April 1, 2012—Washington, D.C.
America was admiring the cherry blossoms in the park when he heard his name being called. He turned around and waved when he recognized the little girl in her cherry blossom pink yukata. "Hey, Hawaii! You're looking very kawaii (cute) today."
She giggled, "Arigato (Thank you). Are you here to see the cherry blossoms, too?"
"Yeah. I'm supposed to join D.C. on a picnic. Though, I sorta forgot where she said she would be." He looked around the vast park.
"Hm. Maybe, I can help."
"You don't mind?"
"Sure! I'm not in a rush or anything."
He smiled. "Cool! Let's look for D.C. together!"
The country and state casually walked down the sidewalk together in search of the capital.
☆☆☆☆☆
In an empty area of the park, New York wandered out from the trees. His face was irritably red. The only article of clothing he wore was a pair of white shorts. Though, they might as well be briefs because of how tight they were around his waist and thighs. He kept adjusting them, tugging at the pant legs and crotch region. But as he was doing so, one of his white-feathered wings hit the trunk of an oak tree.
"Fucking damn it," he grumbled under his breath. "Why do I have to dress like this? I look fucking ridiculous." The fake halo above his head bobbled as he kept walking to a fountain.
"Hahahahahahahaha! Holy fuck, dude! You look smoking hot as an angel!"
New York immediately turned around and glared at the Valley Girl laughing at his misery. "Is this your shitty idea?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb! This is the sort of thing you set up on purpose!"
"Don't be ridiculous. I mean, look at me." She looked down at the sexy bunny costume she wore. "I'm dressed up, too."
"I don't believe you!"
She rolled her eyes playfully. "Tell you what. If you do as I say, I promise I won't post this super embarrassing photo of you online." She showed him a picture of him sleeping half-naked on her smartphone.
His face turned redder than the heart prints on his boxers. "When did you take that?!"
"Oh, I'll never tell," she giggled.
He growled, "Delete it immediately, or I'm smashing that phone into pieces."
"No way! Eep!"
Nearby, Washington D.C. watched a bunny girl run away from an angry angel while drinking matcha tea under the cherry blossoms.
~ H-Hetalia! ~
"Gotcha!" New York got a hold of California by her fluffy tail.
"Ow! Be gentle! You're supposed to be an angel!" she whined.
"Shut the fuck up! Get your phone out and delete that photo this instant!"
"Noooo!"
"Hey! What the fuck's going on here?"
"Huh?" New York stopped picking on her for a moment. "That voice... Don't tell me..."
"Help! This angel is actually a demon in disguise!" California faked some tears.
They looked up at New Jersey who was dressed seductively as a devil. His costume consisted of a crimson lace corset dress, fishnets, a pair of black boots, curved horns that glowed red, a spiked tail, and a toy pitchfork. In New York's eyes, he looked just as ridiculous as him. But in California's eyes, he looked hot as hell, even in a dress.
"New York? California? What's with the stupid getup?" New Jersey questioned.
"I can ask the same thing!" New York pointed at him. "Why the hell are you dressed like a stripper?"
He shifted his eyes away with a blush. "Well, this morning...I received these clothes along with a message. The message said I had to wear these clothes and go to this park, or the sender would post an embarrassing photo to the public," he grumbled. "Frankly, I rather wear these ridiculous clothes than let anyone else see the photo."
"Is it that bad? I mean..." He stared at New Jersey's costume.
"It's better than yours, at least!"
"What the fuck do you mean?! Yours is definitely more embarrassing!"
"At least the skirt covers my crotch! You're practically naked!"
He huffed, "Whatever. At least I'm not the only person who looks like a fucking asshole. I assume there are more of us coming here in stupid costumes?"
"Well, I know Pennsylvania received a letter, too. However, she didn't seem at all bothered by it."
They could imagine the Pennsylvanian sitting back in a rocking chair without a care in the world.
"How composed..."
"I've heard everything!" shouted a snooty male voice.
"Who said that?" New York and New Jersey scanned the park until they found a young man dressed in maid clothes hiding above them in a tree. "Masshole?!"
"Don't question the cat ears and clip-on pigtails. It's part of the silly costume." He showed them the message he received on his smartphone as evidence. "Admittedly, I thought my costume was unusual until I saw you two. You guys look perverted."
