“So where are your parents and everyone?” Jennie asked Chaeyoung as the two of them moved around the Park's kitchen, pulling out bowls and bags of chips from the cupboards in preparation for the Christmas movie marathon that they’d rearranged with the rest of the girls for today. It was New Years’ Eve and Jennie had returned from Texas late last night after having spent the holidays there with her family.
“My parents are at Lisa’s house,” Chaeyoung informed her chuckling at the unexpected turn of events. “They really hit it off on Thursday night,” Chaeyoung told her, pulling out a couple of bottles of soda from the fridge and tucking them under her arm as she walked over to the kitchen counter to deposit them there. “My dad is watching the Dolphins game with Lisa’s dad whilst our moms go shopping.” She laughed at the absurdity of it all. “Kai and Alice are both staying over at friends’ to see in the New Year.”
“So your parents will be back later?” Jennie asked, rummaging through a cupboard and pulling out some microwaveable popcorn.
“No, they probably won’t be back until the early hours of tomorrow morning,” Chaeyoung said as she pulled out an assortment of sweets from a draw beside the sink. “Lisa’s parents are having some friends over for a party tonight to celebrate the New Year so they’re staying there.”
“So we’ll be unsupervised,” Jennie mused, raising her eyebrow thoughtfully. “Interesting…”
“Why is that interesting?” Chaeyoung asked, not understanding Jennie’s train of thought. “Well, we’re all staying over so it’ll give you and Lisa the chance to, I don’t know, celebrate the start of a New Year together,” she finished, smirking in Chaeyoung’s direction at the insinuation. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes in response to Jennie’s suggestion.
“What, with all of you here?” Chaeyoung asked making a face. “I don’t think so do you? Besides, my parents might be celebrating the New Year with Lisa’s parents and her friends but they’ll be back at some point. I don’t really think it’ll be a good idea for them to find me and Lisa in bed together tomorrow morning. I’d be grounded for the next three hundred and sixty five days, guaranteed.”
“Where is your girlfriend anyway?” Jennie asked as she opened a pack of the microwaveable popcorn and put it in to the machine. “I thought she would have already been here by now.”
“She’s getting a lift here with Somi and Jisoo,” Chaeyoung replied, turning around to lean against the kitchen counter as she watched Jennie copy her stance opposite.
“So how is she?” Jennie asked genuinely interested in Lisa’s health.
“She’s…better,” Chaeyoung answered hesitantly.
“Just, better?” Jennie asked, chuckling lightly. “Wow, don’t over sell it Chaeng,” she remarked amused.
“Ok, she’s a lot better,” Chaeyoung repeated, more confidently. “It’s just…”
“What?” Jennie prompted when Chaeyoung didn’t continue. “What is it?”
“Ok,” Chaeyoung said, shifting her position slightly to get a better view of Jennie who was pulling the bag of popcorn out of the microwave carefully and emptying it into a bowl. “Physically she’s great,” Chaeyoung explained as Jennie returned her attention to her friend, the task she’d been doing now completed. “She’s walking much better than when she first woke up and her hand is still clumsy but it’s almost back to how it was before the seizure,” Chaeyoung said, arm leaning onto the marble beside her firmly as she paused for a moment, trying to calculate the best way to explain herself. “Her speech is still crap,” she finally settled on saying.
“Didn’t the doctor say it could take a few days?” Jennie asked, trying to remain positive and giving Chaeyoung a sympathetic smile.
“Yeah but it’s been a week,” Chaeyoung shared with her friend, frustrated. “I mean, ok, so it’s a little better now…she can speak one word answers consistently but otherwise it’s rubbish. She can hardly express herself at all.” Chaeyoung continued.
“So what?” Jennie questioned. “It’s just taking a little longer than expected that’s all. Lisa will get there eventually.”
“I know,” Chaeyoung groaned, “but I really need to talk to her about something and it’s kind of hard when she can’t speak.”
“What do you need to talk to her about?” Jennie asked with interest. “
A few things,” Chaeyoung responded, running a hand through her hair. “Remember I told you that she gave me her diary for Christmas?”
