"With a life full of broken promises, trust doesn't come easy.
But if you don't trust love, then what is the point of being in love?"
It was one of the most soothing feeling I ever had, standing there in his arms listening to his steady heartbeats. There was a safety that I seldom felt and a promise of protection.
“That was a warm welcome. I take it, you are happy.” Adhvik whispered to my hair.
I nodded
“Everything went well with your Dad?” His voice raised to its usual volume but it was gentle.
I nodded again.
“Are you going to talk to me?” He was teasing but the way his arms tightened around me told he was concerned.
I gave another nod.
“Alright I guess you are going to take your time, so till then are we going to stand like this?” His tight hold around me made sure that I won’t let go.
I squeezed him back and moved a hand to his chest. Leaning back, I gave him a smile.
A smile I am sure that reached my eyes and maybe even made it shine. And I hoped that smile would tell him everything in my heart.
His gaze on me was searching. When he found what he was looking, his hands moved to my face cupping my cheeks.
“I am happy.” I whispered.
“I can see. Can I ask you why?”
I nodded but didn’t reply to his raised eyebrows.
“Is it because you cleared everything with your parents?”
I just blinked at him and he took my answer as negative.
“Your new job? Your work?”
I blinked again. I thinned my lips to prevent the trembling.
“Then? Is it because of me?” His voice was nervous and eyes serious.
“It is everything you said. At last my life is settling down. And I have got another reason to look forward for a tomorrow.”
“You do?”
“Us. I hope.” It was my turn to be nervous but more than nervousness I felt excitement.
He didn’t reply this time but gave me a smile that showed his single dimple and leaned down resting his forehead against mine. I sighed at how right this moment felt.
Later, when we settled back in his car I couldn’t help the grin that shone on my face. I gave him a smug look as he drove to our destination.
My sudden happiness made him curious. “Something big happened in Delhi?”
“No”
“Then why sudden change?”
“Change?”
“You know, from even acknowledging your feelings to being so open about it.”
“I didn’t say anything about feelings.”
“You didn’t say, no, not with your mouth. But your eyes told me.”
“Aren’t you being a little too dramatic?”
“Am I? Ok I wont say you are an open book generally, but today you are. At least to me. I don’t think I am reading you wrong.”
“No you are not. I was scared.”
“Was. You aren’t scared anymore?”
“I am. About a zillion things. But not about this. Not about giving myself a chance.”
He slowed down the car and parked to the side as if he wanted to focus all his attention on me.
“A chance?”
“To love and be loved.”
My answer seemed to surprise him and his observant eyes gazed at me trying to find all the unsaid words within me.
I broke his gaze after a while and I could see he was struggling to give me a reply.
“As I said open about feelings.” His voice was a bit teasing but I could see his eyes had turned glassy.
I gave him a slow smile.
“I was running away for so long. But not anymore. Now after talking with Dad, I feel like I begin to clean up my mess. I think I won’t be prone to running away anymore. And maybe I can stay and get settled for my loved ones this time. So do you think you can give me chance to do that?”
“You never ran away from love Sria. You ran in search of it. You didn’t run away from your family. You ran away to find your own and both of us know you found it here. With your best friend and her family. Sometimes family is not about blood and DNA, it’s about love and you have yours. You moved here and made a home here. You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
He continued before I could protest, “I am not saying that you face every obstacle head-on. You do try to avoid when things get difficult. You do that, I know. But this time I won’t let you. I can promise you that. So I guess I am taking a chance with you, with us. Also it is not only me, you are also taking a chance to be with someone who is over- committed to his work and its causes. So be forewarned.”
“Ok Lawyer. But I get it. Your work. Your disappointment with yourself when you fail even a bit. You give a lot. I get it. You give a part of yourself to everything you do. And I guess I am selfish enough to want some of it for myself.”
It took him a moment respond.
“I don’t think anyone else gets me and my passion for my job, the way you do. And you know you already has it. A part of me. A part of myself.” I smiled at his words. The rest of the drive was silent.
