AQSA's POV*
I am standing at the Reception desk talking to a nurse on the ground floor. It was such a quiet day today. Boring even , I can't wait to go home. Youssef has a match this week and it's an away game so they will be traveling tomorrow afternoon as the match is the next afternoon. Sayeed, Nasrah and their kids; Belal and Bushra were coming back today and Alhamdulillah we had agreed that I'd go see them tomorrow.
Just then noise started, the Paramedics were coming in. We could hear the sirens that means we have an Emergency coming in. We are all alerted waiting to receive them and offer the medical help they need.
The paramedics start describing the patients as they push the gurneys.
'Brown male.. early/mid 30s injury to the head and stomach. Internal bleeding..........'
He goes on.
The other one follows.
'Brown female, late twenties. Head injury, broken arm, bruised leg.'
'4 year old girl, bruised no major injuries..' goes on....
'2 year old boy, chest pain and injury, head bruise....'
Everything happens so fast and it doesn't click who they are until I hear a call 'Ammah Aqsa.' Bushra calls out With her dry voice. Her throat sounded so dry.
Ohhhhhh my Gooooood!!!! SubhAnallah. Is this????? Sayeed? Nasrah? Belal????
My chest is almost exploding I get into shock. I cannot respond. I just hear people trying to call me but I have completely frozen.
'Aqsa! We need you now, the kid is in danger.'
'Ammah Aqsa..... Baba Mama.' Bushra still cries as they push her towards the ER and my feet are glued to the ground. My eyes stare in horror.
'I think it's family.' Lucy tells them as she holds me. My body becomes numb I can't respond.
'Aqsa! Sit down.' Lucy tries to get me out of my shock.
'Aqsa.' Tears start falling out of my eyes. Those bodies looked almost lifeless covered in blood.
Oh Allah. Keep them. I cannot lose them. I cannot.
I break down and start crying.
'Aqsa calm down!' Lucy rubs my back.
I run to the ER and everyone tries to stop me.
'Aqsa calm down.'
'Sayeeeeeeeed' I cry in pain.
'Sayeeed!!!' I scream.
'Oh Allah no not my brother. Not Nasrah nooooooo not my babies.' I cry as I fall down to the ground defeated.
'Take her out of here and get her observed and attended to, she's pregnant and call her husband and family!' I hear my doctor say.
'Sayeeeeeed!!!!' I cry as I slowly lose consciousness and strength.
**
I wake up to Youssef sitting next to me and I'm on a hospital bed and he is repeatedly saying Alhamdulillah.
'Youssef?' ...........
'What's going on?' I ask.
'Hey everything is okay!' He tries to calm me down and that's when everything comes rushing in within seconds.
'Sayeeed, Nasrah , my babies where are they?' I cry. The pain in my chest is back and it's so sharp.
'Aqsa.. calm down it's not good for the baby! They are being taken care off. They'll be fine, they are strong.' Youssef assures me.
I just cry.
'Have they woken up?'
'It's just Bushra who is awake but they are keeping her under observation.'
'I want to see her.' I say looking at the Doctor in the room. Dr.Sasha.
'You will. Once you calm down. Aqsa the best doctors are attending to them. So please can you calm down and let us take care of you.' Dr.Sasha tells me politely.
I nod. Not really convinced.
'Your family is here.'
Everyone walks in and most of them are crying. Baba comes and kisses my forehead.
'They'll be fine hayaty. Okay?'
I close my eyes. I feel the hot tears fall.
I hear Youssef say 'Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah next to me.' Reminding me and himself that in these moments it's important to be focused. And he's been doing that. I woke up to that...
'Baba my brother.' I cry and he knows understandingly. He knows how I loved him. Everyone knew how Sayeed had my absolute heart. He was like a piece of my mother that I held on to and I couldn't lose that.
'Aqsa you have to take care of yourself and the baby. They will be fine.'
'How did it happen?' I ask.
'A speeding car with failed breaks ran into them as they were almost home.'
They were almost home.
We were supposed to see each other just the day after they got home.
Oh Lord teach me how to remain patient. Teach me strength. Strengthen me in these times. Do not test me with the loss of my loved ones. Protect them from every harm and grant them speedy recovery.
Youssef kisses my hand and follows the doctor outside.