“Yeah,” Jennie confirmed. “Well, there’s some stuff in there that I really want to discuss with her,” Chaeyoung told her.
“Stuff that you’re upset about?” Jennie queried probingly, Chaeyoung not having divulged any particulars to her.
“No not at all,” Chaeyoung said slightly surprised that Jennie would assume that to be the reason. “The opposite actually,” she went on. “Honestly Jennie,” Chaeyoung said, sighing thoughtfully. “Lisa’s words, they’re just, I wish I could share them with you. She’s so smart and insightful.”
“Lisa used to take a lot of AP classes before she had the accident,” Jennie reminded her. “You already knew that she was smart.”
“I know,” Chaeyoung agreed, “but she’s so articulate and…ugh, you know what? I can’t explain it. I just want to talk to her about what she’s written that’s all and it’s annoying because I can’t.”
“Well, you can still talk to her about it,” Jennie noted. “Just, you won’t necessarily get anything back in return for a while, that’s all.” Chaeyoung glared at Jennie in response to the comment. “Or don’t talk to her yet,” Jennie laughed shrugging, observing the look she was getting. “Whatever, it’s up to you.”
“So how was your Christmas?” Chaeyoung asked, looking to change the subject.
“Oh no,” Jennie said sliding along the counter so that she was closer to her friend. “You’re not getting out of it that easily.” She informed her. “We haven’t finished talking about you yet. How was yours?”
“Jennie, I spent almost all of it sat by Lisa’s hospital bed,” Chaeyoung told her. “It could have been better.”
“Ok,” Jennie said placing a hand on Chaeyoung’s shoulder supportively. “You sound pissed. What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on,” Chaeyoung groaned standing up straight.
“You’re a horrible liar Chaeng,” Jennie said as Chaeyoung walked over to the fridge as a distraction and pulled out a can of soda. She offered one to Jennie who declined before closing the appliance door again. “Are you mad at Lisa for being sick?”
“No,” Chaeyoung answered quickly. “Of course not…”
“So then, is it about the dinner on Thursday?” Jennie asked her. “Did something happen?” Chaeyoung didn’t say anything in response, instead choosing to look at her feet which she shifted her weight between evidently uncomfortable. “Oh my God,” Jennie replied knowingly, “Something did happen, didn’t it? Tell me.”
“It wasn’t really anything,” Chaeyoung said lifting her gaze to meet Jennie’s at last. “It’s just, after dinner we went up to my room…”
“Of course you did,” Jennie interrupted excitedly, winking at Chaeyoung suggestively.
“Nothing happened,” Chaeyoung told her, glaring at her friend.
“It almost did though,” Jennie said knowingly.
“Lisa wanted it to,” Chaeyoung informed her simply.
“What and you didn’t?” Jennie asked. “Chaeyoung, you’re joking right? Is that what this is about?”
“Of course I wanted to,” Chaeyoung answered, remembering the sight of Lisa as she sat on the bed in just her bra, her toned stomach on display. “
Ok now I’m lost,” Jennie said puzzled. “She wanted to and you wanted to…”
“Our parents were downstairs,” Chaeyoung commented. “Trust me, it was not the time. My mom almost walked in on us and I ended up accidentally throwing Lisa off the bed and out of sight on to the floor.” Jennie laughed at Chaeyoung’s story, picturing the scenario in her head. “It’s not funny Jennie,” Chaeyoung chastised. “My mom would literally have killed me if she’d found us like that.”
“I’m struggling to understand what exactly it is that you’re annoyed about,” Jennie told her honestly. “Are you pissed because Lisa was being dominant or is it because you almost got caught by your mom?”
“Neither,” Chaeyoung said. “Trust me, Lisa is not as innocent as she seems. She’s just as likely to start something between us as I am. Although, ok, I’ll admit that maybe I don’t know what to do sometimes when she’s like that. I mean, Jesus Christ Jennie, when Lisa turns it on, I…it’s…fuck…it’s like…”
“Ok,” Jennie said holding her hand up in protest. “Let’s not go there, alright?”
