I was getting bored now. Restless. I thought of all the things I could do at 2 in the morning. Im always used to having things to do and being bored is something i rarely experience..
My only option was to go to the dance studio. It wasn't a bad option,but i was worried what the members would think if i kept going out at such early hours in the morning.
But i did it anyway. It was raining, as if the heavens reserved all the rain for this very moment.
Once the dorms were out of my sight i felt a sudden weight arise off my chest. A nice feeling that almost detracted me from the rain that was making a constant noise on my hood.
I turned a corner of one of the suspicious alleyways i always walked down and was met with a cat.
Ginger. The poor thing. Must live a hard life. Being orange.
It was perched on a powerbox and was looking up and down the alley like a guard.
"hi" i said politely. I don't know why it was out here in this weather and it didn't seem to know why either. The fur was sodden and i had to look away as i would only feel sad.
I looked back at it. We stared at each other for another moment before i quickly nodded and walked away. If it were possible to feel awkward after an encounter with an animal it would be then.
The cat stuck in my mind for the rest of my walk, serving as some philosophical message. Maybe i was destined for bad luck.
As soon as i arrived at the building i Become krone and more thankful that i turned up so early. No one, not even trainees were hanging about.
Only the odd producer walking past in the corridor like zombies.
Everyone i knew was asleep, and i was thankful for once to be alone.
After staring into space, maybe in an hour id get up and finally start practicing
something. I have hours to go, not like i be wasting any time.
I didn't even feel like dancing.
The lights were bright. Too bright. I could feel something in my head begin to shift.
"Not again" i whined as the lights blurred. I tried to shake the pain away, even though 10 years of these sorts of headaches and i know that doesn't work. Wishful thinking.
I switched off the lights in an attempt to stop it before it got worse.
I changed the song as the beatles came on and i can't stand listening to them at the moment.
It was quite scary, sitting in the darkroom with a mirror to your side. Every move I made i did a double-take to to see if there was a ghost in the corner.
But it was just me. With an eye sight as shit as mine, any object could be hoodied entity. The chairs piled up in the corner were were my eyes really failed me.
I remember falling asleep this time. I remember the sort of floaty feeling of sleep finally over taking me. One of the members would probably discover me in the morning. Jungkook or yoongi would probably have high hopes that i had died. Good joke to play on them...
"I got it!" I yelled as I jumped in my seat, throwing my bag in the back seat then getting into a victory pose
"Yay! Got what?" Dad asked as he replicated my victory stance. He looked confused however when he realised he didn't know what I was celebrating.
"Leader!!" I shrieked and put my head on the dashboard with a dazed smile.
"Really! That's amazing-" he said and he started rummaging around in the glove box for his case.
"Pick one while I start the car" he said putting the keys in.
"So will you be a good leader? Do any members need a talking to?" he chuckled, baring his teeth.
"Can I put them in line?"
I laughed, shaking my head as I put my seat belt on.
"No, you kick like a 9 year old." I grinned.
"Worth a try. Now pick a song I'm not driving in silence-" he said rushing me. "ok ok ok" I said while inspecting the collection.
"You know how to use the radio right?" he said, teasing. I rolled my eyes.
"Old man" I hissed, finally pulling out a disc.
We finally got into the main road, the road empty, as it was always on a Thursday night.
"It's gonna snow."
"It won't."
"I'll place a bet" he said, putting his head in the air.
"Thanks for the money in advance." I watched him roll his eyes dramatically.
We sat peacefully listening to the album.
My music taste makes me egotistical. I know I shouldn't base my entire personality on George Harrison being my favourite beatle but no ones here to stop me
"Ah I didn't put the guitar in the seat belt" he sighed in English , clearly talking to himself. "The case will dent when we turn corners."
I doubt that, he's just paranoid.
The road became slightly busier, cars started to appear more. I nosey watched the people in these cars, trying to guess things about them.
She's definitely a cool person; she has a Freddie Mercury bobblehead on her dashboard.
My dad suddenly hit my arm.
"Hey-" I whined looking over at him in protest.
"Yellow car" he said proudly smiling to himself. shook my head watching a blue car speed over a red light
"prick" dad cursed.
"He'll kill someone"
We continued driving, in peace. A fat drop of rain splashed onto the windows.
"it's not snow before you start-" I said laughing.
He pulled a face at me.
We soon approached a truck. It was fully loaded with wood and the plastic wires fitted snugly around the wooden planks.
"How many do you think are on there?" I said, thinking out loud.
"Alot" my dad said shrugging, glancing at the large truck.
"Informative." I smiled trying to count.
The road we were on curved slightly, and then straightened out completely, all up until the traffic lights, temporary ones that always took so long to change.
I looked out the window and saw the not far slope.
I had always wondered where that led to, was it a river, just a really steep slope?
I watched the rain start pouring heavier and heavier, the sound relaxing. I wonder what kinds of animals would be in the river, of course if there were one.
