Kim Jaerin
Mr. Bang called me to his office as he wanted to tell me something, I've been here multiple times but it still makes me nervous as if it's my first time here.
I played with the hem of my shirt, rolling it to my finger and pulling it out, making it more crumpled.
I licked the bottom part of my chapped lips as I looked around his office, it's not big unlike the office that you see in movies. It's just simple, and cozy.
I'm waiting for Mr. Bang as I arrived a little early than him, my heart is pounding on my chest as my legs bounced up and down due to anxiety.
I sighed as I closed my eyes, calming my nervous self down as I fanned myself and let out a shaky breathe.
Negative thoughts filled my mind as my legs bounced more, I'm getting really anxious because of this meeting.
Is he going to kick me out? Did I do something wrong? Is he going to send me away too with the other girls? Is he secretly angry me because of the mess that we caused few days ago?
I shook my head as I exhaled, I pressed my lips into a thin line and I heard the door click behind me as I look at it,
It's Mr. Bang and he's holding a small, black suitcase. He's wearing his small round glasses, just like how he usually do.
I stood up from my seat as I bowed at him and he sent me a smile, I sat down again as I watch him sit in front of his desk on his swivel chair.
I just looked at him as I felt the thick air surrounding the room, I waited for him to speak as I continued playing with the hem of my shirt.
"So," He said as he broke the silence, I looked at him as I waited for him to continue his sentence.
He sighed, and I bit my lower lip hardly, he laughed at me as I looked at him in confusion, "Don't be too nervous, Jaerin-ah. I have some great news for you," He said as my brows furrowes in confusion.
"Mr--" He cutted me off as he chuckled again, I slumped down on my seat as I frowned,
"Stop calling me Mr. Bang. Just call me Bang PD-Nim, it's like a nickname of mine, Mr. Bang is too formal, it's making me feel old." He laughed as I let out a small smile, the tension in the room is slowly easing up, making my nervousness go away.
"So, let's jump right into the topic because we're slowly getting away with it," He chuckled again as I fixed the way I sit, seems like he's in a good mood today, he's all smiles today and he kept chuckling and laughing.
"W-What is it?" I asked as he cleared his throat again and he placed his palms together on his stomach as he leaned his back on his swivel chair.
"Me and the other directors talked about this last week, so, you're about to debut, right? But it got cancelled and we're sorry about that," He started as he cleared his throat again, his obviously trying to slow his words down and it's making me really really nervous.
"What is it?" I mumbled as he smiled, making me more nervous as my legs bounced more, up and down as I tried to stop it but instantly failed.
"Well, you've been training here for more than a year now, right?" Mr. Bang said as I nodded, mumbling another yes.
"Well, I think it's time for you to debut again." He said straightly as my eyes widened, last month, I'm placed in a group of sweet girls that are debuting, but, because of some unpleasant happenings, it was cancelled and now, I'm back on being a normal trainee.
Then, today, I've been called to the office because I'm debuting, again. To be honest, I'm pretty scared this time, but still, I'm excited.
Just scared on the part where I'll finally know who my members are, and hopefully this time, we're going to debut, successfully.
"Y-Yes?" I stuttered as my eyes widened even though it's originally big.
"I'm d-debuting, again?" I asked again as my lips are now agape in disbelief, It's only been two weeks since our group fell apart and now, I'm placed in a group again and I don't even have any idea who my members are.
"They're good kids, Jaerin. Don't worry," Mr. Bang assured me as I nodded hesitantly, the feeling that I'm feeling is slowly growing inside me as I pressed my lips into a thin line.
"You'll meet them tomorrow, okay? Just be yourself, I promise, they'll like you." Mr. Bang said as I nodded again, there's so much things going on my mind and I want to let it all out, but my mouth didn't even open as it remained close.
Mr. Bang told me that I can now go and it's better if I don't practice today to prepare tomorrow. As if he could predict the future that this debut is final.
I did what he told me to do as I went out of the room, I let out a heavy exhale as I didn't notice that I've been holding it in when I'm talking with Mr. Bang.
On the way to the exit, I saw two boys walking towards the studio as we passed each other, they're the same height and they're talking to each other while smiling.
I'm finally outside as I head straight to the coffee shop where I always go, my hands playing with the hem of my crumpled shirt, I bit my lip hardly as the thought of me debuting with unknown girls scared me.
What if they don't like me? What if they're different from me? So many what if's lingered on my mind as I reached the coffee shop, I pushed the door as the strong yet addicting aroma of coffee greeted me.
The coffee shop is not too crowded as I went straight to the counter,
"Hi, Jae! The usual?" Mina, the waitress that befriended me, asked as I nodded as she wrote my usual order, Caramel Frappucino.
The taste of caramel is my favorite, it's simple yet sweet taste that melts in my mouth warms my heart, just the thought of it makes me drool.
I sat down on my usual spot beside the window where I can watch the busy people and workers of Seoul, the beauty of the capital city.
I unconsciously smiled as I saw a bunch of teenagers, maybe around my age, talking and happily walking together. I can have that kind of life, but I chose to be a trainee for my dream, and I have no regrets.
Mina placed my drink on my table as I thanked her, I grabbed the cold drink as my fingers touched the cold plastic container. I sipped the frappucino as I bit the straw, a habit of mine.
I felt someone sat on the chair in front of me as I looked at that someone,
"Jaerin-ah," I heard Mina said as I raised my eyebrows and sipped the drink again,
"Your thoughts are so deep again, what are you thinking? Mind sharing?" Mina asked as I sighed, putting the drink back on the table as I rested my arm on the marble table.
"It's nothing, Mina. You don't have to be worried," I assured her as I flashed her a bright smile and I see how her expression changed from a worried one into a calm one.
I spent my time in the coffee shop as I helped Mina and the other crew with their jobs as they gladly let me help.
Time passed quickly as we didn't notice that it's already night time and it's almost time for them to close the coffee shop.
"Mina, I'm going now." I said as she nodded with a smile, telling me to get home safely.
The moment I got out, there are less people in the streets, I looked up the sky as I saw the sky filled with stars, even though it's not that bright for everyone to consider as stars, I smiled as I remembered Jaehyun again,
I continued walking as the thought of me debuting went to my mind again, I stopped walking as I felt the gears of my mind stopped working as nervousness took upon me.
I shook my head again as I continued walking to my empty dorm. The street that I'm walking on is now dark and the street lamps are the only light that keeps the street bright. My dark shadow appears whenever I pass through the light as I bit my lip without any reason.
The heels of my sneakers are the only thing that can be heard throughout the empty streets as I walked faster, I just want to sleep so that I can forget the fact that I'm meeting my members tomorrow.
I arrived at my empty dorm as the lights flickered open the moment I opened the door, I placed my sneakers on the empty shoerack, the shoerack that holds so much shoes before, now, it only holds mine.
I went straight to my room and laid down on my bed, as I laid down on my side and placed my hand under my pillow as I felt the weight of my head under it.
Soon enough, my eyelids started getting heavier as I let sleep take over my body.
© staerryniights
— kookarchives