After a few minutes he comes back and I ask.
'Is everything okay?'
'Yeah they said you can go home tomorrow morning.'
'It's still today yeah?' I ask because I'm unsure if this is still the same day feels like I've been out for days.
Everyone chuckles.
'Yeah it is.'
After a few minutes my family walks out and my aunt Yasmin and cousin Zahra walk in. She's crying and I really just want to be strong right now.
'In sha Allah, they'll be fine. In sha Allah.' She hugs me.
'In sha Allah.'
'He came to see me last weekend SubhAnallah and he told me about the trip.' We keep talking for a little while until they leave.
'People should be with them not me. I'm not fighting for my life.' I tell Youssef.
I hate that I am in this position rightnow. I try to sit up but Youssef stops me.
'Babe they want you to rest completely. No sitting up.'
I sigh in frustration.
'Did you pack your stuff for tomorrow?' I ask him. He was supposed to be doing it tonight.
'I'm not going.'
'Youssef it's just the beginning of your contract?'
'I've talked to my manager Aqsa, I can't leave you like this.'
'I'm okay though.'
'Then I am not. My mind is not in it's right place.' He looked tired, exhausted.
I reach out to his hand.
'I'm sorry.'
'Aqsa, why are you apologizing? The least I can do for you right now is being there for you.'
——————
The internet is a dark place. Where most people talk about what they have no knowledge of.
'News is Youssef Amin did not travel with the team this afternoon.'
'Injured?'
'Totally not impressed with the guy. Average performance first match. Misses the next? Injury prone or is he just trouble and lazy?'
'No I actually need an explanation why we signed a defender who is not effective and not utilized???'
'Why spend money on someone who won't even start for the team.'
It was literally just one game and they came for Youssef like this.
After the match which his team lost by the way and the outrage was growing on the internet and in the stadium. The manager was asked about Youssef in his post-match press conference.
'Youssef is going through a serious family issue and we are 100% supporting him until he is ready to join us again and we ask the fans to do the same.'
——————-
AQSA*
It's been a whole week since the ugly accident and alhamdulillah since then Nasrah and Bushra were better. Bushra was staying with her grandparents (Nasrah's parents) and Nasrah was still recovering from her injuries but Sayeed was still unconscious and Belal was still in bad shape.
Nasrah was weak. She was constantly crying , she was not eating because of the state that her husband and baby boy were in.
Seeing her like that would result into me having nights of crying in my sleep, in the bathroom having anxiety and panic attacks. I was messed up and so was she. I can't imagine her pain. Seeing her baby fighting for her life, seeing her husband looking lifeless and his condition declining and the doctors telling you that the chances are just getting lower and lower.
I just suffered in silence. I didn't want to bother and worry people. Everyone was hurting enough.
Youssef had to get back to training but he still hasn't featured for a match. He doesn't even want to. He's hurting too, Sayeed was very close to him. Apart from Sayeed just being his brother in law they were brothers by choice. They were best friends who had so much in common together.
'Are you okay?' Youssef asks as I lay down.
'Do you want anything?'
'Just water please.'
Youssef goes to get me water. We had been waking up for tahajjud every night. Every night we'd wake up and pray for ease.
After almost emptying half the bottle. I get to sleep. I fall asleep as Youssef strokes my hair gently.
My head was a dark place rightnow. That's why I even avoided sleeping. I hate the nightmares. I was so scared they were going to be a reality. But I had to rest. I already was a mess and sleep deprivation would just make it worse.
'Ahhhhhh...' I scream in my sleep. Youssef wakes up immediately to look up at me.
'Aqsa?? Are you okay? Is it a bad dream?.'
'Aahhhh!!!!' i cry again. I was awake but the pain was here. It was not a dream. It was actual pain in my abdomen.
This shouldn't be happening it's not normal. It's such a sharp pain in my abdomen. I don't want to admit it. I know what it most likely is?
I feel a feeling I have learned so well.
'I am losing the baby Youssef!'
Youssef looks at me horrified and confused.
'I'm having a miscarriage.' I say as I look at the pool of blood I am laying on.
Youssef gets up so fast the next thing I know I am in his arms and he is rushing out of our house.
I can't even cry. Youssef was red and in tears. He drove us to the hospital and in no time we are in.
