*Maybe they weren't a mistake, because that would mean they didn't still love each other.*
One Year Earlier
"Are we breaking up?" He asks in a pitiful tone with saddest expression on his face.
I wipe my tears and shrug, "We're not happy. Our relationship was never happy, it was a mistake. We fight all the time, Michael. I can't live like this. I'm surprised we've been together this long."
He runs his hands through his hair, "Three years of fighting left and right, but we had a few good times, but you're right, it was a mistake."
I nod, "Yeah, I'm sorry."
He moves toward me and puts his arms around me, "Even though we're breaking up, I'll always love you."
The tears start again and I hug back as I whisper, "I'll always love you too. I honestly wish things were different."
He sniffles, "You know, maybe our timing was off. If we find a way back, then we were never a mistake, we just weren't ready."
I sob against his chest and say, "We can only hope."
He pulls back and nods, "Can we be friends?"
I wipe at my tears again, "Yeah."
Then he looks into my eyes and pulls me to him again. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't, and we just hold each other. I don't want to let him go, but its just the way things are. Finally, he speaks, "Can we kiss one last time?"
I almost say no, but I nod my head. At my unspoken response, he swoops in and presses his lips against mine. I relish in the feel, and taste of him. This is our goodbye. In the midst of the kiss, I feel something wet drop on my cheek, and I realize he's crying. I go to pull back, but he pulls me tighter against him and whimpers, but we continue to kiss. His whimpering doesn't stop as our lips slowly part, and he drops his head into my neck, anchoring me to him.
I'm not sure how long we cry in each other's arms, but when we release each other, he pecks my lips and says, "I love you."
I nod, "I love you too."
Then I'm grabbing my bags and leaving out the door.
Present
We haven't talked since, and I guess I kind of expected it. There wasn't any hard feelings or anything, so we don't hate each other. Either way, talking to him would have hurt too much, so its best that we just didn't see each other anymore. Sometimes when I think about him I feel heartbroken, because I really did love him. I'm pretty sure I still do.
I miss the little things; waking up to his arms around me, him nuzzling his stubbly face in my neck, kissing, and I almost want it back, but its been a year.
Since the break up people are always asking if I'm ok, and I am, because I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. I don't miss the constant fighting, because it took a lot out of us, and we were only ever civil while he was on tour. It was like we only liked each other when we weren't together. I wanted to be happy when we would spend time together, but we would always end up fighting.
After the break up, I decided I would take a break from dating, so I occupied myself by working a lot or spending time with family or friends. At first, I kept tabs on Michael, because I wanted him to be ok and he was more than ok.
About four months after we split, he had a few very brief girlfriends, and it didn't get to me as long as he was happy.
I didn't really bother with the media after that, I spent a lot of time actually interacting with people, reading, and just living. I enjoyed being occupied with something, because I felt accomplished. I learned how to cook, and started baking more and always listening to music. I enjoyed listening to music while doing other things.
I still talked to Ashton, Luke, and Calum, but not very often. I would usually congratulate them on something, or ask how they are, just simple things. I thought life would suck after everything, but I made the best of it, and I felt like a new person.
My friends and family noticed that I've been really understanding and that I've really chilled out, because I use to always speak my mind when I was angry. They also told me I seem happier, and it was nice to hear.
Although I'm happier, I wish Michael and I could've been happy together.
After a really long day of work, I literally went straight home and fell asleep on the couch. I was sleeping very comfortably until I heard unnecessary knocking. I groaned in annoyance as it got louder, and after forcing myself to get up, I looked into the mirror on my wall. I took in my disheveled appearance and almost laughed. My hair was sticking up, my blouse was half unbuttoned revealing my tank top, and my pants were unbuttoned as well, but I had been too tired to take my clothes all the way off.
I yawned as I continued to my door while the knocking grew more louder, so I yelled, "I'm coming, stop being so loud!"
I smoothed my hair down as I open the door, but I hadn't expected to see Calum, Ashton, Luke, and shockingly Michael too. My eyes were wide and I said, "I must be dreaming."
Then I turned around, but I left the door open so they could come in as I walked back into the living room. Once I sat down, I yawned again and shrugged my shoulders and said, "So, what's up?"
I looked up at them, but Michael wasn't looking at me, then Calum spoke up, "How are you, Y/N?"
I sighed, "Other than the fact that I'm tired, I'm great. How about you guys, how's everything going?"
Luke smiled, "We're working on our second album currently."
I smile, "Sweet, I'll be sure to buy it when it comes out. How's you're family."
He laughed, "Really good, mum misses seeing you."
I nod, "I miss her too, I'll visit sometime soon."
He nods, "She'll be happy to hear that. How's you're family?"
I shrug, "Well, everything's ok besides the fact that one of my friends quit talking to me after I became single and a lot of people hate me, so I don't get on social media very much anymore. Other than that, my family is fantastic."
Ashton sighs, "Well, if you ever wanna a get away, we're a call away. We'll take you on a vacation."
I laugh, "Sounds perfect." I look at Michael. "How are you, Michael?"
He finally looks at me and our eyes meet, "I-I'm alright." It doesn't have to be like this.
The boys stare at us and I know they can feel the tension, so they go into my kitchen, leaving Michael and I alone. As we stare at each other, I wonder what he might be feeling. I have so much I'd like to say to him, but I'm not sure how to say it. Its almost like we're having a conversation through eye contact.
