Question: how much did this book make you feel? Are there any memories that will stick with you for a really long time after reading this book?
Answer: the fact that I wrote and completed this book is a memory that will stay with me forever.
(Please don't play the song until it tells you to for added effect. Alternatively, you can just play it at the end of the chapter, but NOT at the beginning. Please.)
(Friendly warning: mild sexual activity in this chapter. So, um, look out for that.)
Chapter 53 - I Love You, Too. (Finale)
Oliver
"I can't believe that Olly had four girlfriends in highschool," Khalid laughed for the billionth time.
It was Sunday evening and we were all in the common area; Chris, Khalid, Mako, Patrick, Justin, Jess, Yadiri, Alex-- just our crew here in Lighthouse. Shirley and Kevin had both left school earlier today.
Kevin left before Shirley did, though. His uncle came really early to pick him up. Shirley left during the early hours of the afternoon. I knew because she and Chris had been on FaceTime as she packed her bags.
Jess was currently telling everyone how I tried to navigate through my sexuality back in highschool by having numerous girlfriends. Well, they were just four, yet she kept using the word 'numerous'.
"Yes! And the funny thing is some of those relationships ended really terribly," she laughed boisterously, holding her chest and stomach. "I'm sorry, Olly. I'm so sorry but-" she just couldn't help herself and the laughter that was about to choke her.
Everyone present now was laughing at her story, thereby laughing at the jokes made at my expense. Despite the fact that everyone was laughing at me, I wasn't even bothered or upset at all. It was funny and they all deserved to laugh. They all deserved to know about it since we'd all been sharing really embarrassing stories of ourselves tonight anyway.
"Good lord!" Khalid screeched, laughing so hard that he was gasping for air.
"You're laughing? Don't forget you had a Christian girlfriend who wanted a polygamous relationship," I pointed out in an attempt to change the tide of this conversation. But it was to no avail.
"At least it was just one girl. You had four, Olly. Not one, not two, not even three. Four!" Mako defended him.
"Exactly!" Khalid exclaimed in between laughs.
It seemed there was no way I was getting off the hook so soon.
"And he was the one who did the break up with each and every one of them. He probably did it without giving them tangible reasons," Jess added, almost rolling out of the sofa.
"I gave them-- most of them-- tangible reasons," I corrected her on that. "I just don't understand how they loved me so hard."
"He said most of them," Alex mentioned and everyone just started laughing again.
"You guys, stop!" I whined, hiding my face with my good hand.
"See?! At least my Christian girlfriend broke up with me, so I didn't break anybody's heart. But you, you broke four good hearts," Khalid laughed.
"Some of them were not good. Some of them were already broken by someone else. I think that's why I had feelings for my first girlfriend. Her twat ex boyfriend broke her so bad and I just wanted to help. She misinterpreted my intentions, and before I knew it she was calling me 'boyfriend'," I related, shrugging.
"Really, I feel bad for those girls," Patrick chimed in, giggling.
"I know, right? Olly has turned all four of them into gay beards. He has four gay beards trying to figure out what they did wrong," said Yadiri, shaking her head at me. "Bad, Oliver, bad."
"I don't," Khalid plainly stated. "They tried to turn my boyfriend straight. They deserved that."
"Oh, darling, it doesn't work that way. No matter the amount of girls Oliver got with, he could never miraculously turn straight," Mako made sure to get the point across.
"That's actually true," Yadiri supported.
"That is if he even got down and dirty with any of those girls," Mako quickly mumbled, trying to hide his mouth so I wouldn't hear him.
"Trust me, he didn't," Jess clarified for all of them, chortling.
"Oh my God, I made out with some of them!" I objected to her reply.
"And?" They all seemed to chorus back at the same time.
