Summary:
Harry's tired of fighting with Hermione because of the Prince's Potion's book. He missed his best friend, his fiercest supporter. As he thought about his confusing feelings, he asked Professor Dumbledore a random question about love during his special lessons. A Half-blood Prince AU. This is my interpretation of what should've happened in that book. Song-fic.
Rating: G
_________________
JUST SAY SO
By: tweety-src-clt9
It's getting hard for me to hold my own
See, nobody wants to be in love alone
So, I'm trying my best not to overreact
But I need to know right now, no lies, just facts
Harry Potter sighed as he watched his best friend, Hermione Granger, dash off to Merlin knows where with an angry huff. They were fighting because of the Prince's Potions book. Again. He just couldn't understand why she would be so angry at him because of a stupid book. Okay, so the book wasn't stupid. It helped him to finally grasp the basic concepts of potions after all. Because of that, he expected Hermione would be proud of him. She had always been supportive of his achievements, especially those of academic nature. She was more pleased about his OWL results as far as he could remember, so he just didn't understand why she was reacting this way now. Was her frankly irrational anger caused by hormones? Was it part of teenage angst and growing up? Or was it because of something else?
He wanted to follow her so they could talk. Maybe he could try offering to share the book with her again so she could check it for any vile hexes or curses. He knew that she was apprehensive about unknown books because of the diary in their second year. So, he was contemplating whether or not he should try and approach her about it.
He needed an excuse to talk to her because even if they shared classes, meals, and hanged out in the common room, he felt that they were slowly drifting apart. Maybe it's just his overly active imagination but he just knew there's something wrong. So, he wanted to see if she was alright. Maybe he said something else that made her upset with him. If that's the case, then he should apologize.
It could also be that she's just really concerned that the book could be harmful to him. If so, then he must reassure her. More importantly, aside from the need to appease her worries, he missed Hermione. He missed the Hermione Granger who was once his fiercest supporter. He was not certain but ever since they started their sixth year, she had been rather distant to him for some unknown reason. It's like she was wary of him or something and he didn't know why.
It's so sad if Hermione no longer wanted to maintain the level of closeness they once had when they were younger. He knew that she would hardly be affected should their friendship be severed. But if she chose to cut him off of her life, he would be devastated. He needed Hermione Granger in his life. He needed her not only because she was his constant savior, the brains of their little trio, but more importantly, he needed her warmth in his life. She had always made him feel stronger because she firmly believed in him. Without Hermione, he'd be lost. And dead.
He involuntary shivered as he thought of the opposite scenario. The worst thing that could ever happen. Hermione dying. Hermione on the cold hard floor hit by that purple curse from that bastard Dolohov... Hermione never waking up again. Not hearing her voice again...
"Mate? Are you alright?" Ron's question broke his reverie.
"Ah, yeah... Just thinking about Hermione," he muttered.
"Her – Hermione? Why?" Ron was incredulous and Harry blushed at the possible implication of his statement.
"It – It's nothing like that! I – I'm just worried I did something to her and she's upset with me" Harry stammered his explanation.
"Well, you know how girls are, mate. She'll be fine. Probably the time of the month or something," Ron shrugged.
"Did she say something to you? Like if she's mad at me?" Harry asked.
"Er, no." Ron had a befuddled look on his face.
"Never mind, mate. I'll catch you later, okay? I have a meeting with Professor Dumbledore" his last statement was said in a whisper and Ron nodded in understanding.
"Catch you later, mate. Maybe we can discuss plays and stuff? What with you being Quidditch Captain and all" Ron grinned.
"Sure, Ron" Harry rolled his eyes. Same old Ron. The world still revolved around food and Quidditch for his ginger-haired best friend. At least Ron and I are alright. I wish I could say the same for Hermione, he thought as he walked toward the Office of the Headmaster.
So, if you love me, just say so
'Cause I can't play these games with you no more
So, if you love me, just say so
I need to know from you right now before I go
"Harry, come in!" Professor Dumbledore greeted him with his signature grandfather twinkle.
"Good afternoon, Sir," Harry nodded respectfully.
"So... How are you, Harry?"
"I'm doing okay, sir. Not many nightmares recently. So, I guess Voldemort's not attempting to enter my mind again." Harry replied. No Voldemort-induced nightmares but I keep seeing Hermione getting hit and dying instead, he thought forlornly.
"Ah, I see... That sounds good... How are you holding up at school? With your peers?"
"The staring and the whispers bother me, to be honest, but I guess I'm used to it. One minute I'm a hero, the next minute I'm an attention-seeking prat," Harry shrugged.