"Fuck off!" New York shouted.
"Says the reverse cat maid fulfilling every weeb's wet dream!" New Jersey pointed at him.
"That's funny coming from a shameless angel and a lecherous devil." Massachusetts jumped down from the tree. "Honestly, all this bickering will get us nowhere. I want to know who's doing all this stupid stuff on such a big scale. Better yet, I want to know how the sender got that embarrassing photo of me."
"Ah! I'm so glad I'm not the only one."
Everyone turned around and looked at Alaska's head sticking out of a sewer hole. They could also see a pair of round white-furred ears stuck to her head.
"Alaska. How did you get there?" New York questioned.
"Hurry up and get out there! That place is disgusting!" Massachusetts berated.
The Alaskan shrank back into the sewer. "I'm embarrassed..."
~ Intermission! ~
Meanwhile, everyone else was reacting to the weird messages that were sent to them.
"W-What is this picture? I mean, it's embarrassing, but..." Iowa blushed at the photo on his smartphone.
"Hm?" Nebraska curiously looked over his shoulder.
"Haha! Look at this face I'm making. Ahahaha!" Mississippi laughed at her photo.
"Grr... I'm about to beat someone with a hammer..." Alabama grumbled menacingly.
"Are you the culprit? That photo... It's super embarrassing!" Ohio pointed at That State Up North.
Michigan scoffed, "Taking weird photos?! Dumbass! What do you think you're saying? The culprit is obviously you!"
"Maybe it's someone else..." Minnesota mumbled while watching the Midwestern states clash while making more accusations.
"Heh." Nevada held up Utah's phone in amusement.
"Hey! Stop it already! Give it back!" Utah whimpered.
"Haha. It's a very well-taken interesting picture. I look fucking hot." Florida smiled at her photo.
"Yo, New Mexico! I also got an embarrassing photo of myself today!" Colorado held up his photo.
"What?! Don't show it off!" New Mexico scolded him before looking back at the maid costume in his hands. "Erf... It's only for a day, right?"
Arizona poked her head out from behind the wall, holding back her laughter. "Psh... Bro, what the hell is that?"
~ End of Intermission! ~
"I wonder who's responsible for this elaborate blackmail," Alaska mumbled from the safety of the sewer hole.
"I think I know who..." New York glanced over his shoulder, glaring at the Californian who kept quiet all this time.
California's forehead started to sweat. "Yeah... Hehe... I totally would like to to know who..." She scurried off.
"Ah! You bitch! I knew you were behind this! Get your ass back here!" He chased after her.
"Seriously? Again?" New Jersey followed after New York to catch the bunny girl.
"W-Wait up, e-everyone!" Alaska popped out of the manhole, revealing the rest of her costume which exposed more skin than she liked.
"Damn. That's certainly embarrassing..." Massachusetts muttered.
"Fuck..." New York panted, unable to get close to California. "These stupid wings are holding me back!"
"Damn..." New Jersey slowed to a stop. "How does she still have the energy to run? I don't think we can catch up to her..."
"Leave it to me. I got this." Massachusetts sprinted ahead of them with a wand in hand.
~ Hetalia! ~
With this situation being an exception, Massachusetts used magic to tie California up in rope, preventing her from escaping. Afterward, he allowed New York and New Jersey to interrogate her—good cop, bad cop style.
"Confess, you little shit!" New York took on the role of bad cop pretty well with his unrestrained fury. "This whole dumb thing is your idea!"
"Take it easy, dude. There's no reason to yell." She pouted.
He gritted his teeth. "If you don't plan to tell us, at least delete the photos. I know they're on your phone."
"You can't tell me what to do!" She stuck her tongue at him.
"Why you—"
New Jersey grabbed New York's shoulder. "Hold back for a moment." He stepped forward and kneeled before the pouty Californian with a sincere smile. "Come on, Cali. Just have a bit of sense and understand we're upset with the photos since they were taken without our permission. If you delete them and explain why you've done such a thing, we'll let you go without any harm done to you."
She pursed her lips. "... Indeed, I'm always involved in something outrageous every year. But this year, it's seriously not me."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not the culprit."
