CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE:
IMPOSSIBLE
Jeongguk looked at Jaerin with a serious look in his face, his eyes are sharp and showed no sign of him joking, his lips are not moving and the latter honestly got scared of the look the older one is giving her.
Jaerin let out a small, ungenuine laugh,
"That's not funny, Jeongguk. Today's not the time to joke around, this is serious, what if something bad happened to my grandparents and this is a sign that someone did something bad to them?"
She said in one breathe and looked at the boy with a serious look in her face, imitating the look on the boy's face.
"Do you think I'm joking around Jaerin? What if it's really your brother? What if he gave it to you as a gift to tell you indirectly that he's back," Jeongguk sighed and leaned his back on the couch, still seated on the tiled floor of their living room.
"Excuse me, his name is YeonBin and my brother's name is Jaehyun. That's two different names," Jaerin pointed out but Jeongguk scoffed, not knowing that his bestfriend is this dumb.
"Answer me, Jae. If you're in a mission, a spy mission—"
"Again, this is not the time to joke around or talk about our video games, Jeongguk."
"Just hear me out, okay?" Jeongguk said, getting frustrated by how hard-headed the youngest is, placing both of his hands in front of her, palm down, facing the floor.
Jaerin stared at her with bored yet a little interested eyes, her dark brown orbs boring into the doe eyes of her bestfriend.
"Let's say that you're in a mission and you're a spy, someone caught you and asked for your name, again, you're a spy, a spy is someone mysterious and unknown, someone asked for your name, will you just say that you're Kim Jaerin of BTS?"
Jeongguk asked as Jaerin slowly shook her head, a frown slowly forming in her expression as everything is slowly forming in her mind, dots connecting that made a whole scenario.
"Now, that boy, that's possibly your brother, he told you that his name is YeonBin because he's smart enough to think that if he said his real name instead of some make-up name, you'll recognize him and his act will break, right? Do you get it Jae?" Jeongguk asked as the latter once again slowly nodded, finally understanding everything as the uncomfortable feeling in his heart appeared again.
"And... he asked me a favor to open the gift here when we arrived home instead of opening it right in front of him and in front of our fans because it's my soccer jersey, and only my family knows where it is, he knows I'll freak out if.. I opened it there."
Jaerin heaved out a heavy sigh and ruffled her hair out of frustration, too much information that is sinking on her gave her a headache.
Her brother couldn't be possibly back, they're permanently settled in France as stated by her grandparents, and if ever they're really back, why so sudden?
Jaerin is confused, if his father and brother is back, someone should've told her, she suddenly felt like she's not part of the family anymore, she had the rights to know but on the other side, she's an idol and her grandparents might think that she's busy but she has stated many times that family will always come first, no matter what.
"If that fan is really my brother... why are they suddenly back, Gguk? I... I don't understand," she softly said as her head hanged low, confused and frustrated.
Jeongguk froze, he suddenly don't know what to do as if his mind shut down.
The boys know the story of her past, the unknown valid reason of her father and brother leaving her all alone to her grandparents, how she was forced to take business as her future career,
How hard her life is if it isn't for her grandfather who supported her in every ways possible, though he's not physically there when she continued to walk the path down to her dream, he was there, in her heart in every steps and decisions she made and guide her with his never-ending love.
And from that day, the mysterious fan occupied her mind 24/7, she seems to lost the ability to compose and write songs as her mind is too occupied by the real identity of him,
She's lost in the way, she lost her way and she doesn't know how to get back, she needs help to get back but the walls that once again build up around her made it hard to help her.
It's been month since the fan incident and only Jeongguk knows that it happened as requested by Jaerin to not tell the others,
She doesn't want to burden them more as she knows each and everyone of them has this heavy feeling deep inside them as their Love Yourself World Tour is coming,
To brush her mind off of her so-called brother, she dived in to practices and busied herself, wrote songs and made beats, played video games and locked herself in her studio, did everything just to forget about the incident.
"Jaerin, you can't stay here forever in your studio! You'll get sick!" Jeongguk whined as he leaned his shoulder on the doorframe of the latter's renovated studio,
Jaerin ignored the whining boy and bit her lip, in hopes to think of any words that she can consider as lyrics,
"Jaerin! Can you even hear me?" he asked as he pouted, everyone's worried about her, she's been very distant lately and everyone's missing her, her bubbliness and the way she can cheer everyone up with her bright smile and crescent eyes.
Jaerin's head is pounding in pain, there's a painfully loud ring in her ear and she suddenly felt anger and frustration bubbling up inside her with reasons that she doesn't know,
She haven't eaten lunch and only ate a piece of bread for breakfast and have no plans to eat dinner too,
"Kim Jaerin!" the boy said once again as the ringing in the girl's ear increased and she swear that any moment she can go deaf.
Her heart is thumping loudly and she's gripping the black pen in her palm that her knuckles turned white from the strong grip and in any moment, she can burst but Jeongguk didn't notice this, unfortunately.
