Skye found it hard to leave Juice behind. He was falling apart, and in addition, Chibs clearly sensed that it wasn't Skye's boyfriend who was brought in with an ambulance. She however, knew Chibs was always concerned about Juice and she tried to believe that he would comfort Juice now, instead of lecturing him. While the two men were talking to each other, she went through the swing doors where the Mayans had disappeared to, determined to spend her time useful by figuring out how Raine was.
In the waiting area, the bikers had grouped together, their faces telling her that they hadn't heard anything positive about Raine. She studied the small crowd until she found Sammy, to whom she walked over. Ignoring the suspicious glances of the others, she grabbed the girl's hand to pull her out of her thoughts. She was sitting at the corner of a three-seater, a Mayan had wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She recognized him from the festival and assumed he was Raine's best friend, Esai.
Sammy looked up when she felt the squeeze in her hand and she stood up, slightly trembling. Skye pulled her in a tight hug. How horrible would it be when your brother was close to dying, only a couple of weeks after burying your sister?
"He will be fine," she whispered as Sammy started to cry, clinging to her body. Soothingly, she stroked the girl's back. "Raine is strong. Have a little faith in him. Let me get you a glass of water, okay?"
Sammy nodded hesitantly, wiping the tears from her face. Skye headed towards the counter and asked for a glass of water. Turning around, she bumped into a Mayan; the same one who had been sitting next to Sammy.
"Who the fuck are you? You were with the Sons."
"I was. Juice is my boyfriend." She gave him an intrusive look. Raine told her what excuse he had used to explain his lack of interest in girls to his brothers, and Skye played along naturally.
Esai's eyes widened a bit. "You serious? You got some serious balls chica, for checking up on your secret lover, while your old man is bawling his eyes out in the next room."
Skye was close to slapping him in the face, but she kept her anger in check and stared into his unusual blue eyes. "A woman can love two men," she answered. "Raine knew about my feelings for Juice from the start. I'm cheating on Juice, not on your boy. You can drop that attitude."
Esai huffed, yet he stepped aside. Skye walked past him, returned to the waiting area and handed the glass to Sammy.
"So they don't know anything yet?"
"No," Sammy answered, her face pale. "They only told me he has internal haemorrhaging." She peeked over her shoulder, but the other men were busy. "How's Juice?"
"He can't take it much longer. One of his brothers wanted to talk to him in private. I hope he will draw strength from it." She squeezed Sammy's shoulder. "I live close by. You can come with us, if you like? I know most of the nurses, gonna ask 'em to call me once there's news about Raine. You might find a little more distraction at ours than while waiting here."
Sammy hesitated, then she nodded. "Okay."
Skye gave her a small smile. "I'll let you know when we leave."
Because of the entertainment she offered to the patients, she knew a large part of the staff. In the end, it was Esther she spoke up to. The girl was two years older than she, and Skye knew her since primary school.
"Hey Esther. Can I ask for a favor?"
Esther smiled at her. "Hi, Skye. Yes, of course."
Connivingly, Skye leaned into her, asking her question.
. . .
Both Juice and Sammy were lethargically stirring the spaghetti Skye made them. He was glad Raine's sister was with them; Raine would have wanted him to take care of her. Her presence made it easier to control his own fear and pain, although he still couldn't eat a thing.
"So Chibs knows?" Skye asked after a while.
Juice was surprised it took her so long to ask, but the moment they got home she had been busy making dinner, involving Sammy as much as she could.
"Yeah." With mixed feelings, he thought back to the conversation. Part of him felt relieved. Chibs had responded very understandingly and Juice was grateful for it. Still, he had the feeling his secret had taken off like a balloon, whereby it was only a matter of time before everyone else would notice. "A while back I told him about my feelings for a guy named Kane, so one and one made two."
"What did he say?"
"Not much. That it was okay. That Raine would be fine. And that he wouldn't tell the others."
Skye reached for his hand and gave a squeeze. "I asked one of the nurses to call me once there's news about Raine. I'm sure we can think of a way to get you in his room without the Mayans knowing about it."
. . .
It was 1:30 when Skye's phone started to ring. Juice had avoided his bedroom, afraid of the memories of the night before. He had no illusions; once he would smell Raine's scent on his pillow, he would start to cry again.
The moment he heard the ringtone, he sat up straight on the couch, his fingers balled to fists while anxiously awaiting the news. He barely dared to breathe when Skye took the call. Even before she said something to the caller, she gave Juice a thumbs up.
At least, he was still alive.
The relief was enormous; tears started to gather in his eyes again. While Skye hummed through the phone, she sat down next to him, pulling him close and kissing his temple.
"He's stable," she told him. "We can go to him. There are still two Mayans in the waiting area, the others left. Esther promised to get us there without the guys seeing us, she will inform them once we're gone."
Juice wiped his eyes, giving her a shaky smile.
"Thank you," he whispered emotionally. "Thank you, Mouse."
How he would have pushed himself through this without her help, he didn't know.
. . .
Juice wasn't sure who was squeezing harder; Sammy or him. They had grabbed each other's hand once they'd entered the room. Skye stayed behind with the nurse, giving them a bit of privacy.
The beeps were terrifying. He was scared as hell to hear one long tone, indicating that Raine's heart had stopped beating. Slowly, they shuffled closer. Raine was pale and there was a tube up his nose. Seeing someone who used to be as vital as Raine so vulnerable now, was like a knee in the stomach.
Sammy's breathing faltered as she watched her motionless brother. A silent tear dripped down her cheek. This image had to be far too familiar for her.
"It's horrible to see him like this," she whispered. "I – I'll wait in the hallway, okay?"