"And nothing else," I uttered in a defeated voice, pressing my lips together to stop myself from smiling when they all began laughing at me again. "But I liked them for a while, maybe even romantically at some point. But as time went by, I lost feelings for them and our relationships became strictly platonic because I wouldn't touch or kiss them. Once it got to this point, I started wondering why I was even in a relationship with them, then I'll break up, hoping we can still be friends. Then I'll stupidly enter another relationship. Ugh," I groaned, shaking my head at myself. "They all hate me now, by the way."
They'd all started laughing all over again even before I got to the end of my explanation.
"That's the gay being prominent," Mako was the first to speak.
"It's not your fault they hate you. Maybe they won't hate you anymore if they find out that you're gay?" Alex suggested.
"Oh, no. Trust me, Alex, they will hate him even more. Girls are like that," Jess told him.
"Not all girls, though. If I was one of his exes, I'll be glad to find out that he's gay. At least with that I can assure myself that it wasn't my fault. But then I'll feel really stupid for not seeing the signs. But I won't hate him, that's for sure," Yadiri countered Jessica's point.
"And that's why we're different, babe," Jess pulled Yadiri into a tight side hug.
"Well, we will soon find out what kind of girls they are because they're sure to find out that I'm gay once I start posting pictures of Khalid and I on my Instagram," I announced.
"Cutie wants to show his boyfriend to the world!" Mako cheered, throwing up his hands.
We all continued laughing and making small talk until Alex finally said something that caught our attention.
"I can't believe this the last time we'll spend time together for the rest of the year," he mused, looking from me to everyone else.
"Me neither. I'm definitely going to miss this. You all are the best dorm mates I could ever ask for," Mako gushed.
"Same here, babe," Jess replied to what Mako said, blowing him a kiss.
"Chris and I are leaving very early in the morning. Our flight is by 11 a.m and the drive to the airport is like three to four hours long. Three in good conditions," Khalid announced.
"Wait, you guys are leaving straight to Dubai? I thought you'll first go to Chris's family house here in Tadelia before leaving?" I worried, my heart already skipping beats at this news.
There was no way I could accept that tonight was the last time I would get to hold and talk to my boyfriend for the rest of the year.
"We would've, but my family already left for Dubai. So they booked tickets for us to come meet them directly without having to stop at my house," Chris explained and my stomach started curling into knots, ruining my mood.
"Oh, I forgot Khalid is twenty and Chris is not under age," I mumbled to myself, but everyone else heard.
"Excuse me? Dude, I'm taller than you, I'm more muscular than you. If anyone looks under age, it's you," Chris shot back. His laughter made it obvious that he was joking like I was.
Although I actually said what I said about his age out of annoyance. I was annoyed at his family for leaving and making such decisions that didn't favour me and my relationship.
"Yeah, rub it in," I grumbled, fiddling with my hands to busy them.
"You started it! Anyway, I'm sorry, mate," Chris apologised, still laughing softly.
"Babe, are you upset?" Khalid seemed to notice my sudden mood change. Draping a familiar arm around me, he drew me closer, making sure to create space for my broken arm.
"Yes! Yes, I am," I replied truthfully. "I can't believe you're going to leave so early and you didn't tell me until now! Goodness, I just realised why you were packing your bags earlier today."
"Oh, Olly, I'm so sorry. Don't be upset. I didn't think you were going to take it so seriously," he consoled, running his palm along my arm fondly.
"Ugh, I'm overreacting. I'm sorry," I groaned an apology. "I suppose I'm just mad that tonight is the last time we'll have a full conversation. Face to face that is."
"Then I suggest we make good use of this night," he mentioned, tipping my head up to wink at me.
His innuendo had me feeling all red, hot, and excited all over.
"Wait, you mean--"
Before I could finish wording my sentence, Yadiri, who had been on her phone for a while now, exclaimed, catching everyone's attention.
"What is it?" Jess asked, trying to peek at her phone.
"Did you guys get the email Denberg sent out about drug use and immoral practices in the school?" Yadiri asked hastily, turning the screen of her phone to us.
"Yes."
"Uh-huh."
"Yeah, why?" We all chorused.