“Fine,” Chaeyoung said rolling her eyes and getting back to her original point, “it’s just…ok, so, since the seizure she’s been overly affectionate. She kisses me all the time and she’s always touching me…”
“So what’s the problem with that?” Jennie asked in disbelief at Chaeyoung’s words. “God, I wish Daniel was like that with me, sometimes he’s such a boy, often he’s more interested in his video games than me.”
“Jennie you don’t understand. It’s not like her. I mean, it is…but it isn’t.” She struggled to explain. “It’s like we can barely spend two seconds together anymore without it turning in to a make out session.” Chaeyoung explained.
“I hate to break it to you Chaeng, but you two have always been like that.” She laughed.
“That’s not true,” Chaeyoung replied.
“Yes it is,” Jennie disagreed. “Ask any one.”
“It’s just weird,” Chaeyoung commented. “I mean we used to talk all the time and now…like, take yesterday for example, I went to her house and we spent the whole day pretty much curled up on her bed, kissing and cuddling…”
“Why are you complaining about that?” Jennie asked her. “Most people in your situation would just enjoy it.”
“Our relationship is deeper than that,” Chaeyoung shared with her. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the physical side of things, the kissing and the touches, they’re amazing but, I miss being able to talk to her. I’m sorry if that makes me sound ungrateful.”
“It doesn’t,” Jennie reassured her. “It’s actually kind of sweet.” She admitted. “Chaeng, did you ever think that perhaps Lisa misses that too?”
“What do you mean?” Chaeyoung asked her. “Well, perhaps she misses that side of your relationship too, you know, the philosophical and emotional connection you share,” Jennie explained perceptively. “She knows she can’t speak and perhaps she’s feeling distanced from you because of that as well. Maybe she’s trying to compensate for it by being more physical.”
“Huh,” Chaeyoung said wistfully. “I’d never thought of that.”
“I know it must be hard for you both what with her having been in the hospital and now with her speech being so impaired but, she’s probably just making sure that you know how she feels about you. She can’t speak at the moment so the only way for her to express herself is through actions instead. You already said that Lisa is really insightful and smart Chaeng. Just because she can’t speak, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t understand what’s going on. You’ve already alluded to as much.”
“I’m such a bitch,” Chaeyoung groaned in realisation at the truth in Jennie’s words.
“No, you’re not a bitch,” Jennie laughed as she pulled Chaeyoung in to a hug. “You’re just dealing with a lot at the moment that’s all, both of you are. Communication is the most important foundation for any relationship, or so my dad always says, so, it’s bound to be hard when you’re not able to do that because of Lisa’s disabilities.”
“I just hate that we have to keep going through all this stuff,” Chaeyoung acknowledged. “It’s like we’ll finally get to a point in our relationship where we can both be happy and then something will come out of nowhere and disrupt everything. First there was Rachel, than there were the nosebleeds and now the seizure…”
“You should talk to her,” Jennie said seriously, lifting her hand up to stop Chaeyoung responding when she opened her mouth to do so. “No hear me out, ok? You guys have always talked about things before…”
“No Lisa talks about things,” Chaeyoung realised. “She’s so put together that way, like, when I confessed my feelings for her and walked out. She called me numerous times to try and talk before finally turning up at school to confront me. The same thing happened after the initial Rachel debacle. Lisa came to my house to speak to me. It’s like she’s incapable of letting the sun set on an argument…”
“Well, perhaps nearly dying will do that to a person,” Jennie mused. “Although there was the whole Jisoo thing,” Jennie added. “She let a few suns set on that one.”
“Fair point,” Chaeyoung conceded. “I mean, she can be the most introspective person at times and she infuriates me when she keeps things to herself and lets them eat away at her, but, other times, she’s so open and eloquently spoken about her feelings that she’s like two completely different people.”
“She’s had to be though,” Jennie replied. “She can’t be expressive and articulate all the time because of her impairments so she’s learnt to be reflective and closed off, but, she’s learning to open up because of you Chaeng. Now you have to do her the courtesy of being honest with her. Tell her how you feel.”
“What if I hurt her feelings by telling her that I miss the way we used to talk though?” Chaeyoung asked. “What is she’s upset that the physical stuff doesn’t compensate for what we’ve lost because of her speech problems?”
