My alarm wakes me on Monday morning and I feel like a huge ball of emotions. The first day of filming is always the most nerve wracking and the most exciting day of shooting. Everything is always a frenzy, and it feels fresh having a new routine. Getting ready takes no time at all knowing they'll do my hair and makeup when I get there, so I throw on some joggers and a t-shirt, not caring how I look. I woke up before Celeste so I quietly made my way downstairs, not wanting to wake her. I reach the kitchen to grab breakfast, but think better of it. I've been working really hard with my trainer this past month, and the last thing I want to do is ruin the hard work by looking bloated while we film. Instead, I pour myself a cup of coffee and head out.
More than being nervous to shoot, I'm nervous to see Harry. I really need to apologize to him for the way that I acted. He probably doesn't care to hear me out, which I deserve, but I hope that he will. As I pull into the studio parking lot, I take a deep breath in an ill attempt to calm my nerves. I'm met by a familiar chill when I walk on set, the air conditioning blasting. I usually detest how cold it is on set but right now I welcome it. Hopefully it'll dry my sweating hands. I spot Harry talking to one of the crew members, and make my way over there, hoping to talk to him before we get started today.
"Hi I'm sorry to interrupt," I cut in, "Harry, can I talk to you for a second?" Harry looks somewhat surprised, but still excuses himself from his previous conversation and turns his body towards me. He doesn't speak yet, giving me the floor. I feel a knot in my throat and I have to clear it before going into the speech that I may or may not have rehearsed on the drive over here, "I just want to apologize for the way I acted last time. My frustrations aren't with you and you didn't deserve the backlash from it. I let some other things get in my way, so I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm sorry and I hope we can be friends," I rush the words out quickly. Confrontation has never been easy for me, so I want to get through this apology as soon as possible.
"I talked to Nina yesterday," my heart drops when I hear the words. Did he back out of the deal? Why would he have to talk to Nina? "I thought a lot about what you said, and you're right, I don't understand what you're going through or what it's like. So I told her we needed to be paid the same or I would walk. She said there wasn't room in the budget to give you a raise so I took the cut. We're getting paid the same now," I stare at him in disbelief. What can I even say to that?
"Harry... I- you didn't have to do that. I don't know what to say," I stutter the words out, still not grasping what he did. "Yes I did. It's not fair that I make more for this when you worked harder than I did. So I did need to do this. And I'd like to be friends too. Do you think we could do that?" His tone is serious but he has a soft smile on his face. I can tell he's being genuine. He should be angry with me. I haven't seen his contract but it's safe to assume that he just lost a lot of money because of me. But he doesn't look mad in the slightest. I think back to what Celeste said in our backyard, and I think she's right. This boy might be my greatest ally.
"Truce?" I ask him, holding my hand out. He shakes my hand firmly and agrees, "truce." His smile is wide now, his dimple on full display. I think I'm starting to understand why the whole world is wrapped around this man's finger.
Hair and makeup is by far the most relaxing part of my day. I sit in the chair with my eyes closed, letting the makeup artist do what she wants with my face. She finished quicker than I expected and stands back so I can get a good look at myself in the mirror. It's...odd. Usually I feel like my makeup is caked on but she went for a much more natural look today, soft and glowy. I feel... pretty. My blonde hair is in soft waves down my back and I can tell that the weight of these extensions are going to drive me nuts by lunch. But overall, it's not half bad.
I make my way to wardrobe next, excited to see what they put me in. My favorite part of acting is transforming into someone else, and the outfit is always what pulls it together. It's what finally makes me feel like I'm a different person. When I walk into the room I can already tell which rack is mine, loads of colorful dresses and blouses. I usually stick to neutrals, so the prospect of stepping out of my comfort zone makes me buzz with excitement. I'm handed a pair of jeans and a red floral long sleeve blouse. I go ahead and strip down, pulling the jeans over my legs. As I pull them up I realize that there's no stretch in them, and pray that they'll fit over my hips. With a little bit of jumping, they're on my body, and they button easily. I finally let out the breath that I didn't know I was holding. Thank god I skipped breakfast this morning.