I had also gotten the email, but since it had nothing to do with me, I didn't even read till the end.
"Did you guys click on the external link in the email?" She asked again.
"Um, no, why would I?" Jess answered for all of us because I'm sure most of us didn't.
"Because you're a student of Denberg and this concerns you?" Yadiri stated the obvious.
"Correction, it doesn't concern me because I don't do drugs. I also don't participate in any immoral activities. Except, maybe, mind-raping some of the boys and professors in my department," Jess mumbled the last part, sticking her tongue out.
Yadiri groaned and face palmed herself.
"Jess is right. I mean, I didn't even read to the end of the email," I confessed.
"I didn't even open the email," Mako confessed next.
"I didn't even receive an email," Chris confessed next with a now blank voice, stretching out on the sofa he was sprawled out on. That used to be his and Shirley's spot. He really missed her presence, we could all feel that he did.
"What's an email?" Alex added, feigning confusion.
"What's a Denberg?" Patrick chimed in and added to the mountain of cluelessness we were creating.
"What's a university?" It was Justin's turn.
"Okay, okay, enough!" Before anyone could say anything else, Yadiri yelled over us. "Anyway, I clicked on the link and it directed me to their website where I read about the raid on some on and off-campus dorm rooms. At the end of the article there was a list of students who were expelled and a list of students who were arrested," she announced.
"But wait, isn't that illegal? Like a violation of their privacy and human rights?" Chris cut in before she could proceed.
"The nerve on Denberg!" Justin exclaimed, quite proud of his school.
"They've got guts, I'll give them that," Chris said then leant back down onto the sofa. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, Yadiri. Please continue."
"Well, they did call themselves a 'prestigious institution' in the article," Yadiri voiced a quick chuckle then continued. "Anyway, out of curiosity, I went ahead to check the list and I came across a certain name." She held the phone up to her face and began to read out. "Casper Stenchrow, age nineteen, from the department of Theatre Arts, Faculty of Arts, caught with steroids, heroin, and other hard drugs in his possession."
Everyone fell into a speechless stupor and I instantly got up from Khalid's shoulder. Alert, I was the first to speak.
"He was expelled?" I blurted.
"No. He was arrested. Casper is currently in jail," she clarified calmly. "Well, he was also expelled, obviously, but his name was under the list of arrested students," she further explained when everyone kept staring at her with no words being uttered.
"Oh my God, Casper was arrested!" Jess exhilarated, visibly delighted by the news.
"Jess!" I cautioned.
"What?!" She snapped at me. "Don't even give me that 'he's still a person' nonsense, because he's not. He's a monster, the reason why your hand is in a cast, and your head is bandaged. He deserves to be in jail. Not just for drugs, but for assault and attempted murder!"
I pressed my lips into a line and refused to say anything else. She'd morphed into her crazy, agitated self. There was no winning an argument with her now. And by the way, she was right; Casper deserved to pay for all he'd done. But for some reason, I just didn't feel okay with him being in jail because then, there wouldn't be room for proper change. I genuinely wanted him to turn away from his bad ways.
Jail wasn't an ideal place for change. Maybe suffering might make you a bit remorseful, but you'll never truly recognise that you can be a better person. Your spirit will be broken by the time you get out and you'll be too tired to try. Too tired to live.
"His father is rich. He'll probably just do something and get him out like always," I mentioned. There was a high chance of this happening, and that made me a little hopeful.
"I doubt that. Casper is nineteen now. He's no longer a child or a highschool student. He's legit going to pay for his crimes," Jess insisted.
"That's actually true, Olly," Khalid whispered to me, soothing my arm. "Even if he gets out of jail, he's been expelled. He'll never bother you or anyone else again," he promised me.
The news had changed the atmosphere. Not in a bad way, though. It just made us all think 'Wow, Denberg really isn't playing around'. Jess seemed to be particularly excited by this realisation, even going ahead to cross-check and read the news for herself, smiling contentedly as she read out his line over and over again.
