"Are you excited?" Harry's deep voice booms through my car speaker. I exit off the freeway, merging into even more traffic.
"Yeah but also kind of nervous... But I'm sure it'll be fine once I see them," I brush off. I haven't seen Harper since she was diagnosed with Leukemia nearly three months ago and I feel like a buzz of emotion about it. I worry that she'll be different, but I also worry that my family will resent me for not being there through her treatment. I know they said it's okay, but is it really?
"I'm sorry I couldn't be there, babe. Tell them I say hello and I'll be over as soon as this interview is over," Harry says apologetically. I gnaw on my lip nervously, the inside nearly raw. I know that I shouldn't be so anxious, but I can't help it.
"It's all good, we'll see you in a bit," I reassure, "Hey, I'm pulling up to the airport right now so I have to go but good luck! Don't say anything stupid, I love you!"
"Ha ha," He laughs sarcastically, "I love you too." With that I hang up right as I pull into the parking bay for arrivals. I put the car in park before stepping out into the heat of summer. I pull my ball cap down slightly, hoping that nobody recognizes me.
Harper has a break from treatment and Kelly thought she needed something to lift her spirits, which means a girl's weekend at my house. Harper has been a real trooper from what I've heard, but she's still sick nonetheless. The only thing that makes me feel better about it right now is that I'm the person they think of when Harper needs her mood to be lifted. No matter how old she is, she'll always be my little buddy.
I'm about to abandon my spot outside to stand in the air conditioning when the automatic doors slide open to reveal a familiar brunette dragging a large suitcase behind her. Harper lets out a shout when she sees me, letting go of her mom's hand to rush towards me.
I wrap my arms around her slight frame, pulling her tight against me. As I begin to stand from my crouched position she latches to my front, giggles escaping her lips. After a moment I set her on her feet, crouching back down to her level. I hold her at an arm's length, finally able to get a good look at her.
Even for a natural blonde Harper has always been able to get a deep summer tan after hours of playing outside but now her skin is the color of paper. In place of her honey hair is now a yellow scarf tied up into a bow at the top of her head, definitely Kelly's doing. She feels frail under my touch, like if I squeeze her arm too hard it'll break.
I know that it's the same Harper, but the differences bring tears to my eyes. I push them back, refusing to let any spill. Unfortunately Harper is too smart for her own good, "Auntie Lil, why are you crying?" She asks, pressing her small hand to my cheek.
"I just missed you so much, my little munchkin," I hug her tightly against me once more, planting a kiss onto her cheek. She scrunches her nose and wipes the spot with the back of her hand. That's new.
I straighten out my knees and go to Kelly, giving her a long hug. As I pull back, I look at her enlarged stomach, placing a hand lightly on it, "Okay, mom. When did this happen? I thought you said you were done?"
Kelly rolls her eyes, grabbing Harper's hand again, "I'll spare everyone the details." Kelly has a love hate relationship with being pregnant, and in the heat of summer I'm guessing she hates it, yet she never fails to tell me how amazing pregnancy was after the baby is here.
I load up the suitcase for her as she makes sure Harper is buckled into the booster seat, and we head back to my house. We chat about their flight, keeping everything light until I pull into the garage. Harper runs ahead of, going deep into the house.
"Wow," Kelly says, looking around the foyer, "I always forget how massive this place is." I follow her eyes, taking in my Spanish style home like I'm seeing it for the first time. Part of me feels like I need to apologize for it and I'm not sure exactly why. I guess sometimes I feel guilty that when I'm away I live beyond the means of the rest of my family, but I worked hard for this money.
Harper's voice echoes through the vaulted ceilings, relieving me of having to respond to Kelly, "Mom! There's a pool!"
After Kelly made sure Harper was covered head to toe in sunscreen, the three of us headed outside. Sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water, I watch Harper swim the length of the pool several times over, talking to herself as she plays. Not long after, the back door opens and Harry saunters out.
He doesn't announce himself, but it only takes a moment before Harper notices the tall man walking towards us. "Harry!" she shouts, immediately swimming towards the edge of the pool. She pulls herself out and runs to him, water trailing after her, goggles still tight on her face.
Harry meets her in the middle and crouches to her level, lifting her up as Harper throws her arms around his neck. She completely soaks his black Gucci button-up, but if it bothers him he doesn't show. Instead there's a bright smile on his face and he situates Harper onto his hip.
"Pink and white polkadots," Harry says, lightly tugging at the strap of her swimsuit, "Very fashionable." Harper giggles, looking down at her tankini. "Nothing Peppa Pig though, what's that about?"
