I woke up early. Surprising.
I felt as though my head had hit the pillow and now i was here. The pain i experienced when getting out of bed. The world looked so miserable from my window. I wondered what was the appeal people seen in living.
Getting up and doing the same thing everyday, the fear of failure was crippling. I couldn't cry this early.
My vision was blurry. That's how it is nower days. With no glasses my life seems 10x more difficult. I had forgotten my glasses on my last trip back home.
I staggered into the bathroom. A weight settling in my chest. To heavy to move. To exhausting. If it were something life threatening, i would rather die.
i tripped over when i exited the bathroom. Lucky nothing was broke this time. Of cause it had to be me.
"god hates me." I murmured, not bothering to lift myself up.
"What" the voice was quiet and i saw a set of broad shoulders that belong to non-other than seokjin. He rubbed his eyes and gave a weak smile.
"Oh hello why are you sleeping outside the bathroom, it's not very comfortable," i said forcing a chuckle. My chest hurts.
"was at the studio. Dancing-" he yawned min sentence, his eyes half-closed.
"I was trying to get the dance." He said softly. His eyes were puffy. I frowned.
he was slurring his words slightly
"and i just woke up to make breakfast." He closed his eyes, his head falling onto my chest.
Two sleep deprived idols sitting in a hallway.
"Jin-" i said softly, prodding his shoulder. "mhmm" he groaned, gripping my shirt.
It took awhile lifting him up, i think im weak. I lead him to the sofa, where he fell into the cushions rather violently.
"can you-" he said trying to sit up.
"yes, ill make breakfast, it's ok just go to sleep" i whispered, trying to get him to lay back to sleep.
I decided to make pancakes. In my eyes they're simple and the only thing i haven't messed up in my years.
Im supprised jin trusted me to do this.
I was tortured for a number of minutes trying to read the back of the packet.
No wonder i get headaches.
"Jin-jinnie is here to help" a still sleepy jin walked into the kitchen grabbing an apron and putting it on back to front. He was cute half asleep.
However, he was considerably more awake than when I last saw him but was still a slight safety hazard.
I sat him down on the stool in the corner so he could mix the second batch of pancake mix while I surveyed the first ones. I heard patterning of feet and assumed Jimin had woken up. "Jimin" i said as he fell in jins old resting place.
"Im awake" he said with his eyes closed. I nodded, but i wasn't very reassured.
"yeah sure" i patted his shoulder, making him smile. Hes definitely asleep.
I took out the first pancakes and place then on the dining table. I walked over to jimin whispering to him that breakfast was ready.
when he didn't move, i told him it was pancakes. Mysteriously, his eyes opened and he got up, a smirk on his face.
"Thanks!" he smiled down at his plate.I chuckled as he started to dig in, as if he wasn't asleep a few minutes ago.
but then remembered jin was still mixing. He had stood up and had finished the 3rd batch.
As soon as he saw me he smiled up at me ([:) quietly. Sometimes it's hard to believe he is the oldest. I smiled before taking the batter away from him to tip into the pan. I head jimin talking to someone, maybe himself.
Yoongis pov ⋆
Disgusting. I thought to myself as I lifted my self off my chair.
My arms were imprinted with red outlines from where i had been sleeping. The light was on, i was fully clothed and sitting at my desk.
Disgusting.
"Hungry" i croaked. I changed into my pyjamas to make it look like I actually went to bed. Maybe jin wouldn't scorn at me.
I opened my door peeping out and spotted jisung in his room.
He had left his door open and he was making his bed and he fell as he tucked in.
"stupid" he muttered, looking a bit winded.
What's so special about him. What does hoseok see in him? What does jin see to unconditionally love him?
He's always hiding something. He tries so hard to be perfect and it's sickening. Trying to make people like him.
He's an expert on dodging questions. An Expert liar.
I hate the way he acts. Even when no one's around.
I closed my door. I lay down on my bed I'm surprised jin didn't shout at me.
But he was dead to the world. I don't think he changed into his pyjamas either.