I was surprised when we drove into the parking lot of a restaurant that I often visited. His choice of restaurant shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. The place wasn’t exactly meant for dates but friendly hangouts.
I looked at him in surprise as we settled down in a table of two near the window. Sitting across each other it didn’t matter where we are or the serious conversation we had earlier, it was just us.
“I know I should have gone all out for our first date. But I don’t want to rush us. Let us take the steps from where we stand and slowly take the path.” His tone was easy but there was a hint of worry behind those intense eyes.
I put my hands over his in the table and gave him a gentle squeeze. “It’s what I need.” I shook my head and corrected, “What we need.”
The dinner was a light affair. We shared more about each other, the small facts that was left behind, few of those embarrassing incidents from school and college. In between I gave him run down about my Delhi visit and I could see it made him happy when I shared that and my feelings about it.
“So your mom will be here this month right?”
“Yes they will be. They will want to meet you. Keira is already excited about it.”
“Me too.”
“Excited? I thought meeting-the-parents kind of made people nervous.”
“Oh believe me, I am. But I already have your family’s permission. And I think with Aditi’s family being so impressed with me this will be only a formality.”
“You are correct on that note. But who said anything about being impressed?” I asked leaning on my palms with my elbows resting on the table.
“You did. Last week when we were talking about the dinner with my parents. You said how you wish that you can impress them the way I did yours.”
“I really should check what I say to you. You don’t forget a thing.” I spoke in mock surprise.
“Occupational hazard.” He gave it a shrug as he knew I really didn’t mind it. I thought it was time to share an idea I was pondering over for some time.
“So about that dinner at your place…how about a whole day? Maybe I can come around this weekend?”
“You really are going all out isn’t it? If I knew you are going to change so much over the weekend I would have taken you for candlelight dinner or something.”
“I didn’t change.” I spoke in mock indignation.
“Ok! Bad choice of word. You became more open.” Our orders were taken. I settled for my usual I could hear him mutter under his breath, “Should have gone for it.”
“You know I really don’t care about the setting. I am glad we had some time for ourselves. Also, maybe that would have been too much, too soon.” I tried to reassure him to clear out that frown on his face.
“Even though I might agree with your latter point, not with the first one. But every girl deserves something special. Something thoughtful just for her and you are not an exception.”
“And here I thought I am unique.” I joked even though I was impressed with his talk.
“Oh that you are. So you should have something unique. Right?”
I shook my head and let it go. It’s impossible to argue with him when something get stuck on his head. “You can do something special next time.”
“I plan to.”
“Wait. You know a lot about girls. How come, Mr. Hot-shot lawyer?”
“Maybe because I have got a sister.” My expression might have told him the answer wasn’t convincing enough. “I have seen Shyam trying to impress Vrinda and maybe I have got some tips here and there. That’s it.”
“Ok. So no personal experience with candle light dinners?” I was really enjoying myself.
“None whatsoever.”
“Seriously?” It’s hard to imagine with his nature and looks.
“You see I get pretty intense when it comes to my work.” I was amused at his sarcasm.
“Oh! I know.”
“Same thing in college. And I wasn’t really interested too. Nothing more than few coffee dates maybe, that too to discuss classes or something.”
“So, I am a lucky one to be here, that too with a dinner.”
“You can say so.” He teased before continuing, “I will talk with my parents whether they have any plans. Also as a fair warning, during weekends usually the whole clan will be there. Are you ready for it?” His gaze observant and serious as he implied what this would entail.
“I am. It is not like I haven’t met them yet. However, what are you going to tell your parents?” My face rested on my palms as I leaned on the table.
“That Sria wants to come next Sunday?”
“Just like that?” He shrugged in response.
“Wouldn’t they want to know why?” I wasn’t exactly nervous but I wanted to know how his family would react.
“No. Why should they want to know the reason?”
“Because you are taking a girl home?” My answer was more of a question.
“I am not taking a girl home. I am taking you home, Sria.” He was getting irritated.