"Finally!" my dad cried as the lorry started moving, indicating it was free to go. He started laughing
"I thought we would be waiting for hour-"
The car was hit from the side. The impact was short, but it felt so long.
It was the screeching of tires that caught my attention first.
Or maybe It was the breaking of glass.
I looked to my right only to be blind by headlights.
It felt like I was staring for hours.
The loud screaming of the tires mixed in with my dad's laugh,making me feel like he hadn't realised what was happening.
I then heard a yell.
"Jisung-"
My dad's head fell forward as his hand flew to his neck.
"Jisung-" his voice weakening as he gulped.
I felt a pain in the back of my own neck. the pain making me blind my vision now quickly desaturating, the feeling of being extremely cold, like I had been plunged into an ice bath.
The sounds were so foreign now. Glass shattering and the crushing of metal felt so far away.
I felt like I was sinking, ringing noise filled my ears, slowly getting louder the more my thoughts mixed together.
This isn't real.
Screaming, I tried to scramble free of the grasp the water had, the grasp weighing me down. The cold water slowly suffocated me, like something was on my chest, making it burn the more I struggled.
The ringing turned into a low hum, a familiar sound that seemed to warm me from the inside. sleep.
My eyes were open, blinking in the light that seemed so limited yet so overpowering for my screaming eyes.
My lungs gasped, as if this was my first ever breath. But then the burning started, like my nerves were set on fire.. Like I had been stabbed, the pain quite quickly dulled as my heart started beating faster, my brain finally waking up, allowing me to look around.
But my chest still felt heavy.
Like there was a weight on me.
I blinked,trying to free myself. The window was completely smashed, mixing in with the leaves.
It looked like snow.
I looked around , it took me a minute to realise we were on our side.
My arm dangled slightly, it was in all different directions and blood trickled down, it was almost pink as the rain had mixed with it making it look strange. More blood, fresher blood spat down onto my arm. Making me look to my side
I don't know how long the tears had been waiting at the edge of my eye, but it must have been awhile as they now poured out so easily. The sight of my dad, his final image now took its chance to be engraved on my skull, my eyelids. My spine.
His neck was bleeding, the blood looked like rubies on his now pale skin. The entirety of his face and neck were dark red. The rain had failed to touch him somehow. I tried to get a better look at him, as his head was resting on my seat. The fabric seat now stained almost black/
I wanted to see his face.
I want to see his face.
He isn't dead. My dad can't die.
I forgot about the numbness in my twisted arm and tried to unbuckle my seat belt. My fingers sloppily hit the button, not actually doing anything, not putting any force to open the press the button.
After one hit, it finally worked. And I fell. My dad fell with me, his body just falling.
His blood quickly stained my shirt.
"dad-" I screamed as he didn't move.
His body was limp.. his face looked crushed.
Sat up pulling him on my lap, trying to feel his face.
"DAD" I yelled again. His eyes were motionless, just solid circles of deep brown, the life that had once swam there was gone. The light they had held no more than an hour ago seemed to have vanished.
The rain had completely covered us, making me wonder how long we had been there.
I desperately clawed , trying to feel any warmth from his body, to try and feel any movement in his chest.
His face was covered in blood.
"No. No you're not dead. Stop PLAYING WITH ME! WAKE UP-" I screamed, hugging his chest desperately, blood started appearing on my arms. It confused me. Nothing was in his chest.
His stupid cheesy "Team Edward" t-shirt was unstained. I choked out a sob, laughing remembering the time it copied me. Now it made my heart ache.
The blood kept appearing until I looked down at my own shirt.
Blood was pooling around my abdomen, I didn't care as I was still adamant about trying to wake up my dad.
"It-ts not funny- you idiot" I yelled, pulling him closer. I didn't let go- I couldn't.
He's cold.
There's no warmth in him.
My eyes were aching from all the tears.
I felt my vision desaturate again.
I become cold. It wasn't like last time. This time I was completely present. No sinking.
I felt everything this time. Not the pain.
I felt the weight of my dad's body and then the rain. I hugged him tight, not wanting to let go, not wanting to part.
The rain made me cold And I was slowly feeling my head start spinning.
I guess that's it...I guess this is everything. . At least... At least my dad is here. Did I say goodbye to my mum? What about my brothers?
My thoughts were all washing together as my body shut down. Almost like the last thoughts squeezing into an elevator, before it plummets, killing every single one.
"Dad. It didn't snow. I'm- I'm sorry." I whispered.
"I know how much you love snow."
"We'll be fine." I reached for his hand, feeling the coldness of his rings. I was going to die, I knew it. My chest started paining again, and finally started to feel the aching of my stomach. A searing pain.
I didn't want to live a life without him.