I lay in wait for the next few minutes. Wondering when jin would get up. The universe would be knocked off balance if jin was late.
After a while, i saw him shoot up, his phone falling to the floor and a hiss of curse words. Clearly he had checked the time.
After he left, i had a look twitter, out of habit more than anything.
Army chat some rubbish sometimes. I do not look like a cat. This is false information, not true.
"seven" a picture caught my eye. It was recent. A heart next to the caption.
The picture was recent. I could tell as i was wearing my knew coat and jins hair was newly dyed. I wouldn't have even known jisung was meant to be in the picture if i hadn't seen a mysterious hand on hoseoks shoulder.
So mysterious yet so recognisable. I could almost see the silver lines tracing his fingers.
I guess they didn't like him.
For some reason, i didn't like it. I read the comments. A mixture of agreement. The next photo was a photo hoseok had taken of jisung eating pizza.
The caption was horrible.
I glared at my screen. People hate him not in the way i do.
They hate him for the wrong reasons.
He's not ugly. He's the quite opposite. He's not loud hes quiet. People are reading him wrong. Hating him for the wrong reasons
However I didn't realise people disliked him that much. It made me feel even slightly guilty.
he's just a boy with a pretty face. he has a mouth that runs faster than him, I can tell. and its going to get him into trouble. i will wait for that day.
I closed my phone. I didn't really want to read anymore. I decided it was time to get breakfast, i shuffled into the room, plopping myself in front of Jimin who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying his pancakes.
"You're up early," he said, his cheeks full off food. I nodded not sure how to respond to the comment. I thought back to jisung. Damn it.
The songs he had written. They were strange. they were sad but they sounded so happy. Only when did you really start reading them did you get it.
That paired with his hand writing. It looked as though his hands shook when he wrote. however this detail should be overlooked as it always looks like that. a child could have written it.
One of the songs were even angry. I could practically hear his voice in every line. The venom attached to every word.
He may be talented, but that's where it stops. People who rely on talent bother me. People who don't work hard.
He just sat back and waited probably. Cruised. I tried to search for information about him but he wasn't even the best.
What did pd-nim see that we didn't?
Was it pity?
letting talent guide him is where he'll fail. And when he fails we'll all fail.
A plate was placed in front of me, i presume jin was busy in the kitchen so he had to rush back.
They were better than usual, jin rarely ever made pancakes, so i assumed he was having an off day. They were fluffy and there where strawberries surrounding the plate. It was only when the rest of the members came to eat, I realised.
"Wheres jisung?" Hoseok said walking in. it was the first thing he said. Brain rot.
He needs to be psychologically assessed.
He was squinting around at us, looking for the mop of jisung. As if he'd materialize out of nowhere
"In the kitchen making breakfast" Jin said with an absentminded smile at his pancakes.
"How come you get an extra one" jimin hissed at jin, gesturing to his strawberries.
"I mixed the batter" jin said smirking, showing everyone as it were a trophy before shoving it into his mouth as taehyung looked like he was close to snatching it.
"from the chef himself" he said, mouth full.
Jisung came in and sat next to tae (who was glaring at jin) , flower smudged on his pink nose.
"hello" he said half-heartedly looking at his plate. He had a small amount and when jin questioned this he said something about
"i have seen so much food" he was full already. I guess jisung had made them. No wonder i didn't recognise the hands.
"What's up with your face" namjoon commented looking at him, eyes frowning. Jisungs hands rubbed his face as if he could sense the flower.
"Not that silly" namjoon laughed. Namjoon gestured to his chin. Jin stood up, looking down at him to inspect his face.
"jisung, what on earth did you do" jin lifted his chin carefully Open closer inspection, there was a nasty cut on his chin, that seemed to have just start heeling.
"He fell down the stairs" tae snitched. This must be for not getting a strawberry.
Jisung went red, the colour climbing to his ears and nose.
"And He didn't tell anyone as well" Jin looked like he was gonna explode.
"Whar" Jin snapped looking him from head to toe. Tae had realised his mistake but it was too late to fix it.
"well that's a lie" he frowned but jin wasn't listening.