"I can only offer my sympathies, Harry, but I know that won't help you" the headmaster sighed.
"Sir?"
"Yes, Harry?"
"You once said that it's my mother's love that saved me and I never doubted that... But what is love?" He just wanted to know. Because if love was having no fear to die for someone so you could save them, then that was just too deep for him to understand. If he were honest with himself, he had one person in mind that he would willingly die for just to keep her safe. Since processing those thoughts made him feel scared, he focused on the headmaster's reply.
"Hmmm... That is a good question, Harry. Do you mind if you let me think about it for some time? Maybe we could dive into this memory first. I prepared this for you as part of your training... That should give me enough time to think of a good answer." The headmaster said with a pensive look on his face.
"Of course, sir."
"Alright then. Please stand over here and then we can go into this memory together... Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be, sir." The headmaster only chuckled at that before they dived into the pensive.
For the entire session, Harry learned about the young Voldemort, Tom Marvolo Riddle. He learned about his origins, his childhood, and the horrific things he did in the orphanage. The headmaster also highlighted Tom's tendency to be manipulative and the cunning way he operated even as a child.
Harry was about to bid the headmaster goodbye when Professor Dumbledore interrupted him with, "I'm ready to answer your question about love now, Harry."
"Oh, don't worry about it, sir – "
"No, Harry. I insist. There must be a reason why you wanted to know, so I believe I owe you a reply... After all, the miscommunication problem between us last year was very hard on you."
"If you insist, sir, then I'll listen" Harry sat back down.
"Okay... So, I want you to close your eyes as you listen to my instructions, Harry." The young raven-haired wizard may be dubious but he relented anyway.
With his eyes closed, Harry said, "Go ahead, sir."
"Picture a person or a group of people that you think you can't live without... Just the thought of losing this person, you feel so much pain that it's intolerable... The feeling of them dying or leaving you is just too much and it's just unimaginable... Are you with me, Harry?"
With everything that had been said so far, Harry could only think about Hermione as the headmaster spoke. Since he was asked to comment, he muttered, "yes, sir."
"Keep your eyes closed... If you have a person or a group of people in mind, that's good. Stay with them... If this person makes you happy, reminds you of home, just thinking of them calms you down, brings you peace, then that's real love, Harry... At your age, love is often confused with lust. But, love is passion, respect, friendship, and trust. It's companionship, unwavering faith, and all that's good in this world... Now open your eyes." Professor Dumbledore gave Harry an expectant look.
He was dumbfounded as he opened his eyes. All the things the headmaster had said, it was all true. He felt all of that and so much more. He felt all that for one brilliant curly-haired subtle beauty – Hermione Granger.
He was in love with Hermione. And now everything just made so much sense. It made sense why he always turned to her for strength and approval. It made sense why he valued her opinion amongst everyone else. It made sense why he was so devasted when she got hit at the Department of Mysteries. Wow! I'm in love with Hermione Granger. As that realization sunk in, he was torn between feeling scared and feeling at peace.
On one hand, he was at peace that he could now understand and give a name to the very strong feelings he had for her. But on the flip side, he was scared that Voldemort would learn about his one true weakness – Hermione getting hurt or worse, dying.
"Harry?"
"Oh! Sorry, sir. I just got lost in thought." He could feel his cheeks heating up.
"I believe you're satisfied with my answer then?" There was teasing glint in the headmaster's eyes.
"Yes, sir. Thank you for explaining things to me." He nodded with respect.
"Of course, Harry... While I believe you must focus on strengthening your mental faculties and your magic, all of us – most especially you – need more love in this life."
"I – well, I'll see you on our next session, professor."
"Hurry along, my boy. You don't want to miss dinner now... A certain Ms. Granger might be at her wits' end if you don't take care of yourself."
At the mention of Hermione, Harry blushed and the headmaster only chuckled at his obvious reaction. "Run along now, Harry... Until our next meeting... Please remember what I said about who you can share this information with." With that parting statement, Harry left the headmaster's office with his newly understood feelings at the forefront of his mind.
I t's just that I can feel I'm falling deep
And I don't wanna fall unless you're falling with me
I need to know if this is really real
And if you feel the same way that I feel
It's the Gryffindor Quidditch Tryouts and Harry was exasperated at the number of people present. He was certain that only around five percent of the people present at the pitch was there for the tryouts. The giggling and the staring from all these witches were a clear indicator of that fact. How in the bloody hell would we get anything done with all this giggling?
