A few days had passed since I had joined bts. Fans reactions were mixed. I mean it's not everyday where some random dude joins your favourite kpop group so i dont expect to be loved immediately.
There was a large number of very loud people that didn't like me. An example was news sites. They started producing snarky articles that were most times downright rude.
some people were just weirdos so they sent me death threats. these in no way effect me, when i see them they usually cheer me up as they give me something to laugh at. theyre always so stupid. i also like the creative insults. some said i looked like a penguin trapped inside a human body. Another said it looked like i was constantly in pain which i found highly amusing.
But in the end, it seemed like most people actually liked me. They just weren't as loud. i dont particularity care about the hate, as i said, i find it funny.
The members' attitude hadn't changed. Possibly gotten worse after our first practice session. it was quite lonely living in a house full of 7 people.
Jungkook was insufferable. He started arguments every time any one of us went to bed. It was like part of his nightly routine. it was mentally exhausting, all the members were so awkward around me and i hated it. i cant expect them to change for one person, but i started wishing they would.
Each time over something simple, was jungkooks favourite time to start. He could sit sprawled out on his bed, one hand supporting his head, his other hand used for pointing or flailing it about.
Im convinced he does this because he knows no one will defend me.
I am yet to snap.
hoseok still hadn't really spoken a word to me and he was one of the most confusing men i ever met. however there was his little digs he did, like the other day, so i just safely assume he doesn't like me.
then there was the others who still terrified me. like taehyung. He would sit and stare at you and you would leave the experience feeling unsafe.
I'm convinced he would stand above me with a knife while i sleep.
Unbeknownst to jungkook, the days were getting colder. I would dread going to bed because he could leave his window wide open all the time and i hardly feel warm as it is. I contemplated pushing him out of the window, thinking that if he liked the cold so much why didn't he sleep outside. Like the animal he was.
-
"You crossed the line." jungkook drawled looking up from his phone and pointed a finger at the arm i had just about ready to try and take back my pencil that had somehow gotten on his side.
"I just need to get my pencil." i said through gritted teeth.
"Why is it over this side anyway? if it's on my side it mine." jungkook said with an smug expression painted on his face.
The pencil in question was under his bed.
"It's just a pencil" I said standing up ready to scrap for it. It was a penguin pencil that in the recent weeks i had become attached to after being insulted.
"Exactly it's just a pencil." jungkook said looking up
"you won't miss it." he said finally getting annoyed.
"Neither will you" I sneered and before he could stop me I crawled under his bed and grabbed it then attempted to get to my side.
"You think you are so smart." he spat and grabbed the back of my hoodie as i tried to return to the safety of my blankets.
"well, yes. I do" i laughed but he had pulled the back of my hoodie to hard so i choked. I wriggled for a minute, trying to see if he would just let go.
But he didn't.
"can you get off? I don't want to die looking at you." i hissed, slightly panicking at how i couldn't get my hood out of his grasp. "jungkook-"
"Oh just shut the fuck up." he said angrily. Wow he might actually kill me. 19 years of life now cut short-
"Why are you so..." He started to let go of me so i started to scramble up. But he grabbed my wrist.
The situation stopped being funny. It wasn't funny in the first place but jungkook acted so immature that it was.
But now, as he grabbed my arm, i could feel it tingling, my scar burning and feeling numb as he twisted. It was the wrong arm. I could feel him pushing on the metal plate in my arm. And then the look in his eyes, rage came to me so quickly when i looked into them, it boiled up inside, corroding my better judgement.
"Why am I so what? Jungkook what am I?" I challenged, standing up, now trying to pull my wrist away.
He swallowed and started to stand up as well, this time taking a different course of action.
finally he let go of my wrist, but he wasn't done.
"Are you aware that none of us actually like you?" this time he was the one laughing.
"We never asked you to come here. We were just fine by ourselves" he pushed me slightly.
I only moved closer. The urge to punch him was so overwhelmingly difficult to ignore.
"you're a parasite. Do you want to automatically become loved by everyone without putting in the effort? ACTUALLY WORK FOR IT LIKE WE HAVE? " he was now shouting, the gap between us getting smaller and smaller. I could feel my heart racing. A grin crept on my face. A laugh in my throat
"keep going" i moved closer, my grin widening. He bit his lip
I'm not the one he should be complaining to.
"You think I'm not aware you people don't like me? Do you think I'm that stupid? " I yelled back, my eyes started to sting. My anger has always been so closely bonded with my tear ducts.
"i didn't even ask to be here." i yelled gripping my sleeves with frustration. My arm was shaking.
Its going as exactly as i predicted it would.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?" he pushed my chest again, for what felt like the hundredth time. It started to hurt slightly or maybe that was what came from trying to stop crying. I squared my jaw, looking him in the eye, my arms shaking.
"HUH?" he yelled again after not getting an immediate response.
He grabbed my shirt and pulled me closer to him, as if he wanted to see the tears in my eyes, maybe check if they were real.
"get the fuck off me " i shoved him off me but he only grabbed me again. "i dont care how much you hate me." i could barely see his face as my eyes had filled with tears. "i know that from how everybody looks at me."
"go cry to someone else about how miserable your life is with me in because i couldn't give less of a shit. But guess what jungkook? im still here!" i yelled, laughing at him, pushing him away.
It was quiet for a minute. I stared at him. His face was contorted with rage. I could of sworn there was also tears in his eyes.
And then he punched me. . It was so fast i didn't have time to react. I couldn't move out the way as he had me cornered.
