I've been with these fuckers for about 3 weeks. after about 2, i moved into the spare room. it wasn't originally going to be my room. namjoon and jin had thought themselves match makers and put us together in the hopes i would be jungkooks new best friend. however he had complained enough about it i guess they did it to shut him up. also because the arguments only got worse.
it was just in time to, as i fear that he would have killed me by Christmas. the fact that i was originally meant to share with jungkook for the rest of my life under this roof, haunted me. maybe he'd suffocate me with a pillow if i breathed to loud.
I moved to the room near the kitchen. It would get really loud, all the members going from room to room and the constant sound of a faint machine didn't bother me. it was nice actually. But it still gets cold. its nothing new, ive always been cold, im rarely hot. im cold all the time, so its really no difference.
There is a small window, but the sun doesn't shine through. It doesn't even open, so i can't even blow smoke out.
I don't even see the moon.
however im grateful, as i no longer have to see jungkook.
the manger said posters were fine. even if he said no i would still have put them up anyway.
my posters went up first to cover up the marks on the wall, made by previous owners i presume. someone probabaly had a scrap in here and didnt bother fixing the damage. i tell it was a fight because there was a suspicious mark on the wall that looked like blood. after inspecting it i pushed a book shelf infront of it.
Then it came to my bookshelf, mostly cds. I let. Jeewoo have a few because I had a lot of duplicates. I dont know why he wants them he only listens to my chemical romance. should sell them really.
I lay on my bed in the dark. This is how I spent most days if I wasn't practising.
i would avoid the members. yes jin and jimin liked me, but i dont think they really do. its probably just to stop me bursting into tears.
nothing happened today, so i went to bed early again, to make time go by faster. only to again wake up and do nothing, and feel nothing. atleast now i can listen out for ghosts and witches, but all I can hear was namjoons snores from the room across.
4 am is just as dead as the rest of the day. why do people claim is the best time. however It's always happier at night. I don't know why. Felt so much better with no people around.
My stomach rumbled. I took this as an excuse to go out and get some snacks. maybe go talk to some cats. And a smoke.
That's sad jisung. We are gonna die in 10 years.
I weighed my options out. Literally. I looked on the back comparing the weights of each. i want to get my moneys worth
I paid for my things and walked back. The sun was rising. i would have stayed to watch it but that would be impossible. all the buildings were to high.
i took my time walking back, as this may be the most entertaining and interesting part of my day. however once i reached our building, i ran up the stairs to avoid any people who thought waking up early in the morning is cool.
once back inside, i collapsed on the sofa. I wondered if i could see the sun rise from here. if i can, maybe id have more fun. i went on my phone to pass the time. i scrolled through twitter, hoping to see anything interesting. and i did.
"New bts member jisung seen at a convenience store early in the morning buying snacks"
Glad they didn't see what else i was doing...
Why are they out so early. what a freak.
Why were YOU put so early?
I smiled to myself as I looked at my bag. now i realise, it was less about the food and more about me going out. it was a bliss not to be questioned on my whereabouts.
I reached for a bag when a voice, a real one not from the depths of my head said "I hope you're not eating that for breakfast"
I jumped a mile up in the air, my biscuits i had spent so long picking out fell to the floor.
I swore loudly, rushing to pick them up but hitting my head of the coffee table, I swore again
i heard a familiar laugh from behind me. jin.
"Why are you here you scared me-." I said rubbing my head
Jin chuckled "I'm making breakfast. what about you?" I held up the bag of food I brought. "You were gonna eat them for breakfast" He said. this was infact a statement.
The memory of the maknae line causing trouble and loud coming into my head. Then yoongi yelling at them and kicking them, but really kicking me. "It was an accident but I don't feel sorry"
"I'll keep them in line." jin said smiling, apparently knowing what I was thinking. "Why don't you help me cook," he said walking into the kitchen. i nodded, however getting up slowly, giving him time to reject me.
"Why were you up so early?" he said handing me a knife. he was giving me the job that i hated, but also liked. i like cutting things evenly, but my hands dont let me. sometimes my hands just dont work like other peoples. maybe most the time. however, to not cause difficulty, i took the knife.
"Well I couldn't sleep and then I got bored so I went out." I said as pulled out a chopping board. "So you haven't slept." he said shocked. I shook my head " I thought you had-I feel so bad for asking you to cook- you go on and sleep" jin took the knife from my hand
"ill sleep later" I pleaded. He gave me a look as if he knew this was the most fun i was having in days,
"Fine." Jin sighed. I smiled taking back the knife. " you should smile more" jin said watching me.
Nothing to smile about in my life.
We finished making breakfast. "I'll go wake yoongi, namjoon and jungkook up they are the hardest to wake, you can do the others"
Jin said taking off his apron. I nodded. I was anxious, my life was a risk here.
I knocked on Taehyungs door, my head filled with apprehension.