"Why are all these people gathered here? Surely not everyone is interested in the try-outs. Is Quidditch even that popular?" Harry remarked absent-mindedly as he tried to sort out a strategy in his mind. When he heard Hermione chuckling a bit, he glanced at her. He couldn't help noticing how adorable she looked right now with her curly hair being blown by the gentle breeze. She must have noticed his staring since she gave him a quizzical look. He nervously cleared his throat and thought about a passable excuse.
"Sorry... I just find these people to be quite annoying and – "
"Honestly, Harry! What do you expect? All these witches are here to see you... It's not Quidditch that's popular. It's you... Frankly, you've never been more fanciable... It doesn't hurt that you've grown about a foot over the summer either." Hermione teased and he felt his cheeks heating up.
"Oh? You think so?" He nervously ran a hand through his hair.
"You're fishing, Potter! Now go do your thing." Hermione huffed and he chuckled at that.
"Catch you later, Granger." He winked before turning around to prepare for a long and crazy try-out. Harry didn't see the befuddled look on Hermione's face and the way she blushed at his almost flirty demeanor.
So, if you love me, just say so
'Cause I can't play these games with you no more
So, if you love me, just say so
I need to know from you right now before I go
"Hey, Hermione! Can I talk to you for a sec?" Harry could see that she was startled at his sudden appearance in her favorite corner of the library. His arrival caused her to accidentally touch the tip of her quill to her nose. Blotches of ink then adorned her slightly pale skin.
"Harry!" She whispered admonishingly.
"Sorry" he gave her a lopsided grin as he sat beside her.
"No, you're not" she huffed.
"Yeah... You have ink stains on your nose by the way" he said cheekily as he pointed to his nose. Hermione blushed as she groped her pocket for a handkerchief. Despite her efforts, she ended up spreading the ink stains all over since she couldn't see her face.
"Let me help you with that" he chuckled.
"Fine" she muttered grumpily while handing him the handkerchief. Harry leaned in so he could carefully remove the stains on her nose and cheeks. Since they were sitting rather close to each other, he noticed there were flecks of gold in Hermione's warm chocolate brown eyes.
"Did you know your eyes have some gold color in them?" He muttered and she gasped.
"Sorry – I just – "
"It's alright. You just surprised me, 'is all." He noticed that Hermione's cheeks were tinged pink. He had a feeling that he was blushing too. He had never been so forward with her. Ever. I hate hiding these feelings, he mused.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Hermione." He rubbed the back of his neck to calm his nerves.
"Oh, Harry! It's fine." She chuckled a bit and the tension between them dissipated.
"So... I was wondering..." He started to say.
"Yes?"
"Look, I know how we keep on arguing about the Potions book, right? Now before you react, I need you to listen to me... Please, Hermione." He looked into her eyes so she could see his seriousness.
"I'm listening, Harry." She nodded.
"What if you check it for me? For a few weeks, a few days, I don't care. I already ordered my own textbook anyway. I don't want this stupid book to come between us. You're the most – you're very important to me." He ignored the slip. Since Hermione had a contemplative look on her face, he sighed in relief since she didn't notice it.
"But Harry, we have potions tomorrow. How will you get by?"
"Well, if a certain Ms. Granger would be so kind, maybe she could share her book with me and we could partner up or something." He shrugged but deep inside, he was bloody nervous and he could feel his palms start to get sweaty.
"Where is it?"
"Oh. Here it is." He removed the book from his rucksack and handed it over.
Hermione accepted it and flipped through the pages. When she closed the book and stored it inside her bag, Harry almost pumped his fist in the air. Deciding to keep it cool, he only grinned at her.
"I'm sorry, Harry... For all the drama with this book. I just – "
"Hey! It's okay... We all have moments of being irrational prats. Merlin knows how bad I was last year." He reached out and squeezed her hand in reassurance.
"Thank you... So, is that all that you came to talk to me for?"
"I came to fetch you. It's getting late. You wouldn't want to miss curfew, right? It can tarnish your reputation as prospective Head Girl you know." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and she swatted his arm.
"Fine. Let's go... Thank you for reminding me." She grinned as she gathered her things.
On their way back to the Gryffindor Common Room, they caught Ginny and Dean exiting a broom cupboard with slightly disheveled clothes. Harry only smiled politely at the couple. That monster in his chest was completely gone now. All that's left was brotherly affection.
Yes, Ginny's an attractive girl but she's Ron's sister which meant that she's off-limits.
More importantly, when he realized that no one could ever hold a candle to Hermione in his heart, he was immediately over his little crush on the redheaded beauty just like that. Besides, now that he thought about it, Ginny had a startling resemblance to his mother. He didn't even want to process how bizarre a relationship it would be if he got together with her.