Her tense voice told him how close she was to a panic attack, so he nodded. Knowing Skye would take care of her, he stayed behind on his own. He stepped closer to the bed, took Raine's hand in his own and kissed his fingers.
"I was so afraid," he whispered. "Don't leave me, love. I need you. Please, wake up soon."
He kept holding Raine's hand, with the other he carefully caressed his stubbly cheek. Yesterday they had been so happy, and only a few hours later he had almost lost him. He hovered over him, kissing Raine's forehead.
"I love you," he said, his voice shaking. "I love you so much."
He bent his head, leaning his head against Raine's. As the tears started to roll down his cheeks again, he pulled back before they would fall on Raine's face. For a moment, he let go of Raine's hand to pull a chair closer, then he grabbed his hand again, praying that he would wake up soon.
. . .
Raine had the feeling that he was buried alive. Far away he heard sounds, but he couldn't distinguish them. There was no light and breathing was hard... And he neither managed to call for help. The panic flaring up inside him had nowhere to go; it echoed in his head and paralyzed all his muscles.
But eventually, it felt like someone was digging him up, removing the sand. Someone had come to rescue him, someone who couldn't live without him... Although he couldn't remember the exact words, he simply felt that someone had spoken these to him. The heaviness slipped away, although he still felt drowsy and wasn't able to open his eyes.
He however, heard beeping sounds. And someone was holding his hand, kissing the back of it every few seconds.
"Juice?" he whispered.
The word felt like a precious memory. His brain refused to link a meaning to the word, but he knew it was important.
"Yes... Yes baby, I'm right here beside you..."
The voice of a man. Full of tears, but nevertheless immensely relieved.
Once again he tried to lift his eyelids. Instead of succeeding, he slipped back into a crushing void.
. . .
He had no idea how many times he woke up and slipped back into oblivion, but the man kept holding his hand and continued to whisper sweet things. It helped him to break away from his sedated condition, until he finally managed to open his eyes. At first he could only see a blur, then he looked into two brown eyes that were filled with tears.
"Hey," he said in a hoarse voice. Warmth filled his chest as he looked at the man. Juice. Yeah – he remembered him. His boyfriend, his partner, his lover. A Son.
Juice took Raine's face in his hands, giving him a hesitant kiss. "I was so scared. So scared to lose you."
Raine looked around and realized he was in a hospital bed. "What happened?"
"We're not sure. Someone drove two of my brothers off the road, there after they saw you and one of them shot you."
Raine's hand moved to his stomach. Through the hospital gown he could feel the bandages. At the same time, images of the crash flashed through his head.
"Your brother, who hit a tree... Did he survive?" His throat hurt, but he probably needed a nurse to get something to drink and he wanted to be alone with his boyfriend a little longer.
"He is in a medically induced coma. He has a brain haemorrhage, five fractured vertebrae and three broken ribs."
"Shit. That's bad."
The defeated look on Juice's face gave him a cramping feeling in his chest. He wanted to lift his hand to caress Juice's face, but he felt exhausted. Sluggishly he shoved aside, making room for Juice.
"Can you hold me?" he asked quietly.
Instinctively he knew Juice needed it to fully believe that he was still alive, and Raine himself also wanted to feel Juice's strong arms around him. It felt like a miracle that they were able to hold each other at all.
Juice seemed to hesitate, then he carefully climbed on the bed, paying attention to the tubes that were connected to Raine's body. Raine closed his eyes when Juice wrapped an arm around him and kissed the corner of his mouth.
Raine smiled at him, even though his lips were quivering.
"I saw them being driven off the road," he said softly. He paused, looking for words. He felt incredibly dazed, as if he could fall asleep any moment. He was probably on a lot of morphine. "I wanted to help. They were your friends, your brothers... But they considered me as an enemy. I knew I was taking a risk..." He looked up to Juice. "But I did it for you. I did it for you, baby."
Tears filled Juice's eyes again. Their fingers laced.
"I love you," Juice whispered. "That's all I could think the past hours. That I love you so much and that I want to spend so much more time with you... I was so scared that... that you would never wake up again..."
"I kept seeing your face. Your name was buzzing through my head. I couldn't remember anything, not even my own name – but I knew I loved you."
It all sounded very mushy – but it was true. The love they were sharing was something special; he could feel it in every fibre of his being. Juice leaned into him to kiss him gently, then he glided off the bed.
"I have to warn a nurse. And Sammy wants to see you too."
Before he could walk away, Raine's hand glided to Juice's. "You comin' back? How – how did you manage to get here?"
"It's in the middle of the night. Skye knows the nurses, they won't permit your brothers to come in until I'm gone." He squeezed his hand. "And I won't leave anytime soon."
It was an immense relief. There was a raw fear inside him to slip back into the suffocating darkness, and Juice's presence pulled him back to the here and now like a magnet.
"I love you, Juice."
He knew he said that a few minutes ago as well, but after what had happened to him, he couldn't say it enough times. Juice needed to know it, so he would never forget. Raine knew his injury was serious and complications could kill him. His family showed a habit of losing the battle against their own bodies and it made him realistic. His mother had never stopped telling how much she loved him, and neither had his sister. When he tried to remember their voices, these were the words he'd hear. If there was no future for Juice and him, he wanted Juice to hear these words when he remembered him.
Juice's thumb stroked his cheek. "I love you, too. You will be fine, love." He lifted the corner of his mouth, showing him an encouraging smile. "And we will be fine, too. Someday, we will find a place where we are allowed to love each other."
There was as much pain as hope in these last words. While he watched Juice leave the room, a lonely tear rolled down his cheek.