Harper pulls her goggles off her eyes finally, resting them on top of her bald head, "Peppa Pig is for babies. I don't watch that anymore," she says sassily. Harry's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, his mouth agape, "Well then I suppose me having an accent like Peppa isn't nearly as exciting anymore."
Harper shrugs her shoulders, "I still like that you talk funny. Are you going to come swimming?" Harry sets her back on her feet and straightens out his wet shirt.
"Maybe in a little bit, I was going to talk to your aunt first, but you go play." Harper nods her head dutifully before sprinting full speed to the pool, splashing us all in the process. It's good to see her so full of energy, still acting like a kid.
Harry slips off his shoes and cuffs the hem of his linen pants before taking a seat next to me, his feet gliding through the water. "How was the interview?" I ask, my eyes trained on Harper who's swimming like a mermaid now.
"The usual," he responds, "l didn't come over here to talk about the interview though." My brows furrow as I look to him, unsure of what this is about. Harry leans in slightly, his voice low enough that only I can hear, "I came over here to tell you that you look sexy in that bikini."
He presses his lips to the soft spot beneath my ear before pulling back, his eyes leaving me to look inconspicuous. My stomach does a flip, and I immediately look to make sure Kelly hadn't seen, knowing my blush probably makes whatever he said obvious.
"I also came over here to do this," Harry speaks up. Before I have time to register what's happening, his hands are pushing me and I'm being submerged face first into the pool.
Harry POV
After dinner I help Lily clean up the kitchen while Kelly coaxes Harper to take her medication. It hurts to hear her cries, her complaining how she hates the way it makes her feel, but it hurts even worse knowing how it affects Lilian. I can tell by the way that she gnaws on her lip that she's trying not to react, but she only ever chews on her lip when she's anxious or bothered by something. I love that she's so caring for her family, and she really sees Harper as her own. This whole thing has been really hard on her.
I squeeze her shoulder reassuringly as we brush past each other in the kitchen, and she immediately releases her lip from her teeth. I like that I have that kind of effect on her, the calming type. She calms me down too, more than she could know. I've been so stressed lately working on this new album that her presence is like a sanctuary.
"Alright babe it's time for you to go to bed," Kelly announces, grabbing Harper's hand to pull her to a standing position. Kelly begins to walk forward but the six year old doesn't follow, shooting a glance between her mom and where Lil and I stand in the kitchen.
"I want Auntie Lil to tuck me in tonight," she announces, pouting her mouth. It's a hard face to say no to, I have to admit. Lilian finishes wiping the countertop before walking forward and grabbing Harper's little hand. "Alright bug, you lead the way."
My heart swells watching them stand side by side, the way Lilian dotes over Harper. She's one of the most amazing people I know. When I first met her she was a hardass, and she definitely still is, but she's also one of the most caring and empathetic people I know.
"You really like her, don't you?" Kelly asks from behind me. I didn't realize I had been staring and I shake it off before turning to Lily's older sister. She settles back into one of the chairs, her eyes tired.
"Yeah," I clear my throat, "Um yeah, I really do." I fidget with my hands, moving into one of the chairs across from her.
"I worry about her sometimes," Kelly says longingly, eyes focused on the spot Lilian was just occupying. Her hand moves up and down over her large stomach almost in a comforting gesture.
"She worries about you too," I respond honestly. Lilian has been stressed for nearly two months now about Kelly, being pregnant while having a sick kid and another to care for. I know the O'Brien's are a supportive family, and I know that Jared and her parents are doing everything they can to help, but it doesn't take away the burden of it all.
"Yeah, well... She's not supposed to worry about me, looking after her is supposed to be my job." I nod my head, not exactly sure how to respond when Kelly continues, "None of this is what we wanted for her, you know."
"What do you mean?" I ask, brows furrowed. Lilian is extremely successful, she's idolized by millions, and she's still managed to keep a good head on her shoulders. I'm not sure what more her family could have wanted for her.
"Lilian's always been happy and likable, it's no surprise she'd be successful in anything but... I've never seen her more beaten up than how she's been since she moved to this city. She's never cared much what other people think of her but I know she doesn't take extreme criticism well and the long hours are hard, which I'm sure you know... I guess- I think we all wanted to shield her from the harshness of the world so she could keep being the happy little girl she always was."
I think back to the cabin, the photos that littered the walls. Even as a teenager she'd have the same toothy grin in every picture that she had as a toddler. The way she would shameless skinny dip or wrestle with her older brother like kids. How even the neighbors that she pestered had a soft spot for her.