The news had eventually passed and we went ahead to talk about more relevant things, until it got so late we had to go to our various rooms.
Of course, Khalid was to sleep with me in my room. We saw one last movie together until Khalid decided that he really needed to sleep.
"I think I should sleep now since Chris and I are leaving early. I'm sure he's already long gone, you know? Being all alone in the room with no Shirley," he let out a quick chuckle.
"Yeah," I replied, watching him as he plugged my laptop in to charge, turned off the lights, and came to join me under the covers.
We'd already had dinner and brushed our teeth so we were basically ready for bed. He snuggled into me and got comfortable, making sure to avoid the hand in a cast.
"What will you tell your parents happened to you? How will you explain your hand and your head to them?" Khalid wondered.
"I'll simply say I fell down the stairs," I quickly thought of a lie that wouldn't lead to more lies.
"We have an elevator," he pointed out the little dent in my lie.
"I'll say there was a minor issue with it so it wasn't working that morning," I added.
"Are you sure you want to lie to them?" He asked me.
"Yes, I am. There's no need mentioning Casper when he's already in jail. He has enough on his plate already," I answered, feeling a flicker of pity for Casper. Just a tiny, negligible flicker.
"Okay then. You've a good heart, I tell you. Goodnight, babe," he breathed down my neck, making me shiver a bit.
I wasn't ready to sleep. I refused to be ready to sleep. This was the last time I would get to cuddle with my boyfriend for the rest of the year. There was no way I could just go to bed.
I didn't know exactly what I wanted, but I knew I wanted something, and I was going to get it. Some way, somehow.
"You said we were going to make the most of this night," I reminded him with a voice which wasn't so sure of what it was saying.
"Oh, that? Oh my God," he laughed at that, snuggling in even closer. I could feel him rub against my behind. "I was just joking, Olly. There's no way we can do anything with your arm in an arm sling. We've Casper to thank for that," he grunted the last few words, breathing harshly. I could tell he was getting excited, just like I was.
I didn't need to feel his member grow firmer, bigger, and sturdier to be able to tell.
"Mako and I have been talking about the sexual part of gay relationships and I think I've a lot of exploring to do," I stated, looking ahead into the dimly lit corner of my room.
"Oh my God, Olly, please don't tempt me. Don't talk about such things now," he begged, rocking against my behind once before stopping himself. I didn't want him to stop though, it felt good. "And I think Mako is corrupting you," he let out a low giggle.
His will was so strong, I was annoyed that he could show such resilience.
"I guess we'll have a lot of exploring to do next semester," he breathed down my neck, gently nibbling on the flesh.
"Are you giving me a hickey?" I sputtered, widening my eyes.
"I'm marking you. When your parents ask, tell them it was given to you by your boyfriend," he murmured with a husky, breathless voice.
The deepness of his voice was incredibly intoxicating.
"Okay then," I giggled, relaxing and laying still, not moving a single muscle.
His tongue kept snaking around my neck, leaving warm wetness in its wake. His lips kept sucking and nibbling, triggering a utopia deep within me. I couldn't help the occasional moans that escaped my throat everytime he trapped my skin in between his teeth and bit down slightly.
"I just have one question," I moaned, softly panting.
"What is it?" He mumbled into my neck.
"A-are you... H-how big are you?"
"Huh?" He stopped his action on my neck and looked at me. But I was certain he'd heard me, so I refused to repeat myself. "Well, I'm not big. And I'm not small either, I'll be honest with you. I guess I'm moderate sized," he giggled, rubbing his lips against my earlobe.
He then slid his hand down and got in between my legs, taking a hold of my already full, erect length.
"And I think you're moderate sized, too. I'll let you in on a secret, I can't wait to have you inside me," he teased, sucking on my earlobe and gently stroking my length.
"You know, we can't do anything, but I sure can do this. I hope I'm good at this because this is my first time." He pulled away from me and got in the middle of my now spread open legs.