“She won’t be,” Jennie reassured her. “Lisa loves you Chaeyoung. She’d want to know how you were feeling. She understands that the whole thing is difficult for you too.”
“What did they feed you in Texas to make you so smart?” Chaeyoung questioned her friend amused by her shrewdness.
“Anything and everything,” Jennie commented laughing. “There was a lot of food. I remember that much.”
“You think she’ll be ok if I tell her that I miss talking to her?” Chaeyoung asked interestedly.
“I think she’ll appreciate your honesty,” Jennie shared. “Plus, she’s probably more astute than you think Chaeng, trust me, you’ll be fine.”
“Thanks Jennie,” Chaeyoung said gratefully, rubbing her friends arm in appreciation.
“You’re welcome,” she returned.
“So, how was your Christmas?” Chaeyoung asked her interestedly, taking a sip of her soda.
“It was nice,” Jennie shared with her. “It was really good to see everyone again but I missed you guys.”
“Did Daniel get you something nice?” Chaeyoung asked, remembering the heartfelt gifts Lisa had given her and smiling.
“Honestly,” Jennie replied pushing herself onto the counter and sitting down, her legs dangling in the air gently. “He gave me a voucher.”
“A voucher?” Chaeyoung asked raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah,” Jennie confirmed. “Not even for a specific store, just like, a generic high street voucher.”
“Wow,” Chaeyoung said surprised.
“Exactly,” Jennie commented.
“Is everything alright between the two of you?” Chaeyoung asked concerned. “I mean, you’re alright aren’t you?”
“We’ve been better,” Jennie shared with her sadly. “For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t be too concerned with the fact that Lisa is finding it difficult to keep her hands off you. It’s when the attention stops that you need to worry Chaeng.” Jennie paused for a moment before continuing. “I mean, Lisa and you don’t talk like you did before because she physically can’t at the moment, but, you’re still together, she’s still trying to show you how much you mean to her, to make you feel appreciated and wanted,” Jennie said informatively. “Daniel and I have barely spoken over the holidays and there is nothing wrong with either of us. He hasn’t even text me since I got back and I haven’t text him.” She finished.
“Are you still together?” Chaeyoung asked surprised by Jennie’s confession.
“For now,” Jennie replied seriously. “To be honest Chaeng, I didn’t miss not talking to him. Not like you obviously miss talking to Lisa. I don’t know, I think perhaps we might break up soon.”
“I’m sorry Jennie,” Chaeyoung said sincerely, hopping off the kitchen counter and walking over to hug her friend compassionately.
“It’s ok,” Jennie told her honestly, hugging Chaeyoung back.
“Is there anything I can do?” Chaeyoung asked genuinely.
“Yeah,” Jennie said, a smile creeping on to her lips. “You can make out with you damn girlfriend if that’s what she wants,” she told her jokingly, making Chaeyoung laugh loudly in response.
“Consider it done,” Chaeyoung agreed. “Anything else? I could set you up with a really hot, amazing guy?” she offered.
“You wouldn’t be able to spot one if your life depended on it Chaeng,” Jennie laughed and Chaeyoung smiled as she watched the amusement on her friends face. “You’re such a lesbian.”
“I’m not that much of a lesbian,” Chaeyoung complained hitting Jennie playfully on the arm. “Remember that time I thought I was straight?” she asked. “I even dated a couple of guys…”
“You may have been in denial for a little bit Chaeng, but, you’ve always been gay.” Jennie laughed. “The never ending crushes you had on ever female Disney channel star whilst we were growing up was more than enough confirmation for me and Somi.”
“I didn’t fancy all of them,” Chaeyoung protested.
“Chaeyoung you even had a thing for Kim Possible and she was a cartoon character,” Jennie chuckled.
“She was a high school student and a crime fighter,” Chaeyoung explained. “Plus she looked good in cargo pants and a mid riff baring turtleneck. Who didn’t have a thing for her?”