I know she's been beat down a lot by this industry, but I think she forgets how adored she is by most everyone. Everyone she works with, all of her fans, me. "I don't think just anyone can handle the pressure that her job brings, so I think everyone should be proud that she's not only held her own but she's also kept a level head through it all. Everyone has to grow up at some point, and I think she's been nothing but graceful," I defend.
"I'm not denying any of that. We're proud of her for sure. I just think there's a lot that she could be missing out on that she'll never get back, and I worry that she might look back and feel... unfulfilled," Kelly explains, "This is no disrespect to you because with you is the happiest I've seen her since she moved, but relationships in Hollywood don't have the best track records. I hope the best for you guys, but if someone's work gets in the way... I don't know what she's telling you now but Lily has always wanted a family and she's always been adamant that if she gets married she's only doing it once. I hate that she might have to give that up."
The sound of a door shutting upstairs saves me from having to answer as Kelly and I both clear our throats, like the conversation never even happened. A second later Lilian comes into view, tying her now dry hair on top of her head.
"Out like a light," she says with a smile, lowering herself into the chair next to me. She pulls her feet up so she's sitting criss cross like she always does when sitting at the table at home. She places one hand on my thigh, her thumb rubbing back and forth. I try to enjoy her presence next to me, but my mind is reeling after my conversation with Kelly.
Is this really what Lilian wants? Am I what she really wants?
Lilian POV
When I come back downstairs after tucking Harper in for bed the tension in the room could be sliced with a knife. Harry feels stiff under my touch, and I silently curse myself for leaving him alone with Kelly. I have no idea what this could be about, but I have a pretty good feeling it was her doing. Kelly was never known for being the... friendly type. She has a bad tendency to be over critical of people and start unnecessary fights.
I make a mental note to ask Harry about it later before trying to change the subject, "So how are you really doing, Kells?"
Kelly looks down to her large stomach and shrugs before looking back up, "I mean I guess as good as I could be doing. Liam has been seeing a lot of Jared lately so he's probably going to end up with horrible manners, but I think it'll be good for him to have some alone time with Scott this weekend. As far as Harper goes... she's hanging in there. We have our good and bad days."
"That sounds like how everyone else is doing," I respond, "I asked how you are doing."
Kelly's lip immediately begins to quiver, "I'm really scared, Lil." I reach for her hand across the table, squeezing it tightly. I've only seen Kelly cry twice before, but I know that she internalizes things and that she should really talk about them, "I know it's horrible to think about it this way but I can't help but feel that this baby is a blessing in case... in case she doesn't make it."
"Oh, Kelly," I sigh, "You can't think like that. She's going to be okay, and that baby is going to have a beautiful sister who will probably be a pain in their ass, but they'll love her anyways. And Harper is going to boss them around like nobody's business but be the first person to bail them out of trouble. That's a reality too, you have to remember that."
Kelly nods her head, swiping underneath her eyes, "You know, she has to be in remission for ten years before she's considered cured... I can't imagine dealing with this until she's sixteen. She's going to lose her whole childhood."
Kelly's entire life she's stayed strong for everyone else, and now it's my turn to be strong for her. But God I want to cry so damn bad. As if he can sense it, Harry places a firm hand on my back, like the gesture itself can hold me up. He remains quiet, knowing this conversation is just for Kelly and I, but his support means more to me than I could ever put into words.
"I don't think this can take her entire childhood away from her. You saw the way she was playing all day today, she seems happy all things considered. I can't say there won't be bad days but she's still Harper, you know? This can't take that away from her."
"I know, and we've been trying really hard to be positive for her, to show her that things are going to be okay but the bad days are really bad. The hair was the worst part. Scott finally convinced her to shave it off and he made a big thing of it and she didn't even seem sad but I found her in her room crying a week later calling herself ugly... She's six, Lil. A six year old shouldn't be crying because they think they're ugly."
Harper is perfect in my eyes, and the thought of her thinking of herself that way so young rips my heart out of my chest. I had been holding it together well, but a few tears finally escape and run down my face. I stand up from my seat and walk to Kelly, wrapping my arms around her.
"It's all going to be okay, Kells. It has to be."
Kelly returns my embrace, and I stroke my hand over her hair, resting my chin atop her head. I know I told her that everything will be okay, and as much as I want to believe it myself, nothing can stop the sinking feeling in my stomach.
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A/N: AHHHH Thank you guys for reading and thank you for being patient with me, I'm really trying to crank out chapters but life is finally picking up which means I don't have as much time to write as I used to
Thank you to everyone who votes and comments, it seriously makes my day :,) Your reactions are so entertaining for me to read I love them so much!!
What are you guys thinking now that we're getting close to the end? Much love xxo