Tugging at my pyjama bottoms, he pulled it down with my boxers together, baring my length which stood right up and looked him in the face. I squeezed my eyes shut. I wasn't sure I wanted to see the look on his face when he saw my member.
"God, you're a work of art," he breathed, pulling my shirt up and running his palm along my flat stomach. I had goosebumps all over me now.
Slowly, I lifted my eyelids, only to see him hovering over me, our faces only inches apart. The second my eyes met his which was filled with love and hunger, he went straight for my lips and kissed me so deeply, we almost ran out of breath. He kept caressing my lower half, rubbing and tugging, I thought I was going to explode.
Working my waist and thrusting into his hand, I thought I was going to peak. But just when I was about to climax, he broke the kiss and went back down to my length.
"Here it goes," he mumbled, holding it up from its root before nimbly taking all of me into his mouth.
Arching my back and biting my bottom lip to prevent myself from screaming out loud, my good hand fisted the covers before I brought them to run along the visible veins on his muscular arm. I kept wishing I had two good hands because one wasn't enough. I kept going from his full raven black hair, to his back, then to his arms while moaning uncontrollably.
This felt a whole lot different than when Tarek had attempted giving me a blowjob at the party. This felt like all shades of right-- all forms of ecstasy, I couldn't seem to get enough.
I warned him when I felt myself near climax, but he didn't care. He only got serious with it, proud that he was doing it right, and I was about to see Nirvana.
He didn't listen to me and I exploded in his mouth. He didn't back away, he didn't flinch or grimace, instead he took everything into his mouth and swallowed.
"God, I'm so sorry," I apologised, panting like an Olympic runner.
"What are you apologising for? You taste like chocolate," he teased, snaking out his tongue and licking every last drop off his lips and fingers.
"Stop! Don't say that!" I flushed red, squeezing my eyes shut.
"I'm serious."
He then helped me pull my pyjama bottoms back up, got back under the sheets and we assumed a spooning posture. We layed in silence for a while, our heavy breathing matching one another's, our heartbeats rhyming together.
"I love you so much, Oliver," he said those words to me for the very first time since we started dating.
"I love you, too, Khalid," I said them back. And for the very first time since I started this whole relationship journey, I meant it.
I really did love Khalid with everything that I was.
* * *
We'd all woken up early because of Chris and Khalid, we had to say our last goodbyes to them-- which we did. I promised myself that I wouldn't cry but when he kissed me before getting into the car, he broke my volition with that particular action of his. Seeing the car drive out of the dorm took me on an emotional trip.
"Dude, calm down. You're literally going to text and video chat with him throughout the holiday," Jess had told me. "You're also going to see him again in less than a month."
Mako and Justin were the next to leave. Saying goodbye to those two wasn't so emotional for me because I'd made myself understand that it was just a short month before I saw them again. Mako, who apparently was corrupting me, asked if Khalid and I did the deed the previous night, and I told him everything that happened.
Khalid also created a group chat with everyone in our clique, so I was certain this holiday wasn't going to be in any way boring.
An hour later, the girls and I had finished packing and it was our turn to leave. Alex and Patrick were the only ones left in the dorm. Due to some unforeseen circumstances which changed their plans, they'd decided to leave the next day.
To my biggest surprise, Jess had willingly let Alex pull her into an embrace. She didn't complain, or make a sassy comment. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and muttered a snarky comment about how she felt stupid for missing him already. I, too, was definitely going to miss him. The only difference was that I didn't feel stupid for it.
Alex and I had started off as worst enemies, but we had ended up as really good friends who also shared a warm hug before Jess drove us out of Lighthouse and towards the city-- back home. I made sure to get my last glimpse of Lighthouse and Thijs.
Thijs never stopped waving until Jess turned onto the next street. He seemed to have really taken a liking to Jess, Yadiri, and I; the three of us.
"I can't believe we're done with this semester," Jess sighed, slumping her shoulders as she drove.
"I can. It's been a really long journey for me. A lot has been learnt," I replied, looking out the window.