He didn't answer jin told me to just knock and if they didn't respond I should just go in.
I opened the door slowly. "taehyung?" I slowly crept into his room I didn't want to turn on the light imminently.
"Taehyung" I went over to his bed. I opened the curtains so he got natural light and so he wouldn't see me looking over him and think the worst. also i want his eyes to burn in the light because thats what he deserves "its time to wake up" I whispered. He turned hiding his head.
"Breakfast" I said simply. He groaned "what are you doing here"? He shot me a dirty look from behind his blanket.
"Waking you up, its breakfast time." I said flatly.
He groaned and covered his face. "I'm getting up, you can go now" he said rolling over. i rolled my eyes. he probably lacks brain cells in the morning.
Next was Jimin. Jimin would be easiest as i think. all i had to was shake him awake as i dont think he would flinch at the sight of me.
I knocked. No reply. I opened his door. He was sprawled out on his bed like a starfish. "Jimin?" I whispered opening his curtains. "Jimin? You need to wake up" I said softy crouching down tapping the bed slightly. i think he deserved a nice waking up. He opened his eyes a little but shrunk away at the light.
"Say please" me muttered staring at me.
I smiled. "Please Jimin-hyung"
"Don't Call me hyung! I feel old" He whined covering his face, making me laugh.
"Wake up jim-" I said again but softly.
"That's better" his head popped up out of the blanket smiling slightly. i am in utter despair.
I left the room. Lastly, was hoseok. Hoesok would be hardest because I'm not sure how he felt about me. He would just state things out of nowhere or just stare at me. I knocked and no surprise no answer.
"Hoseok," I said snapped. His windows and curtains were open and his room was cold. what a freak. im not sure if i like him
"You need to wake up, breakfast" i said, standing at a great distance. He was curled up into a ball under his blanket I think he was, anyway. if it all fails i can always throw something at him.
i went over and lifted the blanket a bit and I seen his fluffy head. It was weird.
I was tempted to flick the top of his head. so i did.
"Ouch-!" He groaned. Why do they alll act stupid in the morning? has namjoons not shared out the brain cells yet?
"Breakfast time."
"No!" He said simply. "You hit md!"
i dont give a shit.
"okay and?" I laughed making him lookup. What happened next all happened in a blur and i don't know what point I stubbed my toe.
"What are you-" i hissed getting progressively more pissed off with him. sensing my anger he simply cackled. he pulled me forward so we both feel on the floor. unfortunate, he was on top of me. i think he broke my ribs-
dad. im coming up. im sick of this.
"payback" he smiled, pure evil. he was laughing again and for some strange reason i felt my heart start beating unnaturally fast. i swallowed and i felt my face grow red. oh god. not him please-
for something to do, inspected his floor, nice. better than jungkooks. 7/10. i dock points as i dont like who the floor belongs to.
"Why are you doing-" I groaned i tried to hide my red face by not looking in the eye. as that would work.
"I feel like it" he said, not moving.
"I'll scream if you don't let me go" I said trying to sit up.
"And ill moan, people will think we are-" he said simply. I moved away from him hitting my head again.
"NO-"
"i mean if you'd rather wait till marriage-?"
i shrieked and kicked him off, then running to hide behind his door, tripping over his legs as i did so as he lay there stunned.
"Jiji-" He yelled rubbing his legs, wincing.
"Jiji? Do I look like a cat? What's with the nickname?" I said, poking my head around the door, pushing up my glasses making sure i didn't miss any of his movements. he moved closer and closer until i was in his shadow.
"I give nicknames to people I like" he grinned pushing me against the wall. I choked. redness had returned to my cheeks and so did my heart palpitations. i bit the inside of my cheek and looked anywhere but his eyes. i dont think ive ever truly looked someone in the eye in over a month. the ceiling and walls were far more entertaining.
people he liked.
"you cant like me." I said with gritted teeth.
"What do you mean?" He pouted, his smile had completely fallen. he looked so confused and disappointed , that i would deem it a crime to lie to him.
"You dont like me, you're only saying that because im in front of you."
"you're so...blunt" he whispered, it was almost as though i wasn't meant to hear it at all. i back tracked, trying make him forget what i said.
"i mean that- i mean noo ne likes me- why would you-?" i wrestled with the concept that someone here may actually like me.
yes there was jin, but i thought that sometimes maybe he wasnt mean to me, because he morally couldn't. im just a child to him, a stupid child. hes not even that older than me. i can tell everyone thinks im not gonna survive the year.
"i mean, look at jungkook."i trailed off, my voice falling.
"I never said anything horrible" he said sitting cross legged in front of me, looking puzzled. he seemed genuinely unsettled at the idea that he may have hurt my feelings. his arrogance shocked me.