I was immediately admitted and I remember Youssef's face as I was admitted. He was broken and confused.
I don't know how I was going to deal with this. Lord teach me how to. That was the last thing I remember until opening my eyes rightnow.
I open my eyes to Youssef and Maman.
'Aqsa!' He comes towards me. His eyes blood shot red.
'Did it happen? Did we lose the baby?' I ask.
He kisses my forehead not willing to say it but I understand him.
I start crying. I can feel the pain but it's not as sharp because I'm in medication but I feel that something is wrong.
Maman comes to hold my hand.
'May Allah strengthen you my child. May Allah grant you Patience.' She says as she holds onto my hand tighter. I just break down more.
'Say Alhamdulillah.' Youssef tells me and I don't know how he does it.
'Say Alhamdulillah.' He encourages me.
I force myself to do it and when I start I can't stop. I say it while crying. I keep saying it and Youssef and maman do it with me. We thank Allah for whatever that befalls us. That is the affair of the believer.
When He is blessed he is grateful and he is rewarded for it, When he is tested he remains patient and he is rewarded for it. So Alhamdulillah for everything that befalls us for it is the decree of Allah.
I fall asleep and I don't know how it happens but I finally calm down. My family is waiting outside and I am so scared of seeing all of them.
When I wake up everyone is sitting in the room with me. Ruqqayya and Saffiyya welcome me with smiles. I smile back.
'How are you Aqsa?' We make conversations and then I inquire about Sayeed and Alhamdulillah there's been significant change in his health overnight!
The doctors are actually shocked at the rate and are now positive that he will pull through. That makes me so happy Alhamdulillah.
I really want to see him. They assure me that I will soon.
'Is he talking?'
'No not yet.'
When everyone leaves Youssef and I talk to the doctor and she tells me what they've done. My stress and hormonal changes caused the miscarriage and they had to completely remove the fetus. I lost my baby at 9 weeks.
She assures me that everything is fine. I'll be okay. I just have to stress less and be healthy nothing I don't already know.
'It's my fault.' I tell Youssef as he closes the door after the doctor leaves.
'It's the Qadr of Allah.'
'It's my fault. If only I didn't——-'
Youssef cuts me short.
'It is the Qadr of Allah. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. Alhamdulillah.' He tells me firmly.
How can he be so strong like this? How can he accept that easily? I mean I know it but it's easier said than done.
I just close my eyes. Praying that all of this passes. Hot tears leave my eyes. My head is aching terribly.
I lost my baby. I place my hand on my stomach.
Youssef sits at the Sofa in the room. He looks tired. He didn't seem like he left the room.
I remember he was in the same clothes when we came in yesterday.
'Youssef go home and rest.'
He shakes his head in disagreement.
'Please, you look so tired, you might get sick.'
'Aqsa.. I can't.'
'Youssef just go, I want to sleep too, it's okay.'
He looks at me trying to see if I was honest. I was just good at pretending rightnow, I had a smile on.
'Fine, I'll be back after two hours.'
'I want you to go home, take a shower and sleep not take a nap!' I say laughing slightly.
'Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can.'
He kisses me then walks out of the room and as soon as he leaves my eyes get wet and all the tears that I've been holding back start leaving me.
I am finally alone.
'I lost my baby! My baby!' I break down and cry the pain in my abdomen skyrocketing it does not come close to the pain in my heart. I hoped for so much with my baby. It had brought me and Youssef so close to each other. It had made him the happiest and I was so hopeful to meet the baby and now there is no baby.
There is nothing in me.
My heart breaks more at the realization. I cry so much I can't stop until a nurse comes in and finds me.
'Doctor ... please calm down.' She knew me very well.
I can't seem to stop.
They finally decide to sedate me and it didn't take minutes until I fell asleep and I was out of this world maybe like my baby.
_____________
Things are not going well for Youssef too. He wakes up to a blowing phone. Filled with insults and bullying yet wakes up with the loss of his child and yet he chooses to suffer in silence.. not to justify anything to anyone.
Maybe he should just deactivate all of them until things settle down.
His team had taken another defeat this one at home and the fans were mad that he was nowhere to be seen even after full-training with the team during the week.
He was called all sorts of names just because he didn't make it to the line-up.
Maybe deactivating would just make more news. He just decides to delete the apps.