I was seated in the backseat like I usually was whenever it was the three of us in the car.
"That can't be any truer," Yadiri agreed, taking a hand out of the window and letting it beat against the breeze.
"I don't even know what to say except I'm glad to be here with you beautiful people," Jess gushed.
"So are we," Yadiri told her, flashing her a brilliant smile.
"There's nothing much to say," I mumbled, recalling that Mason still hadn't texted me or returned my call up till this point.
"Let's just listen to songs," Jess suggested then turned on the radio.
(Play the song now.)
The Good Side by Troye Sivan came on and I couldn't be any more pleased by the coincidence. It was the absolute best song for the mood.
Just then my phone dinged, signalling the entry of a new message. I took it out of my pocket to check from whom the text was from. The name above the notification made my eyes fly open and I immediately opened the text message.
I'm very sorry about going ghost these past few days, and I'm also very sorry about not making it to the end of semester concerts like I promised. I had some important things to take care of. I admit it was a very risky move, but something had to be done about Casper. I just couldn't let him go free after everything he'd put you through, especially now I wouldn't be around to look after you.
Yes, you guessed right. I apologise for this (like I've been apologising for things that are in no way my fault my whole life), but my parents got divorced and I'm leaving Tadelia to Ireland with my mum and kid sister. I'm already at home and we're leaving for Ireland by the weekend. My dad has already gone to live with his new happy family. Congrats to him.
Don't call or text this number because I won't be using it anymore. I'm cutting ties with almost everyone I know. I'll text you with my new number when I get to Ireland or I'll message you on Instagram before then. Also, please don't text me on Instagram unless I text you first. Once again, I'm sorry about that, but my mind is a mess. My head is a category four hurricane. And generally, I'm an emotional clutter.
I would've ended this message by saying 'I love you' but that would just make things difficult for the both of us. It has never been my intention to put you in a difficult position, so no. I won't say it.
But just know that I will never forget you, Oliver, and I appreciate all the times we had together. Good or bad, they're the best memories I've of Denberg.
Take good care of yourself. Until we text or see each other again, this is my half-baked goodbye.
Love, Mason Chafer.
Before I got to the end of the text, my eyes were already stinging with the pool of tears welled in them. I had to blink repeatedly just to keep from crying. Turning off my screen, I twirled my phone and pressed the screen to my chest. I then let my head loll backwards to relax on the car seat.
"Olly, are you okay?" Jess asked, looking at me from the rearview mirror.
"Y-yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I gently closed my eyes and inhaled sharply. Despite my eyes being closed, tears sneakily slid down from them and fell into my ears. "Everything is fine," I muttered.
This wasn't how I expected things to go with Mason, but I guess that's why it was called life. You can't get everything you want, and some things are just beyond your control.
I cried quietly while listening to The Good Side play softly from the car speakers. The quiet street and the cold breeze hitting my face, tousling my hair, only intensified my melancholia. All in all, it was a good ride. There couldn't have been a better ending for my first semester in Denberg University.
THE END
Guys, we need a ship name for Oliver and Khalid! Quick, drop your thoughts now! How does KHALLY sound to you?
AN: thank you so much for joining me on this adventure. To all my day one readers, to readers who joined on the way, to readers who stopped to continue later, to everyone who added this book to their public reading list, I'm so, so grateful.
I hope this is one read you'll always remember. I hope you'll always remember Can't Stay Tranquil on Wattpad.
I'll post a better appreciation, but for now, I'll mark this book completed. The appreciation part will have information on my next book, so look out for that.
I still can't believe I finally finished this. I can remember the day I started this book like it was yesterday.
Once again, thank you so much and don't forget that DrillBurger loves you. If you loved this book, you can always leave a follow to read more from me.
Till next time. Till next time, loves. I'm so emotional right now. I met the best people with this book. I love you so much, Giraffe. I really, really do. I just want to hug you and tell you how much I love you... Because I love you!