit it was kind of exciting thinking that someone could walk in any moment,” she probed.
“The word I’d use is terrifying,” Chaeyoung laughed.
“Well, can we at least cuddle?” Lisa asked and Chaeyoung nodded her head, smiling. “They can’t complain too much at that right?”
“I think that would be alright with me,” Chaeyoung agreed and Lisa practically jumped up, Luca in her arms as she descended on to the bed, lying on her side, her back against the wall. Chaeyoung got up off the floor too and lay down facing her, Luca on top of the duvet between them, chewing gently on Lisa’s jumper as the taller girl reached up and traced a line down the bridge of Lisa’s nose lightly.
“You’re cute,” Chaeyoung noted as Lisa scrunched it up in response to her touch. “You know that right?” she asked, rolling on to her back and threading an arm beneath Lisa’s shoulders, pulling the other girl in to her closely so that Lisa’s head was resting against her chest and Luca had to climb up on to Chaeyoung’s stomach.
“You’re cute too,” Lisa returned, reaching her free hand to stroke Luca, the other one settling against Chaeyoung’s jaw and caressing it tenderly. Luca barked, a soft high pitched yelp which Lisa laughed at, turning her face down to look at the puppy on Chaeyoung’s stomach.
“You’re cute too Luca,” Chaeyoung admitted and Lisa smiled back up at her girlfriend.
“We’d be one adorable family,” Lisa joked and Chaeyoung grazed her fingertips along Lisa’s upper arm soothingly before she leant over and kissed her girlfriend on the lips, her mouth lingering there for a moment. Chaeyoung deepened the kiss further, gently sucking on Lisa’s tongue, their mouths moving against one another rhythmically, in perfect time.
“Rosie?” Lisa said, her chest heaving as she caught her breath, her eyes boring in to her girlfriends’.
“Yeah Lili,” Chaeyoung answered, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. “You still owe me some nudity,” Lisa informed Chaeyoung, her face deadly serious. Chaeyoung laughed, her stomach rising up and down quickly, her head shaking from side to side and Lisa’s words.
“I guess I do,” Chaeyoung conceded and she sat up slightly, placing Luca on top of Lisa’s hip whilst she reached up under the back of her shirt and unclasped her bra, manoeuvring herself out of it under her clothing quickly. “Here,” she said, handing the bra to Lisa for a moment before reaching down and pulling up her top obligingly “Satisfied?” Chaeyoung asked as Lisa stared at her naked chest, admiring the view.
“For now,” Lisa answered smiling as Chaeyoung rolled her top back down again and settled on the bed beside her.
“Consider that a preview,” Chaeyoung commented, speaking Lisa’s own words from before back to her.
“I love you,” Lisa told her, picking up Luca and putting him on Chaeyoung’s stomach again, the small dog, wandering up her body to snuggle near her arm pit, by Lisa’s head.
“I love you too Lili,” Chaeyoung reciprocated again, stroking her brow tenderly for a moment before kissing her once more.
“Yes,” Chaeyoung thought to herself, “I definitely love you.” She stroked Luca, content with her little make shift family and smiled to herself, looking back at Lisa, her girlfriend, her other half, her soul mate.