"Where else" jin persisted. Jisung looked strange. He had a blank look on his face, but his eyes, his eyes gave him away. They showed fear. Jisung looked down at his knees.
"Tell us next time" jin said moodily sitting down biting into a strawberry didn't say anything and looked away, he remained silent.
Jisung pov ⋆
Jin was mad at me. I could hear it in the wat he spoke to me.
More like disappointed.
I don't really know why. He just was. That's my special power folks, making people angry just by being with them.
I let out a sigh taking a small bite of a strawberry. It tasted sour and mushy. I mentally recoiled at the consistency.
My stomach was close to rejecting all the food i had given it. The heavy weight was only growing more and more unbearable.
Jin had only added to it.
I stood up taking my plate to the kitchen, washing everything up quickly to be out of everyone's way. It was just a cut.
me being stupid, no big deal ill live. Hoseok stayed quiet throughout the whole thing. Maybe that was the secret he planned in giving me.
I returned to my room, the familiar feeling of utter dread. I sat down on my floor or im sure id fall asleep on my bed.
practice was soon so id better get ready. I flicked my skateboard, so it sped towards the door
The door opened and tae yelled as the bored collided with his ankles.
"Hey-" he hissed.
"Oh hello, taehyung" I sighed moving my legs so he could sit on my bed.
"Sorry i snitched on you earlier." He sat down next to me.
"it's okay" i said quietly. Taehyung yawned and sat down on the bed
"I'm so tired" i groaned leaning my head on his knee.
"You can't sleep we have practise in less than an hour" he took my frog and bashed me over the head.
"Don't use my son as a weapon" i complained as he wacked my frog at my head again
"Son!?" He laughed, holding the frog at arm's length, looking it up and down.I grabbed him back from him hiding him under my shirt.
"I wanna be a dad! Can i be a dad?" taehyung shook me, before pulling me up onto my bed.
"No" I said plainly
"Jisung I love you pleaseeeee" he whined
"Okay i guess so" i sighed, getting up to lie on the bed, my ass hurting from being on the floor.
Tae lay there peacefully next to me, clinging onto me as he does whenever someone comes within a meter of him opened my phone to look at Twitter. Wonder whos being sent death threats this time.
I'm not sure what it is, but everyone one seemed to hate me. It was like they all lived in one place. It didn't bother me. The fact that their main way of displaying their hatred towards me was twitter, says alot more about them than is does me.
I tried to find nice comments, but nothing popped up. They aren't bothering me.
I got up, remember i was still in my pajamas throwing my phone on the bed and looking through my wardrobe for some clothes. I pulled out some options while taehyung took my phone to play games.
I didn't have alot of games, my hands normal cramp up after a while so probably all he could find would be subway surfers.
I headed to the bathroom to get changed as i couldn't be bothered to kick taehyung out of my room.
When i came back to my room, taehyung lying on my bed still, his eyes closed.
"i hope he's not asleep" i said approaching him. He didn't move. He just lay there. I blew on his eyes to test if he really was asleep and it proved he was very much asleep.
"Hypocrite" I muttered as I leaned over to grab my phone, tae moved suddenly, making me fall head first into the wall.
Fucking hell.
"What" he jolted his head up while i cringed in pain, my head feeling very funny.
"You shouldn't be sleeping taehyung" i said simply from my uncomfortable position, trying to ignore the pain. He didn't seem to have noticed.
"five more minutes" he begged trying to do puppy eyes. Repulsed, i gave in.
"Fine" i said going through my phone to set a timer.
"you're so mean" taehyung whined. I sat at the end of the bed while he closed his eyes to sleep. I took out my phone and got a picture. I can't allow him to escape this situation without some form humiliation.
And for five minutes i sat, only staring out the window. The silence was actually quite nice. Taehyung surely wasn't going to be happy when he woke up.
I felt his pain when the timer finished.
"oi taehyung" i called crawling over to him. He was pouting in his sleep, I laughed tapping his nose.
"Taeee" I called patting his head. He whined, pushing himself up.