"I just said things as it was, for example you didn't speak much so I said something"
"-I'm also extremely annoying. I can't do anything right really- I intruded on you guys and I'm horrible- im ungrateful-" I suddnely felt my eyes stinging and i felt stupid.
everything here cannot be disagreed with, even when you look at them logically theyre true.
"I don't think you are" he said looking up at me. "You are defending yourself. everything you say you are is true if you want it to be, but you're a product of your surroundings." the last few sentences cut the restrains i had on my eyes.
"so you actually like me?" I breathed my eyes filling with tears.
"yes thats what ive been saying. i have no reason not to and You dance really well!" He said getting up. My heart pounded for the umpteenth time. this man wont let me live.
"And jin and Jimin like you"
I looked up at him "you're sure?" my voice shook.
He nodded getting up. "Jin defends you, which he wouldnt do for just anyone. and Jimin is Jimin"
"I admit i didn't like you at first, only because it was everyone else seemed to be doing, and it only because we know nothing about you" he said guiltily.
"So you actually..." I was shocked. I leaned agaist the wall, feeling my face on my cold hands. the blood in my cheeks rushed to the chill surface of my hand, drinking its coolness.
"Are you crying?" He said a hint of panic in his voice. in front of me.
"what- no-"
He engulfed me into a hug, catching me off guard.
"hey it's okay." He stroked my head. I liked how it felt.
"im not crying-" i struggled out of his grip.
He smelt nice
"I think we should get breakfast now" he stood up and took my hand. I gave him a withering look.
We walked back to see taehyung and Jimin eating breakfast at the table. Taehyung still looked half asleep. Jimin smiled and waved
I sat and started eating my breakfast in silence.
"What's taking hyung so long?" Jimin whined looking over to were he disappeared to wake up the rest. "He's probably waking up jungkook" hosoek giggled and did a tickling gesture in mid-air
Namjoon came in first. He nodded politely and sat next to taehyung. Yoongi came in next.
"It looks like he died and came back to life" Jimin whispered to me over the table I chuckled as he wobbled on his chair.
"I'm surprised that yoongis here first" namjoon said looking around at the short boy, (whose head looked like it was going to fall into his plate) hoseok did tickling motion in mid-air again. "stop with the nipple thing-" Jimin barked kicking him.
As if on cue he walked in jungkook walked in. As per usual, he gave me his morning dirty look, an unwarranted one.
I though back to the windows in his room. Jin had insisted that he close them because he had a habit of leaving his door open during the day, creating a draft.
Jin returned and he was the last to sit down. "Thank you jisung" he smiled across from me. I nodded smiling back.
"Its really good, and didn't break anything, unlike jimin..." He says scathingly looking over at the boy who was having an arm wrestle with taehyung
"i didnt do anything" He yelled exasperatedly looking at me desperately wanting to prove his innocence as taehyung slammed his arm to the table.
"You fell and broke your bed when jin came back to make sure you were awake." yoongi said aggressively, his eyes suddenly wide and he looked terrifying
"i didnt-"
"LAIR-"
Breakfast went smoothly, despite the feud on if jimin really did break his bed.
I started the washing up but jin stopped me instantly. "You have done enough!" He moved me out the way, grinning.
"You helped cook!" He sat me down on the sofa and I watched helplessly as he did the washing up.
I layed down on the sofa, staring up at the light. My eyes became heavy, so I soon fell asleep.
⋆
I woke up disoriented, not sure where I was. I shot up a blanket falling off me. I rubbed my eyes trying to scrap together my brain cells
In desperation. My head was spinning and my stomach churned, like acid "lord give me strength" I groaned in English. I was on the sofa. "Weirdo" I heard a growl from next to me. It was jungkook, he was sitting in a chair opposite me. for someone who hates me why is he always in my business?
"You took up the whole chair" he said bothered apparently.
"Don't be stupid I was curled up and there is more than enough space for you" i slurred my head still spinning.
"What" jungkook looked confused "what did you say"
"You heard me" my stomach gave nasty turn as i yawned. i shook my head as he opened his mouth to complain but i shushed him "I can't be bothered to repeat what i said, should of listened the first time" i grumbled
"Shut the frick up" he growled. i stiffed a laugh.
"pack it in"
I said absentmindedly as i tried to get up my head and tummy feeling like a washing machine.
"Whatever freak" he then started shaking his head. ignored this jab, as ive been called worse by smaller people.
I tried to walk but stumbled my head felt like it was splitting.
"Have you been drinking?" Jungkook said, "you are stumbling and talking in tongues."
I gave him a dirty look "ill have you know i don't drink and i was speaking English" I said scathingly.
I walked a few steps before stumbling again. Them my stomach lurched i felt like was gonna be sick. I tripped and ran to the bathroom just in time before i threw up. It hurt. I hate being sick. It's the worst feeling.
"fuck" mumbled, my head feeling just as bad. My stomach lurched again.
This is shit. i hate it. I wanted the world to swallow me whole.
edited again