“Me.” Jennie laughed but she smiled at her friend’s admission. “You know, I’ve missed this,” Jennie commented seriously. “The two of us hanging out together, I mean.” She paused for an instant before continuing. “Sometimes I feel like a bit of an outsider because I don’t share home room with you guys. I feel like I miss out on things.”
“I miss us hanging out as much too,” Chaeyoung agreed. “I’m sorry if you feel like we exclude you.”
“I don’t,” Jennie reassured her. “I mean, I know you don’t do it on purpose. It’s not your fault,” Jennie said. “It’s just difficult because you all have extra time together to hang out and you have conversations that I don’t get to be a part of.”
“Do you think I’m one of those people who completely forget about their friends when I’m in a relationship?” Chaeyoung asked her seriously.
“No,” Jennie told her truthfully. “You actually balance the two really well. I think it helps that Lisa is our friend though. To be honest, I wouldn’t blame you for getting completely lost in your relationship with Lisa, there’s so much going on that you both have to deal with.” Jennie paused for a moment, a sudden realisation coming to her. “Speak of things you have to deal with,” Jennie started just remembering something. “How did Lisa’s deposition go yesterday?”
“They had to postpone it,” Chaeyoung informed her before taking another swig of her drink. “She can’t exactly answer questions or give evidence when she can’t speak so they’ve had to set another date for it in a couple of weeks’ time.” Chaeyoung continued. “I mean, I guess it sucks for the driver because he’ll have to wait longer now for the trial but, it’s his fault that Lisa is like this so I have a hard time feeling sorry for him.” She admitted.
“Me too,” Jennie agreed as the doorbell rang. Chaeyoung and Jennie shared a look before the latter hopped off the kitchen counter and followed the blonde to answer the door. Lisa, Somi and Jisoo stood on the other side as Chaeyoung opened it and the three of them entered the house, each girl hugging one another warmly in greeting. Lisa was the last to approach Chaeyoung and pulled her quickly in to a deep kiss, sucking all the air out of her girlfriends’ lungs and making her head spin dizzily as a result, the effect that she had on the taller girl remarkable. Chaeyoung raised her eyebrows in question as they parted, exhaling loudly as she tried to catch her breath and smiling brightly when she saw the grin on Lisa’s face.
“Hi,” Lisa said, evident amused that she was able to have this effect on Chaeyoung. The bruising around her right eye was now more a mix of green and yellow instead of the deep purple it had been initially, the bright red of the skin around the sutures in Lisa’s right temple now settled.
“Hi,” Chaeyoung returned smiling as she pulled Lisa back in for another kiss, her arms wrapping around her girlfriends waist, the younger girls finding their way up around Chaeyoung’s neck as their tongues met in the now familiar way.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jisoo said after having cleared her throat, the three other girls having been forced to watch the interaction for a few uncomfortable minutes in silence. “Everyone’s happy to be alive. I can see that. You’re celebrating, good for you.” She joked. “However, can we please get this movie marathon started?” she asked, holding up a few DVD’s and a bag of snacks which she’d bought. Jennie laughed as she met Chaeyoung’s brown eyes and Lisa traced her thumb over her own lips smiling happily.
“Or would you rather that we left you two alone so that you can, I don’t know, celebrate life together for the first time?” Somi asked and Lisa and Chaeyoung exchanged a quick glance, the youngerer girl turning to look over her girlfriend’s shoulder for a moment avoiding the scrutiny of their friends.
“Oh my God, what was what?” Jisoo asked as Lisa turned back to face them. “You’ve totally already done it haven’t you?”
“No,” Chaeyoung said unconvincingly. “When would we have been able to?”
“The Winter Formal!” Jennie said in realisation. “Holy shit, you totally did something that night, didn’t you? You sneaky little lesbians! Why didn’t you tell us?”
Lisa pushed up on to her tiptoes and appeared to whisper something in to Chaeyoung’s ear causing the taller girl to laugh and Lisa’s smile to grow exponentially as a result.
“What did you just say?” Somi asked with interest. “Are you two like…you know? Have things progressed between you?”
“Lisa,” Jisoo complained. “I told you the first time me and Ezra…you know?” she said. “This is not acceptable behaviour for a best friend.”
