The Shiva temple was half an hour away from where we lived. It was in the hills above the forest. The devotees' crowd was huge and the line? oh, don't even ask about the line in the temple. It felt like the whole city's women were there and even males.
We came back after five hours. I was worn out. My legs were hurt and my feet were aching. We came inside and found out Rima had already left. I went straight to the room and got freshened up. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. The girl in front of me was unrecognizable and remembered that I hadn't thanked him. He entered the room and I could see how exhausted he was. He gave me a tired smile.
"Thanks," I looked anywhere but him. I felt his eyes on me. He must be thinking why I was thanking him.
"For this," I showed him the sari which I had taken off and placed on the couch. "And this too," I looked at the sari I was wearing.
I was wearing another sari - more like wrapping it around my body that I found in the closet. It was the same colour, red that the devil had gifted me earlier. He had brought two saris for me. He knew how to drape a sari. I should try learning from him. But not right now.
He nodded staring at the way I was wearing a sari.
Even though I was angry at his behavior these gifts meant a lot to me. You appreciate things that were never given to you.
"Need help? " He asked.
"I won't leave the room so....."
"Come here," he said. "I don't mind helping my wife,"
When I didn't move he walked closer.
"May I?"
"You never ask permission to sleep on the bed but...." I didn't finish it wondering If It would make him angry but all he did was smile.
"It's different,"
How so? I wanted to ask.
He stared at me waiting for permission.
"I need to learn it anyway. Why not learn from you,"
He seemed tired but he helped me drape the sari. Again. This time he taught me how to do it.
"Like this," he said once we were done.
"Where did you learn it?"
"Mother taught us," he replied.
She did a great job.
"Next time I can wear it myself," I said.
"I believe so,"
After some time he went out and I was all alone in the room. I was fasting for his long life. Yes, for him. I thought I would be able to fast without drinking a drop of water but as time passed it became difficult for me. I know this marriage was fake and he forced me into it but I don't know why I was fasting for him. It's kinda weird but he was my husband.
The whole day I felt weak so I sat down on the couch, leaning my head back against the headrest. My stomach growled like 1000 times and when I tried to stand up I felt a little bit dizzy. Once he noticed my condition he was on my side in a second. I didn't know he was in the room. When did he come?
"You ok ?" His voice was filled with concern.
I gasped when his hand came in contact with my naked waist.
"I am fine," whispered laying back on the couch.
When dark arrived my condition got worse. Why wouldn't it be worse? It was the first time I was fasting. I couldn't even sleep. First, because my stomach hurt, and second due to my empty stomach I couldn't close my eyes. Seeing my condition devil must have felt bad so he brought me warm milk but I refused it and sat on the couch. I don't know if he noticed I was fasting. I was trying everything in me so he wouldn't know about it.
"Are you fasting?" He asked.
I wanted to lie but I couldn't.
I nodded and all he said was "Oh," He seemed confused and surprised.
I closed my eyes leaning my head against the couch. I know he was still there watching me. Thankfully, he didn't bother to talk. I heard him walk towards the bed.
As time passed it became impossible for me to bear the stomach pain. My mouth went dry and my head felt like it was going to explode. It was almost 10 and I was lying on the bed. I watched him leave the room and after some time came back with a tray. I could see food, fruits, and juice. My stomach started to growl. Hell, I was fasting and why was he torturing me? I turned my head to the other side so I didn't see food and closed my eyes.
"I brought....food....eat it... please," he requested but I shook my head. I didn't have any energy to argue so I stayed quiet.
"If not food, at least you can drink juice," He spoke again.
I was still silent. Why does he need to do that? Fasting is no joke to me.
"Don't tell me you are fasting without even drinking water?" He asked after some time.
I slowly looked at him. I felt quite bad. I know it was a modern world but I was fasting without even drinking water because I wanted to. I don't know why I believe in such things as a husband will live long if we fast. It may sound funny but the truth was I was married to him, willingly or unwillingly.
"No way, why?" He asked in shock.
He must have not expected that from me.
I shrugged not having the energy to speak.
"Are you fasting.... for.... me?" His eyes had a different kind of emotions, I couldn't read. I turned my eyes towards the door. I never liked to see people's eyes. They showed emotions and I didn't like emotions.
Of course, I was fasting for him. For whom would I fast other than him? He was my husband and on Teej, women fast for their husbands, for their long life. Was he that dumb or did he expect me to fast for some other guys? I don't have a boyfriend, never did.
"You don't need to do this, you know. Not for me. Don't starve yourself. Please...eat," he insisted, still food in his hand. He came close.
"No," I stopped him. "You don't need to tell me what I should do or not," I said in a low voice annoyed by his behaviour.
He stood there silently watching me. I closed my eyes and leaned on the headboard. I couldn't bear the pain in my stomach. I know it may sound like I was weak and that I can't even fast for a day but it's my first time and I haven't even drank a drop of water.
To distract my mind and stomach I turned the TV on. I tried to focus on the shows but I kept seeing food on most of the channels. Growling, I closed the tv. He was standing at the window. He turned to look at me and slowly came towards me.
"It's already midnight. I, I think you should eat now," He muttered but I stayed silent.
Why was he so into making me eat food?
"If you are fasting for me then I am telling you again... you don't......" He was saying it nervously running his hand through his hair.
"Who told you I was fasting for you?" I said annoyed at him continuously telling me to eat. He sighed and went silent.
I felt bad lying to him and continuously asked myself if I snapped at him or was rude to him because today I didn't want to fight or snap at him. I was fasting for him. If I was rude I didn't mean to be. He was still standing beside me.
"I am sorry," I whispered closing my eyes. "I didn't mean to... snap,"
I started to feel more pain in my stomach. I squeezed my eyes unable to bear it.
"Now, that's enough. You are so stubborn. Eat or I will have to force you to," he brought food in front of me. I looked at the food and then at him.
"It's already the next day so you can eat it. Please," he said in a low voice, pleading.
Feeling defeated, I drank half of the juice and kept it aside. I looked at him and then the realization hit me.
"Drink," I forwarded the glass towards him. He was about to speak.
"I know you are fasting too," I beat him to it and he stared at me for a while.
Yes, I knew he was fasting when earlier I went to make dinner. Tina had already prepared for one. I asked why and then she told me he wouldn't be having dinner. At first, I thought maybe he was going out but the whole time he was in the room with me I assumed he was fasting too.
He drank and later he insisted I eat food too. I asked him to eat with me. I felt bad. It was my first fasting day and before sunrise, I ate food without worshipping the god. It was already the next day but it was still dark. While eating I decided to tell him the truth.
"I lied earlier," I muttered.
He looked at me for some time and asked about what.
"About fasting. That I wasn't fasting for.."
"Me," he said. "You were fasting for me,"
"Thank you," he whispered.
His eyes were glowing when I stared at him.
I wanted to ask him why he fasted and for whom but I decided to stay silent. I decided to fast for him and I can't expect the same from him. Slowly my eyes felt heavy and feeling guilty I drifted to sleep. At night I felt him lift me and lay in bed.
"I don't like to sleep in the same bed as you," I felt myself whisper.
"But I do," I heard him say.