My jaw ached, like it was tiny hammers hitting my nerves and i could feel the blood run to the surface, ready to leave a red mark.
The tears in my eyes were finally let go and i felt them fall down my face, cooling the mark made by his fist.
"cunt" i spat still quite shocked, but i grabbed his shirt. A flicker of regret traced his face, but soon he replaced it with his same look of resent.
"stay the fuck away from me" and i shoved him into the floor.
Wordlessly, he sat, dazed as if he had been the one to get punched. He had landed on my blankets, his hands clutching into them.
Unable to stay in the house any longer i left. Still shaking. It's been a while since someone punched me.
-
It had been a few hours. I was aimlessly wandering about. I had my earphones in and my music on shuffle not caring what came on. I hoped i would get lost, maybe die so i didn't have to return.
I sat on the curb, a cigarette in hand a cat on my lap. Feeling at ease.
"hello" i looked down at another cat, who was walking towards me.
They didn't look phased that i was practically stealing their alley way. They seem to like me really, which was Strange, cats normally run away from me. So much that i thought i was cursed.
It would be so awkward when I get back. Lucky it was only me and jungkook in the house at the time, but maybe jin would suspect something was wrong.
I blew smoke into the air. Feeling pretty sorry for myself.
Well, there's no need to 'suspect' when there's a bruise on my jaw.
I looked at my watch and decided it would be time to get back. It was getting dark, and the others would be coming returning home.
The cats meowed as i left, as if they was saying goodbye. Some even following me as i left, rubbing past my ankles leaving cat hair on the bottom of my jeans i smiled, feeling tears form in my eyes, and gave feeble wave, swearing Id start carrying around cat treats when i walk through there.
I walked back, my eyes staring down at the floor intently. I hate it there. I hate it so much. They would be so suspicious of me now. A bruise on my cheek and i probably smelt like cigarettes. Im really selling myself.
I stood outside the door hesitating on the keypad. If i take to much time i might as well sleep out here.
That sounds like a good idea, probably warmer.
I took a deep breath and typed in the code and opened the door.
I kept my head down as I took my shoes off.
"Where were you," a voice startled me and the question caught me off guard.
"I went for a walk" I said defensively, trying to avoid conversation.
It was Taehyung. Him, namjoon and jin were sitting on the sofa, they were all looking at me as if i was something interesting.
Jin decided to pipe up, his voice dripping with concern.
"Why were you gone so long"
"I went down a nature trail or something, just some random path y'know" I smiled awkwardly.
"your shoes aren't muddy and most nature trails around here are muddy,"
namjoon said knowledgeably
"theres cat hair on your trousers. And you-"
i cut him off sensing his detective skills may be a little too good.
"there's a lot of strays in the area. They make great company" it was a jab at them all. I hope it hurt. Hehe.
I was about to say something else but someone cut me off.
"I don't see why it matters..." It was jungkook, he was sitting at the breakfast bar. He still looked angry. Oh, so he holds grudges... "it's not like he died" he sounded disappointed as he said that last bit. Don't worry man i wish i did.
"Still angry" I whispered to my self. Imagine holding grudges.
And tried to walk quickly to our room but he stopped me
"What I said was true." he said sipping his drink He got up and whispered to me
"I still don't like you"
"wow, i didn't know." I said to myself in English and walked off shaking my head and cursing the boy.
"what a prick."
Namjoon pov ⋆
"What did he say?" everyone said the same thing their heads snapping to me.
"What!" I said looking at the pares of eyes staring at me, their English master.
"He said something in English" Taehyung pressed. "He said..." I tried to remember. They all watched me, eyes wide "well i forgot but i know he was being sarcastic" I looked at jungkook
"oh and he called you a prick-"
"did you to fight!" jin shook his head and stood up, ready to put jungkook in a head lock.
"Well...you could say that" jungkook smirked
He only admits things like that if he won, regardless of consequences
"What did you do" jin put his head in his hands "you need to stop arguing it's becoming a regular thing"
Jungkook lurched into the story. Jin's head seemed to sink deeper into his hands as jungkook added to the story.
"And yeah he was like crying, but he shoved me onto the floor." he grinned and jumped on the sofa. I didn't seem to bother him at all. I could tell he was leaving something out, but i also could see how desperately he wanted to gloat about it.
I imagine he'd tell taehyung later.
I had a horrible feeling that the mark on jisungs cheek, was his doing.
"You are not helping him at all" I sighed looking at him dead in the eye.
"Why should I?"
"Imagine if you will, you suddenly start living in a house with seven dudes you don't know" I started but tae interrupted "hot dudes" he snicked but jin kicked him.
"And then they be a bunch of dicks to you while you literally were just existing" I ended my speech.
We were all silent for a minute or to.
"You're becoming soft." jungkook said getting up "why should we accept him he didn't work for it."
"it's not about being soft, it's about-" but another voice suddenly cut through my words.
"how do you know" a voice sounded from behind us all. Jungkooks face when 5 different colours, settling in a faint red
"Don't speak about someone you don't know like that" jisung crossed the room ominously, he eyed jungkook from the corner of his eye. He looked terrible, almost ill.
"and jungkook, you need to learn how to punch people, maybe they'd actually be afraid of you"
He grabbed a green glass from the cupboard and filled it with water, before disappearing back to the room.
"Yoongi-hyungs right" Taehyungs voice waved.
"He does a scary aura" he shivered
"He looks ill." jin said wearily. I nodded in agreement.