“Same,” Somi and Jennie said in unison to Chaeyoung. “We want details. It’s only fair.” Somi expressed. Lisa appeared to whisper in Chaeyoung’s ear again and Chaeyoung hit her playfully on the arm laughing as she observed her friends curious faces.
“What are you two whispering about? Jesus, would you tell us?” Jisoo said. “This is torture. Chaelisa shippers like me want to know what happened.” she finished and Chaeyoung laughed even harder at the other girls’ frustration.
“She can’t talk,” Chaeyoung laughed amused. “Lisa’s not even saying anything to me. She’s winding you up.” She confessed to Jisoo.
“Lisa!” Jisoo protested turning to her friend who had a massive smirk on her face, evidently entertained. “What has gotten in to you?” she asked laughing as Lisa shrugged in response. “You aren’t supposed to mess with me,” she complained. “That is not how this friendship works, you know that.”
“Before,” Lisa said clearly and Jisoo looked at her confused.
“Before what?” she asked. “What does that even mean? Lisa…” she said, watching as Lisa made a move to go in to the kitchen, pulling Chaeyoung behind her, their hands joined as always. “I hate it when your speech turns to crap,” Jisoo called after her as she, Somi and Jennie followed them. “You’re so goddamn cryptic. It’s infuriating.”
“Sorry,” Lisa apologised sincerely, helping herself to a sip of Chaeyoung’s soda which was still sitting on the kitchen counter and turning to face her friend.
“Hey guys, help me take all this stuff to the living room would you?” Jennie asked Somi and Jisoo, sharing a meaningful look with Chaeyoung who was watching Lisa closely eager to talk to her.
“I want to know what ‘before’ meant?” Jisoo said as Jennie picked up some of the food from the counter and Somi took responsibility for the bottles of soda. “Like is this going to be a thing now? Are you going to start messing with me again?” Jisoo asked playfully. “If it is, then game on Manoban,” Jisoo said enjoying the idea of starting up the practical jokes again. “Chu is ready.”
“Jisoo,” Jennie said purposefully, handing the older girl the remainder of the food. “Chaeyoung wants to talk to Lisa so can you let it drop for five minutes to help me set up the first movie?” she asked and Jisoo looked between her two friends with a curious expression on her face.
“Is everything alright?” Jisoo asked concerned and Lisa, who’d looked just as worried at Jennie’s words, shrugged and turned to Chaeyoung in search of answers.
“Everything fine,” Chaeyoung replied honestly. “I just want a little bit of time alone with my girlfriend is that alright?” she asked.
“Sure,” Jisoo replied. “Just, keep in mind that if you get up to anything then you owe me details.”
“I seem to remember that when you first found out that I liked Lisa you asked me not to share any details with you about stuff like that,” Chaeyoung reminded her grinning.
“That was then,” Jisoo said, waving one hand dismissively and almost dropping the bags she was holding in it. “Now I’m a shipper and we need to know these things.” Jisoo commented. “It gives me life, so, don’t be stingy alright? Reach out to the fans.”
“Are you done?” Jennie asked amused and Jisoo glanced between Chaeyoung and Lisa once more before finally nodding her head and turning to leave the kitchen, Somi following behind her. “See you guys in a minute,” Jennie said before she too vacated the room.
“Ok,” Lisa said turning to look up at Chaeyoung anxiously. “What’s…gg….gggo… ing….ooon?”
“It’s nothing bad I promise,” Chaeyoung said, rubbing the sides of Lisa’s arms reassuringly and levelling her gaze at her dark chocolate eyes. “It’s just…you know what? Perhaps you should sit down?” Chaeyoung suggested and Lisa took a step back, her disquiet obvious.
“No,” she answered simply and Chaeyoung’s face looked just as worried as her girlfriends.
“Alright,” Chaeyoung said, “I’m just…ok, so I’ll just say it. We always promised that we’d be honest with each other and just keep in mind that is what I’m trying to do here…”
“Rosie,” Lisa said, trying to prompt her girlfriend to get to the point.