The morning flies, and before I know it we're breaking for lunch. I make my way to craft services and load my plate with a salad, grab a water bottle, and sit down at a table next to Safia. Her plate is loaded with fried chicken, french fries, and she's made a sample platter of every dessert the caterers had to offer. I would kill for a metabolism like hers, but if I ate like that I wouldn't be able to button these jeans by next week. Before I even have the chance to talk to her, Harry slides into the seat next to me. He leans forward with his elbows on the table, "Lilian do you like music?" he asks me.
"Is there anyone who doesn't like music? What is this about?" I look at him confused, not sure where this conversation is going. "I have two tickets to the Travis Scott concert tonight, and considering I'm supposed to be taking you on dates, one of them has your name on it," he hands me the ticket, and I almost choke on my water. "Tonight? Like tonight, tonight?"
"No, tomorrow tonight," he jokes, "yes, Lily, tonight. What do you say?" I guess I wouldn't really have any other plans... Just going to bed early so that I could be ready for work in the morning. But I guess this technically is work? Oh who am I kidding, it's also Travis freaking Scott. "If she doesn't want to go I will," Safia intervenes, inspecting the ticket that she stole from my hand. "Oh no you don't," I snatch the ticket back, "Yeah I'll go," I tell him. As if I wasn't already caught off guard by this conversation he stuns be by adding, "text me your address. I'll pick you up at 8 and you can't say no this time."
It's now an hour before Harry is picking me up, and at this rate I'm showing up to this concert naked. Saf and Celeste are both laying on my closet floor watching me tear my entire wardrobe apart. "Forget it I'm not going," I concede, yanking the seventh shirt I've tried on off of my body. I throw myself onto the floor next to them and stare at the white ceiling. I could just lay in this closet all night.
"Dude, why are you so stressed about this? It's not a real date, you're just hanging out with someone," Safia asks while hanging up some of the clothes I threw on the ground. "I haven't been to a concert in years. I don't know what people wear to these things. And I also haven't been on a date like, ever, so I don't know what people wear to those either. And people are supposed to believe that this is a thing," I can hear the anxiety rising in my own voice. Chill out.
"Just wear a little black dress and some booties, you can't go wrong with that," Safia suggests. She stands up and walks to my dresses, sorting through what I have, pulling options. "Put those back, Lil has never been a dress person. She'd spend the whole night self conscious about it riding up or something. Anything goes at concerts, just wear what you feel comfortable in." Safia begins returning the dresses to the rack, and I still don't have anything to wear. Celeste is right about the dress situation, but the rest of her comment wasn't helpful at all.
"Oh I've got it!" Safia exclaims before going to a drawer, "I feel like you're kind of known for making casual look expensive, so we're going to keep riding off of that. Your fans wouldn't expect to see you in something that looks like you tried too hard." She tosses an outfit to me, and I put it on, knowing I don't have many other options at this point. "Oh my god, Saf, you're a genius," I do a turn in the mirror getting all angles. She's right, it is casual, but oddly enough it works. The biker shorts and black crew neck are very on brand for me, and I know it'll photograph well. Black always does. I layer some simple gold jewelry and finish off the look with my black Doc Martens and a black and brown crossbody. I still have my makeup and hair done from work this morning, so once the outfit is on I'm ready to go.