“What does that mean?”
“I do take my friends home.” He muttered in annoyance.
“Do you really?”
“No I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I can’t. However I don’t think they are going to believe you are a friend.”
“Huh?”
“My family has been pestering me for months to ask you out. They know things before I figure them out.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
“Because we weren’t ready.”
“And now?”
“I guess we are. I think we can take these small steps together to see where it leads.”
Our conversation wasn’t exactly new. Both of us knew the things were progressing and our own insecurities to take them forward. But now speaking about us out loud made everything more easier, as well as more official.
“So now what are we?” I wanted to know whether we have a label.
“Sria and Adhvik?” I rolled my eyes at his words.
“Do we have a label?”
“Should we?” I could clearly see the glint in his eyes when he posed the question.
I just shook my head and squeezed his hands in return.
“Let us just be ourselves for the time being. How does that sound?”
“Great!”
We discussed about my mother’s impending visit and decided that he would join for dinner one of the nights. There was not a dull moment throughout the dinner as we conversed easily about his family, our college days and my old job. It was already 10pm when he drove me back to my apartment.
“I really had a good time.” I spoke when he parked outside my apartment building. The night suddenly felt too silent. Maybe because I realized I had to get back to my lonely flat. I looked out the windshield not yet ready to get out of the car.
He took my hand in a gentle grip forcing me to look at him,“Me too.”
“So I will call you after talking to mom. Think again, we can do it some other time.”
“There is nothing to think. Also, you have already been to dinner with my family and I am not going to delay this. I am not even nervous”
“Ok!” He raised his hands in surrender, “I am only happy to take you. And anyway, there is nothing to be nervous about. They already love you.”
I smiled at it. It suddenly felt too overwhelming. I didn’t realize the tears on my cheeks until Adhvik cupped my face and wiped them off with his thumb.
He didn’t speak anything but his gaze was concerned and I could only say, “I am just happy!”
He gave me a nod pulling my head to rest on his shoulders. It was a silent promise to be there for me. Even after a lifetime of broken promises and trust issues, I couldn’t help but think this time it would be different.
After a comfortable silence we bid good bye and I made my way back to my apartment. And as usual it was only after my message did he left.
Later, I settled near my window looking out at the sky.
Even with the silent night and my emotions which were already too close to the surface, there was something simmering in my heart. Hope. Of everything falling into place. Of coming to peace with myself and my actions. Of taking the steps each day to a life I love. Of little compromises and more understanding.
It's been nearly an year since I quit my job. Meanwhile, I am in path to make a career I love. I found a new family in HOPE. My relationship with my parents improved. My bond with Adi's family remained constant, if not strengthened more. I found a person who is ready to take a chance with me and more importantly I am ready to take that chance with him, with us.
I have a long way to go where my parents are concerned. But I have a feeling this time we will make it.
And no matter what I will always have Adi's family to fall back on.
Also the friends that I made at centre are another part to be grateful for.
I don't know where Adhvik and I will end up but for now we are content and happy with each other. He didn't step into my life and turned it over but he gave me a shoulder to lean on and hand to hold onto when I didn't expect them. So more than anything I treasure that friendship with him.
This time I promise myself to give a chance to wherever my life takes me and make the best out of it. I know it won't be easy, at times I will feel like hiding away. But I will try my best to give a chance to let people in and let myself love and be loved.
It isn't a Fairytale but my life and the choices I make. And I hope I make them right this time around and if I don't, I will have the courage to face the consequences.
Adhvik in his way promised me to be there for me and I believe him. So now I am promising myself to hold onto what life gifted me, not too tight but steady enough to feel the warmth.
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Hey all,
So after almost three and half years here we are at the end of this tale. Sria and Adhvik have a long way to go I know but they will figure it out from now. I feel it is time to let them be;) And I hope to drop an epilogue sometime but I'm not sure about it. Please share how you find this journey.
Lots of love and hugs for all your support.
Love<3,
ArpitaGauri