Michael Clifford Imagine Series

18. Harder Than You Know

*Sometimes, there are things that are just too hard for her to handle, but he doesn't realize it until he's away on tour.*

I love him. I'm so in love with him that it hurts. When we first started dating, things were normal. We fought, but we didn't fight all the time. It was that typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but as time went on, somewhere along the way we started to get serious, then he became this big rockstar and everyone suddenly loved him. He had more priorities than just keeping me, his friends, and family happy; he had millions of fans now.

The seriousness of our relationship was suffocating even though he was on tour most of the time and I didn't want to say anything, because I don't want him to be upset. Then again, it isn't that easy, because I worry too much.

Love is that part of life that makes everything difficult. I mean, you fall in love and then its like this...battle. A never ending battle. You have to fight and fight to stay together and it just takes a lot out of you. Being with Michael was becoming harder. I love him, and I'll probably never stop.

He has only one day until he goes on tour again and I've been debating on whether I should let him go or just stay with him. We've been together for a long time, so it'd hurt both of us either way. He doesn't deserve to be tied down when he's still young, he has time to do the crazy relationship stuff later.

I've been distant a lot lately, and, to be honest, I don't think he has noticed.

He wanted to spend his last day with me, up until he had to leave. I agreed, because I love him, but I don't want him to ask questions yet. Pushing those thoughts away seems like the right thing at the moment.

He's still sleeping, and I've only been up for about two hours. He's so beautiful. As I wait for him to wake up, my friend, Josie texts me.

Josie: I don't think u should do it

Me: It's what's right

Josie: Please don't, he makes u happy, u love him

Me: Yeah, but I can't handle it

Josie: Do u know how much it will hurt him!? He will literally break

Me: When you love someone, you let them go, I'm holding him back

Josie: Don't pull that cliché shit on me, I know u, & u hate clichés

Me: I'm sorry

Josie: U couldn't live without him in ur life if u tried

Me: Don't fight me on this

She didn't text back, but as soon as I set my phone down, I felt Michael stirring next to me. I looked over at him as his eyes fluttered open. He noticed me and gave me lazy smile, "Morning, beautiful."