Baby, I hope that you understand
This is for my peace of mind
And I just don't wanna waste any more time
And if this love isn't what you know
I don't wanna go but I'll walk out that door
Ron was muttering about how unfair it was for Slughorn to discriminate students in his class. In short, he was pissed that he got snubbed. He was the only member of their trio who didn't receive an invitation to the Slug Club. And the worst part, the rotund potions professor couldn't even get his name right. While he was all praises for Harry and Hermione, he always ignored Ron and frowned at his meager potions skill.
Since Harry told the professor that he was ordering a new potions book, Slughorn allowed him to share Hermione's copy. In fact, he was so eager to please Harry that he let all of them brew their respective potion in pairs. Ron wanted to pair off with Hermione so he could get on easily but the professor disallowed it. So, Harry and Hermione aced the class while Ron failed to complete his potion.
Hermione turned to Harry with an amused look on her face as Ron continued to rant as they walked to the Great Hall for lunch. Harry smiled at her but his thoughts were focused on his internal debate. Should I ask Hermione to be my date for the Slug Club party? He could argue for both sides really. Asking her out had pros and cons. The biggest con was the possibility of rejection. Hermione never showed any sign that she fancied him, except for saying he's never been more fanciable during try-outs. Oh, sod it! I'll just wing it.
"Hermione, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Right now?" She gave him a worried look.
"It's nothing to worry about. It's just – I wanted to ask you something."
"You guys coming? I'm bloody hungry!" Ron said grumpily and they chuckled at their best friend's bad mood.
"We'll be right there, Ron. Save us a seat." Harry answered. Ron only nodded at them before dashing off.
"I swear! If he's happy, he's hungry. If he's in a bad mood, he's hungry. I don't know how he does it." Hermione chuckled.
Alright, Potter. You got this. Just bloody say it. If she says no, at least you tried... Better be rejected now than to keep on prolonging the agony... This is Hermione, your best friend... Even if she says no, she'll be kind about it. Harry was busy with his mental pep talk that he didn't notice the amused look on Hermione's face.
"Hermione?" He finally turned to her after clearing his throat.
"Yes, Harry? Are you alright?"
"Er, yes... WillyougototheSlugClubPartywithme?" He spoke so fast since he was so nervous.
"Sorry? Could you please repeat that?"
He took a deep calming breath before he looked at her with determination in his eyes. "I said, will you go to the Slug Club Party with me?"
"As fri – "
"No! As like, a date... If you want to." He rubbed his neck while giving her a sheepish grin.
"Oh."
"It's okay if you don't want to – "
"No! It's not that I don't want to but... Are you sure?" He noticed there was a hopeful look in her warm beautiful eyes now. It gave him courage so he stepped closer.
"I'm very sure. I – I like you, Hermione and I – I know I'm not good with girls and I could be an idiot sometimes, but I've never felt like this before... And I know we're best friends and it's a risk but I – " he stopped babbling since she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. Thank Merlin I said like and not love. She's not ready for that yet, I think.
"Okay, Harry." She had a big smile on her face despite the furious blush on her cheeks.
"O – okay? As in, yes you'll go with me?" He was surprised, happy, and a million other things.
"It's always a yes... No need for big gestures. Whatever's on your mind and heart, just say so, alright?"
"Well then, I guess I'll be meeting you down the common room at seven." He held her hand as they exchanged shy glances while walking to the Great Hall. Maybe I'll ask Hermione to be my girlfriend after the party? Should I tell her I love her by then or should I do it before? Ah, bugger! She says all I have to do is just say so... I'll do it tomorrow. I have to ask Neville for tips on flowers and things...
His mind started to conjure disastrous scenarios during his confession when he felt Hermione squeezing his hand. He immediately calmed down. She always did that. She kept him calm and at ease. She's the real deal. And because of her, he had the courage to beat Voldemort. Because he had to keep her safe. He needed to keep the key to his happiness safe. Always.
So, if you love me, just say so
'Cause I can't play these games with you no more
So, if you love me, just say so
I need to know from you right now before I go
A/N:
This one-shot (for now at least) is based on the song, "Say So" by PJ Morton featuring JoJo. This song won as the Best RnB Song for the 2020 Grammys. I can't get this song out of my head since I miss JoJo. I'm a big fan of hers when I was a teenager. The italicized words incased in the line breaks are the actual lyrics to the song.
I kept on playing this track over and over and it reminded me of how Harry (and Hermione) must have felt during their sixth year. I still think that the book was messed up not just due to the pairings but at the silliness of Dumbledore's behavior to ignore the warnings. I don't like the way Dumbledore was written in Half-blood Prince at all.