“I miss talking to you.” Chaeyoung said, searching Lisa’s face for her response and finding a puzzled expression there. “Like we used to before the seizure I mean…” she paused for a moment but still Lisa said nothing. “Oh God, ok, don’t get angry but, lately you’ve been really…physical…” she trailed off, not knowing how else to say it.
“That’s….bad?” Lisa asked an unreadable expression on her face.
“No, not bad,” Chaeyoung told her. “Shit, ok, I’m not explaining myself very well here.” She acknowledged. “I love you, you know that Lili,” Chaeyoung reassured her. “You’re stunning and I enjoy being with you, you know, physically…it’s just…that’s all we seem to be at the moment and I miss us…what we were like before.”
“I…can’t….speak.” Lisa pointed out slowly and Chaeyoung put her hands on her shoulders supportively.
“I know that,” Chaeyoung replied. “I know you can’t…”
“I….love…you…” Lisa told her as if that answered everything.
“I know you do,” Chaeyoung assured her, “I’m not doubting that and I just…I wanted you to know that if you’re, I don’t know, compensating for the fact you can’t tell me as easily with physical affection and…the other night, for example, then, you don’t have to, not if you aren’t ready yet.” Chaeyoung rambled and Lisa looked confused for a moment as she tried to keep up with her girlfriend’s speech.
“I….miss….you….too…” Lisa forced out painfully slowly and Chaeyoung knew then that Jennie had been right in her assumptions. “I…ff…ffee…iii…hhaa…” Lisa tried to explain but she couldn’t and that was the problem. “Shit,” she cursed frustrated before she leant forward and kissed Chaeyoung on the lips, her small hands snaking behind her girlfriend’s back.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said breathily, pushing Lisa away, her hands finding her girlfriends’ chest. “You don’t have to kiss me to make up for the fact that you can’t speak.”
“I…” Lisa started but Chaeyoung put a reassuring hand against her face and brushed Lisa’s cheek with her thumb soothingly.
“I want you,” Chaeyoung told her. “So much…” she breathed, “but, I don’t want you to think that I need all this physical contact to keep me interested whilst you can’t express yourself. I just want to be with you….”
“Same,” Lisa replied understanding Chaeyoung’s point of view.
“I miss our talks,” Chaeyoung repeated, “and that’s not your fault but it’s the truth and I felt like I should be honest with you about it.” Chaeyoung told her. “You are one of the smartest people I know Lili,” Chaeyoung informed her. “Your words and your mind…they’re beautiful, and I miss that part of you sometimes.” Chaeyoung paused for a moment to stroke Lisa’s brow soothingly. “I want you to kiss me because you want to,” Chaeyoung continued, “and I want you to be with me physically because you’re ready and you want that too. I don’t want it to be because you think it’s what I want or I need whilst you’re recovering. Do you understand?” Lisa nodded her head and buried her face against Chaeyoung’s chest as her girlfriend pulled her close to her, hugging her tightly.
“I…do…….want…………you.” Lisa told Chaeyoung taking her time to formulate and speak the words slowly.
“You do?” Chaeyoung asked her a small smile on her lips and Lisa nodded again.
“Yes,” she said, looking up to meet Chaeyoung’s soft brown eyes for a moment before planting a soft delicate kiss on her inviting lips. It wasn’t hungry or furious but it meant something more and Chaeyoung smiled in to it contentedly.
“Tonight.” Lisa said meaningfully as they parted.
“Tonight?” Chaeyoung asked surprised. “Like, tonight…tonight?” she queried, her voice becoming pitchy with the question.
“Yes….” Lisa told her.
“Lili,” Chaeyoung said shocked but her girlfriends’ direct admission. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“Yes,” Lisa answered simply, stroking the side of Chaeyoung’s arm with her fingertips.
“Ok…” Chaeyoung said; shaking her head slightly from side to side in disbelief, still not certain she’d heard her properly.
“Ok?” Lisa asked her uncertain whether Chaeyoung had agreed or not.
“Ok,” Chaeyoung agreed exhaling deeply, unable to deny Lisa anything. “Yeah, ok Lili.” she agreed, kissing Lisa on the lips tenderly. “Tonight.”