He sits on the other end of the couch, but doesn't look away. Then I say, "I thought we were gonna be friends."
I stare at him and he scoffs and shakes his head, saying, "I couldn't be friends with you."
"But you asked to be friends," I stated. "I miss you, Michael."
He nods, "I know, but it was a mistake."
For some reason, his words are like a punch in the gut, and I say, "Oh. It seems everything with us a big mistake. Its like having any type of relationship with you never works out."
He shrugs, "Why can't we just be together?"
I shake my head, "Because, we fight constantly."
"We could just discuss our problems instead of fighting," he replies. "I mean, we're arguing right now, and we're just talking it out, not fighting like normally would have." He wasn't wrong.
I bite at my lip and he says, "I love you, and we can be friends first if you like."
I sigh, then I nod, "Ok, fine."
---
Since the day he came back into my life, we rarely fought, but we weren't back together yet. We would argue, but it was normal. Our relationship, no matter what it was labeled, had really improved in such a short time, and I was beginning to consider getting back together with him.
As friends, I was really enjoying his company, but I missed him in another way. I missed him as my boyfriend, and he kind of does act like one even if we're just friends, but we aren't intimate.
He seems to stay at my house a lot, because he'll text me while I'm working and say he's at my house and waiting on me. When I usually get home, he orders food for us and we just hang out, and he stays the night, but he sleeps on the couch. Its almost better than when we were dating, but if we were to change from just friends to in a relationship, nothing would really change besides the intimacy part.
Michael hadn't texted me today, and I was already having a crappy day, because the day seemed to drag on. So, when I got home, I didn't expect to find Michael lying on my couch in a baggy black shirt and boxers. I groaned in annoyance as I walked into the living room, and he sat up. I kicked my shoes off and rubbed at my temples.
He gave me a sincere look and said, "I know what you need. Come here."
I walked over to him and sat down on the couch next to him and grabbed my legs and pulled them into his lap and rubbed my legs like he use to when we were happy. I felt as if I could tear up at the gesture. My form fitting dress slipped up over my knees to the middle of my thighs. Then he moved back into a laying position and pulled me down and against his chest. I tensed up, but then relaxed as his hand rubbed along my hip, with his other hand splayed out on my stomach. I had a feeling his intentions were anything, but friendly.
I turned over in his arms, practically on top of him, his hands on my hips and looked at him, his expression was almost sad, but he seemed content.
I laid my head against his chest and he pushed his face into my hair, then I felt his lips brush over my forehead. I yearned to feel his rough, but soft puffy lips against mine again. I moved my head up slightly and looked into his eyes as I felt his hand rubbing my lower back. I moved my hand to touch his cheek and his eyes fluttered, then he said, "Y/N."
He sounded like he was in pain, but he didn't say anything else. He looked directly into my eyes again, and I was frozen in place at the intensity. My hand was rested against his cheek still, and I was ready to lean in.
I licked my lips and he suddenly moved forward, slotting our lips together. I was taken by surprise, but I soon began kissing back. His arms wrapped all the way around me and pulled me tighter against him, and my hand moved up into his hair.
He made a broken whimpering sound, which surprised me and reminded of the very last time that we kissed.
By now, my dress had pushed up over my hips, but then I felt Michael's hot hands on the back of my thighs and he pulled me into his lap, my legs on either side of his waist. I felt his bulge against my core and nervousness filled my body as his hands settled back onto my hips. He moved his lips down my jaw to my neck and sloppily kissed along it. I gasped and yanked his hair, but was shocked when he bucked his hips up and released a throaty groan. Oh, how I'd missed the sound. He gripped my hips and started grinding me against him. He bit on my bottom lip, tugging and nibbling as I moaned.
I couldn't grasp the reason why I'm letting him do this. Why I was letting myself do this. We're not even together, we haven't been for a long time. I needed him so much, not just for the much missed intimacy, but the heavy stuff too. I'm brought out of my thoughts as he thrusts up hard, causing me to gasp, "M-Mikey, we should stop before things get out of hand."
He ceases the neck kissing to subtle kisses, and continues rocking his hips up into mine, and says, "I love it when things like this get out of hand. I want to help you relax. Let me help you, and we'll talk things through after." As tempting as that sounds, I don't want to make anymore mistakes with you.
I kiss him again and I almost don't want to stop, so I force myself and him to stop as I say, "Michael, I'm serious. We're not even together right now."
He chuckles lightly, "You're right, this would be a mistake on our part."
We sit in silence a few moments, me still in his lap with my dress sitting around my waist, his hands splayed out on my thighs, and his eyes are so green in this moment. I smile at him and say, "The thing is, I'd rather be in a relationship with you than be friends with benefits."
He nods and pulls my body up against his saying, "When I told you that I'd always love you, I meant it. I love you, and we found a way back to each other."
I wrap my arms around his neck and say, "I meant it too. I still love you and I really missed you."
He pulled back to look at me, a smile taking up his whole face, "Does this mean you're my girl again?" You cheese ball.
I nod, "Yeah, but I never stopped truly being your girl."
He pecked my lips and said, "I can't wait to tell my parents you're mine again. Mum is going to cry happy tears."
I giggle, "I love you."
He smiles and said, "I know." You dork.
*Hey, sorry for the weak ending/update, but I haven't had a ton of inspiration lately. I promise to make it up later, anyway, I'm not well, so don't expect updates a lot, but I really do appreciate the reads and votes even though my writing's crap most of the time.*