His watch face had shattered. I stared at it, the hands still ticking. Moving. If I strained my ears I could probably hear it. If I had worked hard enough, I would be able to tell the time. My body slowly started to feel like pins and needles. It was like sections of my brain were being detached, painlessly but it didn't make my descent into unconsciousness any less uncomfortable.
I
didn't know where i was. My cheek ached from where i had been resting it. The floor was foreign to me. It wasn't my bed that was always so warm when i woke up. I slowly came to remember where i was. It took me a minute to realise my phone was ringing. That must be what woke me up.
I didn't look at who it was, i just answered it, in fear they would put down the phone.
"where are you?" the voice was one i wasn't really familiar with, but i could pin a face to it.
Yoongi. I didn't even remember giving him my number.
I sat up and quickly rubbed my eyes trying to think of a response.
It was a simple question but yoongi is nosey and requires every detail or he'll always assume I'm off crying somewhere.
"what" i said, as default reaction. But i then realised "studio. Dance practice-" i held back a yawn.
I heard a loud sigh. "right. But it's 4 in the morning" he said, in less of an understanding way but more like i was being interrogated.
"yep" i can't be arsed to give him a recap of my actions for the last four hours just to prove to him i wasn't doing any criminal activity.
There was silence that was only made awkward by the quiet static i could here through the speaker.
"jin was told by our manager who was told by pd nim that you have a video interview thing by the end of the week" he said, sounding almost as tired as i felt.
I didn't have any time for a reaction let alone a response before he started talking again.
"to get to know you better." he said this purposefully and as if he was holding back a laugh along side it. What a weirdo.
"right." i picked at a rip in the wall paper. Why was he of all people telling me?
"Oh. Okay." I said simply. I ended the phone call. I guess this was what it's like to be an idol then. A constant weight on your shoulders, and something to be expected off you. And you being busy all the time. But at the end of the day feeling empty.
I sat for another 10 minutes wallowing in whatever.
I got up but as i stood I heard footsteps and the door being opened.
I couldn't see who it was without my glasses and being in the dark.
"Jisung?" It was jungkook.
"What" i said, my voice sounding pretty empty. He had switched on the light, resulting in me wincing in pain.
"Jisung" he said again. He was blurry. If vision could be slurred this was it. He was slanted and moving in and out of focus.
"Jungkook" i said looking up at him.
"Why are you so early and sitting in the dark"
He said almost innocently.
I squinted at him
"I wanted to be." I said simply getting out my phone to start the music.
Jungkook stared at me as i did so. I sighed turning around and rubbing my eyes. Trying to make them better.
Jungkooks pov ⋆
I watched jisung throughout the practice. Jin told me he was acting funny lately and was worried. I hate to say it to but i was SLIGHTLY worried to. He was a weird guy but last few days was acting weirder.
He let me choose the music as always.
"We should do bigbang" I said simply. "Sure" he was sitting on the floor still squinting up at me. His nose scrunched to push his glasses up every time he did this my heart would drop a little. Jimin was a right
"Stop being lazy get up" i said kicking myself for thinking he was in the slightest way- ugh
He simply nodded, getting into position beside me, but still a good distance away from me.
He was a good dancer. He got all the moves spot on. I watched him in the mirror, i really thought he would notice me starting but his eyes were glazed like he had zoned out, but that's what makes it amazing. He was dancing to it so well when I'm pretty sure he's not paying attention.
The next song was even harder
Replay by shinee.
He just nodded as I told him what was next. He didn't even bat an eyelid.
It was so weird.
We sat down drinking water.
"Next time it will be a group practice was gonna go over choreography," i said to him knowledgeably. Jisung nodded still sipping his water.
His phone dinged, it came through the Bluetooth speaker. He grabbed it quickly and a look of disappointment clouded his already depressed face.
"What" i said as i stretched out on the floor.
"Nothing" he practically whispered.
"You've been acting weird lately i said running a hand through my hair.
Jisung pov ⋆
I huffed at jungkooks statement.
"Okay" I said simply. Jungkook shot me a funny look
It was youngk. I felt bad for being disappointed. But I was also relieved. If it wasn't jeewoo it means that nothing is wrong. But its that fact it wasn't jeewoo. He always messaged me at some point in the day. I should stop getting my hopes up
"Call me when you finish you seemed down last time" i smiled as i read hyuns message.
He's so sweet.
Jungkook was staring at me now. I shrugged it off to him being angry at something.
We just sat there for 5 minutes
I sighed
"Right I'm just gonna leave," i said getting my bag and quickly walking out.
Once the door was closed, the feeling of worthlessness returned in greater volumes. The corridor could be used in a horror film, but the window at the end was visible with the golden sun streaming through the glass pane.
I walked over to it the sun had just risen as the sun was peeping between apartment building. I smiled at the sight. I knew that these kinds of things couldn't be captured on camera. It was strange to me also, having come here when late at night, or very early morning.
I took a set of stairs down and out of the building, feeling a little bit better with the sun on my face...