"Jae—" he was cut off when Jaerin's shouts echoed through the slightly large studio,
"Stop it, Jeongguk! Can't you see I'm busy with writing lyrics?! I'm trying to focus on writing and you're standing there babbling nonsense! You're making me lose concentration and focus! Don't bother me just go bother someone else! You're making my headache worse by your nonsense words, leave me alone Jeongguk, I don't need you here." she's too stressed and frustrated that her mouth did it's thing again, throwing daggers to someone when she didn't meant to.
Jeongguk's eyes widened and he suddenly felt a pang in his heart, he straightened his back and removed himself from leaning on the doorframe but slumped back again by the feeling that he's currently feeling,
He felt his heart drop to his stomach when he saw the anger burning in his bestfriend's eyes, if they were in a cartoon, she'll be animated as a girl with a blazing fire in her eyes and grey smoke puffing out of her ears.
"I—I'm sorry.. I'll j-just go, s-sorry for bothering y-you.." Jeongguk softly said as he stepped back and walked away from Jaerin's studio with a heavy heart,
He doesn't know why she suddenly lashed out on him, he just wants to make sure that she won't get sick from not eating proper meals but it seemed like he chose the wrong time.
Is it wrong to check up on her? Does she hate me now? Should I go say sorry again? No! She'll just shout on me again, I should give her space.. Jeongguk thought as he heaved out a sigh and turned left to where his studio is,
Meanwhile, in Jaerin's studio, the girl stared at the now empty doorframe, the door is closed as Jeongguk didn't forget to close it behind him.
She suddenly had a self-reflection moment over what she did and she knows that it's mostly her fault, she shouldn't have lashed out like that on the bunny-like boy when he just wants to make sure that she's alright and is eating well.
Jaerin let out a frustrated groan and turned her swivel chair to face her monitor and desk, she harshly slumped her elbows on her black desk and grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked it,
"What did you do Jaerin? You fucked up again, why can't you do anything right!"
Her actions are coming back to her and now frustration ate her up whole as she harshly removed her notebook and pen out of her desk and closed her eyes, tears burning in her eyes but she didn't let it fall.
She hastily stood up from her swivel chair and put on some music so that it'll appear that she's sleeping or doing her own business,
She dimmed the lights and took her hoodie from her bed and went out of the studio, looking both sides to make sure no one will see her as she ran towards the exit of the building, putting her mask and cap on as she ran and ran, not caring whether she'll get lost or something.
After some minutes, she found herself in the now abandoned and old playground, the same playground where Yoongi found her in the middle of a panic attack,
She heaved out a shaky sigh and walked towards the rusty swing as she kicked some pebbles that are lying peacefully underneath the swing.
The cold night breeze blew past her as it brushed and carressed her silky hair, sending shivers and goosebumps down her skin, though she's wearing a hoodie, the cold breeze didn't fail to make her shiver.
She held onto the rusty chain that kept the swing up in the air as she swinged herself slowly, the chains squeaking a little but she didn't care if she'll drop to the ground or not,
Tears glistened her eyes as she realized how distant she is the past few weeks from the members, she couldn't remember the day where she ate with them at the dining table, nor the day where she last slept in her shared room with Jeongguk.
She knew it's wrong to lash out all of a sudden to the boy, if only she was in her right mind that moment, if only she didn't shouted at him, if only she can correct her mistakes, if only she could go back and rewind time so that she could make everything right.
She looked up at the night sky, the moon is up in the sky, twinkling stars surrounding him as she heaved out a sigh and closed her eyes gently, letting the cold breeze brush up her clothed body once again.
A single, lonesome tear has fallen from her eyes, eyes that holds galaxy and every stars in the universe, the eyes that holds the brightest star in the night sky, and the owner of the eyes has been through so much yet she always find way to make her peers and everyone around her happy,
Even if it wouldn't make her happy, she wants to make it right.
Meanwhile, in the company is the famous duo slash soulmates, Jimin and Taehyung.
They were goofing around as they're about to go home after a long day of practicing when they passed the studio of their youngest member, the lights were dimly opened and a faint sound of music can be heard inside,
Their smiles faded and was replaced by a slight frown, "Is she still busy? She haven't talked to us for more than a week now, I miss her."
Taehyung said with a slight frown as Jimin nodded, agreeing with his statement as he let out a small smile and walked near the closed and probably locked door,
"Should we go knock and check up on her?" Jimin asked the boy that's standing still behind him who only nodded slightly, missing their youngest member who's been very distant lately.
Jimin knocked softly, his right hand lying softly on the blurred glass of the studio,
"Jaerin? It's me Jimin," he softly said but he didn't received an answer, the faint sound of pink skies by lany was heard being played inside that caused Jimin to frown,
"Do you know the passcode?" Jimin said, pointing to the lock as Taehyung slowly shook his head,
"Only Jeonggukie knows the code,"
As if their silent prayers were heard, Jeongguk passed the duo, his head hanging down low and a gloomy aura is radiating around him, it seemed like he had a rough day, and boy you're right.