"Come on, pull yourself together, you need to go get dressed." I said softly. He pouted again, flopping back down on my bed. I tutted, trying to pull him up, but he was heavy.
"You're mean," i said simply as he smiled, his eyes still closed.
"Come on" I tugged him up finally i had got him to sit up.
"We have to go to practice silly" i coasted him up while he was pouting in protest.
"alright" he whined walking to his room.
"idiot" i grinned shaking my head as left the dorm to go wait in the car. The sky looked dark. This only added to the pit in my stomach.
The hopeful sun i had seen earlier was gone. But the sky was grey. Migraine materiel I sat in my seat. I had chosen any seat and was prepared to move at any point.
"Hello" hoseok opened the car door jumping in, smiling, it was like the sun had finally came.
"Hello" I smiled as he started blabbering on about someone moving his shoes away from the door. He rested his head on my shoulder, trying to be sneaky with it.
The rest of the members soon piled into the car. Jin seemed to still be a bit off, he didn't smile when he looked at me in the mirror, instead his eyes drifted off.
"Let's get it" jungkook yelled getting in the front seat.
"attention whore" hoseok groaned, covering his ears as if he wasn't one of the loudest people here.
-
"What song would we practise?" Hobi said looking down at his phone. Each member gave their option. I stayed quiet for human peace.
"Hmm i can't hear any of u but i think i heard dope" hoseok looked thoughtful. No one said dope. I wondered why he was making stuff up until he pulled up the YouTube video.
Im always thankful im at the back. No one can see me and i can't see them.
A blessing and a curse, but more of a blessing.
We then took a break after for water. I didn't feel like participating in any discussion today, and it was better for me to stay out of it, jimin and hoseok were having a heated discussion on dance techniques. I leaned against the mirror, the only way to not see myself was to be next to it.
My phone started vibrating. I sighed. Not in the mood for a phone conversation with anyone. But upon checking the caller ID, it being jeewoo, i automatically picked up.
"Hello are you okay?" i asked, my panic probably obvious in my voice.
"I'm more than alright" jeewoo yelled. Well, he seemed very normal.
"Oh?" i whispered into my phone. With jeewoos volume, i dont think there should be an option of loudspeaker.
"I have made a decision" he said proudly, taking as if he were a king announcing something. Just because he had a loud voice he thought everyone was listening. "Sure??" I said feeling at a loss for words. A yell from the corner indicated i had to hurry.
"Hurry up" i whined, Jeewoo sighed and started taking faster, this only made it worse.
"I wanna get a dog!" was all i could pick up
I laughed
"oh really? Are you sure!" I grinned into m my phone.
"I wanted to get one anyway the one you said. I saw a dog at the train station and i just thought He was really cute, he ran up to me and licked me" jeewoo rambled.
"that's your only reason? " I said questioning, yet relieved. He ignored this and went on
"Can you come around today?" Jeewoo asked, clearly feeling very tentative.
"I'll come around sometime. get looking because they can go up and down in costs, make sure you get them from good people" i said sternly. Jeewoo laughed and bid his goodbyes.
Hes the type to be impulsive, so i guess ill be repeating myself alot to him in the next couple months.
I'm glad he had made a decision. I knew he wouldn't refuse to get a dog after a few days. I smiled before i heard a voice.
Jungkook always the one to ruin my day.
"Who were you talking to" I turned and looked at him. He looked annoyed. He always looks like that when hes faced with me. it would be funny if he didn't look like he wanted to kill me.
"Why is that your business?" i said, not liking his tone. i could feel the start of an argument. My patience was short and If jungkooks trying to stick his nose in my business he'll regret it.
the look he was giving me now only showed how much he truly despised me.
"i just asked you a question" he hissed. He is beyond childish.
"rightt" i said, looking at him as if he were mental, trying to get out of the conversation.
"you think you're better than us huh" he squinted at me, looking me dead in the eye.
"didn't say that i was"
"i said think"
"how do you know what i think?"
The colour rose even higher in his cheeks. Jungkook didn't like being humiliated. And neither do i.
