Michael Clifford Imagine Series

16. Frozen Hearts

*She's cold as ice, but he believes she was once warm and loving, she just got her heart broken.*

The very first time my heart was broken, I put ice around my heart and built my walls high. I became a heartbreaker, so I guess it makes me a bad person. In truth, I'm just looking out for my heart, because it shattered and even though there's still ice around it and my walls are encasing it, it's still fragile. No one really understands, because he crushed my heart, because he wanted to hurt me. He told me he did it because, I was too nice and he wanted to break me. He completely ruined my reputation by videotaping himself taking my virginity. His face wasn't in the video, so he posted it online. I was never looked at the same. That video tore me to shreds.

My parents moved me away from that drama and I became a completely different person. I started my senior year at a new school and had myself a string of boyfriends. I dumped them when we would begin to get more into each other. They were nice guys, but I'd never forget what my first boyfriend did. It happens every time; I think about staying with a nice guy, but I change my mind when I remember what someone I thought I loved did to me.

What he did keeps me from trusting another guy, from falling in love, from being happy. It's sad to feel as if I'll never trust or love again. My biggest regret is letting myself be nice and vulnerable.

Before we graduated from high school, my friend, Sage, introduced me to her cousin Michael. Sage had told him what kind of person I am, but he still wanted to meet me. After we met he asked me out, and I thought why not, so I said yes. I really didn't know what I was getting myself into.

One day, I asked Sage why he was into a heartbreaker. She had said that he is interested in me and want to see why I became a heartbreaker.

I vowed to myself to never tell a soul about what happened and hoped they wouldn't Google me. Now that Michael was searching for answers, I was out of luck. I moved to get a fresh start and escape from my past. I didn't even cry when I was told what and why he did such a thing. I just..went cold.

I was beginning to feel things for Michael after dating him for two months. We were happy together and I didn't feel comfortable; we were nearing the part where I break up with him. I almost didn't want to break up with him.

A few days ago, Sage and I were texting when she told me that Michael needed her for something and that she would text back. She never texted back. I actually didn't hear from Michael or her since that day.

I was curled up on my bed reading when my mom yelled, "Y/N, you have visitors!"

I closed my book as I told her to send them to my room.

I sat up on my bed as my door opened, it was Michael and Sage, I smiled, "Hey guys, where were you these past few days?"

Sage sat down next to me and threw her arms around me. I looked at Michael and confusion and all he said was, "I understand now."

My face went white, because I knew exactly what he meant.

Sage decided to speak and said, "I see why you break hearts now, you're scared it will happen again. You should never have been treated that way. You are a good person, they don't deserve your forgiveness."

Then Michael said, "You shouldn't let what they did control the way you think about other guys. I have too much respect for girls to do what he did. You can trust that I'd never hurt you. We're here for you, Y/N."

I felt tears coming, but it was weird, because I haven't cried in a year. I couldn't let them see, so I calmly said, "Both of you, please leave now."

Once they were out, I slammed my door closed and burst into a fit of silent tears. I felt as if I was losing my mind. It had been a year and I was crying.

The memories of what happened flew into my mind as if they were fresh. I felt like I was going to stop breathing. The memories twisted my insides and I was in agony. Feeling again was killing me and I wanted to go back to being emotionless. I didn't want to feel this pain. I had kept it bottled up for so long that it was tearing me apart piece by piece.

---

For a few days, I didn't leave my house. My cheeks were tear stained, my face was red and I all I could feel was pain. My heart had melted. I was me again and I was dying. I shouldn't have locked it all away so quickly. I needed Michael. I grabbed my phone and sent a text, because I didn't trust my voice.

Me: I need you

Michael: I'm on my way

I was staring at my ceiling when he walked in and I could tell he was nervous.

"Y-Y/N," he said as he neared me. "Are you ok?"

I shook my head as I whispered in a croaky voice, "No."

I sat up and looked at him. He looked a wreck himself as he situated himself onto my bed. My tears were starting again as I said, "I feel like my heart was broken all over again."

He wrapped his arms around me and replied, "I'm not here to break your heart, I'm here to mend it."

I turned my body and threw my arms around him as he squeezed me to him. He rubbed my back soothingly and said, "I care about you so much."

I took a deep breath, "I feel like such a horrible person. It'd been a year since I cried until a few days ago."

After a few moments of silence, he said, "You shouldn't feel that way, you had a reason for your actions. You were trying to protect yourself."

That day I realized that a person shouldn't keep things so bottled up, or they'll just explode once it catches up with them. Michael helped me see that, and I gave him a chance.