He had slept for just 3 hours since last night. He has to go back to Aqsa. He worried about her. She was going through a lot at the moment and it hurt him to see her broken and weak. It broke him and he prayed they would get through it together and that this would bring them closer to each other.
Little did he know.
Youssef freshened up then prayed his i'shaa prayer then headed to the hospital where he found Aqsa still asleep. The doctor told him that Aqsa's mother and family were here and they just left but Aqsa had been asleep since when Youssef left and that they had to sedate her.
When he found out that the nurse found her crying, he regretted leaving. He wasn't going to leave now. He wasn't going to believe her when she said she was fine, she wasn't. How could he even believe she was okay a day after losing their baby.
When Aqsa wakes up it's almost midnight and she finds Youssef sleeping with the Quran in his hands. She didn't want to disturb him so she let him rest.
She closes her eyes and engages in supplications. Slowly as hot tears make their way out of her eyes. Tears of humbling herself to her Lord.
She was weak. He was the Most-Powerful.
She was poor and desperate. He was the Most Rich and free of need.
She was broken. He could fix her.
She begged. She prayed desperately for Allah to strengthen her. To not let her fall into the sins of ungratefulness.
She feels better and she finally channels the energy to call Youssef.
'Youssef, is sayeed awake?' She asks again.
'He's not!'
'May Allah strengthen him.' She prays.
'Amin.'
Have you been awake for a while?' Youssef asks.
'Umm not really. I really can't wait to get out of this bed.'
'Well, your colleagues say tomorrow.' He says his voice with a hint of a joke. Aqsa smiles genuinely. She doesn't even remember the last time she genuinely smiled.
'Come sit closer.' She tells him with a smile.
Youssef shocked at the smile that she has on. He rushes to her.
She sits up and let's him sit next to her. He can hardly fit in the hospital bed.
He laughs at how he can't fit but tries to position himself to make her happy.
'Do I stink?' Aqsa says trying to sniff herself.
Youssef laughs, 'maybe just a little bit.'
She elbows him. 'Not funny.'
He laughs again.
They just sit like that not saying anything until she falls asleep.
______________
AQSA's POV
I can finally get out of bed and the first place I want to go is to see Sayeed. I walk with Youssef to Sayeed's room and I see him sleeping there. He looks so much better than the last time I saw him. His skin has healed somehow. The bruises are fading but he still hasn't woken up.
So we enter the room and there's me and Youssef, Nasrah is on her wheel chair and her arm is in a P.o.P, Baba is there too. Zayn, Ruqqayya, Saffiyya , Asiyah and Fatmah and my mother are all in Belal's room.
I move next to his bed and sit on a chair next to him. I say Salaam to him although I know he won't reply.
'Habibi... we are all here for you and we are waiting for you okay?'
I sit there talking to him and everyone joins in. Now all of us are softly talking to him as if we are sitting in the living room at home on a Sunday afternoon. It's a little bit less sad rightnow and we are even making funny jokes about his experiences.
Visiting hours are almost over and we now have to make our way out of the room. Baba leaves first then I go out with Youssef after kissing Sayeed's forehead reminding him that I can't wait to talk to him and hug him and have fun with him and how much I deeply love him.
'Please wake up for us okay habibi? I will never get used to your silence.'
I leave after kissing Nasrah goodbye and leaving her inside and standing outside the room with Youssef.
'I just want him to be okay.' I cry as I hug Youssef. I had contained myself so much inside and I didn't have to now.
'I just want to talk to him again.' I sob into his chest and Youssef hugs me comforting me.
'Allah will bring ease and in sha Allah we will all be together again okay?'
'Amin.'
When we are about to walk away I hear Nasrah call out.
'Aqsa!!!!! Aqsa.....'
Me and Youssef are so shocked we rush back into the room afraid that something bad might have happened. Alhamdulillah the door was still open.
'He's awake!' She says as we enter the room and we find his eyes opened.
I rush to him such that I'm now next to Nasrah and Youssef is standing behind me.
'Ohhhh habibi you scared us!' I tell him and he smiles.
Nasrah is kissing his hand in tears he tries to hold her hand back but his hold is weak.
'It's good to have you back bro.' Youssef says happily.
Just then the doctors rush in to check him.