"Bullshit!" New York cursed.
"But it's true! I'm only an accomplice!"
New Jersey raised a brow. "If it's not you, then who's behind it?"
She sighed, "I'm not sure what they're do—" Hawaii popped up from the bushes behind her. "—ing..." Droplets of sweat dripped down her back.
"Are you for real?" New York stepped back in bafflement. "You... You're the one who did this?" He gaped at the fiery red aura that surrounded the little Hawaiian.
"Yeah... It was me..." Hawaii grumbled. "I'm super mad at you guys right now..."
"Oh, shit..." New Jersey muttered, afraid like the others for it was rare to invoke Hawaii's wraith.
With wary eyes, they watched Hawaii take in a deep breath and breathe out. "... I can't believe how dumb you guys are!" she laughed lightheartedly.
"Eh?" Everyone gave her weird looks.
She continued to laugh. "I thought I told you guys to meet at the fountain. Oh well." She shrugged. "Anyway, why are you guys dressed in silly costumes? Today isn't Halloween."
"Uh, what? This isn't some kind of conspiracy or planned revenge?" New York questioned.
"Conspiracy? Revenge? If I knew you guys planned to show up in silly costumes, I would've done the same thing. Still, I'm so glad some of you guys showed up on short notice."
"I don't understand..." Alaska frowned.
"Hawaii! Explain yourself!" Massachusetts demanded.
"What do you mean? Wasn't it explained in the message?"
"The message?"
"Today is April Fools' Day! I remembered the prank that was played on America by France and Spain. I figure I could imitate that for us. So, I asked California to help me gather people at the park. I had her notify you guys while I set up the photo-shoot. The goal was to take pictures with the cherry blossoms around us."
"So, that means you're responsible for the plan while California is responsible for the messages," said New York, trying to piece together this situation.
"Yep! No harm other than a bit of trickery with the messages. Which by the way," she looked over at her accomplice, "why are you tied up? Did something happen while I was wandering the park?"
California chuckled awkwardly, "It's nothing. Just a misunderstanding."
"A misunderstanding?" She cocked her head.
"I wouldn't call it a misunderstanding." New York loomed over California with a dangerous look in his eyes. "Let's have a little chat, shall we?"
She took a deep gulp. "D-Drone!"
A drone suddenly swooped down from the air, using the blades of its propeller to cut the ropes that bind California, allowing her to escape.
"Hey!"
California gave everyone behind her a wink. "I knew you dudes wouldn't come if I just called you. But don't worry." She got out her phone. "I'll get rid of the photos."
"Don't—"
"Whoops! Looks like I pressed the post button on accident." She shrugged. "Oh, well. Peace out, dudes!" She skipped off.
"CALIFORNIA!"
America and D.C. watched California get chased by an angel, a devil, a cat maid, and a polar bear around the park.
"You're not doing April Fools' this year?" D.C. questioned.
"I sent England a special package if that counts," America smirked. "You're not joining them?"
"No. I don't plan to involve myself in childish pranks." She drank her matcha tea, content with a peaceful picnic under the cherry blossoms.
~ Happy April Fools' Day! ~
Hey, hey, daddy, want some sweet tea?
Hey, hey, mommy, hey, hey, mommy!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Mississippi mud pie I ate before!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
I'm Mississippi!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Magnolia State!
Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
Hear the church bells ring on Sunday!
Mississippi!
☆☆☆☆☆
+ This episode is based on the 2011 April Fools' Event as well as the Hetalia: The Beautiful World episode called "Our Failure". In the original story, Spain gathered the countries at a plaza for a silly photo, however, France made things worse by blackmailing the countries to come, or else he would leak embarrassing photos of them to the public. It's full of fanservice, yet it remains an iconic moment in Hetalia's existence.
- Besides switching out the cast with my OCs, I had to also alter the plot and dialogue for the story to make sense. Coincidently, this episode was set during the National Cherry Blossom Festival, happening the same year Hawaii and Washington D.C. discussed the origin of cherry blossoms in the United States (an episode in the first volume). Though I didn't fool anyone with this episode, I hope everyone enjoyed the story nonetheless.
~
Feel free to vote and/or comment on the episode.