"Jeongguk! Can you punch in the passcode for us?" Jimin said as the latter's eyes widened as wide as possible, shaking his head aggressively as the scenario that happened a little over a hour ago replayed in his mind.
"You won't want to know what happened earlier, hyung. Let's give her some space,"
"Come on, she haven't talk to us for weeks! I think that's enough space,"
"But hyung, you don't underst—"
"Just punch in the code, Gguk. It won't hurt, right?"
Jeongguk groaned and punched in the code for them, he was about to leave when he saw the empty studio that made his eyes go wide once again,
"Where is she?" Jimin mumbled under his breathe as he winced at the messy sight right infront of his eyes,
The bed is messy, pillows lying on the edge of the bed together with the white blanket, the monitor is left open, showing the beats of the uncompleted song that is obviously left in the middle of the progress,
The familiar black, dotted journal is lying down on the floor, pages exposed and the neat scribbles of lyrics are displayed, the black customized pen that was given to her as a christmas present is beside the open notebook.
"Where is she?" Jimin once again asked as he looked at the two younger boys who's also worried for their youngest member.
As fast as a lightning, Jimin and Taehyung sprinted towards the exit of the building, in hopes to find their once again, missing youngest member.
"Jeongguk! Let's go!"
Jaerin is now lying down on the green grass, just some steps away from the rusty swing as she heaved out a sigh, the stars twinkling around each other that's being displayed right in front of her eyes somehow calmed her down,
The stars look near, as if everyone can reach it with their bare fingers but in reality, it's very hard to reach as it is very far from earth, hard to reach like dreams.
She's too absorbed by the stars and the relaxing cool night breeze that moments that happened earlier slipped in her mind, she didn't thought that the members are worried about her whereabouts,
Lying down on the grass all by herself, in her hoodie and ripped jeans, no phone with her as she completely forgot about her belongings when she ran away from the building as the only thing in her mind that moment is to refresh her mind with a drink or something, but she ended up stargazing.
After some moments, she finally decided that she had enough of stargazing, standing up as she brushed off her hoodie and jeans, making sure there are no grass that's still stuck in her clothes.
Walking back to the studio, steps slow as she passed orange-light street lanps that's flickering a little,
She stared at her shadow that's walking beside her as she heaved out a sigh and continued walking, staring at her white sneakers that has dirt splotches around the midsole.
She groaned when she tripped on her own foot and her shoe landed on the muddy puddle that made her shoe muddier than what it's used to be,
How much bad luck can a single person have?
Her eyes caught the light yellow, banana milk standee in front of a convenient store as she heaved out her nth sigh and went towards the store, putting on her mask.
She pushed the door open and bowed at the sleepy cashier who gave her a small nod before she went to the beverage aisle and took out a pack of banana milk that she knows Jeongguk loves so much.
She placed the pack of flavored milk on the cashier counter top as the cashier scanned the barcode for the price as Jaerin paid for the milk using her black card.
(a/n: #flex)
"thank you," she said as she walked out of the store, looking at all directions before heading home.
After some minutes, she found herself at the front door of their dorm as she heaved out a sigh and opened the front door and was greeted by the dark living room.
"Jaerin's home.." she softly said, unknowingly using third person as she's too exhausted to even think straight,
She was about to kick her shoes off when a pair of strong arms embraced her tired and small figure, preventing her from doing so.
"Where have you been?" she recognized the voice as Seokjin's as she heaved out a sigh and gently pushed away the older boy, making sure it won't hurt him as she kicked her shoe off and looked up to meet the dark brown orbs of the eldest member.
"Just went for a walk, no worries hyung."
She shortly said, tiredness visible and laced in her voice as the latter looked at her, worried.
Her eyes met Jeongguk's who's sitting on the couch with wide eyes, his eyes widened more when their eyes met as he looked away and went up to their room as Jaerin sighed and scratched her head, heading to the kitchen and placed the pack of flavored milk into the refrigerator and hid it so that no one can see it.
She went up to her shared bedroom with her fellow maknae and saw that the latter is already sleeping, his thin lips slightly agape as soft snores escaped his lips, his chest is rising up and down in a steady pace and his eyes are closed gently, his warm duvet draped on his body so that he won't freeze over night.
Jaerin sighed as she took out some clothes for her to sleep on and went outside to head to the bathroom to take her nightly shower.
She took her time on the shower and now, she's lying down on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her right hand placed above her stomach as she heaved out a sigh and closed her eyes,
She turned her head towards the sleeping Jeongguk as a frown made it's way to her face, remembering what she did to the concerned boy,
"I'm sorry, Jeongguk-ah. I didn't mean to lash out on you, I'm sorry." she softly said but loud enough for him to hear though she doesn't know whether he'll even hear her apology.
Jaerin scoffed, "You're such a coward, Kim Jaerin." and with that, she drifted off to the dreamland,
Little did she know that Jeongguk is actually awake, pretending that he's asleep as he can't even sleep knowing that his bestfriend is mad at him but after hearing her apology, it seemed like peace once again invaded him,
"You're not a coward, Jae. Sweet dreams,"
— kookarchives