What next? One of his delusions that i haven't worked for what i got. Where they got this information i didn't know.
My voice was patronizing. i cant be bothered to argue. Some of the members were looking around now
"What do you know about me" i asked genuinely curious on what outlandish theory he would come out with next,
He knows nothing. He clenched his fists walking towards me. god its like fighting with an 11-year-old.
"i dont need to tell you" He copied my voice.I put my phone in my pocket, fully facing him, looking him in the eyes.
"are you an idoit jungkook?" I whispered. he ignored it.
"I heard your phone call yesterday"
nosy bastard.
"don't worry about the money" you kept saying and Then ran off" jungkook yelled. The room went silent. The member's faces were a mixture. Hoseoks, Jimin and taes face were taken aback standing still, I'm not sure if they were even breathing. the silence was cold, the noise of the air con had stopped and all that I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears.
that noise always sounded like trains. trains coming closer and closer but they never arrive.
"Why do you keep talking about money" he questioned. the grin on his face was almost sick. like he was enjoying every moment of this.
I sighed. namjoon had a frown on his face, a pained, concentrated look. he looked like he was running something through his head, over and over. i know that look.
jin stood close by, a similar expression played on his face but more hurt and betrayed than anything else. its insane, how he sounds so insane to you and me yet so sound to the others.
Jin was doubting me, over something that wasn't true. my own anger was starting to bleed through my cool head.
How manipulative he must be for jin to not see this? if you have convinced yourself into believing something mad you can always convince others. Yoongis face went from anger to satisfaction.
"what did i say? he said pulling up a chair.
"Y'know I was starting to tolatrate you, but here we are. You're just as i thought. annoying." he stretched in his seat looking at the ceiling before saying:
"I hate people like you. people who rely on talent. people who make no effort." he said venom dripping off every word.
"have you ever had to worry about money? Yoongi?" i stared at him, i crossed my arms, as if i were tieing myself together.
He looked slightly panicked at my response. Not expecting me to be so direct.
He squared his jaw, his eyes looking at mine.
"yes." he said his bite had gone.
"i won't entertain you with details but if you must be so nosy, it was my family. They're struggling right now." i said my tone flat, not wanting to add anymore or leave any less.
Yoongi regained himself.
"rightt cuz we'll believe that" he said, but he didn't get his bite back.
"i dont care if you believe me, i dont owe you anything." i snapped. Eyes were still on me
My anger was reaching a boiling point, I could feel my body growing more numb. i hadn't moved. my eyes now remained on the floor. i felt like my heart beat was making my body sway, the beating was irratic.
i closed my eyes, finally blinking. they burned. i clenched my jaw, trying to block out their voices, so I could focus on making my own not sound as weak as I felt.
"i find that hard to believe." Yoongi sighed, only almost satisfied. he hadn't finished. "you crave validation and attention-"
He kept going, my eyes were filling with tears that i ignored.
"-and i dont see what you have to worry about, your dad is doctor, is he not?" i started at him. The room had stopped spinning, all i could do was stare. Tears finally spilled over my cheeks, all i could think about was his words. He had stabbed me and he was twisting the knife in my wound.
with no outlet for my anger, my body shook. even though I remained unmoving. i stood there like a guilty man.
I just stared at him.
"aww whats wr-"
I grabbed my bag, barging past yoongi, clipping his shoulder with mine. I heard him wince.
"Jisung?" hoseok said softly from a corner. He looked confused and sliglhy betrayed. my throat ached as i tried to hold back sudden tears.
whatever i do I'm fucked. i cant ignore them, i cant talk to them. I don't WANT to talk to them.
Yoongi and Jungkook had put in a corner and my only way out was for me to look like the bad guy, for me to finally snap.
"You go and keep this perception about me. You keep trying to figure out what's "wrong" with me. And see where that gets you"
I turned around, staring at each of them in turn, as if daring them to say something.
They didn't.
Edited.
A/n JISUNG IS NOT A EXTENSION OF MYSELF I CANNOT MAKE PANCAKES