Celeste went back to her schoolwork, so now it's just Safia and I laying on the couch. She keeps taking stupid videos for snapchat and I want to snatch the phone out of her hand. I keep checking my own phone, waiting for Harry's text that he's here. As I open my lockscreen for what feels like the hundredth time, the sound of the doorbell echos through the house. I jump from my seat and can feel Safia's eyes on me as I walk to the front door. I swing it open, and Harry is in front of me wearing black jeans and a floral button up that I'm pretty sure my dad would wear to a barbeque. I think he might be the only person on this planet who can pull it off. "You didn't have to come to the door, you know. Picking me up is already enough," I chastise him, but he's completely unphased. "It's a date, of course I had to get you from the door. Hi Safia!" He waves over my shoulder, and I turn to see Safia lurking by the stairwell. "I'm uh, I was just going," she stumbles over her words and runs up the stairs.
"After you," I motion for Harry to leave the doorway, and we walk down the driveway to his white Mercedes. He opens the passenger door for me before walking around to the drivers side and starting the car, "so you and Safia are pretty close it seems?" he asks, and I think back to her stalking around my house. "Yeah she's one of my best friends actually. We were on a show together one of my first years in LA and we've been inseparable since," I explain.
"She seems to be a bit of a character. But I like her," he says, and I can't help but laugh. A character is one way to describe Safia. Harry continues on, "you said she's 'one of your best friends'. That means there has to be another."
"My roommate Celeste," I state simply. Harry takes his eyes on the road for a brief second to look at me, his brows furrowed. "Don't take this the wrong way, but don't you make enough money to afford to not have a roommate? I've seen your house now and it seems like you're doing okay." I hadn't thought of how my roommate situation would look to other people. Now that I think of it, I'm not sure I've worked with anyone who has roommates unless they were just starting out.
"Celeste and I were best friends growing up, and leaving her was the hardest thing I had to do when I came to LA. So when she got into med school at USC I insisted that she move in with me. It works really well for both of us. She gets to live rent free and the house isn't so lonely. It was far too big for just me," not only that, but Celeste and I living together was a lifelong dream of ours. We had talked about it for years, always joking that if one of us got married, our husband would have to deal with the other always being there; the Christina Yang to my Merideth.
"Fair enough. I've been living alone since I was seventeen and it can be lonely sometimes," although small, I'm surprised by this confession. Harry is always surrounded by people, it's hard to believe that he would be lonely. I decided that this is my opportunity to show him that I was serious about everything I told him earlier, about our truce, "my door is always open, you know, if you ever get lonely. Safi gets lonely at her house too so she's practically moved in. We'd all like to have you around," I feel embarrassed as soon as the words leave my mouth. I know it was just an invitation, but I also feel like I may have overstepped.
He never responds to my offer, and I know that I must have gone over whatever boundary is there. I didn't make it sound like a pity invitation, did I? I hardly have time to think about where I went wrong because we pull up to the venue, and all I notice are the thousands of cars. I'm about to ask how we're going to handle the masses, when Harry turns towards the back of the venue, and a security guard meets us at the car. We're ushered through an employee entrance and escorted to our seats. They're on the floor, an unobscured view of the stage. I've never had seats this good in my life. I take a picture of the stage and send it to Celeste and Safia, knowing they would kill to be here right now.
"Are you okay if I touch you?" Harry asks, and I stare up at him in confusion. My mind flashes back to Jesse, his calloused hands, and a cold shiver runs down my spine. I push the thoughts down as soon as they come. I realized I never responded to Harry when I heard his voice once again, "I didn't mean- that sounded wrong. I just mean that we're supposed to be here together. Just like holding your hand or shoulders or something," his voice laces with unsureness. I wonder if he could tell the moment of weakness I had when he asked.
"Oh, yeah. Yes, you can do that," I tell him as confidently as possible. He doesn't question anything, and for that I'm grateful. As the lights turn down and the show begins I'm completely mesmerized. I'm even more mesmerized by the boy beside me who knows every word to every song. I have to give him more credit, I never saw him as a rap kind of guy.
Harry is standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my shoulders as we sway to the music. I know that he's only holding me so close because of the cameras, but I feel safe here. His chest is solid behind me, and I feel dwarfed by his size. Pretending to date this guy might not turn out to be so bad if it's full of moments like this.